


Boyfriends, remember?

by thekatthatbarks



Series: Boyfriends, Remember? [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Destiel - Freeform, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Humor, M/M, Mention of attempted suicide, Minor Character Death, Mystery, Not Dean nor Cas, Past Drug Use, Romance, Sexual Tension, Slow Build, Violence, but i still felt the need to change the warning, idk if it, would be considered 'graphic'
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-07-19
Updated: 2016-08-21
Packaged: 2018-02-09 11:48:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 26
Words: 100,079
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1981863
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thekatthatbarks/pseuds/thekatthatbarks
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In an attempt to get Castiel's family to stop setting him up, Dean agrees to pretend to be Cas's boyfriend for an evening. But when circumstances force the boys to continue their fake relationship, can they continue to deny their feelings for one another? Also, when a mysterious danger appears in their lives, can the boys survive it while trying to maintain their relationship?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. What are friends for?

"Cas," Dean groaned as he pointlessly tried to rub out the fresh worry lines on his forehead. He had thought after Rhonda Hurley making him try on her pink silk satin panties, he'd never feel more awkward. Well, his current best friend was obviously taking that as a challeng. "Is that why you took me to this nice restaurant? To butter me up?"

Cas looked at him in desperation his hands clasped together, "Please, Dean! It's just one night, barely two hours. Then, I'll never ask anything of you ever again."

Dean opened his mouth to speak, but the waitress came with their orders, "Steak dinner for the big guy and double cheese burger for the cutie in the trench coat. Anything else?"

"No, that will be all. Thank you," Castiel dismissed her politely without looking away from Dean. Dean narrowed his eyes at the overly flirtatious waitress as she winked at Castiel before walking away. Castiel didn't even pay her any attention, though.

"Hey, maybe you should ask her," Dean threw his thumb over his shoulder in the direction the waitress went, before cutting his steak with maybe a little too much force, "She seems more than willing."

Castiel sighed, "My family knows of my," his eyes shifted away awkwardly before continuing, "preferences. They have tried repeatedly to set me up with lawyers and doctors from well brought up families. If I have to sit through another blind date with a character like Balthazar, who arrogantly can't stop talking about his many achievements in life, I will go crazy. And you will have to find a new best friend, because I will be in an insane asylum. Please, Dean, help me. If they think I'm taken, they'll stop."

Dean eyed his plate chewing thoughtfully, avoiding Castiel's pleading gaze. He was going to break and he knew it. He couldn't deny Cas anything, especially when he was begging like that, but he really didn't want to do this. "Cas, even if I do this, do you really think your family will be happy with a guy like _me_ dating their son? Hell, they'll probably go to the ends of the earth to find you a more suitable partner."

Castiel's expression turned sad and he was giving him a look that he really didn't want to see, "Dean, I don't understand why you think so low of yourself. Working towards a degree in architecture and design is highly admirable. Besides, I'm sure my family will respect whoever I decide to bring home, regardless of their occupation. And at the end of the day, it's still up to me to decide who I date. They know that."

Dean was doubtful of that, but his last will of self preservation was long gone as Cas's blue eyes rivaled Sam's puppy dog eyes. He groaned in defeat, "Fine, but just this once. I'm not doing this again, Cas. I don't even do parents in real relationships."

A wide grin spread across Cas's face and he reached across the table for Dean's hand and squeezed it tightly, "Thank you so much, Dean. It means a lot to me."

"Sure, Cas," Dean pulled his hand away, already feeling like he was going to regret all of this. He cleared his throat and dug back into his meal, "What are friends for." Cas smiled at him and turned back to his food as well.

_Yeah, what are friends for if not to pretend to be your best friend's boyfriend in front of his whole family?_ Dean was _not_ looking forward to Friday night, having dinner with Cas's family role playing the perfect boyfriend. Dean didn't really want to see Cas's family's disappointment when they met him. He didn't know much about the Novaks or the many siblings, but he was well aware of what kind of people the Novaks surrounded themselves with and Dean's paygrade was nowhere near their's. He just didn't want the Novaks to give Cas any shit about dating him, even if it was just an act. Cas was his best friend and he cared about the guy. He could do this for him, no problem. He just knew in his gut that he would screw it up somehow.

\---

"You look," Cas's wide eyes raked up and down Dean's body, "nice." Dean was dressed in a maroon button up shirt and his best fitting jeans. It was the most formal clothing he could find in his closet and he had been pretty satisfied with his findings when he left his apartment. But now looking at Cas in his black slacks and blue tie, he was starting to rethink. But Castiel didn't comment any further, walking back into the apartment looking for his coat, leaving Dean at the door.

"You didn't say it was formal or anything, so...," Dean followed Castiel to find him in the small den, shrugging into his tan trench coat. He looked down at his shirt that he was starting to think he should have at least ironed, "Are you sure this is okay?"

"Yes, it's fine, Dean. I just don't have any more casual clothes clean at the moment. That's why I pulled out the _monkey suit_ as you like to call it."

Dean laughed, "What? Too lazy to take your clothes to the laundromat?"

"Not lazy, just procrastinate the annoying task," Castiel corrected as they walked in the parking lot towards Dean's Impala.

Dean blared Metallica music loudly on the drive to the Novak household, and even though Castiel wasn't too fond of it he didn't say anything. He knew it was oddly calming to Dean and he understood his nerves. He was wondering himself how they were going to pull this off.

"Holy shit, Cas," Dean let out a whistle as he parked in front of the enormous house. It was twice the size of his parents' and that was saying something considering the Winchesters' had a two story. "I knew you were loaded, but _damn_."

Cas sighed beside him, "Yes, well as beautiful as the house may be, I prefer the Winchesters' home. It's much more comforting." 

Dean frowned, but before he could comment, Cas was out of the car. From what Castiel had told him, Dean knew that Cas felt that he didn't really fit in with his family. He had said that he felt too different from them. Unlike his older siblings who had perused medical careers and other wealthy positions, Castiel didn't. He was an art major and was sure that he was the black sheep of the family. He had told him that even though his mother had assured him it was his choice, they had looked at him strangely after that. Dean didn't really see Cas's family as necessarily shallow, but that they liked to have the best of everything.

Castiel walked to the door slowly with Dean by his side, as if trying to extend the time before he had to see his family. Castiel paused in front of the door, but made no movement for the doorbell. 

"Hey," Dean whispered and slipped his hand into Cas's, rubbing his thumb in soothing circles, "It's gonna be fine, Cas."

Cas nodded his head, trying to believe him. Then, glanced at their intertwined fingers and back up at Dean with a slight question in his eyes. Dean just winked at him, "Boyfriends, remember?" and rang the doorbell himself.

"Right," Castiel's shoulders slumped, instantly relaxed by Dean's touch. The door swung open and Dean felt Cas squeeze his hand subconsciously as a short man beamed at both of them.

"Well, hey there, Cassie. Who's tall lean and handsome? You the one shacking up with my brother?"

Dean gaped at the guy in front of him wiggling his eyebrows suggestively with a smirk. Dean guessed it was a constant on the man's face. He didn't exactly know how to respond to him and glanced at Castiel beside him, who was glaring at the guy.

"Gabriel," Cas drew out frustrated, "This is my boyfriend, Dean. Dean, my brother Gabriel. I would appreciate you to restrain from using terms such as _shacking up_. It's very inappropriate, especially since you've never met before."

Dean plastered a charming smile on his face and held out his free hand, "Nice to meet you."

Gabriel seemed unphased by Castiel's scolding. His smirk stayed plastered to his face, but he shook Dean's hand. He looked at him impressed, "Strong grip. Please do come inside." Gabriel released Dean's hand and stepped aside, dramatically bowing for them to enter. They crossed the threshold hand in hand and Dean should have known then that everything was about to change. 

They discarded their coats and followed Gabriel through the white paneled halls. Dean couldn't help but marvel at the Novaks' home. It was beautiful. The floors were marble and abstract works of art covered the walls. One term rang in Dean's ears, _expensive_. With the small decorative figurines that seemed to be everywhere, Dean felt like a kid in a museum, encouraged to look, but never to touch. 

Gabriel led them to the living room where the rest of Castiel's family seemed to be waiting. Dean took a sharp intake of breath at the number of people in the room. He knew that Cas had a lot of siblings, but were there really that _many_? There was six other men in the room and two small women. They were chatting amiably with each other, but the talk quieted to murmurs as the trio strolled in. Dean, for the first time tonight, felt a bundle of nerves rolling in his stomach.

"Everyone, may I introduce Cassie's prince charming here, Dean," Gabriel gestured and everyone's eyes shifted to Dean expectantly.

Dean nodded at them, "Hi, I'm Dean. It's nice to meet you all." Dean cringed. That sounded really awkward, even to him. He could be quite charming when he wanted to be. So, he didn't know what it was about the Novaks that made him feel like he was in high school again, picking up Cassie Robinson for prom. 

There were small hellos and polite smiles thrown at Dean, before they quickly went back to their conversations. Dean let out a breath he didn't know he had been holding and Castiel's hand slipped back into his comfortingly. It was funny how it came so easily and felt so natural to them both. The older of the two women made her way over to where Dean and Cas were standing with a wide smile on her face. She was dirty blonde and her black heels clicked against the floor as she walked. Dean assumed she must be Castiel's mother.

"Castiel, it's so good to see you," she greeted Castiel with a hug that she then gave to Dean, "And Dean, it's nice to finally meet you. I'm Hester Novak, Castiel's mother. I've heard a lot about you from Castiel, but I never knew you two were so... _intimate_."

Dean chuckled, "Well, I guess you could say we danced around it for a long time." He figured that was a vague enough lie. He glanced at Castiel, before turning back to Hester, "Hope you haven't heard anything bad."

Hester laughed, her eyes flickering between the two, "No, all good things."

A man with a scruffy beard cleared his throat and everyone gave him their attention, "Muriel tells me dinner is ready."

Dean figured given the authoritative voice it was Castiel's father. Everyone followed after him into the dining room. Dean sat at the edge of the table with Cas on his left and a red haired girl across from him. They ate dinner, the family making small talk with each other, who was doing what, who married who, and barely anyone even acknowledged Dean until halfway through dinner.

"So, Deano," Gabriel called from further down the table, loud and disruptive, "What do you do? You a color-by-numbers like Cassie?"

Dean met his eyes and saw that everyone watching him, waiting for his answer. He felt Castiel stiffen beside him, his eyes were cold as he looked at his brother, ready to come to Dean's defense if need be.

"No, I'm in architecture and design," Dean answered, uncomfortable under the curious gazes on him.

Gabriel made a noise of respect and seemed to have initiated the other Novaks to start talking to Dean. 

The clean cut guy that was on Mr. Novak's right at the head of the table spoke, "Sounds like a successful career. Do you have any idea where you'll work after college?"

"No, not yet. I only have three years under my belt, though. Still one more to go. I guess I haven't thought that far ahead yet."

"At least you can do something with a degree in architecture," a man from the other side of the table said in a deep voice and the room grew quiet, "Not like _ceramics_."

"Raphael," Hester scolded from beside him in a warning tone. He rolled his eyes, but didn't say anymore and continued eating. Dean looked at Castiel who avoided his worried gaze and kept his eyes on his plate. Cas must get a lot of those kind of snides by the expressions of everyone in the room. Cas looked like he was used to it with the submission of his shoulders and that was what set Dean off. Cas didn't deserve to be talked down to like that. Dean didn't care who it was, even if the guy was his brother. 

"Actually, Ralph," he spoke as he took a sip of the wine and everyone turned their heads to him in shock, "Cas is a _painter_. So, taking a class that has to do with sculpting pots out of clay would be pointless. Cuz that's what ceramics is, if you didn't know. Cas's major is studio arts and he's even had several pieces displayed in the art gallery. He's very successful."

There was several snickers heard from behind hands and downright laughter from Gabriel. Raphael's face looked like he wished he could smite Dean where he stood. Cas's was just in complete bewilderment and awe. He didn't say anything, though, and Dean wondered if he had crossed a line. But he was reassured as the corners of Cas's mouth turned up into a small smile.

The girl across from Dean who had looked dull and bored the whole night, face perked up and she leaned towards Castiel, "Really, Castiel? You have pieces in the art gallery? Which one?'

Castiel grinned at her and Dean could tell he was fond of his sister, "The Cider Gallery."

"That's great, Castiel. I'm proud of you," she tipped her glass towards him before taking a drink.

"Thank you, Anna."

Dean decided Anna was an okay character, not like the others who were more interested in their doctor friends. Her and Castiel continued to talk and Dean just quietly listened until something sparked his interest from the older brothers' conversation.

"I heard Balthazar just bought a new summer home in Italy."

"Italy? God, doesn't the guy have a giant mansion in California? What's he need a house in Italy for?" Gabriel scoffed.

Michael raised his glass, "Well, when you work as hard as he does, you deserve houses in foreign countries. They gave him another raise at the firm."

Hester nodded, "Yes, Balthazar is a fine man."

Dean frowned as he felt something churn in his stomach. He felt uneasy about the conversation, but he didn't know why. Before Dean could shift his attention elsewhere, Gabriel caught his eyes and gave him a mischievous smirk.

"Cassie, you went on a date with ol' Baltzy didn't ya?"

Castiel looked taken aback by the question and he glanced at Dean. "Well, uh, yeah, but it was just once." 

"So, who's a better kisser? Deano or Baltzy?"

Castiel almost choked on his food and opened his mouth to say something, but quickly shut it, his lips set in a hard line. Gabriel grinned like it was the reaction he had been going for. 

"Oh, come on, Cassie. I mean you guys have kissed before right since you're a _couple_ and all."

"Of course," Castiel said too quickly and Gabriel noticed, but didn't comment. Dean could tell, though. Gabriel was starting to pick up on the not-too-coupley vibe from them.

Hester tried to steer the conversation to something more appropriate for the dinner table, "Lucifer, how is the hospital treating you? Do you feel overworked?"

"Well,..." and with that the siblings didn't give any more attention to Dean and Castiel's relationship for the remainder of the night.  
\--

It was the end of the night and most of the siblings had wandered off elsewhere, but some stayed to say their goodbyes to Dean and Castiel in the foyer; Castiel's parents and Gabriel.

"It was a nice evening. Thank you for coming, Dean," Hester hugged him and then her son.

"Sure, thank you for welcoming me into your home."

Mr. Novak, who Dean never caught the first name of, said goodnight and walked up the stairs with his wife, leaving only Gabriel. He had been quiet since his uncomfortable question at dinner and had a quizzical expression.

"You know, you two don't seem very intimate to me. You haven't even touched each other all night," Gabriel raised his eyebrows at the distance between Dean and Castiel.

"Um, well," Castiel searched his mind for a response, but Gabriel stepped closer and interrupted his excuse.

"And bringing a fake date seems just like the kind of thing you'd do to get mother off your back."

"Listen, Gabriel," Castiel started looking a little pale, "Dean is not a fake date."

"Uh huh," Gabriel said unconvinced, "Then prove it to me right now."

"Prove?"

"Yeah, kiss," Gabriel spoke with a smirk. When Castiel didn't respond he continued, "See? I knew it. Cassie, what are you thinking? What if she finds out? God, she'd probably punish you with an arranged marriage."

Castiel sighed and looked defeated, "Okay -"

But Dean cut him off, grabbing Castiel's surprised face and pressing their lips together. He only meant for it to be a quick kiss, but he felt Cas's lips start to move with his own and he couldn't help but forget the other person in the room. Their lips separated and they met each other's eyes. Cas's cheeks were tinted pink and he looked breathless. His eyes were wide and had a curious look about them, but Dean wasn't sure. They broke apart and Dean turned to Gabriel with a smirk. The guy looked surprised but the smug expression hadn't left his face.

"Cas just isn't a very big fan of PDA, Gabe," Dean said as he pulled on his jacket.

"Guess not," Gabriel spoke amused, "Well, goodnight. It was a pleasure, Dean."

They walked to the Impala in silence, neither of them looking the other in the eye. The drive was quiet, but it wasn't comfortable like earlier. It was tense and awkward, so Dean turned up the radio not knowing what to say to Castiel. A few minutes later he pulled up in front of Castiel's apartment building, but Cas didn't move to get out.

Dean sighed and turned down the radio, waiting for Cas to say that Dean had taken it too far and he didn't feel comfortable around him anymore. "Cas, I'm sor-"

Cas cut him off, "Thank you, Dean."

"Uh," Dean's voice shook, wondering what exactly Cas was thanking him for, "Yeah, sure thing, Cas."

"For sticking up for me," Castiel clarified, finally met his eyes and Dean felt something twisting in his stomach as he stared into the deep blue, but he couldn't place the emotion, "Raphael has always been very condescending and disapproving of my choice in major."

"Yeah, dude's a douche," Dean didn't leave any of his dislike for the guy out of his voice.

Castiel chuckled, "Yes, it's hard to put up with him." 

They didn't break eye contact and it should have felt awkward, but it didn't. The moment was intense as they stared into each other's eyes, like they were speaking to each other without saying anything. But also, like the air was muffled and Dean couldn't clearly hear what Cas was trying to tell him. He felt something warm and secure sitting there with Cas in the cab. The kiss flashed through his mind and he glanced at Cas's lips. He'd never noticed how pink they were and he remembered how they had felt rough along with Cas's stubble. It was different, but Dean couldn't bring himself to say he hadn't enjoyed it. He felt Cas's hot breath on his face and then, suddenly, he was brought back to reality and realized how close him and Castiel had gotten. 

Cas's eyes lingered on Dean's lips, then back up to his apple green eyes. Dean could hear his heart pounding in his ears. He leaned closer without thinking and something flashed across Castiel's eyes, but Dean didn't catch it before Cas was turning away and grabbing the door handle. "Really, Dean, thank you for tonight. I'll, uh, be sure to make it up to you," he said quickly and left the car, strutting towards his apartment.

Dean looked after him wondering what the hell had just happened. After he lost view of Castiel, he pulled out. headed for his own place. The whole drive, Dean felt uneasy like something important had happened that night and changed between him and Castiel. He shook it and told himself he had just been helping his best friend out. Nothing had changed. And even if it had, he didn't know what he was going to do about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you ever have any questions or want to message me my tumblr is the same username as my ao3 account. Thank you for reading!:)


	2. Gabriel had a wonderful idea

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so so much for all the wonderful comments and love I've been getting! I've never had such success with a fic and all the encouragement has really warmed my heart and inspired me to get those updates faster so keep it up! I love you guys and Ill keep the story updated. Ill try for every week, if not sooner. Thanks for reading! Hope you like it!:)

The next few days, they went back to how they were before and everything was normal, except they both knew it wasn't. Something had changed between them, but neither of them talked about it. The distance between them had all but disappeared over the course of a couple days. When they played video games, they sat close beside each other on the couch their arms brushing against each other, even though there was enough room to put another person between them. And moments like that night where they would just stare into each other's eyes kept happening. Dean found himself thinking a lot more about dark sex hair and blue eyes than the beautiful girls on his phone. He didn't like to think about what that meant, though. How his skin tingled after accidentally touching Cas or how he wanted to be around the guy all the time. He even found himself jealous at times, when people stared a little longer than necessary at Cas, but he'd never admit it. It made his stomach have that twisted feeling again and he hated it. But besides the obvious change in their relationship, they pretended like nothing had happened. 

Dean was cooking cheeseburgers as Cas was trying to wash paint off his arms. Dean had been coming over more often to Cas's apartment and found himself there a lot. Castiel had joked that he should just move in already. But Dean had replied he just needed to make sure he didn't burn the place down because he was a horrible cook. He was grabbing a beer out of the fridge, when he heard someone knocking on the door. Cas yelled for him to get it and grumbling, he trudged for the door.

He opened it and his eyes widened at the small woman on the other side. She looked taken aback, not expecting Dean, but smiled, nonetheless, "Why, hello there, Dean. Is Castiel home?"

"Uh," Dean stepped aside letting her in, "Yes, he's washing paint off his arms. He was working on an art piece."

"Well, being an artist is dirty work," Hester's smile didn't leave her face, though her eyes expressed her disfavor in Castiel's choice of career.

"Yeah, well, he works hard," Dean replied with a matching fake smile, a little put off by her. That must have been one of the strange looks Cas had been referring to, a smile with unmatching eyes. 

He gestured down the hall, "The living room is through there if you want to wait for him. I'm making dinner so...oh, would you like some? I could cook another patty if you want?" She kind of made him feel uneasy, but it felt rude not to offer.

She shook her head, "No, I ate before I came, but thank you. I'll go wait for Castiel." Her heels clicked across the floor and Dean turned back to the kitchen to save the meal before it burned. 

He was scrapping fries onto a plate, when Castiel shuffled in. His hair was wet and turned in every direction and droplets of water ran down his neck. He must've decided to take a shower. Dean could smell his honey scented shampoo and turned back to cooking to distract himself.

"That paint was a bitch to get off. I had to take a shower. Who was at the door?" he reached for a fry and thought better of it seeing the steam still coming off them.

"Your mother," Dean raised his eyebrows and Cas's expression turned to fear, "Did you know she was coming by?"

"No, what the hell is she doing here? She's never come to visit."

"Well, she's waiting for you in the living room," Dean nodded towards the hall.

Cas groaned and ventured off to find his mother unsurprisingly snooping around his living room. She was staring at a painting on the wall, one Castiel had made his freshman year.

She turned to him in acknowledgement but quickly returned back to the painting, "Castiel, what is this?"

"An angel."

Hester made a sad expression, "Why is he dead?"

"The assignment was 'tragic love story'. I drew an angel falling from grace. He fell in love with the human and rebelled against Heaven when they wanted to use him as a weapon. He saved him, but in the process he died."

Hester nodded sadly not looking away from the painting. The angel lay on gravel his clothes disheveled and a knife gripped in his hand. His black wings were scorched onto the ground and his lover cried beside him glaring at the clouds above him. Hester spoke softly, "That's beautiful that you can convey all of that in a single image. Did you recently draw this?"

"No," he tilted his head confused, "Why?"

She smiled and unconvincingly said, "Oh, no reason." She glanced back at the painting, the green eyes that had caught her attention, drowning in tears and screaming at her, before settling on the couch. Castiel made a move to sit beside her, staring at her like she was a different person. She had never taken an interest in his art before, not since he started being serious about it in high school. She had thrown medical books, watched Law and Order with him, had his siblings talk to him before finally giving in and telling him he could do whatever he wanted as long as it made him happy. But she still frequently expressed her worries of how he'd never make money at it.

"Mother, why are you here?"

"Let's wait for Dean," she ignored his question.

Castiel squinted at her wondering as to why Dean was relevant, but before he could ask, the devil himself walked in. Dean handed him his plate and a coke and sat in the armchair next to them.

"Okay," Hester clasped her hands with an excited grin, "Castiel, you know the family vacation we take every year?"

"Yes," Cas replied confused as to where she was going with this, "It's next week isn't it?"

"Well," Hester paused glancing at Dean, "Gabriel had a wonderful idea. Why don't you bring Dean along this year?"

Dean choked on his beer as Castiel exclaimed, "What?"

"What?" she parroted innocently and turned to Dean, "I would understand if you don't want to spend time with our crazy family, but I would love for you to come."

Dean was speechless for the woman in front of him with pleading eyes that somehow resembled Castiel's, even though they were a completely different color. He didn't know how to reply, "Hell, no." without offending her and Castiel, with the deer caught in headlights expression, couldn't think of an excuse either.

Hester continued her proposition, "It's only a week and this year we're going to Italy. And don't even worry about traveling expenses. Michael owns a private jet. It'll be a fabulous time."

"Um, well, uh, I," Dean stammered trying to come up with a plan to get the hell out of this. One night was enough, but a whole week pretending to be a couple with Cas? That was too much.

"Dean's afraid of flying," Castiel blurted out.

Hester laughed and put a hand on Dean's knee comfortingly, "Oh, honey, I assure you the flight will be safe. If that's the only problem, then we're settled?"

Before either men could respond, Hester thought out loud caught up in her excitement, "Oh, and Castiel, we'll get to see Balthazar's new mansion! Won't that be a delight? He'll probably let us even stay a few days."

"Mother, I don't think-" Castiel started off another poor excuse, but Dean interrupted.

"Yeah, okay, I'll go. Thank you for inviting me," Dean said suddenly and Castiel looked at him shocked.

Hester stood up and hugged Dean, "Oh, yay! I'm so happy, I'll call with further details." A minute later Mrs. Novak was out of the apartment before Dean could change his mind.

Dean avoided Castiel's questioning gaze. Cas was staring at him, eyebrows knitted together. He was surprised Dean had agreed so quickly and was confused as to why. Hadn't he said that he would never do that again? That sat in silence for a minute, before Castiel finally asked, "Why'd you say yes?"

"Well, I couldn't see how we we're going to get out of it," Dean shrugged his shoulders and hoped Castiel bought it.

Cas sighed, then stood up and walked out of the room. Dean looked after him at his sudden departure, "Cas?" With no response he got up and followed him towards his bedroom.

Castiel grabbed his cellphone off his bed and swiped at it, "It's fine, Dean. I'll just call her and tell her the truth." He put the phone to his ear and waited for his mother to answer.

Dean crossed the room and grabbed Cas's hand, cutting the call off. Castiel looked at him surprised, "Dean?"

"Cas," Dean sighed, not letting go of Castiel and stared him in the eyes, "No, it's okay. Don't worry about it. It's just one week."

"But-"

"No, really, I'm cool with it," Dean paused, taking a breath, "I mean, you don't want to go on any more blind dates, do you?"

"Well, no, but-"

"Then, it's fine," Dean said, knowing Cas was going to question his sudden readiness to be his fake boyfriend. He didn't know what had came over him, but he did know he felt anxious about leaving Cas in the hands of _Balthazar_. The guy sounded like a sleaze.

Castiel sighed defeated and looked down at Dean's hand wound around his own. Dean quickly dropped it and took a step back, realizing how close they were. He scratched the back of his neck awkwardly and walked out of the room with a lame, "The burgers are getting cold," over his shoulder. 

Cas stood there for a minute, already stressing over how they were going to fool his family for a whole _week_ , when Gabriel had suspected something in a mere two hours. He decided to worry about it later, though, and went back to the living room. Dean's burgers really were Heaven.

\---

They packed and made preparations for the impending vacation, but otherwise didn't really mention it. Dean called work and begged Bobby for the week off, which he gave him begrudgingly. Then, he had to call his parents and explain to them why he wouldn't be visiting home until later in the summer. Mary had told him to not worry and to have fun, while John asked a lot of questions and told him to not get his ass in any trouble.

Dean needed to go buy luggage as he didn't own anything bigger than an average traveling bag and Castiel offered to go with him since he knew what brands were good. It turns out that the Novaks loved to travel and had been to a lot of foreign countries. Last year as Dean remembered they had gone to Thailand and Korea and the year before England. Dean couldn't help but be a little envious, he had always dreamt of traveling across the country, but no flying, just him, Baby, and the road.

Dean was about to walk out of his apartment headed to Cas's to pick him up, when there was a knock on his door. He opened it to see a familiar friendly face.

"Anna? I'm sorry, but Cas isn't here," he said wondering how the redhead even knew where he lived in the first place.

She shook her head, "Oh, I know. I stopped by his place this morning. It was a short visit, though. He was in a rush. He forgot about an art exhibition he had to go to today and I volunteered to take you shopping in his place when he mentioned he needed to cancel on you."

"Oh," Dean made a face of disappointment, "Well, I just need some suitcases and a few things. You don't really have to come."

"Oh, it's not a bother. I don't have anything to do today, anyways. If you don't mind my company?" she smiled sweetly.

Dean smiled giving in, "Okay, just wait here while I grab my wallet."

Fifteen minutes later and they were running around the mall. Anna took him to her favorite store, Milton's, and Dean was glad Bobby had given him a bonus because it was expensive. He was satisfied, though and was grateful for Anna because the selection for luggage was wider than he had thought and he wouldn't have had any idea what to buy without her.

She helped him carry the luggage back to his car and as the trunk closed she looked at him readily, "Now that that's over with, what's next? Clothes?"

"Um," Dean said suddenly unsure, "Well, I've never been to Italy. Do I need new clothes?"

She eyed his outfit, a black t-shirt, jeans with oil splatters and Doc Martens, "Well, it's around seventy degrees most places but it can get down to fifty and it rains a lot. Maybe a few long sleeves and a good jacket?"

He sighed relieved he wouldn't need a lot. His jackets were pretty worn out and he usually walked around in band tees. "Alright, that's not too bad. I could use some nicer clothes, anyways. Gotta look my best walking beside the Novaks," he joked, but only halfheartedly. The Novaks really did always wear really good clothes, besides Castiel, the art student who couldn't care less and had half of his wardrobe covered in paint. But even Cas, had some fancy duds in the back of his closet for special occasions, while Dean would show up to the ball in jeans and a Henley if he was invited.

Anna laughed, "Oh, Dean, you dress fine. As long as Cas can love you in your ratty shirts and oiled jeans, then who cares what anyone else thinks?"

Dean smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes, "Yeah, I guess." It felt wrong to agree with her, because it wasn't true and it churned his stomach. Castiel didn't love him, not like she was saying. They were just friends and that was it. He didn't mind putting on the charade for the rest of the Novaks, but Anna was a sweet girl, and he felt guilty lying to her face.

Not ten seconds into his preferred store to shop and Anna was throwing clothes in his arms. "Anna," he peered his eyes over the heap of clothes in his arms, "I am not buying all of these. You said only a few."

She shoved him towards the dressing rooms, "I know. You're going to try them on and we'll decide which ones look best."

Dean groaned, "I am never shopping with a girl again. If you were Cas, we would have already left the store and be eating right now."

She stopped in front of the dressing rooms and grinned wickedly, "Maybe, but Cas will thank me once he see's how good you look."

Dean rolled his eyes and she pushed him in the small room and closed the door yelling from the other side, "And I want to see them all before you decide no."

Dean reluctantly went along with it, feeling like he was in a chick flick, modeling clothes for Anna. He walked out in a white shirt, totally out of his element, liking the darker colors more.

"Really, Anna? White? What am I? A love interest in Days of Our Lives?" 

Anna rolled her eyes and gave him a thumbs up, "It looks good against your skin tone. Try the green one next. It'll bring out your eyes, plus it's Castiel's favorite color.'

"Skin tone," Dean scoffed, "Do girls really think about stuff like that? Cas's favorite color is green?"

She rolled her eyes, "Yes, you didn't know that? What's your's by the way? I didn't even ask before throwing shirts at you."

"Blue," Dean blurted out thinking of the vibrant color that hadn't left his head for days. He soon realized his mistake, though, as Anna held back a snort.

"What?" Dean asked defensive.

"Oh, nothing. Just go back inside," her hand waved him away and he heard her mutter, "Perfect for each other," from the other side of the door, but he could've been wrong. 

They left the store after Anna had decided on two green shirts, the white shirt, a blue shirt, and two black shirts because Dean had thrown them in the pile. He decided not to argue with her since she was nice enough to help him out. He found a dark brown leather jacket that he liked in the store over, Purgatory, and it passed the test with Anna so now they sat in the food court. Dean's treat as thanks.

"It was nice getting to know you better, Dean," Anna told him through a mouthful of curly fries.

"Yeah, you too, Anna. You're about the only sibling I can stand."

Anna chuckled, "Yes, well, I guess sometimes my brothers can be a bit prideful and cocky."

"You're older than Cas, right?"

"Yes. Michael and Lucifer are the oldest, their twins, only 32. Then it's Gabriel, 31, Raphael, 29, and then me, 26. Then it's Castiel at 23 and baby Alfie at 21," Anna ticked her siblings off her fingers as she counted off the ages.

"You have a brother named Lucifer?" Dean asked incredulously. He tried to remember, but couldn't put a face to the name, though it did sound familiar. He guessed it just hadn't registered with him at the moment.

"Lucifer was once an angel," she said defensively, they must get that a lot, "Our parents were really religious, when we were little. But they've gotten less involved in the church over the years."

Dean thought about it and it made sense. When he met Castiel four years ago, he had just assumed the name was foreign. He didn't know he was named after an angel. Him and Anna talked for while, her telling him stories from when Cas was little that he found hilarious, before he drove them back to his apartment so she could get her car. He thanked her again before she drove off with a small wave.

That night, Dean laid awake in his bed, unable to sleep with a thousand thoughts swarming through his head. He worried about the flight, about deceiving Cas's family, about the asshole, Balthazar, but certain questions kept echoing in his head. If they kept this up, role playing as a couple, what was that going to do to their relationship? How long before one of them took it to far and the other snapped? And was it really just this one vacation or would this be a lie they told for years? He just didn't want to screw it up, any of it. Cas was his best friend and he didn't have a lot of friends. He couldn't lose him. But things had changed between them and Dean wasn't sure it was for the better. He didn't know what he was feeling, but he didn't want it to wreck their friendship so he tried to get a hold of himself and willed himself to sleep, telling himself to find the answers another day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you ever have any questions or want to message me my tumblr is the same username as my ao3 account. Thank you for reading!:)


	3. It's scary at first, but you won't regret it

"Dean," Castiel grabbed his shoulders and looked him dead in the eye, "It's going to be fine. I'll be there the whole time."

Dean laughed unconvincingly, avoiding Cas's knowing eyes, "What? I know that. I'm not like _scared_ or anything. Just a stupid plane."

Cas pulled away and raised an eyebrow, "Really? Then, why is your knee shaking?"

"Excitement?" Dean smiled, but it came out like a question and he wasn't fooling Castiel.

Castiel rolled his eyes, "Oh, yeah? If you're not shaking your knee, you're wearing holes into my floor with your pacing. Dean, you need to calm down."

Dean put his head into his hands and rested his elbows on his knees, "How long is the flight again?"

"It's about fifteen hours. We're landing in Venice."

Dean groaned and Castiel sighed. He knelt in front of him on his knees and pulled Dean's hands away from his face, taking them in his hands. "Dean," he spoke softly never leaving Dean's eyes, "It. Will. Be. Fine. I promise. You can plug in your earphones and listen to Metallica or Led Zeppelin, or whatever. We'll both have our ipods. If you want, I could even give you something to sedate you for the whole flight. I'll have them with me. It's whatever you want to do."

Dean stared into Cas's open blue eyes and felt his fears melt away. Castiel would be next to him the whole time and the thought made him feel a hell of a lot better, though he would never admit it. Dean looked down and saw Cas was still holding his hands, rubbing his thumbs over them soothingly like Dean had done that first night. It really was comforting and Dean felt himself relax. He gave Cas a small smile and stood up, embarrassed of his childish fear, and mumbled, "Yeah, I know. Thanks, Cas. I was just being stupid. Don't worry about me." 

Dean walked out of the room towards the kitchen, leaving Cas. He frowned after him, wishing Dean knew it was okay to not act like a macho man all the time. He sighed looking over their acquired luggage on the living room floor. Dean had brought his over, so they could go to the airport together. Castiel sat on the couch going through a mental checklist making sure they hadn't forgot anything. He had wanted to take his paints, but knew it would just be a hassle and he wouldn't have time anyways, so he had settled with a sketch pad in his carry on. 

Dean walked back into the room with a bag of chips and slumped down onto the couch next to Castiel. Cas turned to him, remembering something, "Oh, hey, I never asked, how did shopping with Anna go?"

Dean's cheeks reddened, remembering ridiculously modeling for Anna, "Oh, it was great. Anna's a nice girl. She helped out a lot. I had no idea what to get."

"Yes, well she loves shopping. She had instantly insisted on being my substitute when I mentioned I couldn't go."

"How was your art exhibit?"

"We displayed our spring work. Professor Missouri called it 'Spring Cleaning'. It was really stressful and unnerving, watching people judge your work, especially the critics and art directors."

"Ah, I'm sure they loved your stuff, Cas. You're an amazing artist," Dean reassured him, "Did any of the curators want your work?"

Cas shook his head, "The exhibit doesn't end for a few more days. I'll get a call if any of them do, until then I wait." Castiel looked unsure, although he had curators buy his stuff before, he could never be certain if he'd be always be so lucky. Dean guessed it would always be a worry if people liked your work or not.

He patted him on the shoulder, "You'll get the call. Don't think about it."

"Thanks, Dean," Cas's face cracked into a smile.

Dean grinned back and leaped up. "Okay, let's get this over with." 

"We're supposed to be there at four," Dean checked his watch as they walked to the Impala. "We should hurry. Wouldn't want the plane to leave without us, that would really suck," he said sarcastically.

Castiel laughed at his hopeful face, "Nice try, Dean, but it's a private plane. They would wait for our arrival."

Dean adjusted the bag on his shoulder, "Damn your rich family."

Castiel chuckled and helped him load their luggage into the Impala. On their way to the airport, Dean's phone rang. Though Castiel gave him a disapproving look, he answered it in the middle of traffic.

"Hello?"

"Dean, I heard you were going to Italy?" Sam's incredulous voice rang out on the other line.

"Yeah, Cas's family sleeps on bags of money and thought I could use a new pillow, too, so they invited me. Sorry, I forgot to tell you about it."

"So, you're flying there?" Sam laughed.

"Yeah, well, can't exactly drive across an ocean now can I, Sammy?" Dean replied bitterly.

"You on a plane? I gotta hear how that works out. Have Cas call me if you have a panic attack and die. I want pictures."

"Shut up, bitch. At least I'm not scared of a guy covered in makeup holding an animal balloon."

"Whatever. Have a safe flight, jerk."

"Later, Sammy," he hung up the phone as he searched for a parking spot.

After a moment, Cas said, "You know coulrophobia is just as irrational a fear as acrophobia."

"Oh yeah, clowns kill as many people as planes do," Dean grumbled getting out of the car.

"There's a only one in a eleven million chance of being killed in a plane crash, Dean."

"Comforting," Dean said as they rolled their luggage.

\---

The plane was fancy with red velvet seats and champagne sitting on ice. It was spacious and made Dean feel less claustrophobic, unlike the flight he had to take as a kid stuck in the middle seat between two bickering old women. Dean sat next to Castiel who took the window seat beside him. The seats were spread out and there was even a lounging area with a couch and a flat screen TV. But Dean would rather be away from everyone and Castiel told him he to sit wherever he was most comfortable. 

The family had welcomed Dean and said they were happy he could come, well _mostly_ everyone. Raphael had just glared at him, before climbing onto the plane, but Dean couldn't give a rat's ass what he thought. Gabriel had teased him about his fear of flying, while Michael reassured him he had hired the best pilot money could buy and there wouldn't be any trouble.

Dean had almost relaxed and then, the plane started to ascend and he gripped the armrest, humming Metallica until the plane balanced out. Raphael had caught sight of his shaken state as he was passing by to the lounge area and snickered. Dean had half a mind to flip him off, but Castiel's hand rested over his, stopping the thought. He sighed, feeling instant comfort and intertwined their fingers, without second thought, just knowing Cas's touch was relaxing. Dean thought Cas would give him weird look or comment, but he didn't say anything. He just gazed out the window, his thumb rubbing soothing circles again, a habit Dean thought he could get used to and he instantly shook the thought away as fast as it had came.

A few minutes later, Michael walked over and rested against the back of Dean's chair, "See, it's not so bad."

"Yeah, I guess not," Dean breathed.

"And as long as you have my brother as a crutch, I'm sure you'll be fine," Michael nodded towards their hands and Castiel tore his eyes away from the window like he had barely noticed Michael's presence.

"Well, what can I say? Hes alleviating," Dean gave a shrug, knowing he wasn't lying. He didn't turn to see Cas's reaction, though. But they were pretending to be a couple, right? Dean could get away with stuff like that and let Cas wonder where the line between truth and lies really was.

Michael smiled, "Well, enjoy your flight. If you need anything, the flight attendant, Daniel, will get it for you."

Dean nodded at him as Michael walked back to his seat near the front and reclined his chair all the way, settling in. Dean figured Michael wasn't such a bad guy. Most of the Novaks weren't, though. As long as they weren't a dick like Raphael, Dean could put up with any of Cas's siblings, even Gabriel as obnoxious as the guy was. 

"Dean," Castiel whispered beside him, dragging him out of thoughts. Dean turned to him and their faces were inches apart, but it didn't phase Castiel. He pointed out the window, "Do you want to look? It's scary at first, but you won't regret it."

Dean hesitated, before leaning closer to Castiel and peering out the window. It was sort of terrifying, realizing how high up they were, but then he couldn't take his eyes off the earth below them. It was kind of breathtaking. The fields looked so green from up here and they looked like patchwork the further they got away from the city, shifting between different shades of green and brown. The roads were long and curvy with little colorful dots that were cars. The small areas of water looked like puddles and the clouds, they were thick and smoky. Dean rested his head next to Castiel's, looking out the window with him. 

After a moment, he said almost inaudible, "Yeah, it's beautiful."

Castiel could feel Dean's breath against his skin and it sent shivers down his spine. With Dean beside him, he eased deeper into the cushion feeling complacent. He didn't know what it was about Dean that made him feel so warm inside, but he didn't unwelcome the feeling. He did know that after their kiss, that he had started feeling something different around Dean. He figured the emotion had always been there rooted, but it was beginning to sprout and Castiel didn't know if he wanted to water it and let it grow or not. He didn't know if there'd be thorns.

\--

Dean never asked for the sedatives nor pulled out his ipod. Castiel anchored him enough to where he didn't need them. As the sky went dark outside, Castiel slumped onto Dean's shoulder slipping into a deep sleep, his breathing becoming more steady. Dean adjusted himself so Castiel would be more comfortable and Daniel came by offering a blanket. He tucked it in around Cas and Castiel responded by snuggling closer, wrapping his arm around Dean's. But Dean knew Castiel only acted like that because he was unconscious and wasn't taking into consideration who he was curling up next to. Dean knew that, but leaned into the embrace, nonetheless.

Dean drifted off himself and woke up in the blanket that had been draped around Castiel and a small pillow behind his head. He looked around, not feeling Cas huddled against him anymore. He was leaning against the window with his knee up, no longer attached to Dean's arm, and was sketching intently on a pad, his eyebrows knitted together in concentration. Dean yawned stretching himself out. He discarded the blanket and pillow and peeked out the window. The sky was a hazy yellow melting into pink, early morning.

"Hey, what time is it?" he asked Cas drowsily.

Castiel didn't look up from his drawing, absorbed in the paper, "Around six? We should be landing in three to four more hours."

Dean glanced at Castiel, wondering what he was drawing so intently, but he didn't have a clear view. Curiosity killed him after watching the guy draw for five minutes straight without a pause and he finally asked, "What are you drawing?"

"Something I couldn't get out of my head," Castiel replied vaguely, not really answering the question. But Dean knew better than to look, if Cas didn't offer. Sure, he showed his work and displayed it, but not all of it. Some things were private in sketch pads that piled up in Cas's bedroom and every nook and cranny of Cas's apartment. Castiel's art was very personal to him and Dean didn't want to be invasive so he didn't pry.

They finally landed around ten o'clock and Dean could kiss the ground. He'd never been happier to be on land and Gabriel laughed at his relief, because they soon left it again. They took a water taxi to their hotel, which took up a whole island and was the nicest hotel Dean had ever stayed at, the _San Clemente Palace_. Their luggage had already arrived and had been put in their rooms. 

In the lobby, Hester tossed two key cards to Dean and Castiel, "Your room is on the second floor. I think we're all a bit jet lagged, so I'll see you at dinner tonight. For now, I'm going to go rest." She smiled at them and walked away with her husband's arm hooked through her's.

Their room was amazing, which Dean had been expecting with the luxuriousness of the hotel. The furniture was mahogany and various art pieces covered the halls. Their windows were wide and looked out over the lagoon. Dean turned to Castiel, "God, when you guys go on vacation, you go all out."

Castiel chuckled, looking for a change of clothes in his luggage, "Yeah, I guess we do." He changed in the bathroom and came back out to see Dean sprawled out face down across the bed.

"This mattress is awesome," Dean's muffled voice told Castiel as he lied down next to him. 

"You're so easily pleased," Cas said staring up at the ceiling.

Dean looked up at Castiel smirking and opened his mouth to retort when something dawned on him. He glanced around the room and then back to Cas, "Did...did they just give us one bed?"

"Oh," Cas looked at the bed realizing it, too, "I guess since we're supposed to be a couple it makes sense."

There was an awkward silence before Cas continued not looking at Dean, "Well, hey, the bed's massive and there's not a couch, so..."

"I could take the floor," Dean offered which made Castiel frown.

"Dean, don't be ridiculous. We're both adults. I think I can control myself and not attack you in your sleep."

"I'm not worried about you violating me, Cas," Dean made a serious face, he hadn't meant to offend him, "I just, uh, don't want to make you uncomfortable."

"Dean, you could never make me uncomfortable," Cas smiled sincerely and hopped off the bed. He grabbed the room service menu and held it up, "I don't know about you, but I'm starved. Do you wanna order something?"

"Yeah, whatever you want is fine. I wouldn't know what to order, anyways."

Dean listened to Castiel order on the phone in fluent Italian and he felt something stir inside him at the thought of sharing a bed with Cas. His heartbeat sped up as he thought of Castiel being within arm's reach for a whole night. But before his imagination could get to him, he shoved the feeling down. Dean was starting to think he was really screwed and let out a deep breath. He rested his arm across his chest, wishing his emotions would stop throwing his body out of whack.

Castiel chuckled, misunderstanding, "Are you really that hungry? They said it'd be twenty minutes."

Dean gave a fake laugh, "Yeah, I hope I don't die before they get here."

Cas rolled his eyes and then, his phone rang. The conversation lasted twenty seconds before Cas turned to Dean, "That was Anna. They misplaced her luggage. I'm going to go with her to the front desk, so I can translate."

Castiel left and Dean grabbed a change of clothes for himself. Castiel had only been gone ten minutes and Dean already found himself feeling alone without him. He laughed at himself. _What was he a teenage girl?_ He heard footsteps from the hall and looked at the door. He was disappointed when they walked by and disappeared to where he couldn't hear them anymore. _Yeah, he's definitely screwed._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU AGAIN FOR ALL THE LOVELY COMMENTS. I LOVE YOU ALL! So, what you guys think? Dean's starting to admit it to himself. What about the flight, huh? I know I share his fear and I would need to hold Cas's hand, too. Anyways, hope yall enjoyed it :)  
> If you ever have any questions or want to message me my tumblr is the same username as my ao3 account. Thank you for reading!:)


	4. Italy's a beautiful place.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I am starting to use Italian in the story. But please keep in mind that I do not speak Italian, only English and Spanish, so please forgive me if I translate something wrong. Ill try my hardest to be correct, but if I fuck up, feel free to correct me. I will not feel upset or anything and will really appreciate it. Enjoy the story and thank you to the lovely users who have already kindly helped me out :)

For dinner, they went to a restaurant that was nearby and took a table outside. The lights were dimly lit and their table faced out to the lagoon. The mood was relaxing with the sound of the water and the cool evening air. Dean still not wanting to take a risk when it came with the food, just let Castiel order for him again, since whatever they had ate earlier had been really good and had left Dean craving more.

Castiel didn't disappoint again and Dean felt himself slightly moan around his fork, which made Castiel chuckle as he took a sip of wine. Hester, apparently loved wine and had insisted on ordering a bottle. Dean admitted it was pretty good, but a little too sweet for his taste. He preferred his beer.

Alfie, who was sitting across from Dean and Cas, pulled a small camera out of his pants pocket and held it up. Castiel groaned and Alfie raised his eyebrows, "You know how Mom is."  


Dean looked confused at Castiel and Cas explained, "The family vacations are the only times when we're all together. So, she likes to keep memories of them. It depresses her how almost all of us have moved out. It's why we started doing the vacations when Michael and Lucifer first moved out."

"Yes, so," Alfie looked at Dean shyly, "Can I get a picture of you two?"

"Uh, yeah, sure," Dean put his fork down and wiped his mouth with a napkin.

Alfie held up the camera and pointed it at the couple and they both plastered smiles on their faces, but Alfie frowned, "Oh, come on, guys. It looks so forced. Put a little more heart into it. Wrap your arms around each other or something."

Dean glanced at Cas a little reluctant, but reminded himself why he was really here. To play the part of a boyfriend. He gave Castiel a nervous smile before slinging his arm around his shoulders. Cas adjusted his chair and wrapped his arm around Dean's waist, bringing him closer. Dean, again, felt at ease in Castiel's embrace, even though his heart sped up a bit at the proximity.

Alfie grinned, "Much better." They smiled, a little warmer than before, being in each others arms. When Alfie was satisfied with a few camera flashes, Dean cleared his throat and awkwardly detached himself from Castiel. Though they were no longer touching, Cas hadn't moved his seat back and Dean could feel his body heat next him not a foot away.

Gabriel started telling a funny story and despite that all of the siblings seemed to be entranced in his story, Dean wasn't paying much attention. He found himself distracted by the person next to him, even though he wasn't doing anything. He was all too well aware of him. His eyes caught small movements of Cas shifting in his seat and how his face crinkled when he laughed. He felt himself smiling as Cas did, not even hearing the punchline to Gabriel's story.

He hadn't realized how soft his gaze had turned and how long he had been staring, until Castiel turned to him still smiling and met his eyes. When Dean didn't look away, Cas's smile eased and his eyes flickered like he was searching Dean's eyes for something. But this wasn't like when they would stare and not break eye contact. That was intense and the tension in the air was clouded with confused emotions. This, this was different. Less sharp and more comfortable.

Dean felt something warm inside him and he smiled at Cas, welcoming the feeling for once. Castiel tilted his head at Dean's contented face, "What are you smiling about?"  


Dean finally broke eye contact and looked down at his plate, "Oh, nothing, Cas. Just lost in thought."

\--- 

They were walking to the hotel, when Dean stopped outside of the doors. The Novaks didn't notice, though, and continued through the them, chatting amiably amongst themselves. Castiel paused and looked over his shoulder at Dean and raised his eyebrows questionably, "Are you coming?"

"Uh" Dean took a step back, "I think I'll just take a short walk before heading off to bed."

"Okay," Cas gave him a strange look, "Do you want company?"

Dean shook his head, "No, thanks. Just go on up to bed, Cas. I'll be fine and up in a few."

"Well, alright," Cas said before smirking, "Just don't get lost. I don't want to be up at two in the morning looking for your ass in Italy."

Castiel walked inside and Dean let out a deep breath before strolling in a random direction, trying to keep in mind where he was going. Cas had been joking, but he really didn't want get lost in a foreign country. He enjoyed the quiet night, walking alongside the water. It was relaxing and helped him forget about going back to his hotel room.

He knew he was being stupid and it was inevitable. But he couldn't help but try and prolong crawling into bed with Castiel. He was being ridiculous and over thinking it. Friends shared beds all the time, right? It wasn't as big a deal as he was making it. He had even been in circumstances where he had to bunk with a guy before. So, why was it that with Cas it made his stomach unsettle? He was starting to get an idea, but it made his chest tighten, so he pushed it to the back of his mind.

He came across a small diner that was surprisingly still open and decided to step inside, the lights that shone through the windows looking inviting. There was only a few customers and Dean sat down at the bar. The big guy with a scruffy beard who was wiping it down walked over to him.

"Salve, cosa posso portarle?" he asked and Dean immediately felt stupid, remembering where he was.

"Uh," he assumed he was asking for his order and looked at the menu on the wall. Not feeling hungry after having just ate, he decided a beer would be good. Maybe it could cloud his mind and make him stop over thinking every goddamn thing. He butchered the name next to a picture of a beer, "The Duchessic Ale?" He smiled apologetically at the man.

The guy, Dean saw his name tag said Benny, chuckled, "Don't worry, I got it." He placed a bottle in front of Dean and smiled, "Don't speak Italian? You from the states?"

"Yeah, only English and a very bad memory of Spanish class," Dean took a gulp of his beer, relieved he found someone who spoke English. Made him feel less alone.

"I'm from Louisiana myself. Moved here a few years ago to go to culinary school."

Dean sighed, "I'm here with a friend. He speaks Italian and he always does all the ordering and stuff. Guess I forgot about that small detail when I ventured out by myself."

Dean took another long drink from his beer, staring at the table. Cas was probably wondering where he had gone off to by now, but he still didn't feel like going back to the hotel just yet.

Benny noticed the slump in Dean's shoulders and the tortured look in his eyes, "What's troubling you, brother?"

Dean glanced at him, "Oh, I don't even know really. I'm just starting to regret coming on this stupid vacation in the first place."

Benny didn't respond, giving Dean the opportunity to go on if he wanted to or to just leave it at that. Dean pinched at the bridge of his nose closing his eyes, before he found himself continuing. He wondered why he was telling a complete stranger all this, but it wasn't like there was anyone else he could talk to. If he told Castiel, it'd probably just freak him out and make their relationship even more awkward than it had already become.

"My best friend, he – his parents kept setting him up on all these dates and he was getting sick of it. So, me, being a great guy and all, pretended to be his boyfriend for an evening so they'd lay off. But, apparently, I was too charming. His family invited me to go on this vacation with them and I didn't know how to decline. So, here I am, in fucking Italy, in a fake relationship with my best friend."

"Sounds like a heavy role," Benny commented as he cleaned the glasses with a rag.

"Yeah," Dean drained his beer and without question Benny put another in front of him. Dean took it grateful.

"Well, hey, you're in Venice, man," Benny shrugged his shoulders, "May not be Paris, but it's still a romantic city. You're not a bad looking guy. Why not snag a nice Italian for the night? If it's not so hard to get away from the family, why not enjoy yourself?"

Dean considered what Benny was saying, but couldn't seem to wrap his head around it. It didn't sound too bad to get laid by a sexy Italian, but his stomach churned at the thought of going home with someone. But _why_? He had had plenty of one night stands. So, it wasn't the thought of leaving in the morning and never seeing them again that was bothering him. So what was it?

"It just," he thought out loud, "feels... wrong doing that."

Wrong, yes, he was sure that's what it was, but why?

"And why's that? I'm not saying to find the love of your life, just have a little fun while you're here."

"No, I know what you're talking about, it's just. I... don't know."

"I'm sure your friend wouldn't mind as long as his family doesn't find out about it."

"Yeah, he probably wouldn't," Dean said cynically, playing with the cuffs on his shirt.

Benny must have heard something in his tone, because he stopped his task and leaned on the counter a few feet away from Dean and looked at him. He held back a laugh at his customer's ignorance of his own feelings, realizing what was _really_ going on.

"And this friend of yours," Benny said slowly trying to not be as blunt as he usually was, "He's just a friend?"

Dean turned his head startled and looked at Benny with wide eyes, before he shifted them away, "Y-Yeah."

Benny tried a different approach, "Then, it must be weird acting like a couple, huh?"

Dean opened his mouth to say, "Hell yeah, it's weird," but quickly shut it, knowing it was a lie. Truth is it didn't feel weird, which _was_ weird. Dean felt at ease holding Cas's hand or slinging his arm around his shoulder. It didn't feel wrong, like it should, acting in love with someone you weren't. "Well, Cas is like my best friend and I care about the guy so it's not hard acting close with him," he finally said instead.

"And acting like that with someone else would," Benny raised his eyebrows, "feel wrong?"

"Yeah," Dean answered before really thinking about it and paused as he brought his beer to his lips, realizing what he'd just said. Where had that come from? Did he really think that?

"So," Benny continued with a grin, seeing Dean was starting to get it, "it's not sleeping with someone that feels wrong, it's sleeping with someone _else_ that feels wrong, isn't it?"

Dean's lips parted as he thought about it. _Was that really it?_ He felt like he'd betray Cas if he slept with someone else? But that's stupid. Him and Castiel weren't really together. It was all fake, all of it. Every touch, every word, every look, and even when they kissed. None of it was real. Dean felt his throat tighten and a pain in his chest. As Dean thought about it, the reminder hurt. Had he started to let himself think it was real? That it wasn't all an act when Cas smiled at him, or when he laughed? That would hurt the most, if those weren't genuine. Cas's smile was Dean favorite part about him. The way his whole face was overtaken by it when he laughed, his nose scrunched up and his eyes became slits. When he looked at Dean like that, he just couldn't help but smile back...

"Holy shit," Dean whispered and looked at Benny with shocked eyes.

Benny threw his head back, shaking with laughter as Dean's thought process played out on his face. "Oh, brother," he said between chuckles, "You're really obtuse, aren't you?" This play the therapist as a bartender was really fun. He should try it more often.

Dean pulled his wallet out and tossed a few euros on the counter, having cashed his dollars in when they arrived. He stood up and was about to rush out, consumed by his thoughts. He almost forgot the guy who had led him to his realization. He turned to Benny at the door, "Uh, hey, thanks, man. You have a good night."

Dean paced the streets of Venice back to the hotel, his mind swarming with a million thoughts. How had he not realized? _He was in love with Cas._ Stupid in love with the guy, it was ridiculous. It all made sense now. Why he couldn't refuse him, no matter the request. Why when they kissed, everything had shifted, because Dean had been falling for him and he couldn't deny it any longer after feeling those lips against his. Why he had never looked for more than one night stands or easy girls, because his heart wasn't in it. Why he got jealous when other people even hung around Cas. Why he found himself wanting to be closer and never feeling satisfied. _He was in love with Castiel._

He felt himself smiling at the thought. Mostly happy that he had sorted out why his stomach had been twisting and he felt this warmth in his chest whenever he was near Castiel. His emotions had been a jumbled confused mess and overwhelming, but now they weren't and he didn't feel scared by them anymore. He felt happy, light, and alleviated. And maybe it was the wine he had earlier or the two beers, but he didn't care.

He didn't know what he was going to do with this information, but he wasn't really putting much thought into it as his heart pulled him up the stairs to his hotel room. His hand shaking with excitement or nerves, he wasn't sure, as he slid the card key. He opened the door and rushed inside.

Castiel was asleep, huddled under the covers on the left side of the bed. The sight stopped Dean cold in his tracks and he lost all of the adrenaline that had bolted him here. What had he been planning to do? Proclaim his love to Castiel? Run into his arms and take his face in his hands? What was wrong with him? He couldn't do that. Dean's chest felt heavy and he slid down the wall and slumped to the floor. He rested his elbow on his knee and put his forehead in his hand.

 _How had he been so stupid?_ Dean didn't get what he wanted. How had he forgotten that? He wasn't the guy who got the girl (or guy, whatever, not the point). He was the guy that charmed them into bed and left them in the morning, not even caring enough to learn their name. And he didn't never even thought twice about it. He was an alcoholic mechanic who barely made it through school. He didn't deserve Cas. Cas deserved so much better than anything Dean could ever offer. Dean had barely even been in a real relationship that lasted more than a few weeks. He didn't know how to be a boyfriend, not in real play.

And how could he even risk what they had like that? What if Dean decided he didn't want to be with Cas and broke his heart? He'd lose his best friend and he didn’t want that. No, Dean, needed to think this through before he did anything stupid. He wasn't just going to have sex with Cas and debate sticking around in the morning. No, he couldn't do that. He wouldn't do that. Not to Cas. Castiel was different, he wasn't like the others. This, whatever was between them, had to be different than Dean's past relationships, because Cas was more than just a hookup. He needed to do this right, if he was going to do it at all and he still wasn't sure if he was.

Dean let out a frustrated sigh and leaned against the wall, his head hitting it hard. He stared at Castiel's shoulders slightly moving as he breathed. His back was to him and Dean could see little toughs of brown hair sticking out from under the covers. He looked so small, curled into a ball on the edge of the bed, obviously to leave room for Dean. He looked so fragile buried under the blankets. Dean was worried he'd hurt him and he already looked so easy to break.

He got up and dug around his suitcase for one of the band tees he knew he had brought. He changed into one and stripped his jeans off to his boxers. He crawled into the bed carefully, trying not to wake Castiel up. But as the bed sunk with his weight, Castiel stirred and rolled over, facing Dean. His head now at the edge of his pillow, inches from Dean. He was so close, Dean could smell his minty breath from when he had brushed his teeth.

With drowsy eyes, he looked up at Dean from under his eyelashes, his voice rougher than usual from sleep, "Dean?"

Dean let out a small chuckle, "Yeah, it's me. You expecting someone else?"

Castiel yawned, "No."

"Cas," Dean spoke softly, "Just go back to sleep. I'm sorry I woke you."

Castiel ignored him, "How was your walk?"

"Oh, it was," Dean paused thinking about all that had happened and was happy the room was dark, because he was sure he blushed, "nice."

"Yeah, well," Castiel yawned again and gave him a sleepy smile, "Italy's a beautiful place."

Dean watched his favorite shade of blue fade away as Cas's eyes fluttered back to sleep and he smiled, "Yeah, it is."

Dean didn't move away, though he probably should have. He eventually fell asleep, too, comfortable and content with Castiel right next to him. And there they lay, cuddled, in the middle of a king sized bed with plenty of room on either side of them to move away, but neither of them wanting to, enveloped in each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translator's note: Salve, cosa posso portarle? - Hello, what can I get you?
> 
> Thank you again for all the kudos and warm comments. They really brighten my day! I hope you continue to love the story! :)  
> And a special thanks to cabeanmisha and MissPixie for correcting my bad Italian. Stupid google, I shouldnt be so trusting. I shall recheck my translations in the future!:)  
> If you ever have any questions or want to message me my tumblr is the same username as my ao3 account. Thank you for reading!:)


	5. It's not like I'm a straight zero

Castiel woke up nuzzled into Dean's chest and his leg draped over Dean's. He almost didn't want to pull away it was so comfortable, but he knew he should before Dean woke up. _Hadn't he joked yesterday that he wouldn't attack Dean in his sleep?_ Yet, here he was, curled up against him like a cat. He slowly pulled away, but felt Dean tug on his shirt still unconscious as he felt the cold air that replaced Castiel's warmth. But Cas lightly unclasped Dean's fingers and succeeded in crawling out of bed without waking Dean up.

He stepped towards his suitcase for clothes, when there was an insistent knocking at the door. He rushed to it, not wanting it to wake Dean up, as the person behind the door suggested he wouldn't stop until it opened.

"Gabriel," Castiel pinched the bridge of his nose at the sight of his grinning brother, "What the hell? You're going to wake the whole floor up. It's barely seven."

Gabriel rolled his eyes, "Come on, Cassie. You and your boy toy need to get dressed. We're having breakfast at eight and then hitting the town."

"Yeah, alright," Cas nodded before shutting the door on his face, still groggy before his first cup of coffee.

Castiel walked back into the bedroom to see Dean with an arm thrown over his eyes. He groaned, "The hell was that?"

"Gabriel," Cas said grabbing clothes.

"Figures," Dean mumbled, before sitting up and rubbing his eyes. He felt a splitting headache and put his head in his hands.

"We're having breakfast at eight. I'm going to take a shower. There's painkillers in the small black bag," Cas gestured to the luggage, and then stepped into the bathroom.

Dean found the pill bottle and swallowed three. He was about to turn around and attempt to figure out the coffee maker, when something caught his eye. Cas's sketch pad was sticking out of the black bag now that Dean had rummaged through it.

He was tempted to peek into it, but stopped. No, that was an invasion of privacy. He couldn't do that. Cas would have showed him if he wanted it to be seen. But he hadn't, so Dean shouldn't look. He turned back to the coffee pot, but his mind kept going back to it, wondering what Cas could possibly draw that would be so private.

He poured himself a cup and handed Cas his as he came out of the bathroom. Cas took it gratefully, "You're a good man, Winchester."

Dean laughed at him as he guzzled it, "What? Didn't get any sleep last night? I know I don't snore so, if you didn't, not my fault."

"I slept fine, Dean. I just had a rude awakening to Gabriel pounding on the door. Kinda ruined the morning," Castiel replied. It was only half true, though. He only got around maybe five hours of sleep. He had lied awake for probably two hours, just worrying what had compelled Dean to feel the need to escape for a 'walk'. He finally passed out, wondering when Dean was going to come back. But now that he was awake, the questions flooded his mind again. Had Castiel done something wrong at dinner? Had Dean been trying to get away from _him_? What had Dean even been doing, that he was gone for a whole two hours? Castiel felt his chest tighten at the thought of Dean picking up some girl at a bar. But he ignored the thought, because Dean couldn't even speak Italian so how could he? Castiel felt guilty for being pleased by the fact that Dean couldn't talk to any of the beautiful women in Italy, but not enough to keep him from smiling to himself.

Dean grabbed his bag and took it to the bathroom with him. He took a quick shower and stood there in his towel, staring at the bag. He took out one of the green shirts, remembering what Anna had said. _It'll bring out your eyes, plus it's Castiel's favorite color._ Dean put it on, feeling ridiculous for considering what Cas might think about his choice in wardrobe. Like Cas would even care to notice what he wore. He was acting like a girl. 

Him and Castiel met the family downstairs for breakfast. Hester thought the hotel food looked promising, so they decided to stay there. Dean pulled up a seat next to Cas and Anna sat on his right. She bumped his shoulder with her's when she saw him, "See? I told you you looked good in that shirt."

"Uh, yeah," Dean covered his face with the menu, not looking at her, "I guess."

Anna frowned. Had Castiel not told him he looked amazing? Because he totally did, and if he wasn't dating her brother, she would have jumped him herself. She lowered her voice, "Did Castiel not say anything?"

Dean glanced at her and shrugged, "We were in a rush this morning. And it's just a shirt, Anna, not a big deal." But Anna knew it was a lie and she saw the sadness in his eyes behind his fake smile. _Well, what the hell?_ She leaned back and glared at her brother, without Dean's notice. Castiel gave her a confused look and mouthed, "What?", but she rolled her eyes and faced forward.

\---

"Dean, look at this one," Castiel grabbed him by the wrist and dragged him to another painting. Dean merely chuckled at his best friend's excitement, going along with it. Castiel had insisted on going to the art galleries that morning when the family was planning out their day, but Hester wanted to see the opera, so the party had split up. Dean of course, went with Cas, happy to go whatever he wanted and Gabriel and Anna decided to tag along. 

Castiel stopped them in front of the large canvas, splattered with a million colors and gazed at it in awe. "Isn't it amazing how you can see the emotions the artist was feeling when she painted it?"

Dean looked at the painting with Cas and saw what he meant. The different shades of reds and dark colors along with the harsh strokes evoked a very angry mood. It was intense and overwhelming. But that's all that Dean got out of it. He was sure Cas saw more than that, though. He was very intuitive, he usually saw things a lot of people didn't.

Dean stepped away to go to the bathroom and when he came back he didn't immediately go up to Castiel, just paused about ten feet away with his eyes on Castiel. Cas was so absorbed in the art, Dean couldn't help but admire him from a distance as he lost himself in the art. Castiel was so passionate about art and could get so consumed by it that not even Dean could pull him out. Castiel's eyes scanned over the canvas and Dean saw a slight smile come to his lips as he found his own meaning in it. Dean's eyes turned soft as he looked at the man and the corners of his mouth pulled up into a smile as well. Castiel looked so happy and content, completely in another world unaware of the people around him. Dean didn't want to pop the bubble.

Castiel looked around finally feeling eyes on him and his searching eyes found Dean's and his grin grew wider. But after a few seconds, it suddenly fell. Dean looked at him confused, before the cause itself came up behind him. He turned around at the sudden presence of someone way too close for comfort, invading his space.

A dark redheaded woman leered at him with a lustful smirk, "Ehi, ci sono, belli. Qui da solo?"

Dean stepped away from her, "Sorry, I don't speak Italian." If the look she was giving him was anything to go by, he was pretty sure she was coming on to him, but he wasn't interested. Even though she was incredibly attractive with her luscious curves and little black dress, Dean didn't feel anything looking at her, having developed a thing for only blue eyes and dark sex hair.

She pouted at the increased distance, but grinned widely again, "Ah, are you American then?"

"Uh, yeah," Dean said uneasy under her eyes that shouted she just wanted to devour him on the spot.

"Well, then, how about I show you the city?" her blood red lips purred at him and she quirked an eyebrow playfully.

"No, thanks. I'm kinda here with someone," Dean declined wanting to get away from her as soon as possible. A few years ago, he might've found her confidence and intimidating stare arousing, but right now he just felt like he was being violated as she raped his body with her eyes.

She put a ruby nail to her lips and stepped closer with a wicked smile, "Really? That's too bad, but I don't see a girl draped around your arm and honey, if you were mine I wouldn't let you leave my sight. So, come on, let me show you a good time?"

Dean leaned away from her advance, not really knowing what to do in this situation. A woman had never came after him so persistent before, but then again he usually wasn't that hard to get and didn't often refuse. He opened his mouth to reply, when an arm snaked down his from behind and grasped his hand.

The woman's leer dropped at the other person's presence and her eyes shifted to him annoyed. Her stance, yet still confident, lost the seductiveness and became defensive as she put her hand on her hip.

Castiel nodded at her politely, before smiling sweetly at Dean, "Darling, I have no idea where Anna and Gabriel have ran off too. Have you seen them?"

Dean was taken aback for a moment and he felt his neck and cheeks warm. Then, he realized what Cas was doing, "Oh, no I haven't. We should go find them, though, before Gabriel gets arrested by the security for disturbing the peace or something."

Dean nodded at the woman and then strolled away with Cas, hand in hand. They rounded the corner and Castiel looked at him with a slight fear in his eyes, before scratching the back of his neck awkwardly.

"You, uh, looked like you were in distress. So, I, um-"

Dean cut him off with a chuckle at Cas's obvious worry that he had done something wrong, "Yeah, you saved me there, Cas. That woman was a viper."

"You're not mad?"

"What? No. Why would I be mad?" Dean laughed, "She was about to eat me alive if you hadn't came."

"Just," Cas looked away uncomfortable, "I didn't know if I had - what's the word? Cockblocked you? You didn't seem like you were interested in her, but if-"

"Cas," Dean jerked on his arm pulling him to a stop, forcing him to look at him, "I think if you cockblocked anyone it was her."

"So, you weren't?"

"No," Dean smiled at him like he was letting Cas in on a secret, but Cas still wasn't getting it.

Castiel started walking again with Dean in tow. They hadn't dropped hands even though they were alone in the empty halls. Neither of them commented on it, though. Castiel was quiet for a moment, fighting whether or not he really wanted to ask in fear of the answer. But he finally won over his nerves and glanced at Dean, "Why not?"

"Why not what?"

"Why," Castiel suddenly felt awkward and regretted his question, "weren't you interested in her? I might be gay, but I could tell that she was an attractive woman."

"Well, I'm not just going to hook up with some chick while I'm here with you," he said and then, blushed, realizing how that sounded. He quickly added, "on vacation with your family."

Castiel thought about that for a minute and it made sense, but he could tell Dean was lying. He knew him too well and that wasn't his real reason. He pushed his luck, knowing at some point Dean was going to think Cas's persistence was odd, but the woman's hungry gaze plagued his mind and he wanted to get rid of her, "You really weren't interested?"

Dean sighed and looked Cas in the eyes, willing him to believe him, even though he didn't know why Cas even cared. Dean guessed he was probably feeling guilty that he was preventing Dean from getting laid by dragging him out to Italy. "Cas, I really wasn't. I don't want to jump into some random stranger's bed, anymore. I know I used to be like that, but it doesn't sound as appealing anymore."

Castiel searched his eyes, but didn't see any dishonesty there. He was relieved and gave Dean a warm smile before mumbling under his breath, "Good."

Dean's heart raced at the word and what it could have meant, but he didn't respond. He was pretty sure he wasn't supposed to have heard it.

\---

Dean and Gabriel walked a few paces ahead of them, arguing about which cop shows were the worst. Castiel strolled quietly beside Anna, wondering why she kept sneaking him hostile eyes. After a moment, Anna slowed her step until they were out of earshot of the guys.

"Hey, Castiel, don't you think Dean looks great in green?" she gestured her eyes to Dean.

"Oh, um," Cas stared at Dean's oblivious back, not having really noticed what he was wearing, "Yeah, he does."

Anna smiled satisfied with the answer and nudged his shoulder, "We picked that out thinking you'd like it."

"You," Castiel's eyes flickered to Dean laughing at something Gabriel had said and hitting him on the arm in response, "You did?"

Anna put her lips together, "Mmhmm."

Dean turned around then and smiled at Cas, "Come on! I'm going to starve before we get to the restaurant."

Anna and Castiel laughed and caught up with them. Dean walked beside Cas and slung his arm around his shoulders nonchalant. It was a casual gesture and Dean continued to banter with Gabriel, but as Dean's hand lightly rubbed his arm, Cas felt his heart rate pick up. After they had walked for a block, Castiel's heart finally calmed down and he was glad, because he was sure Dean could hear it. He leaned into the embrace less nervous, finding comfort there. 

The group stopped at a small restaurant and ordered a big pizza for them to share. Gabriel and Dean ate most of it while Anna and Castiel only had a couple of slices. Now that Anna had pointed it out to him, Castiel found it hard to not look at Dean. Castiel usually didn't get past Dean's eyes long enough to actually look at him any further, but he did now and it was a little breathtaking. The shirt did look good on him. It wasn't too tight, just enough to highlight Dean's muscles. They were lean and smooth under the fabric. Cas looked back up to Dean's face and his eyes looked vivid and were a dominant feature on his face. The shirt was close to the shade of green, but at the same time no where near it, nonetheless it made his eyes pop. Along with the scattered freckles across his skin and his golden tinted hair, Castiel wasn't surprised women threw themselves at him. Dean was _beautiful_. How Castiel hadn't fully noticed that until now was beyond him. He had known Dean was attractive of course, but now the word 'attractive' felt like it'd be an insult. 

"What are you staring at, Cas?" Dean took a sip of his coke, his stomach twisting into knots under Castiel's gaze.

"Oh," Castiel forced himself back to reality. He hadn't realized he'd been staring so openly. He tried to come up with a response, when he suddenly remembered a similar situation and quoted with a smirk, "Nothing, Dean. Just lost in thought."

Dean smiled, wanting to call him out on the obvious lie, but knowing Cas, he would just turn it back on him. They were his words, anyways.

\---

After they ate, they went back to the hotel to get ready to leave for Florence that evening. They were almost done packing, when Dean's phone started ringing from the bedside table. Castiel was closer so he tossed it to Dean, watching him answer it out of the corner of his eye, curious as to who it was.

"Hello?"

"Dean! How could you not tell me? I mean I guess I understand why you didn't, but I wouldn't have judge you for it. I love you, Dean, and nothing can change that. I'm so happy for you. And Cas is already like a part of the family, so really -"

Dean cut off his mother's rambling, "Mom, slow down. What the hell are you talking about?"

"Language," Mary warned.

"Mom, what are you talking about?" Dean rephrased, rolling his eyes, "What did I not tell you?"

"About you and Castiel," Marry sounded exasperated like it was obvious what she had been referring to.

"What?" Dean all, but choked out.

Mary sighed, "Honey, it's okay really. I don't understand why you felt you needed to keep it a secret. We will always love you no matter what, you know that. Be with whoever you want to be with as long as they make you happy and don't worry what other people will think."

"We?" Dean tried to keep up with her, this was happening way too fast.

"Yes, your father and brother, too. It doesn't bother them either. Sammy wasn't even shocked, said he had a feeling or something. Your father, well, it was a surprise to him, but you're still his son, Dean, and nothing could change that. I know he raised you to be tough and act like a 'real man', but just because you're gay -"

"I-I'm not-" Dean ran his fingers through his hair nervously.

"Gay? Okay, bisexual. Whatever. Either way, it doesn't make you any less of a man and your father didn't think any less of you when he found out. He said Castiel was a good man and he couldn't ask for someone better. And you're still the big brother Sammy has always looked up to. Nothing's changed."

Dean let out a deep breath, glad that his family was so accepting and loving, but still where had all this came from? It was completely out of nowhere and she had said something about Cas...

"Mom, how did - how do you even know?"

"Mrs. Novak sent a postcard in the mail, it must have been express since you only left just two days ago. She's a really nice woman. We'll have to have lunch some time or something. Anyways, there was a photo attached of you and Cas. It's so adorable. You two look so happy, Dean."

"A photograph?" Dean asked stupidly.

"Yes, Dean," Dean could hear her roll her eyes through the phone, "a photograph. Are you okay, honey? You're acting a little slow."

"Yeah, Mom, I'm fine."

"Alright, then. Well, I have to cook dinner before your father comes home. Give Castiel my love and call if you need anything. Love you, bye."

Dean stared at the phone after she hung up, still trying to recollect what had just happened. Castiel stood beside him, waiting patiently for Dean to tell him what was going on. 

There was a moment of silence as Dean tried to sort his thoughts. He didn't look at Cas when he finally spoke, his voice low, "So, my mom knows."

"Knows what?" Castiel asked, though judging by what he had heard he had an idea. It couldn't really be anything else.

"She knows - ," Dean caught the word in his throat and quickly corrected himself, " _thinks_ we're dating."

"What?" Cas's eyes grew wide at the confirmation, "How? Why?"

"Your mom sent her a postcard with that picture Alfie took of us. She drew her own conclusion."

Castiel walked to the bed and slumped on it glaring at his shoes, "Dammit."

Dean looked at him, his shock of the situation wearing off at the sound of Cas's voice. He was leaned forward with his head in his hand, trying to rub the stress out of his forehead. Dean sat next to him, but Castiel didn't look up and he said, "Dean, I'm so sorry. This wasn't supposed to go so far. I should've never asked you to do something like this. It was selfish of me and now the lie's seeping into your life."

"Hey," Dean spoke softly, grabbing Cas's hand, forcing him to meet his eyes, "This isn't your fault and I agreed to this, remember? You didn't force my hand. I went along with all of this voluntarily."

Castiel stared at him, guilt still in his eyes, "But your mom - "

"Is cool with it, anyways. So, no harm done," Dean finished for him.

"We shouldn't be lying to our families like this. It's wrong and unfair to them," Castiel argued on, drowning in his negativity.

"It's not that big of a lie."

Castiel looked at him like he was crazy for being so calm about it. "Dean, you just indirectly came out to your family and you don't think it's a big lie?"

Dean stood up and sauntered back over to his suitcase to finish packing, not able to meet Castiel's eyes. "Well," he took a deep breath for what he was about to say, "It's not like I'm a straight zero on the Kinsey scale so,...no it's not really a big lie."

Castiel stared at his back dumbly, not knowing how to respond to the words that hung in the air. He was surprised as it was the first he had heard of it. He had known Dean for four years and he had never told him or even hinted at it. Not to his family, either and Cas guessed not to anyone else for that matter. Castiel thought that must've been the first time Dean had even admitted it out loud and it wasn't even a clear deceleration. Castiel struggled with what to say, knowing the moment was fragile and could easily break. He wanted to ask more about it, but knew that that would push Dean away. He was hardly ever comfortable talking about his feelings and when he did, it wasn't ever for long.

Castiel tried, "I can't believe my mother just forced you out of the closet."

Dean laughed and the tension in his shoulders relaxed and Castiel smiled in relief at having said the right thing. The serious atmosphere disappeared and Dean was glad for it. It took a lot for him to admit that to Cas and he didn't want to have a chick flick moment about it. He just wanted Castiel to know the truth, not wanting to keep any more secrets from him.

"Yeah, well, it's okay. I'll forgive her," Dean shrugged as he zipped up his suitcase, "Alright, let's get down there. They're probably waiting on us."

Castiel picked up his luggage and raised his eyebrows, "Wow, Dean. Have you conquered your fears? I thought you'd drag your feet getting back on an airplane."

Dean immediately stopped and his hand came up to his forehead remembering, "Aw, shit. I forgot." He turned to Castiel with pleading eyes, "Do we have to get back on that fucking plane again? Why can't we just take a car?"

"Too much of a hassle renting them. It's just easier to take Michael's plane," Castiel shook his head.

Dean groaned as they left the room for the stairs, "How long is it this time?"

Castiel placed a hand on his shoulder comfortingly, "Barely three hours, Dean, if even that much."

Dean nodded. At least it wasn't the fifteen hours that he had had to endure the day before. They were on the last flight of stairs when Dean realized something, "Hey, wait a second. How did your mom even know my mom's address?"

Castiel met his confused gaze, "I don't know, but over the years, I've learned to just not question her resources."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translator's notes: Ehi, ci sono, belli. Qui da solo? - Hey, there, beautiful. Here alone?
> 
> After checking again and again, I'm pretty sure that's the correct translation. If not, feel free to call me out on it.  
> Thank you always for the comments and reading! So, did anyone guess at what the chapter title meant, huh? For those who don't know, the Kinsey scale rates a person's homosexuality with 0 being heterosexual and 6 being homosexual. So, in this story, Cas is pretty much a 6.  
> If you ever have any questions or want to message me my tumblr is the same username as my ao3 account. Thank you for reading!:)


	6. Dean, are you - are you jealous?

Dean had been quietly and also, not so quietly dreading this part of the trip. The visit to Balthazar's. Hester had contacted him and he had offered for them to stay in his new mansion while they were in Florence. _New_ mansion. Dean scoffed to himself. Who the hell has a mansion, let alone more than one? Pompous assholes, that's who. Also, this guy had dated Cas and Dean just wasn't looking forward to meeting him.

"So," Dean jerked his and Cas's intertwined fingers to get his attention. Dean still wasn't okay with flying and Castiel wasn't going to mock him for it, so why not hold his hand? Dean never would have thought that someone's mere touch could be so comforting. But Cas's was.

He continued when Cas tore his gaze away from the window, "What's this guy like? You said he was an asshole, right?"

"I never said he was an asshole, Dean, just that he was arrogant. He's not that bad of a guy. We were just too different, I couldn't see myself dating him."

Dean didn't say anything, disappointed Castiel didn't completely hate the guy. Castiel was quiet and then said, "He's actually kind of funny, if you can get past his attitude. You'd probably like him."

Dean snorted and rolled his eyes, "Yeah, sure." Like he could ever get along with someone who had dated Cas. He knew he was being a bit childish, but it clenched his heart hearing Cas talking about someone else like that.

Castiel stared at Dean and then, a smile crept up onto his face. He chuckled incredulous, "Dean, are you – are you jealous?"

Dean's cheeks went pink and he huffed, "What? No." But he didn't meet Cas's eyes, knowing Cas would be able to deceive the lie right away. He _was_ jealous, but Cas would never get him to admit it. This guy was rich, highly successful, and Castiel's family loved him. How could Dean even compete with that? It made him sick at being so insecure, but he couldn't help it. He felt pathetic.

Castiel raised his eyebrows, but didn't call Dean out. He winked playfully, "Don't worry, Dean. I still like you more." He didn't know why Dean was jealous, but he was still a little pleased by it. He turned his smile back to the window with a small hope rising in his chest.

\--- 

When they arrived at the Florence Airport, Balthazar was there to meet them. He was a blond guy in a sports blazer and the air around him was polluted with confidence. His eyes were blue, but no where near as beautiful as Castiel's. Dean guessed he was attractive if you liked the lean snarky type. He reminded him of Gordon Ramsey.

"My friends," he grinned at them, "I'm glad you came."

They all exchanged greetings and then, Balthazar's eyes landed on Castiel. He strutted over with a sly smile, "Castiel, darling, it's so good to see you."

He wrapped his arms around Cas and Cas returned the hug, though rather awkwardly. Balthazar leaned away, but left his hand on Castiel's arm. Dean tried to keep his agitation under wraps, his arms crossed over his chest a few feet away. Acting so intimate, calling Castiel "darling", it made Dean's head swarm with red. The guy hadn't even noticed Dean or if he had he just ignored him. Dean caught Anna and Gabriel's worried looks, but he gave them a fake smile and shook his head slightly, so they'd know he was okay. He was aware he was overreacting, but he was finding out firsthand how much of a bitch jealousy really was.

Castiel uncomfortably shrugged off Balthazar and stepped towards Dean. The movement caught Balthazar's attention and he finally looked at Dean. His eyes overlooked Dean, measuring him up and he smirked, Dean guessed deciding the value was low. Dean stood up straighter in response, not letting the guy think he was inferior.

"Balthazar, this is my boyfriend, Dean," Castiel introduced them, uneasy and feeling extremely awkward.

"Ah, the lucky bastard you dumped me for," Balthazar held out his hand and Dean shook it, both of them applying more force than necessary.

"I did not dump you for Dean," Castiel rolled his eyes, "Balthazar, we were barely dating."  
Balthazar glanced at Castiel with sad eyes, but quickly put his arrogant mask back on, "Nevertheless, it's nice to meet you, Dean."

Dean smiled, trying to not be an asshole, "Yeah, you, too."

Gabriel strided over, "Okay, enough of that. When are you going to show us your new digs, Baltzy."

Balthazar turned to him, "Oh, yes. I rented two cars for your family to use while you're here. Your mother has my address, but it should be fairly easy to just follow me there. It's not too many turns."

The group followed Balthazar to the cars waiting. He waved at them and hopped into his own car, a black Maserati. Dean still wasn't too fond of the guy and didn't think he ever would be based on how he was obviously still interested in Castiel, but he could appreciate the guy's taste. That car was badass. It made him miss his Baby.

\--- 

They had dinner at Balthazar's that night. It turned out to not be as bad an evening as Dean had thought, well at least the first half, anyway. Balthazar hadn't really talked that much with him or Castiel, which Dean had been grateful for. He was too busy catching up with the rest of the Novaks.

It was halfway through dinner when Castiel got a phone call. He took it out of his pocket to decline it, but then he saw the Caller ID and his thumb paused over the decline button. His eyes grew slightly frightened and Dean instantly guessed who it was. He nudged Castiel's shoulder and when Cas met his eyes, Dean nodded towards the phone. Castiel sighed and nodded.

"Um, excuse me, I have to take this," he excused himself from the table. He left the room with a nervous glance at Dean, but Dean just gave him an encouraging smile and a thumbs up.

Hester looked at Dean curiously as the door closed softly, "Who might that be?"

"An art curator. He's been waiting for a call," Dean answered hesitantly. He was relieved when there was no snide remarks and even a smile from Hester.

Anna made idle chat with Dean in the presence of Castiel's absence and he tried to listen to her. But Castiel had been gone nearly ten minutes and Dean was starting to get worried. It was an art curator and that was supposed to be good news, but what if the price was too low or it was only for one art piece? Castiel was always happy with any offers, but striving to be an artist, he needed to learn how to live on it.

Dean stood up when it had been fifteen minutes to go check on Cas and then, Castiel shuffled through the door. He had the biggest smile on his face and he threw his arms around Dean the moments he reached him. Dean held onto him just as enthusiastically.

Castiel leaned back in his arms, "I got an offer, a _really_ good offer, and for several pieces."

"That's great, Cas. I'm proud of you. I knew you would," Dean pulled him back into his arms, not wanting to let go. But eventually, he had to as everyone's peering eyes were on them. Though they were no longer hugging, their arms stayed wrapped around each other as they walked back to their seats. Before detached from Castiel, Dean pulled him close and pecked his cheek. Everyone was still watching them and it would've been suspicious if Castiel's supposed lover didn't give him a little affection when he had got such good news. _Yeah, that was it._ At least, that's what Dean would say if Cas questioned it later. It wasn't like he had just felt so warm looking at Castiel's giant grin on his face that he just wanted to kiss it. Nah, that wasn't it all.

Surprise flashed Castiel's eyes for the briefest second before he gave Dean a soft smile reserved only for Dean. He then, reluctantly faced his family's intrigued gazes. He focused on Anna across the table as she had always been the most supportive, but spoke to everyone, "I just got a call from an art curator. She said she wanted to buy nine of my pieces and offered a substantial amount of money. She wants to display them in her art gallery."

Anna's face brightened, "That's wonderful, Castiel. Congratulations!" There were other murmurs of congrats and a pat on the back from Gabriel, before everyone returned to their meal and previous conversations.

A while after that, the sweet atmosphere was ruined and Dean was wishing he could go back to it. He had to have known this was coming, but he had been in denial and hoped it wouldn't. The evening would've ended so much better if it hadn't happened.

"So, Dean," Balthazar called out to him from the other side of the table just a few seats away, "this must be a nice change of atmosphere?"

"What do you mean?" Dean asked, though he was pretty sure it was some sort of sneer, judging by Balthazar's smirk.

"Oh, just that you must not get to go on such expensive trips for practically nothing," Balthazar shrugged casually. Yeah, that definitely had an undertone of an insult in it, hinting at Dean's small paycheck.

Castiel glared at him, his jaw set, "Balthazar."

Balthazar rolled his eyes at him, "Castiel, I wasn't trying to be offensive, though I guess I can see how it came off that way." He turned to Dean, "I apologize if I offended you, Dean. It's just that not many people can travel as grand as the Novaks can. I was merely asking if you were enjoying it."

Dean forced a smile, "Yeah, it's great."

Balthazar nodded and pointed his wine glass at him, "So, what is it that you do?"

"I'm in architecture and design."

"That's good and all, but I what I meant was what do you do for a living not your major."

Dean was starting to get annoyed at Balthazar's condescending tone and his obnoxious amused face. Dean didn't appreciate Balthazar treating him like he was somehow superior to him. He snapped, "Mechanic."

"Ah, any dealerships I might've heard of?"

Dean's jaw hardened, "No, it's a privately owned auto shop. It belongs to my uncle."

Balthazar sneered, "So, must not be that hard of a job if your boss is your uncle, huh? Not like he would fire family. I bet you slack off all the time. You seem like you live your life easy."

Dean tightened his fist under the table. Who does this guy think he is that he can just talk down to people like that? It was really pissing Dean off and he couldn't really say anything about it. As much as he wanted to tell the guy a few choice words, he was a guest in his house and didn't want his actions to affect badly on the Novaks. So, he kept his lips in a hard line.

Castiel's eyes were cold as he scowled at Balthazar. He gruff voice was a little more raised than necessary when he spoke, "Dean does _not_ slack off. He is very diligent at his job and even pays for his education by himself. He does not take life easy. He does not get free passes just because of his blood ties. He earns every dollar he makes."

Dean's mouth dropped a little at Castiel coming to his defense and Balthazar looked taken aback by the harsh tone Cas had used with him. By the flash of hurt on Balthazar's face, it seemed that Castiel was hinting at Balthazar doing what he had accused Dean of. There was an awkward silence at the table and even Gabriel wasn't laughing as he usually did whenever someone was "burned" as he put it. The air was tense with everyone glancing anxiously at Balthazar for his reaction besides Castiel who went back to his meal still fuming.

Balthazar actually laughed, which made Castiel even more irritated and the Novaks gave a sigh of relief turning back to themselves, "Oh, Castiel, I love that about you, always so serious and sassy. I was only teasing Dean, don't come at me with your claws."

Balthazar took a sip of his wine and turned back to Dean with a sly smile, "So, what is your family like, Dean? Do you have siblings?"

Dean internally groaned that this guy seemed to insist on knowing everything about him. He felt like he was being interrogated and mocked at the same time. But Cas had already lashed out at him, which lessened Dean's annoyance, so he just smirked "Why are you so interested in me, anyway, Balthazar? Sorry if you hadn't noticed, but I'm already taken."

Balthazar chuckled, "No, I just like to get to know my guest, know who it is exactly that's keeping me company. I'm not too fond of letting strangers into my home."

Dean sighed, "Well, alright, I guess that makes sense. I have one sibling, my brother, Sam. He's starting college this fall."

"Is he attending the University of Kansas with you?"

"No, he's going off to Stanford to be this big shot lawyer. He's really smart, he'll probably get a full ride," Dean's voice went softer, more affectionate thinking about his little brother and how proud of him he was.

Balthazar raised his glass, "Great major. I'm assuming he gets his smarts from his brother."

Dean shrugged with a sad smile and turned the question back on him, "Do you have siblings, Balthazar?"

"No," he paused, "Well, not anymore. They're all dead. My four brothers and two sisters. They all died in a house fire with my parents while I was away attending college. I was the eldest, so they were all still at home."

Dean blinked, "Oh, man, I'm sorry." He felt a bit bad for the guy despite how he felt about him. He couldn't imagine losing his whole family like that, especially Sam. It must have been Hell, losing not one loved one, but all of them. Dean couldn't even try to relate with that scale.

Balthazar shook his head and took a gulp from his glass, "Don't be. It was years ago and we weren't even close."

Dean was silent, wondering how someone could shrug off their family's death so easily, but he tried not to judge. Everyone had their own ways of dealing with things. Dean knew he wasn't someone who could judge on handling things in a healthy way. Balthazar's nonchalance wasn't something he was going to hold against him, no matter how much of a douchebag he could be.

"What a depressing topic, let's talk about something else," Balthazar chuckled, "Do you like the wine?"

"Well," Dean eyed his almost full glass, "I'm more of a whiskey kinda man, though and I enjoy my beer. The wine's good, but just a little too sweet for my taste."

"Whiskey?" Balthazar mused, "That's a pretty hard drink. What's got you so troubled you drink that?"

Dean suddenly felt uncomfortable. Balthazar obviously didn't see what was so wrong with asking such a personal question as he just stared patiently for Dean's answer. But it wasn't like they were friends and even if they were, Dean wasn't the kind of person to bare his arms at the diner table.

Castiel felt the same as Dean and opened his mouth to tell Balthazar something, but Dean rested his hand on Cas's knee under the table. Cas looked up at the gesture and Dean slightly shook his head before removing his hand. Dean didn't need Castiel always coming to his rescue, he could handle Balthazar himself.

"Balthazar, I'm not one of those people who blabs their problems to just anyone," he replied sourly.

Balthazar nodded, "Alright, I understand. Forget I even asked. So, how long have you and Castiel been together?"

"Uh," Dean glanced at Castiel and tried to remember Cas's last blind date, so it didn't overlap. They hadn't really discussed that detail, surprisingly, since it was an obvious question. But no one else had really asked.

"Well, we've known each other for over four years and we started dating...three months ago? Right, babe?" he looked at Castiel, hoping that had been a good answer.

Castiel blushed at the pet name, but he didn't think Dean noticed. He cleared his throat, "Um, yes that sound about right."

"Only three months?" Balthazar raised his eyebrows, "And you've already met the family and gone on an international vacation with them?"

Dean had to admit it did sound kind of fast. He decided to make it more believable and to also get back at Balthazar. It was low, but he was getting fed up with the hungry eyes Balthazar kept throwing Castiel's way.

He tried to not meet Cas's eyes as he spoke, "Yeah, well, like I said we've been best friends for years and then, I guess Cas's family decided he should have a serious relationship and started setting him up on all these blind dates. It, uh made me really jealous seeing him out with all these other guys almost every weekend it seemed," Dean scratched the back of his neck and felt himself blush, "I had had a crush on him for like a couple of years, already, and I finally just broke and finally asked him out myself. He said yes and here we are."

Castiel attempted to not look like it was the first he had heard of it. But Dean had sounded so sincere and it was hard to believe it was all made up. It sounded completely plausible and like it could have been true. Dean's cheeks even looked red as he gave Castiel a bashful smile, which he returned wholeheartedly. Castiel had to remind himself it wasn't real, though, and the warmth in his stomach was replaced with a tightness in his chest.

Balthazar gave a noticeably fake smile and looked regretful of his question, "Oh, that's...lovely. So, have you been in a lot of serious relationships then, Dean?"

Dean's throat closed up at the question and he thought about lying, but Balthazar was eyeing him and he'd be able to tell. Dean didn't want to give him the satisfaction at catching him, so he sighed, "Uh, not a lot, I guess."

"Oh?" Balthazar smirked, sipping his wine.

"Yeah, Cas is just different. Made me want to commit." Dean half smiled as not one part of that sentence was a lie.

Gabriel decided it was time to save Dean again and started asking Balthazar about his work. Dean gave him a grateful look and Gabriel winked at him. Gabriel was still a sarcastic asshole at times, but he was also a pretty good guy, too. Dean hadn't thought he'd get along with him so well, but it hadn't been that hard. Gabriel shared his sense of humor, cared about his family and Dean could admire anyone like that.

Balthazar didn't bother Dean for the rest of the night, much to Dean's relief. Dean was caught up in own thoughts and stayed quiet the rest of the evening. Castiel sneaked worried glances at him, but Dean kept his eyes on his plate, avoiding eye contact with anyone.

\--- 

Dean was leaning over their bedroom's balcony, when Castiel got out of his shower. It was near midnight and the air was cold, but Dean didn't care. He was enjoying the fresh air and the view of the giant garden beneath the window. The place really was ridiculous. It was massive and looked like aristocrats could be living there. It had a billion rooms and it was wasteful for just one guy to be living there.

Castiel came up behind Dean, his hair still wet from the shower. He leaned over the railing with him, their arms brushing against each other. Dean didn't look at him, though he could feel him staring. He didn't want to ignore him, but he didn't want to talk about what he knew Cas would bring up.

"Dean," Castiel's smoky voice came out low and soft, "It's late. Let's go to bed."

"Yeah, I'll be there in a minute."

Castiel stood there waiting, but Dean didn't move. He sighed, "Dean, about what Balt-"

"Cas," Dean let out a deep breath, "don't."

"Dean," Castiel insisted, "Balthazar was-"

Dean interrupted him, "Being an asshole. The whole time he talked down to me and smirked like he was better than me. Knew me for one hour and pointed out all my faults. And you know what makes me sick? He was actually right about most of it."

"Dean," Castiel breathed, looking at Dean in shock.

Dean continued, "I'm just some lowlife mechanic with a drinking problem, who isn't going anywhere in life. Guy's an asshole, but some part of me thought that maybe he _is_ better than me. I mean come on, the dude's loaded, highly successful, and got's what, two mansions? He drives fancy fucking sports cars and is a goddamn lawyer."

"Dean, you are _not_ some lowlife," Castiel said sternly.

"No, I am. I'm just kidding myself, trying to get this architecture degree. I'm not a genius like you or Sammy. I've never been in a stable relationship my whole life and it's no wonder. I'm not good enough, never have been. Don't know why I thought I could change that." Dean laughed humorlessly at the end. He had never intended to tell Castiel any of this, but once he started, it just poured out. He had kept it so bottled up for so long, it was bound to come out at some point. It was a surprise Dean hadn't exploded from all the pressure on the bottle.

"Dean," Castiel grabbed his sleeve, willing him to look at him, but Dean didn't, "That is complete bullshit. You are so much more than you think are. What? Do you think you have to prove yourself to Balthazar? To my family? To _me_? Because you don't. Fuck Balthazar and his high self esteem."

"What happened to he's not such a bad guy?" Dean ignored everything else he had said, feeling callous and able to stop himself from taking it out on Cas. A voice in his head told him to stop, but it was too quiet and he couldn't hear it.

"Well, I was wrong. I didn't know he was so condescending."

"Of course, you didn't. He would never treat you like that," Dean rolled his eyes.

"What?"

"Oh, come on, Cas," Dean chuckled as he sauntered back into their room, "I've seen the way he looks at you. He's still got the hots for you. You only went out like what? One time? You must have been some date."

"Yeah? Well, the feelings aren't mutual," Castiel followed him, starting to get annoyed. Was Dean putting him into the same lot as Balthazar?

"But look at what you could have," Dean said, knowing he was pushing Cas away, but he was bound to screw their relationship at some point. Why not start now and get it over with? "Matching palaces, shiny cars, foreign countries, and a handsome smug lawyer with pockets full of money. What are you doing with a guy like me? You should have asked him to be your fake lover. He would've been thrilled as hell."

Castiel huffed, "What are you saying Dean? That you think I'm shallow? That all I care about is money and shiny objects? That that's all it takes for me to settle? Are you _kidding_ me right now?"

"It's all everyone else cares about!" Dean blurted out, throwing his arms in the air frustrated, "Did you see half of the guys your parents set you up with? Lawyers and doctors, anyone with money in the bank. Then, you bring home a mechanic. It won't be long before they tell you to pick someone better."

"Dean, I don't _care_ about that stuff! And who cares what my parents think? You think I'll go out with any ass they tell me to? They can't dictate my life. They already tried and _failed_ I might add. It's my life and my choices and I can be with whoever the hell I want to be with."

"Yeah, I know you don't care, Cas. But," Dean sighed dropping his arms to his sides, "But it doesn't matter. I'm still not good enough for you, Cas, and I never will be."

Castiel had a feeling Dean wasn't talking about the fake relationship anymore and he felt his stomach drop at how broken Dean sounded. The tension had disappeared and there was just silence as Dean didn't meet Castiel's eyes. Cas stepped closer to him, "Dean-"

But Dean backed away, "I'm – I'm just going to go get a drink of water or something. I've had nothing but wine these past three days."

"Dean, just talk to me," Castiel looked at him hopelessly.

Dean reached for the door giving a small smile to Cas that looked so fake it broke Castiel's heart, "Look, I'm, uh, sorry I said all that stuff. I'm fine, really. Just forget about it."

The door closed with a soft click, but Dean heard Castiel call out to him one more time before it shut. He took a deep breath outside the door. What the _hell_ was wrong with him? He couldn't believe he just told Cas all of that. He shouldn't let his insecurities out like that. When Cas had stepped towards him, all Dean had seen was pity in his eyes and it had just killed him. He didn't want to be looked at like that. Not by anyone and especially not by Cas. He just had to get away from that feeling and with a lame excuse like a glass of water. Dean really was an idiot. He walked down the hall, not even knowing where he was going, just wanting to get the hell out of this house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you always for all the comments!:) I hope ya'll enjoyed this chapter, too. And wow guys, Im sorry, I didnt realize how long this chap is. My bad ;)  
> If you ever have any questions or want to message me my tumblr is the same username as my ao3 account. Thank you for reading!:)


	7. Yeah, I trust you, Cas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, guys and gals, here's your new chap. I'm sorry it's a tad late. I try to post at least every week, if not sooner, so I'm sorry bout that. But I hope you enjoy it!:)

Dean walked down the stairs and went through a random door that led outside. He found himself in what seemed to be Balthazar's garden, if you could call it that. Dean strolled down the path trying to cool his head when he spotted a large gazebo that was probably used for outdoor dining. He went up to it and instantly regretted when he saw it wasn't vacant like he had assumed.

Raphael looked up at him from a comfy chair and raised his eyebrows, “Evening stroll?”

“Yeah, don't worry, I was just leaving,” Dean said bitterly and turned on his heels to leave. He did not need some else telling him how much he sucked at life.

Raphael sighed, “Dean, wait.”

Dean whirled around with a smirk, “Yeah? And why would I do that?”

“Well,” Raphael spoke not looking up from his laptop, “How would you find out if you walked away?”

Dean grumbled, but figured what the hell and crossed over to a chair next to Raphael's. He seeped into it and took a deep breath of the clear air, his previous tension having worn off from his walk. He leaned his head back and closed his eyes.

“It's nearly midnight, what are you doing out here?” Raphael typed excessively on his laptop.

“I could ask you the same thing,” Dean retorted not opening his eyes.

“I have to work on a case and I find it refreshing and quiet out here. My room is next to Gabriel's and he is rather loud with his blasting music.”

Even though he answered, Dean wasn't about to tell him why he was out there. Because he had a fight with Castiel. Was it a fight, though? They hadn't actually been mad at each other, so Dean just considered it an argument. He wondered if he could go back and act like it didn't happen like he usually would. But after everything that had been said, he didn't think Castiel would let it go that easily.

“That phone call,” Raphael began hesitantly, “that Castiel received, what was it about again?”

Dean opened his eyes and looked at him confused, wondering where he was going with this conversation, “An art curator wanting to buy and display Cas's art pieces at her art gallery.”

Raphael nodded and then stopped his typing, glancing at Dean, “And that sort of thing is Castiel's source of income?”

“Well, yeah, but there's other things, too. He tutors the young artist sometimes. He's also been hired before to paint certain things and he does that if he likes the job.”

“What? Like Michelangelo being hired to paint the Sistine Chapel?”

“Uh, yeah, pretty much.”

“And,” Raphael's eyebrows knitted together, “he lives off of that?”

Dean frowned, “Yes, he makes plenty of money to get by.”

“It must be time consuming to be an artist.”

Dean shrugged, “Sometimes it is, but he enjoys it, so he doesn't really see it as work.”

“But wouldn't he be happier doing something that makes him more money?”

Dean rolled his eyes, “See? That's just what you don't get.”

Raphael looked at him confused, “What?”

“It's not about the money, it never has been. Not for Cas. Castiel loves being an artist and if he had to live off scraps for the rest of his life, he'd do it and never complain as long as he could still paint.”

"That's ridiculous."

"That's happiness, dude."

Raphael squinted his eyes at him, a common trait he must share with Castiel, still disagreeing, but said nothing. He still didn't get it, but for whatever reason he seemed to be trying. Dean wanted to help him understand, and then maybe he would stop ragging on Cas.

"Cas, he, uh, doesn't really fit in," Dean started, wondering if he should really be saying this, but still felt like it needed to be said, "He's awkward and sometimes doesn't really know how to talk to people, but goddamn he tries. Still, sometimes people don't understand him or get his sarcasm or his jokes. They think he's weird or he's just being a smart ass, and they take it out on him. After that - that kind of treatment you wouldn't blame a guy for giving up, especially in high school. It must've been hell on him. But Cas didn't give up, because that's just not Cas. He's gotten better since I first met him and I don't think it bothers him as much anymore, but it's still there and he'll always remember those emotions of being isolated simply because he was different. It made him feel alone."

Dean had Raphael's full attention now and his expression was unreadable. Dean didn't know what the guy was thinking, but liked to believe he cared about his little brother. Dean sighed before continuing, "So, when you feel alone, you want to feel less alone, right? You want to find comfort that you're not the only one who feels the way you do. Some people find that in music or writing, but Cas - he finds it in art. Because art isn't just pretty pictures. It tells stories. It opens a whole new world to you, a different perspective. You can feel the emotions of the artist just as well as if it had been written in words. You hear their stories and experiences through the paintings. Cas didn't feel alone anymore. He just wants to be like the artists that helped him get through that. He wants to tell his own story and maybe help someone else. He just wants to be _heard_."

Raphael looked down and away from Dean, "I - I never knew that."

"Yeah, well now you do. So, stop picking on him and don't put it above me to kick your ass," Dean stood up, seeing as he had done what he could.

"I only did that because I was worried," Raphael sighed, "I see now that I was being foolish."

Dean began to walk away, when he heard Raphael speak in a low voice, "You're really in love with him."

Dean stopped in his tracks and he felt his heart stammer as he slowly turned back to Raphael, "Wh - what?" 

The keystrokes from the laptop filled Raphael's short silence and he didn't look up at Dean, "You're in love with him. You talk about him with such adoration and understanding. Also, the way you look at him, like he's the sole cause of all your happiness. I'd be an oblivious idiot if I didn't see it."

"Uh, yeah," Dean stuttered, scratching the back of his neck.

Raphael met his eyes with a smirk and Dean felt his cheeks warm.

"He's, uh - I care about him a lot, yeah," Dean finished lamely.

Raphael scoffed, " _Care_ , okay. Anyway, don't let Balthazar get to you. He's just an ass. Don't pay him any attention, it's what he wants."

"Alright. Thanks," Dean walked off the gazebo and called over his shoulder, "Night, Raph."

He heard him retort, "Don't call me that."

"Whatever, ninja turtle."

\---

As Dean made the way back to his and Cas's room, he was really starting to feel like an asshole for just walking out on Castiel after dumping all his feelings to him. He didn't know what to expect when he got back, how Cas was going to react, but all in all Dean just hoped he wasn't mad. 

With his fingers shaking a little and his heart stuttering in his ears he quietly opened the door. It'd be an easy way out if Cas had fallen asleep, but of course he hadn't. He was sitting cross legged on the bed, patiently waiting for Dean to come back. His face was expressionless. He just looked tired and Dean hoped it was from lack of sleep and not because of him.

Dean walked to the end of the bed nervously, "Hey, Cas."

"Hello, Dean," Castiel raised his eyebrow, "Enjoy your water?"

Dean heard the obvious bitter sarcasm and sat by Cas on the bed. He held his hands together in his lap and glanced at Castiel, "Cas, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have just walked out like that."

"I just wish you'd trust me enough to talk to me, Dean. You do this all the time. Haven't you noticed? Every time a conversation gets too serious, you just walk out of of it and run away," Castiel spoke soft, but clear, not looking at Dean.

"Cas," Dean sighed sadly, turning his body towards him, "I do trust you, man, with my life."

"Yeah, but not with your heart," Castiel met his eyes and they were dejected and exhausted. It broke Dean's heart and his throat felt tight.

"Cas, -"

"You just never let anyone in, Dean. You have this whole facade you put up, and you never let anyone see under it. I've only seen a glimpse of it and I thought we," Castiel paused a second, his lips pressed together, "I thought we were friends."

Dean was starting to feel desperate at the cut off look in Castiel's eyes, "Cas, I just - look we are friends, okay? You're my best friend and I would tell you anything. Believe me. And I do show more of the real me to you than I do to anyone else. But there's some things... there's some things I just have to keep to myself. But those are my problems and you shouldn't have to deal with them, too."

Castiel's wall fell and his face was no longer expressionless. It was broken, "Dean, you are not some burden to me, no matter how many problems you have. Your problems? Your feelings? They are _not_ baggage, not to me"

"Yeah, you say that now, but once you see how fucked up I really am, you...you won't want anything to do with me and if you do, it's only out of pity," Dean looked down at his hands. 

"Dean," Castiel reached over and grabbed Dean's hands and met his eyes, "I have never looked at you with pity, only with concern, because I worry. I would not just cut you off, because you have problems. You have to believe me, you have to trust me."

Dean searched his eyes, but just saw solid confidence in what Cas was saying. He looked half mad, willing Dean to believe him through his eyes if his words weren't making any impact. Castiel's hands were still in Dean's lap intertwined with his own. They had both been leaning towards each other subconsciously and Dean thought he had never been so close to Castiel. Not since the night he had kissed him. The memory made Dean's eyes flicker down to Cas's lips and Cas caught the movement. Dean gazed back into his eyes and the moment was so surreal neither of them broke contact, fearing the moment was too fragile and would shatter. Dean's heart was hammering in his chest and his limbs felt like they weren't even there, numb and he couldn't move them. Castiel's hands stilled in his and Dean whispered in a tender voice, not leaving Castiel's eyes, "Yeah, Cas, I trust you." 

Dean poured everything he had into those three words, not wanting Castiel to assume anything different. Castiel had somehow came to the conclusion that Dean didn't talk about his feelings, because of Cas. He couldn't let Cas think that, think that he was in some way inadequate in their relationship. If it was anyone's fault it was Dean's.

Dean tilted his head towards Castiel and he could feel his breath on his face. It still smelled like the wine they had had earlier and it made Dean think that maybe it wasn't so bad. It was a sweet smell and Dean felt like he could get drunk off of it just from Cas breathing it into his skin. Castiel's grip on his hands loosened as his lips parted and he said in a small voice, "Dean." 

Dean leaned forward and almost closed the distance when a loud guitar caused them both to jump away from each other. They looked startled over at the phone on the bedside table and turned to each other both red as a beet. The phone was playing _You Shook Me All Night Long_ by AC/DC, so it was Dean's phone. He sluggishly got up to answer it, cursing to himself in his head. 

He cleared his throat before letting out an annoyed, "Hello?"

"Hey, Dean," an excited Sam replied, chipper than ever.

Dean pinched the bridge of his nose, "Sam, what the hell!? Do you have any idea what time it is here?"

There was a quick pause before, "Oh, I forgot about that. What time is it there?"

"Well past midnight," Dean answered irritably.

Sam sounded less energetic, "Oh, sorry about that. It's still five here."

"Was there something you needed?" Dean tried to ask nicer, but was still pretty pissed about his little brother cockblocking him.

"No, I just -," Sam cut off and Dean could practically hear the clocks turning in his head, "Wait, did I - did I interrupt something?"

Dean's face got redder, even though Sam couldn't possibly know, "What? No."

"Uh-huh. Yeah, sure. Sorry, Dean. Just go back to whatever you were doing. Tell Cas I said hi. I'll look at a world clock and call you tomorrow."

Sam hung up the phone and Dean slowly pulled it away from his ear, shaking his head. He looked at Cas and laughed nervously, "Yeah, that was Sammy. He, uh, forgot about the time difference."

Cas nodded, "What did he want?"

"I don't know, said he'd call back tomorrow, but he sounded pretty excited whatever it was."

Castiel nodded again and Dean didn't know how to act. They had just been about to kiss, right? Dean really wanted to get back to it, but didn't know how. It's not like he could say lamely, "Now, where were we?" like they were in some cheesy romantic comedy. So, he settled for, "It is getting pretty late. We should, uh, get some sleep."

Castiel looked at the clock and groaned, "How did it get so late? It's already one. You know Gabriel is going to drag us out of here at an ungodly hour in the morning."

Dean kicked off his boots, "Yeah, I know. Sorry."

Castiel rolled his eyes, "It's not your fault."

Dean gave him a small smile before grabbing his bag and searching for something to change into. Afterwards, he crawled into bed with Castiel who had already buried himself under the covers. The bed was huge like the one they shared in Venice, but they still seemed to drift closer to each other, at the edge of their pillows, their heads nearly touching. Not that either of them minded.

Dean was about to fall asleep when he felt Castiel grab his hand under the sheets. His eyes shot open at the same time he felt his heart stopped. He turned his head and could barely see Castiel's face in the dark lit room, but he found his vibrant eyes. They were staring up at the ceiling, not meeting his.

"Dean," Castiel spoke, his rough voice coming out softly, "I don't want you to speak about yourself like that again."

Dean's throat closed at how serious he sounded and Castiel continued, "Dean, you are a good person and are _good enough_ in every way."

Castiel looked at him and his blue eyes were intense and made Dean catch his breath, before he managed to choke out, "Thanks, Cas."

"If you ever feel like that again, promise you'll just come and talk to me. Don't keep that kind of stuff bottled up, it'll kill you," Castiel's sharp stare didn't leave Dean.

Dean gave him a lopsided smile, "Yeah, okay, Cas. I promise."

Castiel nodded his head and returned the smile, "Good. Now go to sleep."

Dean chuckled, but listened and closed his eyes again. He didn't hit unconsciousness before Cas did, though. He opened his eyes to the steady breathing of the man beside him. Castiel must have been exhausted from worrying about Dean and all of his bullshit to fall asleep so quickly. Dean resisted the urge to reach out and move the hair out of his face. He sighed heavily in the quiet room. He never would have thought he'd fall for Castiel as hard as he had, but he did. With everything Cas did for him, he found himself loving him more and more each day, which he couldn't see how it was even possible. But Cas had always been there for him and kept surprising him by never leaving him, even after all the bullshit Dean's probably put him through. Of course Dean felt himself wanting more, but he could deal with the way things are now. As long as Cas stayed, Dean would be whatever Castiel wanted him to be. 

\---

_Castiel ran across the small apartment opening door after door, but never found him. The doors just led to nowhere, brick walls and darkness. He slammed them angrily and kept screaming Dean's name. There was never a response. He started to feel panicked and his heart hammered in his ears as a giant clocked ticked loudly. ___

_Over and over like a record player, a voice said, "You'll never find him and time's running out. You're going to be too late."_

_He didn't know where it came from and he whirled around frantically, but he was alone. It was a chilling sultry voice and it frightened him. He didn't understand what was going on nor what would happen if the time did run out. But he searched nonetheless in the endless hallway._

_For what had felt like a millennium there was never an answer to his calls, but then it came. A soft whisper, broken and scared, "Cas."_

_"Dean?" Castiel stopped in his tracks and spun around so fast he felt dizzy. He was still alone and the whisper didn't respond. Cas ran off again, searching every empty room one after the other, but with no luck._

_A part of him told himself he was too late and time had ran out. The sultry voice had stopped discouraging him and that was worse than when she was yelling. The clock was not ticking anymore, but the ringing continued on letting him know he had failed. A part of him knew that, but he still went on, never willing to give up._

_There was a garage door at the end of the hallway and he sprinted towards it._ That had to be it. _He pulled it up and found Dean working on a car. He sighed in relief, "Dean, finally."_

_Dean narrowed his eyes at him as he walked over. Castiel grabbed his hands and tugged, "Come on, let's go to bed. I''m tired of all this running."_

_Dean jerked his arm away and shook his head, "Uh, I don't think so. I don't sleep with married men."_

_Castiel's heart stopped, "What?"_

_Dean nodded towards his hand and Cas looked down. There was a gold band resting on his left hand. Castiel could barely breathe, "No, no, this isn't right."_

_Dean shrugged and went back to the car. Castiel reached out to him, but he was too far away._

_"Darling, what are you doing here? Let's go home," a smooth voice came from behind him._

_Castiel whirled around and saw Balthazar's out stretched hand. He stared at it, more confused than ever. Then, he saw it. A matching gold band to his own._

Castiel woke up in a cold sweat, his breathing heavy. It was still dark outside. He anxiously looked to his right. Dean was laying there fast asleep. Castiel let out a deep sigh of relief. He looked down at his left hand still interlocked with Dean's and it was bare. He laughed softly to himself, running his other hand through his hair. It had only been a dream, but as Castiel laid back down and closed his eyes, the feeling in his stomach wouldn't go away and left him with a fear he couldn't place.

They woke up in the morning to loud banging on the door again. If their still entangled fingers bothered either of them, neither cared enough to comment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you ever have any questions or want to message me my tumblr is the same username as my ao3 account. Thank you for reading!:)


	8. Ragazzo Triste

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading! And look, I was even close to being on time. Sorry if I'm ever late, but I sadly do have a life in the real world that includes school. :(

Their day of sight seeing was as much like it was in Venice. They seemed to have made their own little group; Gabriel, Anna, Castiel, and Dean. Castiel dragged them all to random art museums, not that anyone complained and then they went out for lunch again. They hit some shops and drove back to Balthazar's for dinner. Dean and Castiel sat far away from Balthazar at the table and he didn't bother them, which came to much relief to Dean as well as Castiel.

When they went up to their room, Dean undid a few buttons of his shirt, tired and ready for a shower. But Castiel had other plans. He stopped Dean from taking off his boots, "Dean, wait."

Dean looked at him confused, "What?"

Castiel just gave him an excited grin, "I want to go see the Palazzo Vecchio."

"The what?"

Castiel rolled his eyes impatient, "It's one of the palaces in the city and it has amazing art."

"Cas," Dean groaned, "We just spent the whole day looking at art. Haven't you had enough?"

Castiel stepped towards him and grabbed his hands, "Come on, Dean. We didn't get to go today and it's so much more beautiful at night. Please?"

Dean was tired and his feet hurt from walking all day. He just wanted a hot shower and to go to sleep. But one look into Castiel's pleading blue eyes and he was a goner. He'd just have to accept the fact that he'd probably never be able to deny the man anything. Dean sighed, "Okay, Cas."

Castiel's grin widened, "Grab a jacket and I'll go get keys to one of the cars."

Half a second later and Cas was out the door. Dean chuckled at his excitement and looked for his leather jacket he had bought with Anna. 

\---

Castiel knocked on Gabriel's door, wishing it wasn't his older brother who had the keys. He knew Gabriel would find some way to tease him about this. He always did.

Castiel heard a muffled, "Alright, already! Don't get your panties in a bunch!" before Gabriel answered the door.

"Hey there, Cassie. I don't have any Cosmo magazines to tell you eight new ways to please your man. Ask Anna," Gabriel went to close the door, but Castiel put his foot out. Gabriel gave him an exasperated look.

"That's not it. I need to borrow the keys."

"They keys?" Gabriel raised his eyebrows.

"Yes, to the rental car," Castiel answered him in a smartass tone.

Gabriel narrowed his eyes, "No, really? I thought you meant to the Delorean."

Castiel gave him a pointed look.

"What do you need them for, anyway? Are you gonna go look for a store that sells Cosmo? Good luck."

Castiel rolled his eyes, "Would you let the Cosmo thing go already?"

Gabriel laughed, "Man, I got to tell Dean that story."

Castiel glared at him, "I've got plenty embarrassing stories to tell as well, Gabriel."

Gabriel smirked, "He's not my boyfriend. Go ahead, baby brother."

Castiel huffed, "Whatever. Are you going to give me the keys or not?"

Gabriel answered him by walking back into his room and returning with the keys in hand. He held them out for Castiel, but when Castiel went to take them, he closed his hand, "Uh uh. Not until you tell me where you going. I'm your big brother, got to make sure your not making any bad decisions."

"Gabriel, I am 23 and I don't think you have any room to speak about bad decisions."

Gabriel shrugged, "Fair enough, but come on tell me. My curiosity will keep me up tonight and I'll take out my sleep deprivation out on you tomorrow," and dropped the keys in his hand.

"If you must know, Dean and I are going to the Palazzo Vecchio."

Gabriel leaned on the door, "Oh, romantic. Night on the town."

Castiel nodded, his cheeks turning slightly pink, "Yes, well, goodnight, Gabriel."

Gabriel chuckled as Castiel turned away and called down the hall, "Have fun on your date, Cassie!"

\---

Castiel turned the corner to see Dean waiting for him by the door, when he noticed Dean was on the phone.

"Well, yeah, it is earlier, but still - "

The other person on the line cut him off and Dean sighed, "Okay, okay. What's so important you're wasting international calling cost on?"

Castiel walked forward to where Dean could see him. He didn't want to be caught ease dropping. Dean noticed him and smiled at him, but it faltered at whatever the person on the other line said.

"That's - that's great, Sammy, but don't you think you're a little young to be making a decision like that? You're only 19."

Dean rolled his eyes at the answer, "Yeah, okay, I get it. I mean, who am I to be giving you relationship advice?"

Castiel frowned at the hurt in Dean's voice and Dean avoided his eyes.

"No, no, you did. It's fine. I mean you're right, what do I know?"

Castiel could practically hear Sam trying to fix whatever he had just said. But Dean didn't seem to want to hear any of it. 

"Look, I'm happy for you. Congratulations and all. Call me later to know how it goes," Dean hung up the phone, interrupting Sam's rejections.

Dean smiled at Cas, "You got the keys?"

Castiel nodded wordlessly. Dean turned and opened the door for them to walk out. Castiel walked beside him silently on the way to their car. Though Dean gave him reassuring smiles, he still looked pretty bothered by whatever had happened with Sam. But Castiel didn't push. Dean had promised him if something was wrong he'd tell him and he trusted that.

As Castiel drove them towards the city, Dean looked for a station he liked on the radio. Dean finally settled on one and leaned back in his seat. After a moment, he started humming along to the song that was playing. Castiel smiled, because Dean probably didn't even know.

"What?" Dean asked.

"You like this?" Castiel raised his eyebrows.

"Yeah, well, it sounds familiar," Dean shrugged.

Castiel chuckled, "Well, that makes more sense."

"Am I missing something here, Cas?"

"This song is Ragazzo Triste by Patty Pravo."

Dean waited, but Cas didn't go on, "And?"

"It's her version of But You're Mine by Sonny and Cher."

"Oh, is it just translated to Italian?"

"Not exactly, but they have the same jest."

They were quiet listening to the song and then Dean murmured, "My mom really liked Sonny and Cher, not as much as the Beatles, but I heard them just as much growing up."

Castiel smiled, "It's a good song. Do you remember the lyrics?"

Dean shook his head, "Not really. I just know I've heard it before."

_Of course he didn't. _Castiel sighed. It was really ironic that he didn't, though. Maybe if he listened to it, he'd understand that Castiel didn't care what people thought of him or their relationship. He'd have to get him to listen to it someday.__

Another song passed, before Dean blurted out, "Sam's proposing to Jess."

Castiel tried to hide his shock as he waited for Dean to continue. 

"I told him he was too young to be getting married. The kid's only 19 for christ sakes! He's not ready for that. Mortgages, babies, soccer practices, and college funds."

"I don't think he's thought that far ahead, Dean."

"Exactly. He hasn't thought about it, not really."

"Dean," Castiel tried to help him see Sam's side, "He's in love and wants to be with her for the rest of his life. I think that's all he's thought about. Isn't that all there is to it, though?"

Dean stared blankly at him.

Castiel went on, "All that other stuff comes later. I think if Sam thinks he's ready, you should to. Sam wouldn't have told you beforehand if he wasn't serious about it."

Dean dragged his hand down his face, "Yeah, I guess you're right."

Dean looked out the window, "When I told him what I thought, he said, 'What would you know, Dean? Like you've ever even been in a real relationship. What now that you're with Cas, you're suddenly the love guru?' " Dean chuckled humorlessly and spoke under his breath, "And that's not even real."

Castiel frowned, "Dean, he only said that because he didn't want to be told he was wrong, especially by you, and not because of your relationship record, but because you're his brother. He just wanted you to be happy for him. He's probably really nervous about it and wanted a pep talk."

Dean smiled, "You always been this insightful, Cas? What happened to the guy who thought I was using sarcasm whenever I called him my best friend?"

The corners of Cas's mouth twitched at the memory of his first year with Dean, "I guess you've taught me well."

\---

Castiel parked as close as he could to the Palazzo Vecchio and the rest of the way, they'd have to walk. It was just a few streets, besides it was a nice night out. There wasn't as many people out as there were in the day, but there was still quite a crowd. 

Castiel went through the same routine of dragging Dean to every painting and explaining each one to him. Dean didn't mind, though. Castiel showed a different side to him when he was absorbed in the art, a different smile, a different gleam in his eyes. Dean loved every part of Castiel, even his crazy artist side. 

The guards started telling them they were about to close for the night and Castiel reluctantly left with Dean holding back a smile at Cas's kicked puppy face. It was adorable and no man should look so adorable. It was unfair.

They walked down a street that was parallel to the water and people kept almost running into them. Castiel slipped his hand into Dean's and winked at him, "So, you won't get separated and lost."

Dean laughed, "I'm not a child, Cas." But he squeezed Castiel's hand, anyway.

After a few minutes of walking, Castiel tugged on Dean's hand, "You should call Sam and let him know you're okay with him marrying Jess."

Dean sighed, but nodded and pulled out his phone. His phone bill was going to be hell this month.

Sam answered after a few rings, "Hello?"

"Sam, I, uh, wanted to tell you to go for it."

"Really?"

"Yeah, if you're serious about it, man."

"Thanks, Dean," Sam paused, "I'm sorry about what I said earlier."

"Nah, don't worry about it."

"Alright. I'm glad you came around. I don't know what I would've done without my best man."

Dean chuckled, "Best man, huh?"

"Well, yeah, who else would it be?"

There was an awkward silence as the boys both thought of another obvious person and Dean felt his heart sink, "I'm sorry, Sammy."

"Yeah, me, too," Sam said softly, "I just wish he could have met her, you know. He would have loved her."

Dean repeated, "I'm sorry, Sammy."

"Dean, it's not your fault. You got to stop beating yourself up over that."

"Yeah, okay. Well, I'll talk to you later. Good luck."

"Thanks. Bye, Dean," Sam hung up the phone.

Castiel looked at him quizzically and Dean lied, "I was just apologizing for earlier." He hated himself for it, but he wasn't ready to go into the details with Cas about _that _, not yet.__

Cas didn't say anything, but Dean knew he didn't believe him. He was just glad he wasn't calling him out on it. Castiel rubbed soothing circles into Dean's hand, though. Not asking, but comforting, nonetheless. Dean appreciated it.

They were still a couple streets away from their car, but Castiel was shivering. Dean raised his eyebrows, "So, you tell me to grab a jacket, but you don't get one for yourself?"

Castiel just just narrowed his eyes at him with his mouth in a hard line.

Dean rolled his eyes and made a move to shrug off his jacket, but Castiel stopped him, "Dean, you don't have to. I'm fine."

"No, you're freezing your ass off."

"I'm fine," Castiel said sternly.

" _Fine _," Dean gave up, but looked at Cas from out of the corner of his eye. He still looked really cold.__

Dean wrapped his arm around Castiel's shoulders running his hand up and down Castiel's arm. He met Castiel's eyes with a smirk, "Is this okay?"

Castiel nodded and leaned into Dean. Then, he slipped his arm around Dean's waist under his jacket and snuggled in closer to the warmth. 

Dean chuckled, "Stubborn ass. Should've just let me give you my jacket if you were so damn cold."

"This is fine."

Dean rolled his eyes and pulled Castiel closer, "Whatever you say, Cas."

Castiel leaned his head on Dean's shoulder and mumbled, "Thank you, Dean."

Dean ignored the thought to kiss Castiel's ruffled hair and sighed, "Anytime, Cas." 

They strolled down the pathway, neither of them wanting to reach the car any time soon, looking like lovers to anyone who glanced at them.

"Anytime."

\---

"Gabriel," Balthazar said surprised walking into the kitchen, "Didn't expect to see you here."

Gabriel put another spoonful of ice cream in his mouth, "Late night snack. I assume you don't mind?"

Balthazar shrugged grabbing another carton from the freezer for himself. Gabriel was hopped up on the counter with his legs crossed. Balthazar leaned beside him.

"How's Kali?" Balthazar asked conversationally.

"Probably enjoying the quiet week to herself."

"You left her to run the shop?"

"She didn't want to come this year. There's some problems going on in her family and she felt uneasy leaving them to themselves."

"Oh, so the business doing well, then?"

"Yeah, best bakery in town," Gabriel smirked smugly before another spoonfull.

"I meant the franchise, Gabriel," Balthazar chuckled.

"They're good I guess. I don't really care about them as much as the original Sugar Bites. I built that one from the ground up and still run it myself to this day."

"Good thing you could expand, though. You must make a lot of profit."

Gabriel sighed, "What's with all of you and your bags of money? You know there's more important things out there, right?"

Balthazar glanced at Gabriel's raised eyebrows, "Sorry. I just haven't found something to justify the 'Money can't buy happiness' unlike you've seemed to."

Gabriel saw the sadness behind Balthazar's smirk. He'd known him most of his life, he knew him pretty well. Sure, he had dated Cassie, but they were friends long before that. "You will, Balthzy."

Balthazar didn't reply as they continued to eat unhealthy amounts of ice cream. After a moment of silence, he spoke quietly, "I noticed one of the cars is gone."

"Uh, yeah, Castiel and Dean went out," Gabriel said uneasily.

Balthazar nodded and then asked, "I was an asshole at dinner the other night, wasn't I?"

"Oh, yeah, great big bag of dicks," Gabriel answered bluntly.

"I suppose I should apologize," Balthazar looked sadly at the now empty carton.

"I wouldn't try with Cassie first, he'd probably snap your neck."

Balthazar was taken aback, but then chuckled, "And what? Dean wouldn't?"

"Well, you insulted him not Cassie, so - if it had been the other way, he wouldn't be so mad, but Cassie - he, well, you insulted," Gabriel made confusing gestures with his hands as he tried to explain, "his boyfriend and you're more defensive of your loved ones than yourself, so -"

Balthazar cut him off, "Okay, I get it, Gabe."

"Be careful with Dean, too, though," Gabriel warned, "Remember you used to date his boyfriend."

Balthazar nodded, "Yes, I'll keep that in mind."

Gabriel looked out of the corner of his eye at Balthazar thinking deeply about something and he groaned, "Balthazar, no."

"No?" Balthazar gave him a confused look.

"Don't tell me you - you don't, do you? I knew you really liked him when you dated, but - no, right?"

Balthazar shrugged, "Don't worry, Gabriel. I won't act immature again."

"So, that's why you were being a douchebag?"

"What? You think I'm like that by nature for no reason?"

Gabriel nodded and was welcomed with a hard shove from Balthazar, "Ass."

Gabriel laughed, hoping off the counter and throwing his empty carton in the trash. He patted Balthazar on the back, "How about I set you up with someone who's not family?"

"I'll be fine, Gabriel," Balthazar walked ahead of Gabriel through the kitchen door.

\---

"Did you drink an espresso or something? How are you still so energized?" Dean asked in disbelief. When they had got back, he immediately took a shower and got ready to fall asleep not a second after. While Castiel had only changed into something more comfortable and pulled out a sketch pad. He sat cross legged at the foot of the bed, so Dean didn't catch a glance as he collapsed against the pillows.

"I just had to get something out of my head. I wouldn't have been able to sleep with it stuck there," Castiel sketched intently.

Dean chuckled, "You always have to get something out of your head."

Castiel smiled, "Yes, it's become a common occurrence."

"You think someday you'll show me what it is?" Dean asked quietly.

Castiel stopped and glanced at him. He hadn't really considered that Dean would actually want to see it. He knew he was curious about the sketch pads he hid away, but everyone was. "You really want to know?"

Dean sat upright excited, "Yes."

Castiel laughed and returned back to his drawing, "Then, I'll show you, someday."

Dean groaned and fell back, "Tease."

Castiel grinned as he added finishing details. After a minute, Dean finally overcame his laziness and actually got under the covers. But he didn't fall asleep, even after all of his insistence at being tired as hell. He just looked on curiously as Castiel drew.

"Dean, you're staring," Castiel paused and raised his eyebrows at Dean.

Dean blushed slightly, "Well, I like to watch you draw -okay, that sounded creepy. I mean, it's really amazing watching how intense you are and then to see what you come up with."

Castiel felt his neck warm at Dean's compliment, but he didn't respond right away. A moment passed and Castiel spoke without looking up, "I will show you someday, Dean. Just not tonight."

Dean grinned, "Can't wait."

Castiel finished a few minutes later and he put his things away. He turned out the light and crawled into bed with Dean. Dean fell asleep quickly afterwards. Castiel thought about how easy it was to sleep with Dean. It didn't feel weird, but almost natural, like they had been doing it forever, when in reality it had only been a few nights. Castiel hadn't had better sleep, though. He felt safe and secure with Dean lying next to him, warm and comfortable. He dreaded going back to Kansas, back to their normal life, where him and Dean weren't together, where Castiel couldn't get away with things like he could now. No, back in Kansas without people to fake in front of there'd be no excuses. Castiel couldn't simply reach out and grab Dean's hand as they were watching a movie and it not be a big deal. Because that wouldn't be fake, that would be real. Castiel was starting to see that that was what he wanted, though, because the act didn't feel like as much as an act anymore. Not to him. But he wasn't sure what Dean was feeling anymore after the other night with Balthazar and especially after tonight. There wasn't anyone around to pretend in front of them then, but it didn't feel any different from acting as a couple. Well, actually it did feel different. It felt better, sincere and _pure _.__

Castiel glanced over at Dean's vulnerable face as he slept and sighed. He wondered if he'd ever get to feel that way again. He wanted to, but he wanted Dean to feel it as well or there would be no point. 

Castiel fell asleep with the scent of leather and the soft voice of Patty Pravo in his head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The places I mention in my story are totally real so feel free to look them up. Italy's a beautiful place and I would love to visit there. Patty Pravo is a real person as well. She has a beautiful voice. Here's a link to her song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WkWRKfE6fbY The lyrics are even in the description (they're in Italian, but you could look up the translation if you're interested). And here's a link to the Sonny and Cher song's lyrics: http://www.metrolyrics.com/but-youre-mine-lyrics-sonny-cher.html If you want to see why Castiel was acting like he knew something Dean didn't, you should at least glance at the Sonny and Cher lyrics.  
> If you ever have any questions or want to message me my tumblr is the same username as my ao3 account. Thank you for reading!:)


	9. Are you trying to seduce me, Winchester?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My lovely angels, I am SO sorry this is so late. School started a couple weeks ago and I'm just trying to get back into the hang of things. But I'm back! Sadly, though, I can't update every week like I did in the summer, now it'll be two weeks. I'll try to keep that promise and not be late. Enjoy and thanks for reading! :)  
> I am so sorry! It seems I missed a few 'Rebecca's when I changed Mrs.Novak's name to Hester. Thank you talli_approved for pointing it out!

It was their last day in Florence and another day filled with Castiel dragging Dean to, he couldn't even believe there was more, art museums. He still didn't mind it, as long as Cas kept smiling he was happy. That night Balthazar took the family out to some fancy smancy restaurant, but Dean didn't complain. The food was good.

Once they were back in their room, Dean pulled out a shopping bag from under the bed and nodded for Castiel to come over.

Cas walked over wearily at Dean's mischievous grin, "What?"

Dean pulled out a bottle of wine from the bag, "Since, I was sick of this sweet cheap wine we keep drinking, I took it upon myself to buy some that was actually good."

Castiel laughed, "Dean, I don't think I would say the wine we've been drinking is cheap."

Dean shrugged, "Well, it taste like it."

Dean got off the bed and went over to balcony, "Come on."

Castiel followed him out and found Dean climbing on to the roof. There was an area that was wide and flat. Dean layed back on it. Castiel rolled his eyes at Dean's spontaneous midnight-drinking-wine-on-the-roof, but climbed up and layed beside him, nonetheless.

Dean took a swig from the bottle, "Yes, that is much better, not too sweet."

Castiel took a drink himself, "It's not too bad."

Dean shook his head, "You love it. Just admit it, Cas"

"Okay, Dean. I'll admit it, you have great taste in wine," Cas said sarcastically.

"See? Wasn't too hard," Dean turned his head and smiled at Castiel.

Castiel chuckled, "Dean, why are we up on the roof?"

"Wow, way to ruin the moment, Cas. I buy you nice wine, climb on top of the roof so we can enjoy the night and look at the stars, and you don't even appreciate it," Dean shook his head at Cas.

Castiel chuckled, "What? Are you trying to seduce me, Winchester?" 

"Maybe," Dean winked playfully and if it wasn't so dark out he would've seen Cas blush.

They lay there in comfortable silence drinking the wine with Castiel occasionally pointing out constellations to Dean. The night grew cold, though, and they scooted closer to each other for warmth, their arms touching. At some point, Cas's hand had slipped into Dean's. Dean didn't comment, but Castiel saw the small smile. Again, Castiel was wondering when it had become so natural to do that, so casual, like they did it all the time, which is what it felt like now. 

Castiel subconsciously started stroking his thumb across Dean's skin in soothing circles like he usually did when they held hands. Dean wondered if he even knew he did it.

"That's really comforting," Dean whispered barely audible without thinking.

Castiel didn't comment, but leaned his head on Dean's shoulder. His hair was tickling Dean's chin and Dean rested his head against his. Dean had never felt so content, even with the rough roof underneath him. 

"Hey, Cas?"

"Hm?"

"Do you ever think about the future?"

Castiel shrugged, "Sometimes."

"What do you see?"

Castiel thought for a moment, "I see myself owning my own art studio."

"Oh, yeah?"

"And my best friend cooking cheeseburgers in the kitchen," Castiel added.

Dean grinned at that and chuckled, "I'm not some housewife, Cas. Why don't you ever make me burgers?"

"Because I'd burn the house down. Do you even remember the last time I tried?"

Dean snorted remembering, "Good point."

After a moment, Castiel asked, "What do you see?"

Dean pressed his lips together and in response to his silence, Cas lifted his head, "Dean?"

Dean was going to give him a witty reply, but he was taken aback by how close Cas's face was to his. He was only inches away. Dean could smell the wine off of his breath. He felt his heart rate pick up and could swear Cas could hear it. He glanced at Castie's lips and almost leaned in before he caught himself.

He hopped up and held out his hand for Castiel, "Come on, let's get some sleep. Early flight in the morning."

Castiel took his hand, still trying to process what had just happened, or _almost ___just happened, again. They scrambled back into their warm room with the half drunk bottle of wine and passed out on their bed moments later.

\--- 

Castiel woke up with a bolt and looked around the darkened room for what had jolted him awake. The moonlight shone through the open balcony, but there wasn't a breeze, so he wasn't awoken by the cold. He glanced at the sleeping Dean next to him and found his answer.

Dean was tossing and turning violently in his sleep. Cold sweat covered his face and neck. The bed sheets were in twist around his legs and Dean had the most pained and vulnerable expression Castiel had ever seen on him. It tortured Castiel to see Dean like that.

Castiel shook Dean's shoulder lightly, "Dean, you're having a nightmare."

Dean didn't wake, but he clutched onto Castiel's arm. Castiel heard him mumbling in his sleep. It was mostly unintelligible, but Castiel caught bits and pieces.

"It's so hot," Dean whispered, "The burns..."

"Dean," Castiel tried again, but Dean just gripped tighter on his arm.

"No, no, I have...go back. Mom,... please."

Castiel sighed, his heart aching at seeing Dean like this. It scared him a bit. What was he dreaming about? What haunted him so bad to make him in this state?

Castiel layed back down on his side and looked helplessly at Dean. He wasn't going to wake up, unless Castiel shook him awake and he didn't want to do that. He ran his fingers through Dean's hair soothingly with his free hand. It didn't stop Dean's pained expression or his inconsistent mumbling, but his body calmed and the grip on Castiel's wrist lessened. Castiel had an idea.

He pulled Dean into his arms where Dean rested his head on Castiel's chest. Castiel, then started to lightly stroked Dean's back. Dean's breathing eventually slowed and his pained expression eased. Castiel was thankful. Whatever was going through Dean's mind truly tormented him and Castiel wanted Dean to never think about it again. Dean wasn't one to show fear or cowardice, it's probably why it had frightened Castiel so much. Dean always put up a brave front, so Castiel didn't think Dean was afraid of anything, but obviously he had been being naive. Dean put up that wall for a reason, he wasn't born with it. 

Castiel fell back asleep with Dean still cradled in his arms, worrying about for reasons he didn't even know. But with Dean so close to him, sleep came easily. Dean was right there, safe and sound. 

\--- 

Dean woke up with someone's arms wrapped around him. He willed himself to go back to sleep and didn't open his eyes. He nestled himself deeper into the other person and in response the arms tightened. There wasn't even the smell of sweat and sex in the air. It had to be best he had ever woken up. He was warm and comfortable. He didn't want it to end.

But at some point, Dean became a little more aware of his surroundings and where he was. He opened his eyes and peaked at the face above him. He was met with black stubble and dark sex hair that was tossed in every which way. It took a minute for his mind to register it was Cas and that it was Cas's arms wrapped around him. What? Had he crawled into Cas's arms in the middle of the night and Cas had just subconsciously held him? 

Well, whatever had happened, Dean knew he should probably detach himself from Cas before he woke up and things got awkward real fast. But he _really ___didn't want to. He stared up at Cas's sleeping face. He really was beautiful. Dean wondered how he hadn't noticed a long time ago. Dean rested his head back down on Castiel's cotton tee and enjoyed the moment a little longer. He was so damn comfortable, he contemplated just going back to sleep and dealing with whatever awkwardness occurred later. At the moment, it seemed kinda worth it.

But Dean didn't get to decide as someone started knocking on their door. Castiel's didn't move an inch, though. But the incisive knocking would soon wake him up. “Dammit,” Dean cursed under his breath before, regrettably, easing out of Cas's arms.

Dean tried not to be as grumpy as he was when he opened the door. But he couldn't help it. Whoever this was had interrupted a really good morning. Dean opened the door only slightly as to not wake up Castiel by the hall light.

“Good morning, Dean,” Mrs. Novak greeted him, “Hope I didn't wake you?”

Dean plastered a smile on his face, “Oh, no, I was already up.”

Hester grinned, “Good. Um, is Castiel awake?”

Dean glanced back into the room. Castiel was still in the same position he had left him. “No, not yet.”

Dean looked back at Hester and she frowned. Dean asked her a little worried at her expression, “Is there something wrong?”

Hester bit her lip, deciding something in her mind. After a minute, she seemed to have decided something and she pulled Dean by his wrist into the hall. Dean was giving her a questioning look, when she nodded to the still open door. Dean closed it with a soft click.

“It's probably nothing to worry about, but...” Hester trailed off and her worried face was giving Dean anxiety.

“Just tell me what's wrong,” Dean told her softly.

She sighed and shook her head, "I'm just being a worried mother. It's just that Anna went out last night and she hasn't come back. We leave in about two hours for Rome and it's not like her to be this late. I understand she's an adult but she's always been back early if when we're on vacation. But here it is nearly seven o'clock and she's nowhere in sight."

"Did you try calling her? Maybe she had too many beers and didn't want to drive, crashed at a hotel or something?"

Hester shook her head, "Anna doesn't really drink and she won't answer her phone."

"Um," Dean didn't exactly know what to do. Hester seemed like she was overreacting and Anna was an _adult_. But Dean knew his mom would react the same way if they were on a trip and he just disappeared. He tried to calm Mrs. Novak down.

"What if Balthazar went to go look for her? He knows the city pretty well," Dean suggested.

___"Everyone went out for breakfast. I told Inias I'd wait here for Anna. He replied by telling me I was being ridiculous, but..."_ _ _

___"Okay, what if - wait _everyone _left for breakfast? What about me and Cas? You know we eat, too," Dean half joked but still found it odd that him and Cas were left behind. Everyone usually went out together._ _ ___

____"Oh, um," Hester smiled a little, "Michael came by to get you, but you wouldn't answer the door."_ _ _ _

____"Oh," Dean replied not really believing it. What? Did Cas's family not like him after all and decide to ditch him along with Cas? Dean tried to think of something he could've done to provoke such a reaction, but came up with none._ _ _ _

____"Then," Hester continued, "Gabriel barged into your room and...well, he decided you guys looked...comfortable and didn't want to wake you. He actually said something else, but I'm not repeating it."_ _ _ _

____Dean blushed remembering the position he had woken up in. He was never going to hear the end of it from Gabriel. Hester didn't meet his eyes and actually avoided looking at him at all. Dean suddenly became aware he was dressed in just a tee and boxers. His blush deepened._ _ _ _

____Dean rushed to escape the awkward atmosphere, "So, anyway, back to Anna?"_ _ _ _

____"Yes, I was actually hoping Castiel would go look for her. He knows the city better than I do."_ _ _ _

____Dean glanced back at the bedroom door with the adorable sleeping Cas behind it. He turned back to Hester, "Well, I could go look for her if you want?"_ _ _ _

____Hester looked at him with surprise, "Dean, I don't want to seem to be rude, but I don't know. You don't know the city that well. What if you got lost?"_ _ _ _

____Dean shrugged, "I know it well enough. Cas and I went out the other night and it feels like he's dragged me to every art museum in the city, anyway. I won't go that deep into the city, but it's better than sitting around worrying what happened, right?"_ _ _ _

____Hester gave him a grateful smile, "Do you want me to go with?"_ _ _ _

____"Nah, I'll be fine."_ _ _ _

____She pulled him into a hug, "Thank you, Dean."_ _ _ _

____Dean snuck back into their room and grabbed a pair of jeans off the floor, tugging them on. He grabbed his cell phone and with one last look over his shoulder at Cas walked out the door._ _ _ _

____\---_ _ _ _

____Castiel woke up to an empty bed feeling cold. Dean was no where in sight and the spot next to him wasn't even warm. Castiel checked the bathroom, but the light was off and the water wasn't running. Castiel got dressed and walked downstairs. He guessed Dean had gone down for breakfast and didn't feel like waking him._ _ _ _

____But Dean wasn't there, _no one_ was there. Where had everybody gone? Castiel sauntered around trying to find someone in this over-sized house. After what seemed like forever, he heard voices coming from the foyer. _ _ _ _

_____"Come on, Balthzy, that waitress-"_ _ _ _ _

_____Castiel turned the corner to find mostly everyone coming in, he assumed from breakfast. But he didn't see Dean. He looked for Anna to ask her, but she wasn't there either._ _ _ _ _

_____He walked over to Gabriel, "Is Dean with you?"_ _ _ _ _

_____Gabriel looked at him puzzled, "Um, no?"_ _ _ _ _

_____"Didn't you just come from breakfast, though?"_ _ _ _ _

_____"Yeah, but he didn't come with us. You two looked so damn intimate this morning, arms wrapped around each other, I didn't want to wake you," Gabriel winked._ _ _ _ _

_____Castiel blushed slightly, but was too worried to really care what his brother had seen. Where the hell had Dean gone?_ _ _ _ _

_____Gabriel caught on, "What? He wasn't there when you woke up?"_ _ _ _ _

_____"No."_ _ _ _ _

_____Gabriel thought for a minute, "Ask Mom, she didn't go with us. She wanted to wait for Anna."_ _ _ _ _

_____Castiel looked at him confused, "Anna? Why? Where's she gone?"_ _ _ _ _

_____Gabriel shrugged, "That's the thing, we don't know. She left after dinner last night, but hasn't come back. I told Mom not to worry, but you know how she is."_ _ _ _ _

_____Castiel nodded and went off to find his mother. After she explained where he was, Castiel's worry grew more. Of course Dean would think a few days out on the tourist area of Florence would be good enough to run a search party._ _ _ _ _

_____"Why didn't you wake me to go look? Dean has the worst sense of direction and would never ask someone for directions. He's probably lost somewhere in Florence by now."_ _ _ _ _

_____Hester waved her hand, "Castiel, honey, I'm sure he's fine."_ _ _ _ _

_____"When did he leave?"_ _ _ _ _

_____"Seven," Hester answered calmly as she folder clothes into her suitcase._ _ _ _ _

_____"It's nearly eight thirty!"_ _ _ _ _

_____Hester gave him a confused expression, "Castiel, it's fine. If they're not back by nine, we'll just depart later. It's our plane."_ _ _ _ _

_____Castiel rolled his eyes, "I'm not worried about the damn plane! How could you send someone who hasn't been in Florence for not even three days to go search the city for someone?"_ _ _ _ _

_____Hester was taken aback by Castiel's tone, "He offered. He said he wouldn't go deep in the city. Castiel, I know you're worried, but I'm sure he's fine. Call him if you don't believe me."_ _ _ _ _

_____Castiel pulled out his phone and dialed Dean's number. He probably was overreacting and if he was he was sure he got it from his mother. As it rang, though, Castiel's worry didn't lessen. The call went to voicemail. Something tugged at Castiel's stomach from inside and twisted unpleasantly. Something was wrong, he just knew it. Castiel tried Dean again. No answer. Once more. No answer._ _ _ _ _

_____"He's not answering," Castiel told his mother._ _ _ _ _

_____Hester looked up from her packing and looked worried for the first time. She walked over to Castiel, "Well, maybe he didn't take his phone?"_ _ _ _ _

_____Castiel shook his head. It hadn't been on the bedside table when he left the room._ _ _ _ _

_____"Well-"_ _ _ _ _

_____Hester was caught off by Castiel's phone ringing. He answered immediately with a wave of relief, "Dean, I was starting to worr-_ _ _ _ _

_____"Castiel!" Anna's voice cried on the other line._ _ _ _ _

_____"Anna?" Castiel felt his chest constrict at her voice._ _ _ _ _

_____"Castiel," Castiel could barely understand her between her broken sobs, "I-I'm so sorry, Castiel."_ _ _ _ _

_____"Anna, what's wrong? Did Dean find you? Are you okay?"_ _ _ _ _

_____"He-he - Castiel, this is all my fault," Anna continued to cry on the other line._ _ _ _ _

_____"Anna! Tell me what happened," Castiel tried to remain calm, but he just couldn't, not when Anna was talking like that._ _ _ _ _

_____"It's Dean," Anna tried to stable her breathing, "He's in the hospital. Cas, it doesn't look good."_ _ _ _ _

_____Castiel felt his heart stop and he was paralyzed as Anna spouted the address of the hospital. But as soon as she finished his phone fell to the floor and he sprinted for the front door. His mother called after him sounding panicked and asking what was going on, but he didn't stop. He found the keys on the table and not twenty seconds later he was pulling out of the driveway. He sped all the way to the hospital, probably breaking several laws. But he didn't care. All that bounced around his head was "It doesn't look good. It doesn't look good." over and over. Tears threatened to pour over as Castiel tried to tell himself Dean would be okay. Because if he wasn't, how would Castiel ever be?_ _ _ _ _

\--- Thirty Minutes Earlier---

Dean strolled down the sidewalk, wondering how he was ever going to find Anna in this big ass city. Dean didn't want to tell her mother, but maybe Anna had got laid last night and was just having a slow morning. Dean almost gave up and headed back to the car, when he caught a glimpse of red hair.

He backtracked and looked through the coffee shop window again. There she was, in a coffee shop with her head in her hands. Dean chuckled to himself before walking in.

He walked over to her table, "I can't believe I actually found you."

Anna looked up startled at him and winced at the movement. She groaned and put her head back in her arms on the table. Dean knew the look. She was hungover.

He sat down in the seat beside her and decided to tease her, "Oh, Anna-banana, you look like hell."

She didn't look up but flipped him off, "How did you find me? What are you even doing here?"

"Your mom," Dean stated simply.

"I'm a grown woman if I want to stay out all night I can."

"Yeah, I know. She knows that, too. She's just worried."

Anna ungraciously lifted her head up and dived into her coffee. Dean chuckled at her smeared makeup and barely combed hair. She glared at him.

"Someone got lucky last night," Dean wiggled his eyebrows at her.

Anna smiled, "I wasn't even going to drink that much, but then I met this guy and we hit it off. Oh my god, he was so flexible. He could-"

Dean put his hand up, "No, no, no, I don't want a detailed story."

Anna laughed, "Then, don't tease me, while I'm hungover."

"Your mother said you didn't drink."

"Not that much," Anna shrugged and added with a grin, "Usually."

Dean shook his head at what that smile implied, "Don't want to hear it. You're my boyfriend's sister. I don't want to hear about your sex life."

Anna rolled her eyes, "I was going to order something to eat. Want anything?"

Dean stood up, "Sure, just get me anything. I'm going to call Cas. He should be up by now. He's probably wondering where I am."

Anna walked to the counter, while Dean stepped outside. The sidewalk was more crowded now and loud, so Dean hovered near the edge of the store by an alley. He pulled his phone out, only for it to be snatched out of his hand.

Dean looked up angrily, "What the hell!?"

He was welcomed with a hard shove against the wall. Dean barley had time to understand what was happening before two fist socked him in the stomach. He doubled over and dropped to the floor. He couldn't breath and there were voices above him screaming something he didn't understand. Gravel flew at his face as well as kicks that felt like they were being directed at his whole body. Dean was usually a good fighter and he could probably kick these guys asses if he hadn't been caught off guard, but he was and now he was starting to see black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ooooooh, cliffhanger! :0 I had to do one at some point, guys.  
> If you ever have any questions or want to message me my tumblr is the same username as my ao3 account. Thank you for reading!:)


	10. Did true loves kiss wake you up?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't wait two weeks either, angels. I was just so excited and ended up writing a very long chapter for you guys. Well, here's a present, an extremely early update. Hope you like it!:)

"Castiel," Anna lightly touched his shoulder, "Gabe and I are going to get everyone coffee. Would you want some or anything else? Whatever it is, we'll get it. We know you don't want to leave him."

Castiel didn't look up at her and spoke in a slightly cracked voice, "Just a coffee."

Anna gave him a soft smile that he didn't see and walked out of the room with Gabriel. Castiel rested his arms on the edge of Dean's bed and layed his head on them, staring up at Dean. His heart beat monitor beeped behind him and the screen that showed his vitals said everything was okay, but nothing stopped Castiel's worry. Dean's body was covered in scrapes and bruises along with two cracked ribs and a broken leg. Nothing was fatal, though. Anna had just been hysterical at the sight of Dean when she found him. Castiel didn't see, but he could imagine and he tried not to. Dean may still lay unconscious, but the doctor said he didn't have any fractures in his skull, which had been a great relief. When Castiel had asked when he would wake up, the doctor pretty much just shrugged at him. So, there was Castiel, just waiting by Dean's bed for him to wake up, never leaving his side.

Michael walked in then and frowned at Castiel, "Castiel, I told you he will be okay. Stop staring at him like he might disappear."

Castiel didn't comment, but felt a slight ease at Michael's words. After Dean's doctor had checked him out, Castiel asked Michael to look over everything and make sure the doctor didn't miss anything. Castiel hadn't been trying to question the doctor, but Michael was the only doctor he'd put Dean's life in. Michael had said that the doctor had done a good job, though. 

Michael went and stood next to Castiel and shoved a sub sandwich in his face, "Eat something."

Castiel was going to reject it, when his stomach grumbled and he realized how hungry he was. He took the sandwich, "Thank you, Michael, for everything."

Michael waved his hand, "Don't worry about it. Dean's with you so he's like an extra brother and I look out for my brothers."

Castiel looked at him shocked, but smiled touched. Michael wasn't the kind of guy to outright show his feelings, he and Dean were similar in that sense. He usually showed he cared by expensive gifts and rarely anything else. Castiel didn't hear a lot of things like that from him, actual affection. Castiel just wished some of his siblings could at least show as much affection as him. Well, besides, Gabriel and Anna. They had really been the only ones Castiel thought actually cared about him beyond his ambitions in life. There was Samandriel, too, but he kept to himself. 

Michael sat in one of the chairs across the room and flipped threw a magazine, saying nothing else. His father was around here somewhere, but besides him, Michael, Gabe, and Anna, everyone else had gone back to Balthazar's after the first couple of hours. Although, Raphael had surprisingly stayed with Anna as she talked to the police. He had acted as a lawyer, demanding the attackers to be found and persecuted, but Castiel felt that that had been his way of showing support or at least he hoped. Raphael left after that along with everyone else. His mother told him she would have stayed, but she wanted to make arrangements for Dean to have a comfortable flight back home when he was released. She even called to inform Dean's boss he would probably need another week off. She had also offered to call the Winchesters, but Castiel felt he should do that. 

The call had been difficult to make, especially with Mary saying she was going to fly over. She had been so worried and in shock. It broke Castiel's heart he let her son get hurt like that. After he reassured her, though, that Dean was going to be fine and he would be home in a day or two, she calmed down. The call with was still ringing through Castiel's head.

"Well, I know he's in good hands over there. I trust you to take care of him, Castiel. You're real good for him, you know. He changed after he met you, he was _happier_. I thought he had given up, but you saved him. I can never thank you enough for that."

Castiel had replied in shock, "But I-I didn't do anything."

Castiel could practically hear Mary's smile, "Oh, but you did, though. Well, I'll let you go. Remember you can get some rest, too. Dean's not going to disappear from that hospital bed if you shut your eyes for a few minutes. I know you're just being a statue by his bed."

"Okay, Mary."

Mary chuckled, "You actually remembered to call me Mary? Thank God, that Mrs. Winchester manner was making me feel old. Anyway, watch over my boy and get some rest, Castiel. Love you, bye."

Castiel had smiled as the call ended, always feeling warm after talking to the Winchester matriarch. She was such a kind woman and had opened her arms and her home to Castiel when they first met. She showed him more love than his own mother did at times. It made Castiel feel even worse looking at Dean now. If he hadn't been selfish and dragged Dean out to Italy, he wouldn't be lying unconscious in a hospital bed right now and his mother wouldn't be worrying herself sick thousands of miles away. Castiel was going insane with guilt and his chest ached looking at Dean's beat body. How could he ever forgive himself for this? 

With his sandwich finished, Castiel returned back to his resting position at the edge of Dean's bed and decided to take Mary's advice. They had been here all day and the whole night. It was nearing one in the morning. Castiel's whole body felt tired as well as his mind. His eyes burned from unshed tears and his throat was sore from sobs he held back. He had never felt so worn out.

He told Michael, "Wake me up if the doctor comes in with more news."

Michael nodded at him, glad Castiel was finally resting. His little brother almost looked worse than Dean if you ignored the bruises. When he met Dean, he had thought he was just acting as a cover for Castiel to get their mother off Castiel's back about his nonexistent sex life. But after seeing them the past few days, there was no denying they cared deeply for each other. Michael had never seen anything like it. They didn't even touch that often, but their eyes spoke a thousand words. Michael had been in the same room with Kali and Gabriel fiercely making out in front of him and that had felt less awkward than Dean and Castiel just simply _looking_ at each other. It was ridiculous, but Michael was happy Castiel had found someone like Dean, nevertheless.

He remembered hearing about Dean years ago. How he had saved Castiel's car after the transmission went out and then Castiel ran into him at the university. They became friends and haven't separated since. Though, Michael hadn't met or known Dean back then, he saw the shift in Castiel. He picked his head up more and his stance was more relaxed. It was like he was finally comfortable in his own skin. Castiel was happier, he was content, and Michael knew it had to have been Dean that had unwound Castiel. Michael was thankful for Dean and if he covered the medical bill without telling anyone and said it was the insurance, who would notice?

Mr. Novak walked in, then, and glanced at Castiel with a sigh of relief, "Thank God, he finally went to sleep. Thought I was going to have to slip him something."

Michael chuckled, "Yes, hopefully he'll get in a few of hours."

Mr. Novak nodded in agreement and sat beside Michael. After a moment, he said what everyone was thinking, "Who would do this?"

Michael put his magazine down, "I don't know. They weren't mugging him. Dean still had his wallet on him."

Mr. Novak frowned, "Could it have been a hate crime? Some people saw Dean and Cas acting more intimate than friends would?"

"I don't know. Maybe? It feels like it's something else, though. Let's hope it was just something stupid like that and not something serious."

"Well, what else could it have been?"

Michael didn't answer his father, not wanting the man to release his wrath on the person he had in his mind. He just shrugged and looked back over at his little brother sleeping beside his hospitalized boyfriend. Michael wouldn't tell his father his suspicions, unless he had had evidence and even then, he would like to take the matter into his own hands. People didn't just mess with the Novaks and get away with it. His dad brought him up to protect his family and that he would.

Gabriel and Anna returned with the coffee, which Michael took grateful and put Castiel's aside for later. Then, Mr. Novak took Gabriel and Anna back to Balthazar's after. Michael offered to stay and watch over the two. 

\---

Dean woke up with his chest and his leg hurting like hell along with his head throbbing. He felt weak all over and there was something tugging at his wrist. He opened his eyes and was met with the blank walls and cold atmosphere of a hospital room. His right leg was wrapped in a cast on the bed. He looked to his left and saw Castiel sleeping on his arms besides Dean's waist. Dean sat up slightly and regretted it immediately as he was welcomed with pain everywhere.

It took Dean a moment to remember what had happened. Even then, he still didn't know what had actually happened. Some guys had attacked him for no damn reason and apparently beat the shit out of him if him lying in a hospital bed was proof enough. It annoyed Dean that the bastards had snuck up on him, if it had been a fair fight he was sure he would've kicked their asses and he wouldn't look half as bad as he probably did. 

Dean's eyes fell back on Castiel's ruffled hair and his exhausted face. Dean must've worried the hell out of him. He felt like shit for doing that to Cas. Dean reached out and ran his fingers through his hair. Castiel leaned into the touch like a cat. Dean chuckled at the analogy and was welcomed with a sharp pain in his chest. He must've broken a couple ribs if he guessed right. He let out a small gasp of pain and it was loud enough to wake Castiel.

"Dean?" Castiel looked at him with wide eyes.

"Sorry, Cas, didn't mean to wake you-"

Castiel stood up from his chair and threw his arms around Dean and buried his head in Dean's shoulder. Dean caught him and tried not to wince in pain as Castiel gripped him tightly. Dean patted his back and joked, "What? Do I look that bad? I wasn't going to die, Cas."

Castiel didn't respond but shook in Dean's arms. Dean's joking smile faded, "Cas?"

"Anna...she said that it didn't look good and you've been unconscious for almost a whole day," Castiel whispered so low Dean wouldn't have heard him if he wasn't right next to his ear, "I-I thought...Dean, I thought I lost you."

Dean leaned back and looked at Castiel's face. He had tears running down his face and he looked so broken. Dean couldn't stand it. He brought his hand to Cas's face and wiped away the tears with his thumb. He pulled him back into his arms and fell back against the pillow, dragging Cas with him nearly on top of him. Dean ignored the pain that followed, just focused on Cas. This time, Dean soothed Cas; a hand stroking his back and one in his hair. Dean spoke softly and kissed Castiel's hair, though Castiel could have imagined that part, "Cas, I'm not going anywhere. I promise."

Castiel lay there for a minute in Dean's arms and then he laughed, "Dean, I should be comforting _you_ not the other way around. I'm probably hurting you right now, aren't I?"

Dean shrugged, "I'm fine."

Castiel looked up and saw the lie in Dean's expression. He lept off of Dean as gently as he could. Dean looked regretful as Cas sat down in the chair and he groaned, "Cas, I'm not a freaking China doll."

"You fractured two ribs and have a broken leg."

Dean rolled his eyes, "That's nothing."

Castiel gave Dean doubtful eyes and then Michael walked back in with another coffee. He stopped in his step, "Oh, hey, Dean. Glad to see you up. Castiel was going out of his mind."

Dean glanced at Castiel who avoided his eyes, but he knew he had really freaked Castiel out. He settled his hand on his and squeezed it. Castiel smiled slightly.

Michael said, "I'll go tell the doctor you're awake," and walked back out the door.

Dean gazed at Castiel. His hair was a mess, his eye bags had eye bags, and his clothes were all wrinkled. It caused a pain in his chest that had nothing to do with the broken ribs, knowing he was the cause of Castiel's distress and sleep deprivation. 

Dean ran his thumb across Castiel's skin like Cas would do to him. But Cas didn't respond, he didn't even turn his hand up. 

Dean sighed and held out his hand palm up, "My hand's not broken, is it?"

Castiel interlocked their fingers and smirked playfully, "Dean, you're very clingy, you know that?"

Dean winked back at him. 

\---

The doctor said Dean could go home after another day. The police still had to come by and get his statement, anyway. Dean argued with Castiel about going back to Kansas, because he didn't want to ruin the traditional Novak vacation.

"Dean, don't worry about it. You're not ruining anything. Michael's taking us back, then returning for the others. They're going to Rome, while they wait for him to come back with the plane," Castiel told him as Dean ate his disgusting lunch. Even in Italy, the hospital food sucked.

"Us?" Dean asked.

"Well, of course I'm going back with you. Who's going to take care of you?"

Dean rolled his eyes, "Cas, I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself. I don't need a babysitter."

Castiel raised his eyebrows, "Dean, you can't even walk."

Dean didn't respond, because he knew Cas had a point.

Castiel looked down at his hands in his lap, "Well, I understand if you don't want me to, but then you should at least go home to your parents if so."

Dean frowned, "Cas, no, that's not it. I just don't want you to feel obligated to."

"I don't."

Dean smiled, "Alright, then, I'm staying at the Cas Suite."

Castiel returned the smile and then Gabriel burst into the room then, "Hey, Sleeping Beauty! Did true loves kiss wake you up?"

Castiel and Dean both blushed. Gabriel just rolled his eyes and muttered something about them acting like a couple teenager girls with a crush.

"Hey, where's Anna? I haven't seen her," Dean asked then paused, considering something, "Wait, she didn't get hurt, too, did she? Is she okay?"

Castiel quickly assured Dean, "No, she's fine, Dean."

Dean sighed relieved, "Okay, then where is she? Still recovering from her hangover?"

Gabriel and Castiel exchanged a look that implied they knew something Dean didn't.

"What?" Dean asked.

Castiel sighed, "Anna,...thinks it's her fault you're in the hospital. I think she's scared to come and see you."

"What? That's ridiculous. It's not her fault. Give me my phone," Dean held out his hand.

"No can do, buddy," Gabriel said as he sunk into one of the chairs with a cooking magazine in hand, "Those assholes broke it."

"Well, tell her to come by," Dean looked at Castiel who pulled out his phone and sent off a text to Anna telling her Dean wanted to see her. She replied she'd be there in a while.

"Maybe she'll listen to you, because it's definitely not _her_ fault," Castiel sighed.

Dean frowned, guessing exactly what Castiel was thinking. But he didn't want to call him out on it with his brother in the room. 

"Hey, Gabe, do me a favor?" Dean called over to Gabe.

"What is it, Deano?"

"Think you can go get me some real food?" Dean gestured to his plate, "This taste like crap."

Gabriel nodded, taking the hint and walked out. As soon as he left, Dean looked at Castiel with raised eyebrows.

"What?" Castiel asked innocently.

"Cas, do you think this is _your_ fault?"

Castiel didn't answer and that was all the confirmation Dean needed. He let out a heavy breath.

"Cas, this isn't your fault. This isn't _anyone's_ fault, besides the assholes who attacked me."

"Well, I'm the one who dragged you out here, made you pretend to be something you're not and look where it's gotten you. You're in a hospital bed for Christ's sakes! How is this _not_ my fault?" Castiel stood up from his chair and turned to walk away, but Dean caught his wrist.

"Hey, you didn't make me do anything. I agreed to this, my own choices. You didn't know it would have me end up in the hospital. Come on, Cas. I don't blame you so don't blame yourself."

Castiel looked Dean in the eye and Dean met his gaze with a pleading look. Castiel sighed, giving in. Dean didn't need to be stressing over what was running through Castiel's mind, anyway. He still didn't think he could forgive himself, though. He sat back down and slipped his hand into Dean's nonchalantly.

Castiel stared at their interlocked fingers for a minute and then said without looking up, "When did this stop being -"

A knock on the door interrupted the question and they both looked up startled. Two officers stood there. Castiel let go of Dean's hand and walked over to greet them. He explained Dean didn't speak Italian and he would act as the translator.

They already knew this jest of the story, but they still needed to hear Dean's side of it. After Castiel relayed it to them, one of them asked, "Essi urlando a voi?"

Dean looked at Cas for translation and he said, "They're asking if the attackers were yelling at you."

Dean nodded and then they went through things they could have been saying to see if Dean recognized any of the words. It was still a free for all for why Dean had been attacked. The main thing they could do right now was determine whether it was random or not. They went through a list of racial slurs and then homophobic slurs, but Dean said none of it was familiar.

One of the officers sighed, "Quindi, questa non era una coincidenza. Sapevano chi erano attaccare. Vi è stato un bersaglio.."

Castiel frowned and Dean had a confused expression, "What?"

"They said the attackers probably knew who they were attacking. It was premeditated."

"But I don't even know anyone over here," Dean answered. What the hell was going on? Why would someone want to attack him? He hasn't done anything to provoke that sort of reaction. He hasn't even talked to anyone outside of the Novaks besides the bartender, Benny, back in Venice. 

Castiel stared off into the distance, "I know. That's why it's weird. Is there anyone back home who would want to hurt you?"

"Probably, but someone who would follow me all the way to fucking Italy? No."

Castiel nodded and said goodbye to the officers who promised to get back to them with any news. Castiel was just starting to feel better about this since Dean finally woke up, but now this happened. The worry that someone was going to hurt Dean was never going to go away until they caught them and it was eating away at Castiel. He didn't know what he could do to protect Dean. Though, Dean would probably argue he could handle it himself and he didn't need any guardian angel, Castiel couldn't help how he felt. He never wanted to see Dean beat up on a hospital bed knocked out unconscious ever again.

\---

An hour or so later, Anna finally came by with Raphael in tow. She looked at Dean with a sad face from the door, not stepping in. She had tear stains on her cheeks she hadn't bothered to wash away and she still had most of her hangover look, though she had brushed her hair.

Castiel stepped into the hall with Raphael to update him on what the cops had said since he was acting as a sort of legal adviser. Anna was left alone with Dean. She didn't move an inch from the closed door.

"Anna," Dean exclaimed exaggerated, "Come here."

Anna walked toward the bed tentatively, avoiding Dean's eyes. Dean patted a spot on the bed and she sat down. After a moment, she just mumbled, "I'm sorry, Dean."

"For what?"

She gave him an incredulous look, "This is my fault. If I had just gone back to Balthazar's you wouldn't have come to look for me and get your ass kicked."

"What's with you Novaks and your self guilt? Anna this isn't your fault. Don't blame yourself, it doesn't make any sense to. I don't blame you."

Anna nodded and gave him a small smile, but then it slipped, "Wait? Novaks? Does Castiel blame himself?"

Dean nodded, "I talked to him about it, but I don't know if I changed his mind or not. Castiel's pretty stubborn."

Anna gave him a sympathetic look, "He was pretty torn up about it, you know? I've never seen Castiel like that."

"Yeah, I know."

Anna shook her head, "No, I don't think you do. When I found you, Dean, it was _bad_. There was blood everywhere and you were unconscious. You looked like hell. Dean, I didn't know if you were even going to pull through. That sounds dramatic, but that's what it looked like. I didn't know what had happened.

Castiel, he- he was pale and shaking when he arrived at the hospital. Then, he had to go through all this bullshit of he wasn't _family_ so he didn't have access to what was going on with you. He was so angry that they wouldn't even tell him if you were going to be okay or not. He was so...broken, Dean, like his usual calm facade just shattered. He wouldn't even talk to anyone. He just asked me if I had seen who did it and when I told him no, he went back to pacing in the waiting room. When the doctor finally told him you were going to make it and it wasn't even that bad, he," Anna chuckled, "he got Michael to double check him. The expression on the doc's face was priceless you should have seen it. Then, Castiel had to call your mom and tell her. And if that wasn't hard enough, she had to call and like give permission or something for us to stay with you after visiting hours. I don't know exactly how that worked, but she got us approved.

Castiel, he's been through hell and back. It took forever for him to fall asleep and he wouldn't eat anything either. Nothing we said eased his worries, not even Michael. In his mind all he could think about was that you were still unconscious and there was no certainty you were even going to wake up. Dean, you mean a lot to my little brother. Whatever it is you two have going on here, don't fuck it up."

Dean nodded slowly in shock after everything he had heard, "Yeah, Anna, I won't."

She smiled, "Good, because I'd have to kick your ass if you did."

Dean held up his hands, "And I wouldn't blame you."

Anna laughed lightly as Castiel walked back in, "What's so funny?"

Anna got off the bed, "Oh, nothing."

Castiel narrowed his eyes at her, but didn't comment. Anna smiled at him innocently and then ran off to find where Raphael had gone. Castiel walked back over to Dean's bed and sat down. 

"When do I get this cast off?" Dean groaned after a few seconds, glaring at his leg. The damn thing was annoying. He couldn't walk without crutches and then he'd have to keep those with him everywhere he went. The whole thing was such a pain.

Castiel chuckled, "Just over a month, Dean. The doctor said it wasn't that bad of a fracture, so it's not that long."

Dean groaned again falling back on his pillow, "How in the hell am I supposed to work?"

"Bobby gave you another week off and when I talked to him he said you could work behind a desk or something, doing paper work."

"Paper work?" Dean cringed.

"Yes, Dean. What else are you supposed to do? You can't work on cars with just one leg."

"Dammit, now I'm pissed. When they find these bastards, I'm beating them to a pulp."

Castiel rolled his eyes. Dean would be more upset over not being able to work than actually being attacked. Castiel guessed it was better than him wanting to go and find them and kick their asses, though. If he did, it'd be hell to convince him to just rest and stay still. It had been hard for Castiel to just sit here while they were still out there, but he didn't have any leads at the time and Dean needed him here. Castiel had never seen so much red before. He had been so overwhelmed with all the emotions earlier; anger, despair, worry, hope, sadness, fatigue. They were in more sorts now, though. Castiel let his anger ease, because they would pay for what they did to Dean, he'd make sure of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Castiel translates for Dean and he's pretty on the spot about it so I didn't feel the need to include a translators note.
> 
> Haha, so I was doing french hw and forgot to switch it to Italian on the translator. But I've fixed it, now. Thanks for the heads up xxemiliahxx! Omc, I'm so embarrassed. Sorry, about that guys! I totally goofed, please forgive me!


	11. Would you say today is someday?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a tad late, so I apologize, but hey, it's kinda long, so makes up for it, right? Thank you, my lovely readers, for always reading and leaving such awesome comments. Ya'll make my day! :) Hope ya'll like the new chap!

Castiel was exiting an interview with an art curator, when his phone started ringing. He pulled it out right away, always on alert in case it was Dean needing something, but the caller ID read Sam. 

"Hello, Sam," Castiel answered.

"Hey, Cas," Sam's distracted voice came from the other end, "How are you doing?"

"A bit exhausted, honestly," Castiel sighed unlocking his car, "I haven't talked to you in a while. It's good to hear from you, though. How are you?"

"Well," Sam paused for a moment, "Actually, I'm in town. Thought I'd come check on Dean. But I used the key he gave me and no one's home. You know where he is? He shouldn't be out in his condition."

"Oh," Castiel felt awkward, "He's, uh, at my place."

"Oh," Sam said surprised, "I hadn't thought of that. So, what? You playing doctor, Cas?" Sam laughed at the end and Castiel felt his cheeks redden at the implication even though, Sam couldn't possibly see him.

Castiel chuckled along awkwardly, "Guess so. Hey, how about you meet me at the cafe by my apartment? You know the place? Then, we'll go check up on Dean."

"Sure," Sam agreed, but Castiel could hear him wondering why, "See you in a few."

Castiel had to tell Sam. He couldn't make Dean lie to his own brother, trying to keep up with what Castiel had thrown him into. He knew the boys didn't keep many secrets from each other and that this one would kill Dean. Castiel figured telling Sam would be extremely awkward, but he was sometimes pretty awkward himself.

\---

Sam listened to Castiel's explanation with a nodding head. He had been really quiet through the whole thing, which had put Castiel on edge. He said he understood why they did it, though he wished his mom hadn't been told. Dean probably hated lying to her just as much. Castiel's guilt grew more. But Sam smiled and ignored Castiel's apologies, though, there was still something off. It seemed like something was nagging at the back of Sam's head, but he wasn't going to tell Castiel.

Castiel walked into his room with a trailing Sam behind him to find Dean curled up in his bed, well, as much as he could with his casted leg. 

"His pain meds make him really drowsy," Castiel explained as it was five in the afternoon.

He walked over to Dean and shook his shoulder lightly, "Dean, Sam's here." 

After more shaking, Dean woke up groggily, but immediately brightened when he saw Sam, "Sammy, what the hell you doing here?"

"Hey, Dean. Thought I'd come check on you. God, you can't even leave the country without getting in a fight?" Sam joked with a smirk.

Dean glared at him, but it was only half-hearted, "Shuttup, bitch."

"Jerk," Sam instantly responded.

Castiel smiled at the brothers bickering, before asking Dean, "What do you want for dinner?"

"Are you going to try and cook again?" Dean gave Castiel a scared face and Sam chuckled as he fell into the desk chair. It was almost ridiculous how incredibly small it looked under him.

Castiel rolled his eyes, "That soup was _fine_ , Dean."

Dean raised his eyebrows, "Really, Cas? It was burnt. How do you even burn soup?"

"No, it _wasn't_ ," Castiel argued for what felt like the billionth time. He had tried the soup and it had tasted fine to him. Totally not _burnt_. "Whatever, I'm going to go get something. Sam, do you want anything?"

Sam shook his head with an amused grin and Castiel walked out of the room with his trench coat flying behind him. Dean turned to Sam with a serious look, "Dude, it was burnt. I can't believe he burned soup. I'm starting to doubt if he can even make cereal."

Sam laughed, "It couldn't have been that _bad_."

"Oh, no, it was," Dean shook his head, "This is why I always cook. He'd end up poisoning us both."

Sam held back a grin. Did Dean even hear himself? He was saying in their _relationship_ , Dean was the cook. It was like something a couple would do; argue over who had what role. Of course, Dean was still under the assumption Sam thought they were dating, but Sam had a feeling Dean wasn't even trying to play that up. Sam had been really happy to hear these two had gotten their heads out of their asses and then to hear it wasn't real? Well, Sam had had enough and he was going to have to do something about it himself if. He was tired of the unresolved sexual tension every time he visited. If he couldn't all but throw them in the closet together and wait for them to come out, he could at least push a little.

"Was that the first time he cooked for you?" Sam asked.

"Nah, he's attempted before. He tried to make burgers once, and," Dean chuckled, "well, we had to call the fire department."

"At least he's trying, that's sweet of him, right? To cook for you and take care of you?" Sam tried to keep a straight face. If he was going to do this, he had to act like Dean would expect him to.

Dean gave him a weird look, "What're you? A twelve year old girl?" But Sam saw the slight tinge of pink that he was aiming for.

"Dean, you don't have to be embarrassed to talk about things like that," Sam stood up and strolled around the room looking at all the paintings on the walls. He noticed a common theme in all of them, but he wasn't going to comment on it at the moment. But he'd be sure to tell Cas someday.

Dean didn't respond and Sam casually asked, "When did you guys even get together? Before you went on vacation I thought you guys were just friends."

"U-uh," Dean stuttered, but stuck with what he had told Balthazar, "Three months ago." 

Sam glanced at his brother who avoided his eyes. Sam held back a smirk. "So," he continued, "How'd it happen? Have you always had a thing for Cas?"

"Sam," Dean groaned, "What's with the chick talk?"

Sam shrugged innocently, "Come on, Dean. You're my brother and Cas is my friend, too. I just want to know what happened. Can you blame me? I mean this was kind of sprung on us."

Dean sighed, "Yeah, I know."

"So?" Sam pushed, enjoying himself a little too much.

Dean glared, but told him anyway, "Well, Cas has been my best friend for years now and - well, I don't know when I started seeing him differently really. I don't think it was recently, but - yeah, I guess it has been a while."

Sam listened quietly, now sitting at the edge of the bed by Dean's feet. Sam knew Dean pretty well and could tell when he was lying, but his face was openly honest. Sam guessed that after having to fake it, Dean had finally realized his feelings or at least acknowledged them. But from the looks of it, he hadn't done anything about it.

Dean continued, "His family, they decided it was about time for Cas to get into a relationship. Crazy, right? We're only 23 and they're already considering beneficial in-laws. Anyway, it seemed like Cas was going out on dates every weekend. These guys he got set up with were all these snooty doctors and lawyers that took him out to the most expensive restaurants in town. Seriously, Sammy, these guys that came and picked him up were - "

Dean cut off at Sam's grin and lamely finished, "Long story short, I got jealous and took him out myself."

"So, are you guys all good? Isn't it weird changing the relationship suddenly like that?"

"Well," Dean thought for a minute about all that had happened in the past week, how it had been acting in front of the Novaks, how _easy_ it had been. "You'd think so, but not really. It just seemed...natural, I guess? Like nothing had changed really just...certain things. But yeah, we're good."

Sam nodded and reached for a sketchpad that was on the floor curiously. He must've knocked it over earlier and not noticed since all the others were stacked neatly in piles around them. The sketchpad was spread wide open.

"Sammy, don't. That's Cas's -," Dean tried to reach for Sam and snatch it away, but the quick movement caused a pain in his chest. He took a sharp breath and Sam looked at him worried.

"You okay?"

"Yeah," Dean leaned back into the mountain of pillows behind him, "Just put that back."

Sam stood up, staring at the page that it was opened to. His mouth dropped a little in awe and then he smiled. Castiel really was an amazing artist and he really captured it perfectly. It was beautiful all the little details Cas had managed to catch. Sam was surprised it wasn't a photograph. 

When Sam didn't put the sketch pad away, Dean said, "Sammy, those sketch pads are Cas's personal stuff. Don't look through them."

"Okay, okay," Sam raised his hands in surrender and closed the book setting it on the dresser, "Geez, you sure are protective."

Dean rolled his eyes, but didn't comment. He was curious as to what was in those books even more now, though. What had it been to make Sam smile like that? It wasn't a fucking bowl of fruit, so what was it? He had ignored his curiosity over the years, telling himself it wasn't any of his business, but damn if it wasn't itching at his mind.

After a moment, Dean just asked, "Hey, uh, so, what was it? In the sketch pad?"

Sam raised his eyebrows, "What happened to privacy?"

Dean glared at him. His brother had to argue with him about everything, didn't he?

"What? Cas doesn't even show _you_ them?"

"No," Dean looked down at the rumpled sheets.

"Well, I saw -," Sam paused at the insane look in Dean's eyes that were dripping in curiousity and decided against telling him. It had been a while since he had something to hold over his brother and this was becoming fun. "Nah, you know what? I'm not gonna tell you. If Cas wants to show you, he'll show you."

"Bullshit, you're just not telling me to mess with me."

"Yeah, well, there's that, too," Sam grinned and Dean threw a pillow at him.

\---

Sam left a while after Castiel got back with an excuse of meeting up with Jess for dinner. He tried to leave quickly before Dean figured out Cas had told him the truth and murdered him for screwing with him. 

"Cas, you're being ridiculous," Dean said exasperated as Castiel put dozens of pillows under his leg.

"Dean, the doctor said to keep your leg elevated while you sleep and I don't have a recliner so this is the best we can do." 

Dean sighed. Castiel had got the feeling that Dean hated to be taken care of or pampered in any way. Of course, he didn't mind taking care of other people, but when it came to himself he'd rather be his own doctor. It was only the second day since they'd been back and Castiel could swear he had heard the phrases, "I'll be fine" , "It's fine" , and "I'm fine" at least fifty times. Then, there was Dean's constant protest of being stuck in bed all day with nothing to do. Castiel understood, but if it was only the second day and he was already complaining, then next week was going to be hell.

Castiel unzipped the suitcase he had used to bring some of Dean's things over while he stayed here, so he'd have some of his own things. Castiel held up DVD cases to Dean, "Since you won't stop whining about being bored, I brought your Dr. Sexy collection for you to watch." 

Dean took them from Castiel's hands with a grin, "You're awesome."

"And your infatuation with Dr. Sexy is bordering on obsessive," Castiel teased.

"Oh, shuttup, is not," Dean set the cases on the bedside table.

Castiel changed into something more comfortable, turned out the lights, and climbed into bed with Dean. They hadn't talked about it, continuing to share a bed when they didn't have to. The first night, hyped up on drugs, Dean had practically pulled Castiel down on to the bed with him. But Castiel didn't object. He was comfortable there, even though his bed was slightly smaller than the ones they had shared in Italy. It also put his mind at ease. If Dean needed something, he was only an arms length away and Castiel didn't have to worry.

They layed in the dark for a moment before Dean spoke softly, "Cas?"

"Yes, Dean?" Castiel looked over to Dean staring up at the ceiling.

"Thanks," Dean turned his head and gave Castiel a small smile, "for, uh, taking care of me."

"Of course," Castiel returned the smile and Dean snaked his hand into Castiel's under the sheets, playing with his fingers absent mindedly.

Dean looked back at the ceiling, the fan silently rotating, and then asked faintly, "But why?"

Castiel scrunched his eyebrows together, "Why what?"

"Why do you care?"

Dean met his eyes with a face that reminded Castiel of a frightened child as if he feared the answer, but still felt the need to ask. Castiel didn't know what kind of answers were running through Dean's head, but he assumed Dean was denying all the good ones. 

"Dean," Castiel stroked his thumb across Dean's skin, "People don't need reasons to care about each other, they just _do_."

It was true. There wasn't any specific reasons as to why Dean made Castiel happy, why Castiel would do anything for him, why Dean made his heart stutter. But there was also _tons_ of reasons why. Castiel couldn't even bother to try and count them all. Dean was kind, compassionate, and caring. He was someone who had always been there for Castiel when he needed him. He was a man who, though couldn't find it in his heart to love himself, loved his family and friends with all he could. He was someone who didn't talk about his problems, but tried to help other people solve their's. He was one of the bravest and confident people Castiel knew. Castiel could go on forever, but the list would never end. He could never summarize why he loved Dean Winchester, just simply _that he did_ and he didn't need any justifications.

Dean's smile came back to his face and he looked like he was about to say something, but thought better of it. He just lightly squeezed Castiel's hand and mumbled, "You know I'd do the same for you, right?"

"I know."

\---

There was another loud ring and then, Dean muttered, "Dammit."

He turned and looked down at Cas, curled up against him like a cat. It was an amazing way to wake up. Castiel felt just right in his arms. He really didn't want to wake him, but he had to. His crutches were too far away for him to reach. It was starting to get really fucking annoying being disabled.

"Cas," Dean shook his shoulder with the arm that had somehow got wrapped around the sleeping man, "Hey, buddy, come on, get up."

Castiel stirred and when realized what position he was in, his cheeks tinted pink. He looked worriedly at Dean, "Oh, Dean, I, uh, I'm sorry. I don't know how- Did I hurt you?"

Dean gave him a confused expression and then chuckled, "What? No. Not that. Cas, you're phone is ringing. I can't exactly get up and get it, so..."

Castiel stared blankly at Dean, "My phone? You woke me up for my phone?"

"It won't stop ringing! Whoever it is has called like three times. How did it not wake you up?"

"I was having a good dream," Castiel mumbled rolling out of bed to get the ringing phone from his desk.

"Oh yeah? What about?"

Castiel looked away, "Nothing."

"Sure, Cas."

Castiel checked his phone, it was Michael.

"Michael?"

"Good morning, brother. Did I wake you?" Michael's deep voice answered.

"Not particularly. Did you need something?"

"Yes, well, the Florence PD called."

The blood in Castiel's veins ran cold, "They did? What did they say?"

"They caught the guys that put Dean in the hospital. A woman who owns a shop across the street saw the whole thing. I don't think Anna ever mentioned her. She ran over and waited with Anna for the medics. I don't think Anna knew she saw everything. She said she would testify if need be."

"Oh, well," Castiel scratched the back of his neck. He didn't really know what to think about it all right now. He didn't know exactly what happens next. He just blurted out, "What happens now? Are they talking? Why did they do it? Why-"

Michael cut him off, "Castiel, calm down. From what the police have told me, they're claiming it was a hate crime. Something about race. If Dean still wants to press charges, Raphael will represent him."

Castiel glanced at Dean, laying in his bed with a casted leg and a bedside table covered in medicine. Castiel could even still see some of the visible bruises that were now turning yellow. No, they were going to pay for doing this to Dean. 

"I'll tell him. But race? Really? I thought we ruled that out."

Michael sighed on the other line, "I know, it doesn't sound right to me either. I'll check more into it and get back with you."

Castiel dragged a hand down his face, "Okay. Thank you again, Michael."

"Of course. Goodbye, Castiel. Tell Dean I wish him well," Michael hung up.

Castiel held the phone to his ear for a moment after the line went dead, still processing. Dean waited silently behind him.

Castiel turned around and he didn't know what his expression looked like, but it made Dean's smile drop.

"Cas?" Dean reached for his hand and pulled him toward the bed.

Castiel dropped his hand and climbed back onto the bed, then retrieved it not thinking about it. Dean looked at him expectantly as Castiel sat crosslegged in front of him.

"They caught the guys," Castiel said bluntly.

"Oh," Dean's face turned relieved, "Then, what's with the face? Isn't this a good thing?"

"Yes, but..."

"What?"

"It's," Castiel avoided his eyes, not really wanting to drag Dean into his worries, "It's just they're saying it was because of race."

Dean nodded for Castiel to continue.

"But we ruled hate crime out and this just - it just doesn't feel _right_."

Dean tugged on Cas's hand and pulled him to come lay beside him, "Cas, don't worry about it. They're locked up, out of sight, out of mind."

Castiel's scrunched up face didn't falter, "But if someone put them up to it, then-"

"Cas," Dean put his hand on Cas's cheek and made him look at him, "No one's after me, okay? I thought that was weird in the first place for someone to go that far for just me. Don't. Worry. About. Me. I'll be fine."

Castiel didn't leave Dean's eyes as he brought his hand up and wrapped it around Dean's. Their hands dropped to Castiel's lap. Castiel looked down and quietly said, "I just don't want you to get hurt like this again."

Dean brought his other hand to Cas's face again and moved it to the back of Cas's head. He ran his fingers through Cas's hair and smiled at him as he looked back up at him, "I won't, Cas."

Castiel let out a deep breath, "Okay."

"So," Dean removed his hand from Cas's head, "can you do me a favor, Cas?"

Castiel nodded and in that moment he knew he'd do anything Dean asked him to.

"I would say stop worrying about me, but I know you aren't going to do that. So, watch a Dr. Sexy marathon with me?"

Castiel chuckled at the hope in Dean's eyes, "Yeah, alright. It's about time I see why you're so obsessed with him, anyway."

"Awesome," Dean leaned back and grabbed the DVD's. He handed them to Cas and added, "And I am _not_ obsessed."

After Castiel put the DVD's, he curled back up next to Dean. It was starting to get ridiculous how intimate they were becoming and still not talking about it. Castiel's head was about to explode with questions about what Dean was thinking when they held hands or what he felt when he woke up with Castiel in his arms. But Castiel held them back. For now.

\---

A third hour into their little marathon and Dean was sure he had never been so content before. He was sure over the past week he's thought that a lot of times, but it just kept getting better. Castiel had unabashedly cuddled back into his side with Dean's arm around him. They had just layed there all day still in their pajamas and only moved to get something to eat. It had to be the best lazy day, Dean had ever had. 

Questions were clawing at the back of Dean's head, though he tried to ignore them. Mainly, what were they even doing? What was their relationship anymore? The borders had all but been thrown out the window. It wasn't like after all they had been through the past week they could go back to "just friends", but they still hadn't actually acknowledged the change or step in their relationship. And Dean didn't know how to or even if he should. What if it shattered the moment? The fantasy they were living in? If it became awkward and that made it became a habit to make sure they weren't touching each other or acting overly friendly?

But what if it just got better? That was the thought that kept bouncing around in Dean's head the most. It sounded so tempting for this to get _better_ than it already was. Dean was sure he had fallen hard for Cas and he was happy being whatever Cas wanted him to be. But there was still that _craving_. Dean wanted to go further, wanted to be able to kiss Cas whenever he wanted, not just when they need to fake their relationship. He wanted Cas to be able to wake up in his arms and not feel the need to apologize and just snuggled deeper. Dean wanted more. He wanted _Cas_ and in every way he could get him.

Dean was sick of lying to everyone. The weird cycle that it was if he had to explain it to someone; lying about loving Cas, when he really wasn't lying, he was lying about lying. It was just really confusing to think about. He just wanted to be able to tell people about how he felt about the man in his arms without it having to be a cover. Dean hated how muddy the relationship was, wondering what was real and what wasn't. He wanted it be clear. 

As Dean was listing all of his wishes in his head, something occurred to him that had been bugging him. He looked down at Cas, who was now intently into the show, and tapped his arm to get his attention. Castiel tore his eyes away from the screen ( _Yeah, who was obsessed, now?_ ) and peered up at Dean.

"Would you say today is someday?" Dean asked.

Castiel scrunched his eyebrows, "What?"

"You said you'd show me someday and well, isn't today someday?" Dean knew his logic wasn't sound, but his curiosity was going to end up killing him eventually.

Castiel stared at him confused until he remembered, "Oh, well, yeah, in that sense, I guess it is someday."

Dean brightened, "So, you'll finally show me?"

Castiel chuckled at his enthusiasm, "I'll tell you what, you can see one journal."

Dean nodded, waiting for him to continue and give more restrictions.

"And you can pick any of them," Castiel gestured around them where there was stack after of journals. Dean found it hard to get around the room sometimes, there was so many, and that was before he was on crutches.

Dean looked around, trying to remember where Sam had put the book he had looked at, but he couldn't, there were just too many. Dean felt slight anxiety at having to choose, knowing he'd probably never pick one of the really good ones with his luck. 

"Okay, but if I pick one you don't want me to see, just say so," Dean said before he pointed at the stack that was on the right side of the window. 

Castiel nodded and crawled out of Dean's arms. He walked over to the stack, "Alright, which?" The stack was about probably around thirty journals.

"The second one?" Dean asked.

Castiel grabbed it, not even knowing himself what was inside, and handed it to Dean. 

Before turning the corner, Dean asked once more, "Is this one alright?"

Castiel shrugged, "I don't even remember what's inside that one, but I'm honestly fine with you looking through all of them."

"Then, why just one?"

Castiel smirked, "To watch you go insane with your curiosity."

Dean glared at him half-heartedly, "You're evil."

Castiel laughed climbing back into the bed next to Dean. He turned his attention back to the screen, not watching Dean's reaction. He knew he was tossing the coin in the air about what could be inside, but he was at the point where he'd let the universe decide.

Dean turned the cover and felt his heart almost stop at the image. 

\---

The small blonde woman frowned, "Lei ha affermato che la polizia ha inviato?"

He smiled a charming grin he had learned to perfect over the years, "Sto lavorando con loro su questo caso. Ora, mi può dire esattamente ciò che hai sentito?"

"Si," the woman looked up at him with her dustcloth still in hand, "Essi erano molto forti. Stavano dicendo qualcosa di simile..."

She narrowed her eyes trying to remember, "Qualcosa per stare lontano da lui. Sembrava un amore quarrell effettivamente. Qualcuno geloso di qualcun altro. Mi dispiace non posso essere più specifico."

He smiled at her, "No, lei ha aiutato molto. La ringrazio. Buona giornata."

He stepped out of the small store and walked north, knowing exactly who he was going to go and see.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TN: Lei ha affermato che la polizia ha inviato? - You said the police sent you?
> 
> Sto lavorando con loro su questo caso. Ora, mi può dire esattamente ciò che hai sentito? - I'm working with them on this case. Now, can you tell me what exactly you heard?" 
> 
> Si, Essi erano molto forti. Stavano dicendo qualcosa di simile... - Yes, well, they were very loud. They were saying something like...
> 
> Qualcosa per stare lontano da lui. Sembrava un amore quarrell effettivamente. Qualcuno geloso di qualcun altro. Mi dispiace non posso essere più specifico - Something about staying away from him. It sounded like a love quarrel actually. Somebody jealous about someone else. I'm sorry I can't be more specific
> 
> No, lei ha aiutato molto. La ringrazio. Buona giornata. - No, you have helped a lot. Thank you. Have a good day.
> 
> Sorry, this chap was more of a filler and not that exciting, but hoped ya'll still enjoyed it. Like always, I may have messed up, so call me out if I did. And thank you for reading and commenting, angels! I love you all! :)


	12. Nah, no death wish, just in love

"Cas, this is - is this what I think it is?" Dean couldn't take his off the page. The image was just so captivating and _amazing_. Goddamn, Cas could _draw_.

Castiel glanced at the page and inwardly breathed a sigh of relief, then chuckled, "Wow, that is _old_. I really need to organize these."

"Is this what you were doing that first night? When I begged you to come in, but you refused to even though it was nearing midnight and you were on my back porch in pajamas in the middle of December?" Dean tore his eyes away and smiled at Cas.

Castiel paused the DVD and met Dean's eyes, "I just - it was a very overwhelming day."

Dean nodded knowing Cas's comfort in any uncomfortable situation was art, but then something clicked and his stomach dropped, "Wait, did you - did you not want to be there? I know I kind of dragged you, but I thought..."

"No, it wasn't like that, Dean," Castiel quickly reassured Dean, a stabbing pain in his chest at the hurt on Dean's face. "It was the first time meeting your family and...there was just so many people and it was...different. Different from how my family is. Mary asked what? One question about how school was and then moved on to more personal things? More light-hearted things? While, in mine, that would've been all that was said. Your family - Winchesters, Singers, and Harvelles, everyone - they all just - I don't know? Cared? It might sound harsh saying that my family doesn't. They do, I just don't think it goes as deep. I - being at your house, that night, I learned the difference between a house and a _home_ ," Castiel finished with a breath.

Dean felt so much emotion in what Cas had just said and damn, he wanted to kiss him so bad and make sure he never felt like that ever again. Cas had told him over the years, or more _hinted_ at what kind of family he grew up in, but he had never described it to Dean like that before. It pulled at something inside of him, thinking about what kind of house Cas had to come back to when he was a kid. A cold house with people running in every which way and only giving Cas attention by throwing books at him. It was no wonder he had been so introverted when Dean had first met him, sure he still was, but it wasn't as bad. 

Dean beat his lust down and settled for resting his hand over Cas's. He didn't say anything, but he also knew he didn't have to. Anything that needed to be said was in that simple touch. Dean looked back down at the drawing, wanting to run his thumb across the indentions of the pencil, but knowing he'd ruin it if he did. 

It was a tree, just a tree. In theory, such a basic idea, but Cas had made it so much more than that. The tree, itself, was detailed and beautiful. Then, Dean had realized it was the tree in his backyard, the one he had grown up with. It was almost ridiculous, to be able to actually recognize a tree, but it was that tree. Cas had caught every little detail; the way the branches curved, the deformity of the trunk, and even initials Dean's dad had carved into it when the newlywed Winchesters had moved in. Then, there were the additions Cas had made. Sitting on a branch was a small child, resembling Dean, and a smaller Sam climbing up the tree to reach Dean.

"Hey," Dean cleared his throat, "Can I have this?"

Castiel looked at him surprised, "You want it?"

"If that's okay?" Dean asked unsure.

Castiel nodded, "Yeah, sure."

Dean sat the spiral aside on the bedside dresser and wrapped his arm back around Cas. Castiel unpaused their marathon and they snuggled back into each other.

\---

"Michael?" Balthazar opened the door to a stone faced Novak.

Michael plastered his charming smile on his face, which made Balthazar even more intimidated, "Hello, Balthazar. You weren't busy were you?"

"Uh, no," Batlhazar stepped aside and let the Novak in.

Michael didn't beat around the bush, "It was you, wasn't it?"

"Me what?" Batlhazar looked at him confused.

"Who set those _thugs_ on Dean," Michael answered with a cold stare.

Balthazar laughed, "Sure, that was me. Come on, Michael, let's have a cup of tea or something. You seem on edge."

Balthazar made a move to walk away, but Michael didn't budge, "Balthazar, I'm serious."

"Oh, come off it, Michael," Balthazar groaned, but Michael didn't smile, "You've got to be joking. It was _not_ me. Why the hell would I do that?"

Michael narrowed his eyes, "Balthazar, you are not as subtle as you think you may be. I know you have feelings for my little brother."

Balthazar sighed and his shoulders dropped, "Okay, well, whether or not that's true. I still did not set anyone on Dean. I'm not that much of an ass and I know how to deal with not getting what I want. _Healthily_ , I might add. I most certainly wouldn't attack the other man. Who the hell does that?"

Michael studied Balthazar trying to find a lie in his features, but he seemed to be telling the truth. Michael raised his eyebrows, "Then, who did it?"

Balthazar threw his arms in the air, "Hell, if I know! Why don't you ask the dicks who actually did it?"

"They're not talking, just lying and saying it was a hate crime."

Balthazar gave him a pointed look, "Then, _make_ them talk."

\---

A month later and Dean's cast was finally off and he was mobile again. He thanked God for being released from paperwork. It had to have been the most excruciatingly boring job he had ever had. He, also, got to go back to driving his Baby. He appreciated Cas driving him around, but the Impala was so much better than that pimp mobile Cas drove. One thing he did miss, though, was the excuse to be around Cas all hours of the day and staying at his apartment. He had gotten into the routine, though, of still sleeping at Cas's, when it was late and he didn't want to drive back to his place. Which happened a lot and had nothing to do with the fact that Dean just didn't want to go back to his lonely apartment. 

Dean was laying under a 1972 Chevy Camaro, feeling completely in his element, when Jo cornered him. She had always been a good friend of the family, and was really family herself, and a couple years ago had started working with him at Bobby's. 

"So," she said beside him working on a car in the empty garage, "You and Cas, huh?"

Dean was so surprised he almost dropped the wrench onto his face, "What?"

He heard her sigh at his dramatics, "My mom told me."

"And how does she know?" Dean asked, because this lie was starting to get a little out of hand was becoming an understatement.

"Your mom," she answered simply.

When Dean didn't respond any further than, "Oh," Jo groaned, "So? Come on, Dean!"

"So, what?"

"Isn't this a big deal?"

Yeah, in Dean's mind, it kind of was, well if it were real. But he couldn't imagine why it mattered to anyone else. "Why do you care?"

Jo pulled Dean by his legs out from under the muscle car and gave him an annoyed look, " _Because_ you two have been in love with each other for _years_. Your family and friends were about to die from all the unresolved sexual tension."

Dean felt his cheeks redden and he pushed himself back under the car, "I don't know what you're talking about. We just got together a few months ago."

Jo laughed and Dean heard her boots walk back to her own car, "Yeah, sure, like you two haven't been dancing around each other forever."

Dean gave in, because if he knew Jo, he knew she wouldn't shuttup without him giving her something, "Okay, maybe I've liked him for a while, but we - Cas - he didn't feel that way until...recently. I don't know what you mean by dancing."

Jo snorted, "Sure, he did."

Dean's heart skipped, but he tried to focus on his work and ignored her. There was only the sound of the metal clinking in the garage for a few minutes, before Jo asked softer than before, "Did you really not notice?"

"What?"

"Dean, are you always this slow? Or is it just when you're talking about feelings?" Dean could almost hear the smirk in he voice.

"You're slow," he retorted lamely.

Jo chuckled and then, said seriously, "The way he looked at you, the way he always edged closer to you, how protective he was of you."

"Protective?" Dean asked, because Jo was imagining things and he was sure that there wasn't an instance where she could have gotten that from.

"Yeah, don't you remember that frat party we went to a year or so ago? And Dick trying to start shit with you? And Cas stepping in front of you? It was so romantic, it was like it was straight out of a chick flick."

"Hey, don't ever compare my life to a chick flick," Dean worked slower on the car, remembering the party. He hadn't really thought much about it then, just that was what friends did for each other.

"Apologies," Jo said sarcastically, then went on, "Anyway, what I was trying to get at is that Cas has been in love with you probably since he met you and you're an idiot for never noticing it. Because it was obvious as hell to everyone else."

Dean lowered his hands from the car above him and thought about what Jo was saying. Cas _in love_ with him? It was hard to belive Cas had such low standards. But it still made his stomach flip and a wide grin come to his face just thinking about it. Cas - he was just - well, Dean didn't even know where to begin, because any word wouldn't be enough. Cas's eye crinkling smile flashed through his mind and Dean felt his heart melt. He thought about blue eyes that made him feel at home. He thought about Cas's calloused but soft hands in his. Sleeping next to him, not even _with_ him, just _beside_ him. It had been the best nights of his life, the best sleep he ever had, with Cas near, he had slept peacefully, and God knows that didn't happen often. Falling in love with Cas had been easy, but the other way around didn't make much sense to Dean.

"You deserve him, you know," Jo said so on spot that Dean wondered if had been thinking aloud.

When Dean didn't comment, she sighed, "Dean, ignore the self-hatred for once, and just - just let yourself have this. Let yourself have _happiness_."

Dean felt something catch in his throat, but he cleared it, "What's with all the mushy crap? Are we gonna paint each other's toenails?"

"Sure, if you want, but if you're thinking blue, I don't think it suits your skin tone," Jo replied.

\---

Dean drove down Yellow St. towards Cas's with what Jo had said bouncing around in his head. _Let yourself have this._ Dean didn't know why a part of him wanted to argue against her, but he tried to fight it down. Because what the hell? Why not? Why not be happy? There were reasons, he was sure, that he had told himself as to why he had held back his feelings, but he couldn't remember any of them. And if he did, well, the pros seemed to be outweighing the cons. Dean felt a small pit of excitement rising up, but like in Italy, he had no idea what he was going to do, no plan, just that he needed to see Cas. 

The feeling soon drowned, though, when he was a few blocks away and saw it. Black thick curling smoke ripping through the evening sky. His throat closed up and he tried to remember how to breathe. His skin went cold and his heart stopped as a threatening image flashed through his mind.

No. _No._ It wasn't - it couldn't be. Dean was just overreacting. He told himself over and over _It's not Cas. It's not Cas._ He willed himself to believe it, but pressed more on the gas pedal, nonetheless. 

Dean's anxiety didn't lessen as he got closer to Cas's and still hadn't passed the fire. He finally turned down Cas's street to find a dozen cars and firetrucks outside of Cas's apartment building. He could hear the fire crackling in his ears as it screamed from the third floor of the building, right where Cas's apartment would be. Dean tried to remember to breathe. _No._

Dean pulled over so fast, the tires screeched against the pavement, and he tumbled out of the car. He pushed through the dozens of people that were standing awe struck behind the line the firefighters had put up. He searched the crowd as he went, but Cas wasn't in sight. Dean's heart rate picked up. _Dammit._

When Dean reached the tape, he hoped over it, ignoring the man who yelled after him. He went straight for a man in a yellow jacket. He grabbed his arm and spun him around, "Is everyone out?"

The older man looked at him with worry etched into his wrinkles, "N-no, well, we're not sure. We evacuated everyone, but where the fire started - well, no one's come out, but we don't even know if anyone's even in there."

Dean's heart stopped, "Cas."

The man's tone turned urgent, "You know who's in there? Are you sure they're in there?"

"He - he," Dean tried to think, but he felt like he wasn't going to be sick, "He's supposed to be home. He wouldn't be anywhere else."

The man nodded and called over another firefighter, "Henricksen, there's someone still in there. At the origin."

Henricksen gave his boss wide eyes, "Sir, we can't go in there. It's about to collapse."

Dean grabbed the guy's coat in his fist, "What do you mean you can't go in there!? He's still in there! Isn't it your job to save him!?"

The older man pulled Dean off of the guy, "Sir, I'm sorry, but we have protocol. I can't send my men in there, when it's this risky."

"Well, I'm not gonna let him die. I don't care if I die trying, I'm going to get him out of there if it's the last thing I do," Dean's voice turned steady and serious. 

Dean turned on his heels and sprinted toward the burning building with the firefighters chasing after him, trying to stop him. But once Dean was through the door, they stopped their pursuit. The first floor seemed unaffected besides the insane heat and the smoke coming down from the stairs. Dean shielded his face with his arm and climbed the stairs praying to whoever was listening that this wasn't a suicide mission.

When he finally reached the third floor, it was hell. Down the hall, he could see Cas's door swung open, and the charcoal smoke had filtered through the air. The fire had started to eat away at the surrounding walls and the ceiling was cracking. The fire was licking at the walls and climbing up them. The building was going to collapse at any moment. Dean's lungs burned and he kept his head low. The heat stung at his eyes as he tried to keep them open.

Cas's apartment had definitely been the center. When Dean trudged through the door, the extreme heat made him dizzy. He took off his jacket and held it to his mouth as he navigated around the furniture that was burning away and the floor that was about to give out. 

"Cas!?" Dean called and his only response was a beam falling ten feet from him. In his jump away from it he cut his leg on a large piece of hardrock.

"Dammit," he muttered. He pressed his palm on the wound and came away with blood. He ignored the pain and carried on. He didn't need this right now. He needed to find Cas.

He ran toward Cas's bedroom door and wrapped the jacket around the knob, but it was stilll scalding hot. He finally broke through the door and saw papers flying through the air. The fire had struck through the ceiling and to the next floor. It had taken over half of the room already. 

"Cas!?" Dean called panicked as he flinched away from the flames. There was still no response.

Then, he saw a small figure on the other side of the bed. He rushed toward it. It was Cas, passed out on the floor. Dean breathed a sigh of relief.

Dean picked him up into his arms as the flames swallowed the room around them, "Cas, wake up." He checked his pulse, it was still beating, but he was barely breathing.

Castiel didn't move and Dean shook him desperatley, "Cas, come on, _please_." He didn't think he had the strength to carry him out of there. He had to wake up.

Castiel stayed still in his arms, "No, no, no, Cas. Don't do this to me."

Tears burned at his eyes as he chocked on the smoke that was cloaking them, "Cas, please."

He ran his fingers through Cas's hair, "I need you, Cas. Please, wake up." 

The ceiling collapsed onto the bed and Dean shielded Cas's limp body from the flying debris. The dying building around them creaked and moaned. Dean looked at the window above them that lead to the fire escape. He wasn't sure if he could carry Cas out of here, but damn him if wasn't going to try. He leaned Cas against the wall and tugged at the window. The metal scalded him and he recoiled. Dean looked around the room and grabbed the lamp from the bedside table. He banged it against the glass until it shattered and cleared away the shards as best he could. 

Dean knelt beside Cas with his leg throbbing in protest. He picked Cas up into his arms and pushed him through the window as gently as he could without Cas getting cut by the broken glass. Cas's body fell to the floor of the escape and Dean winced hoping he hadn't hurt him somehow. Dean followed him through the window, scrapping his arm in his haste. The air outside was a relief and Dean breathed it in feeling his chest ache at the smoke that had burned his lungs.

Dean turned to Cas and saw him coughing. Dean quickly knelt beside him, "Cas?"

Cas slowly opened his eyes, coughing violently, "D-Dean?"

Dean grinned, "Yeah, it's your knight in shinning armor. Come on, can you stand up?"

Castiel gripped Dean's sleeve as Dean helped him up. Castiel breathed heavily and leaned onto Dean as he tried to stay upright. He threw his arm around Dean's shoulder.

Dean wrapped his arm around Cas's waist, "I got you."

They slowly made their way down the fire escape as the building threatened to collapse. Once on the ground, firefighters sprinted toward them and helped them get away from the burning building. 

Castiel must have looked worse, because a medic took him out of Dean's arms and lead him to an ambulance. Dean breathed a sigh of relief and fell to the ground. He sat there and tried to get his breathing back to normal as he watched the flames crawl toward the sky and the firefighters battle against them. 

After a minute the old firefighter that Dean had spoken to earlier walked over to him and offered him a water bottle. Dean chugged it in one go and said breathless, "Thank you."

"I've never seen anyone run into a burning building like that. You must have a death wish," the man gave Dean a curious gaze.

"Nah, no death wish" Dean shook his head and glanced at Cas sitting in the ambulance, "Just in love."

The man chuckled, "We do the damnedest things for love."

Dean grinned, "Yeah, I guess so."

\---

Another two hours later and the fire had died away along with half of the building. There was nothing left of Cas's apartment and after the night they had had, Cas didn't even want to go and see if there was anything to save.

Before driving Cas back to his apartment, they thanked the firefighters for all they had done with which they had responded with, "Just doing my job."

After they had both washed the ash and debris off, Cas sat on the side of Dean's bed staring at his feet. Dean walked in the room with a small med kit and got on his knees in front of Cas.

"Dean," Castiel protested, "It's not that bad. Barely, first degree."

Dean ignored him and applied the aloe verra gel to the small burn on Cas's thigh, then he wrapped it in gauze. Dean didn't move, though, and just stared at the gauze. It was like Dean had hit a brick wall in that second, the realization came so fast. He had almost lost _Cas_. He felt the blood in his veins run cold and his throat clamp up.

Dean wrapped his arms around Cas's waist and leaned his head against Cas's stomach. He let out a shaky breath, " _Never_ do that again."

Castiel looked at him in question, but Dean didn't meet his eyes as he spoke, "You scared the hell out of me. I didn't know if you were dead or alive. I wasn't even sure if you were in there or not. But I didn't want to take that chance.

They said that it was too dangerous to try and get you out, but I didn't care. I went. Cas, I couldn't lose you, too. I-I just couldn't. I didn't care what happened to me as long as I could save you. Whatever the risk, I'd have taken it."

"Dean," Castiel said softly and gently ran his fingers through Dean's hair, "you didn't lose me. I'm okay and you're okay. I'm not going anywhere. I promise."

Dean chuckled slightly, "That sounds familiar."

Castiel smiled, "I still meant it."

After a moment, Dean pulled away, "You hungry?"

"Just tired," Castiel shook his head.

Dean got up and turned off the lights, before climbing into the bed with Cas. They lied there in the dark for a minute and then Dean asked, "You sure you're okay?"

"I'm fine, Dean. How about you? The medic looked at your leg, right?"

"Yeah, I'll be alright."

Dean's bed was smaller than Cas's was and Cas looked like he was about to fall off the edge. Dean chuckled, "Cas, you're going to fall off the bed. Come here."

Castiel scooted closer and Dean cradled him in his arms, before nervously asking, "This alright?"

Castiel sighed against Dean's chest, "Yes, Dean, it's _alright_."

Dean held him closer, still in shock that Cas almost _died_. He seemed so fragile now, like he could be taken away any minute. It rooted a fear in Dean that would probably never go away.

"Dean," Cas looked up at him under his eyelashes, "Thank you for saving my life."

Castiel had never looked more beautiful than in that moment. His eyes were a brilliant blue in the dark room and his smile was filled with an emotion that Dean wanted to never leave his face. He almost leaned in and kissed him. Almost. 

Dean smiled back, "Anytime."

Jo's words ran through Dean's mind again. _Let yourself have this._ Dean was starting to think he was going to do just what she said.

\---

Dean woke up to the sound of his phone going off, the familiar AC/DC song breaking through his sleep. He drowsily grabbed it from his bedside table, "Hello?"

"Dean," his mother answered way too chipper for this early in the morning. Dean glanced at the clock, seven a.m.

There was a movement beside him - against him and he looked down to see Cas sleeping peacefully with his arm draped across Dean's chest. Why did mornings like this always get cut short?

Dean quieted his voice, "Mom, hold on," and eased away from Cas.

He closed the door with a soft click and walked to the kitchen, "Okay, I'm back. What's up?"

"Oh, I wasn't thinking. I didn't wake Castiel did I?" she asked.

"Nah," Dean chuckled, as he made coffee, "He'll sleep through anything."

"Good, then."

"So, is something wrong? Why are you calling so early?"

"I didn't mean to wake you up, but," Dean could hear the distress in her voice, "I was worried. I was watching the news this morning and they said the Grace Apartments burned down. That's where Castiel lives isn't it? Is he okay?" 

"Yeah, besides a small burn on his leg, he's all good," Dean smiled at his mother's worry for Cas. It made him happy that his family had accepted Cas into the family so easily.

Mary sighed relieved, "What about you? Were you there?"

"I - ," Dean paused wondering if he should tell her or not, but she'd probably found out somehow, anyway, "Well, not when the fire started, but...when I got there, Cas hadn't made it out. So...I went in and got him."

Mary huffed, "Dean, that was reckless. You could've gotten hurt!"

"Mom, I'm fine and I don't regret it. If I hadn't gone in, Cas... he wouldn't be here right now," Dean's voice shook at the end at the thought, but he hoped his mom didn't notice.

Mary sighed, "Well, I'm glad you two are okay. Sometimes, I think if I had a cowardly son, I wouldn't have to worry so much, but then, that just wouldn't be you, now would it?"

Dean chuckled, "Nope, you know me; the reckless and the brave."

"Are you okay, though, Dean?"

"Yeah, Mom, I told you I didn't get hurt."

"I wasn't talking about that," Mary said seriously.

Dean paused opening the fridge at the implication, "Uh, it may have brought back some _memories_ , but Cas stayed the night. I think he made it better without even knowing."

"I'm thankful for Castiel, then," Mary spoke fondly.

Dean smiled and then remembered something, "Hey, Mom, before you go, can I ask you something?"

"Yes?"

"Do you know that song But You're Mine by Sonny and Cher?"

"Yes," Mary said confused as to where this was going.

"What's it about?"

"Um," Mary still sounded confused, but thought for a minute and answered, "It's about loving someone who worries about whether other people will think they're good enough for you. But you don't care what others think and you love them anyway."

Dean grinned and chuckled at the irony. It had been so spot on as to what was going on at the time when he had heard the Italian version. Dean played with the idea that Cas had been trying to tell him what it meant, but Dean hadn't gotten the message.

"Why are you asking?" Mary asked curious.

"Oh, um, no reason," Dean said unconvincingly, but Mary let it go.

"Alright. Well, I'll talk to you later, honey. Give Castiel my love. I love you, bye," Mary hung up.

Dean set the phone on the counter. Then, made breakfast with a wide grin on his face the whole time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, all my lovely angels, for reading and commenting! This story wouldn't survive without you!:)


	13. Nine-hundred and eighty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it's been a while, angels. But I didn't pass the every two-week update I try not to go over, so you can't hate me too much. I've just had about the worst and most hellish past two weeks of my life. But I'm glad I had these amazing readers to go to and write for to cheer me up! Thanks for all the encouragement and compliments. Ya'll really do always brighten my day :)

All of it. It was all gone. Every last possession Castiel had was gone. All of his clothes, all of his pictures, his laptop, _his coat_. Most of it, he could care less about losing, the materialistic objects. But the ones that held _memories_ , he'd never be able to reproduce those. The pictures of his family and friends, every sketch pad he ever owned, all of his artwork. The lost of his art was taking a toll on him, but he tried to see the brighter side of things and ignore it.

Dean had invited him into his home with no questions asked. Fed him, gave him clothes, and a bed. Well, it was _Dean's_ bed, but that was beside the point. When he had asked how long he could stay Dean had gotten turned on him annoyed.

"Really, Cas? You think at some point, I'm just gonna kick you out of here?"

"Dean, I just don't want to intrude," Castiel said softly, already feeling like he was overstepping the boundaries.

Dean sighed, "Cas, I fly on a plane for you across the ocean, you put up with my ass for a month to take care of me, I risk my life to save you from a burning building, and you think you're _intruding_? I think our relationship's a little more solid than that, don't you think?"

Dean glanced at Cas with a charming smile that Castiel felt the need to return, "Okay, I see your point."

"Good," Dean grinned and then said, "Hey, come here."

Castiel walked over to him, feeling his stomach twist as he recalled the last time Dean said those words. Dean held out the spoon he had been stirring with and gently blew on it. Then, he held it out to Castiel, "Try this. I don't know if I added enough seasoning."

Castiel leaned forward and took a bite, his cheeks tinging pink. He looked up at Dean, who was inches away from him, "Yes, I think you may need more."

Dean got lost in Cas's eyes and took a shuddering breath, turning back to his cooking, "Alright."

After a minute he asked, "So, what's the insurance company saying? I mean it's already been a week."

Castiel leaned against the counter, "They've given me enough money to rent a new apartment and some clothes, but I've been looking and haven't found one available."

Dean cleared his throat and didn't meet Cas's eyes, "Well, don't worry about it. You can stay here as long as you want."

Castiel felt his heart warm, "Thank you, Dean."

Dean looked at him with something in his eyes that didn't let Castiel turn away. He smiled, "You don't have to thank me, Cas."

\---

"Dean?" Castiel breathed laying in bed as he stared up at the ceiling. He couldn't ignore it anymore.

Dean turned on his side so he could look at Cas in the dark room, "Yeah?"

Castiel didn't look at him, but kept his focus on the rotating blades of the fan, "I started drawing when I was sixteen, well seriously. I would stay after school in the art room everyday instead of going to piano lessons. I drew on anything I could get my hands on; margins of my notes, loose papers, the back of tests. One time, Anna found my math notes covered in mindless drawing and instead of getting mad like my mother did, she took me to the art museum that weekend. It was amazing. I fell even more in love with art. Afterwards, she bought me my first sketchpad and one of those art kits from Hobby Lobby, you know, the ones with everything in them. I think that was the day I decided screw it, screw my family's plans, I'm going to be an artist. And I've never looked back."

Dean waited quietly for Castiel to continue, sensing whatever he was saying wasn't over. Castiel turned to him, then, "Nine-hundred and seventy-nine."

"Nine-hundred and seventy-nine?" Dean repeated softly.

"I had nine-hundred and seventy-nine sketch pads along with twenty-four art pieces hanging in my apartment. I never threw one out. They were piled in my room, under my bed, on bookshelves, in the closets, inside cabinets," Castiel took a breath and choked out, "And now, _they're all gone_."

Castiel's eyes looked like they were about to spill over and Dean felt his heart clench. Without a word, he pulled Cas into his arms, who clung to him tightly. Dean gently rubbed Cas's back, soothing him as Castiel tried to not fall apart. 

After a minute, Dean remembered something. He reached to his bedside table and patted around until he grasped it. He grinned, "Hey, Cas?"

Castiel pulled away from him with tear stained cheeks, "What?"

Dean held up the sketch pad, "Not all nine-hundred and seventy-nine were lost. We still got this one."

Castiel's mouth fell slightly as he took the pad in his hands. He flipped through the pages, though he possibly couldn't see the images in the dark. He let out a breath, before smiling back at Dean. He set it carefully on the bedside table and fell back into Dean's arms.  
\---  
"Hey, Cas," Dean walked into his bedroom to find Cas sitting on his bed looking through Dean's box of albums and Led Zepplin playing. He set the bags on the floor.

Castiel looked up, "Oh, welcome home, Dean."

Dean shrugged off his jacket and boots, then sat on the edge of the bed, "What are you doing?"

"I didn't know you had all these old records," Castiel shifted through the box.

"Oh, yeah," Dean chuckled, "My dad kept finding me searching through his, so he just gave them all to me."

Castiel glanced at the bags next to Dean's feet and squinted his eyes, "What are those?"

Dean stood up with a wide grin. "Okay, so I know how much you loved that coat, so," Dean pulled a long tan trench coat out of a bag and held it up for Cas.

Castiel took the coat from his hands, "It's almost the exact same."

Dean scratched the back of his neck, "Yeah, well, it was the closest I could find."

Dean handed the other bag to Cas without a word. Castiel immediately pulled out what was inside. He came out with a couple of sketch pads that resembled the kind he bought. He continued to find more and more in the bag, "Dean, how many did you buy?"

Dean shrugged, draping Cas's new coat on the nearby chair, "Oh, I don't know. Just ten or so."

"Dean," Castiel stared at him incredulous, "You didn't have to do this."

"I know, but I wanted to. You have to start on nine-hundred and eighty sometime, don't you?" Dean looked away, suddenly feeling embarrassed.

Castiel grinned and got up off the bed, then pulled Dean into his arms. Dean instantly wrapped his arms around him without thought. 

"Thank you," Castiel whispered into Dean's ear and damn, if that didn't send chills down his spine.

Dean breathed in Cas's scent. He smelled his own shampoo in Cas's hair and his body wash on Cas's skin. But somehow, Cas still smelled like _Cas_. Dean relaxed in Cas's arms and held him closely, before the hug, regretfully ended.

Castiel pulled away, "Oh, I have a meeting with an art curator tomorrow. I have to go and explain why my work will be late."

"You don't think she'll be mad, do you?"

"No, but she might still hire another artist who has work ready for her."

Dean put his hand on his shoulder, "You're a great artist, Cas. You're worth the wait. I think she'll see that, too."

\---

Castiel leaned against the head of Dean's bed sketching in one of his new pads Dean had bought him as Dean searched through his closet for something for Cas to wear to his meeting. 

Dean's back was to Castiel as he said, "As much as I like how good you look in my clothes, we should probably get you some of your own."

Castiel's pencil abruptly stopped. Did he hear that right? He looked at Dean, but he hadn't turned around and continued shifting through his closet. Castiel looked down at the shirt he was wearing. It was one of Dean's, Motley Crue. He didn't think he looked any more attractive in it than he did in his own clothes, but the words still made him feel warm inside. Then, there was the _we_ and that just made Castiel feel happy for reasons he couldn't even put his finger on.

Dean almost slapped himself on the forehead for letting something like that slip out of his mouth. _Did he seriously just say that?_ Well, it wasn't like it wasn't true. Cas looked adorable walking around Dean's apartment in his old flannels and band tees that were too big on him. Also, how Dean's jeans hung just a little too loose around Cas's hips did things to Dean that he tried not to think about too much or else he wouldn't be able to stop. Dean remembered Cas reaching up to one of the cabinet's top shelves and just a small area of skin peaked out from his loose jeans. God, Dean had never thought he'd feel so aroused by _hip bones_ before. 

Dean took a deep breath and tried to imagine of Sam in pigtails to beat his lust down. He grabbed one of the shirts that he had bought with Anna and turned around to Cas still drawing. He tossed the blue shirt to Cas, knowing he'd look great in it. Blue was his favorite color on him, it made his eyes look bluer than Dean thought was possible.

Castiel caught the shirt, but his mind seemed to be elsewhere as he stared at the fabric in his hands. He was thinking deeply about something and if his expression was anything to go by, it wasn't a fun thought.

Dean walked over to him concerned and sat in front of him, "Cas?"

Castiel's eyes looked scared as he looked up at Dean, "Dean, I think you've assumed something and are wrong."

Dean's heart hammered in his chest as he recalled what he had said minutes ago. Dean stuttered out, "W-What is that?"

"I-," Castiel glanced out the window, "I didn't start that fire."

Dean felt relief for a moment before what Cas said and what it meant came to the fore front of his mind. Dean hadn't really thought about the fire actually, not really wanting to remember it. "So, it wasn't an accident? Are you saying it was arson?"

Castiel nodded, "Dean, someone's after you - or us - I don't know. But after Italy and now a fire...whoever this is, they want you dead."

Dean sat down and rested his hand on Cas's thigh making Cas tear his eyes away from the window and back to him, "Cas, don't worry about it."

Castiel opened his mouth to protest, "But-"

Dean cupped Cas's face in his hands, "I'm not going to let anyone hurt you. I promise."

Castiel wrapped his hands around Dean's and spoke quietly, "It's not me I'm worried about."

Dean gave him a soft smile, "I won't let anything happen to me either. How about that?"

Castiel rolled his eyes, "Dean, you're just a man. You have no control over that."

Dean chuckled, "Yeah, but I'm not like any other man."

Castiel gave Dean the smile he had been aiming for and Dean winked at him, before getting off the bed, "I'm going to shower. I'm covered in oil."

Castiel went back to his sketch, thinking of nothing but freckles, green eyes, and warm hands. Though, his worry still nagged at the back of his mind, he tried to listen to Dean and ignore it.

\---

It was late in the evening and Castiel was walking from the parking lot to Dean's apartment, when he heard it. Heavy footsteps. He turned around, but no one was there, which was even more unsettling. He continued walking picking up his pace slightly. 

But the footsteps didn't stop and began to match his pace. Castiel spun around again. No one. Castiel walked even faster and now, with the footsteps was the sound of someone breathing right behind him. He was almost to the lobby doors, when an arm slung around his shoulders. Castiel looked up and saw a tall lean man with a creepy smile on his face.

Castiel shrugged off the arm fiercely and asked bitterly, "Can I help you with something?"

The man leered, "Yeah, baby, how about you come back to my place and do just that,"

Castiel made a disgusted face, "How about no," and started walking again.

"Come on," the man grabbed Castiel's coat and tugged him back, "We'll have lots of fun."

Castiel jerked his arm away, "No. Leave me alone."

The man's leer dropped and he grabbed Castiel's wrist, "Actually, pretty boy, I don't think I will. I think I'm going to take you home and tie you up real nice and tight to my bed and I'll-"

The man was thrown against the side of the building with a loud thud, suddenly, and Castiel was feet away from him. Castiel had been pushed away so fast, he almost got whiplash.

Dean had his fist in the man's shirt, pressing him against the wall. He looked menacingly at him, "Finish that sentence and you're going to wish you had taken a different route home today."

The man laughed, "Oh, really?"

Dean slammed him against the wall and glared, "Yeah, _really_."

"And who are you supposed to be? Huh?"

"I'm the guy you're going to wish you had never met."

Castiel wanted to pull Dean away before he did something stupid, but he didn't know how to go about doing that. He hadn't ever seen Dean like this before. He looked down right deadly as he pinned that man against the wall so easily. Castiel didn't feel any fear, though. He just didn't want Dean to go too far, because he knew what would become of the man if he did.

Castiel stepped toward Dean, "Dean, let's just go home."

The man raised his eyebrows," Oh, I get it. You're fucking him, aren't you? Yeah, you are. So, what's it like, huh? He looks so conservative, but I bet he's a tiger in the sack, huh? A complete _animal_. I bet he's the top, right? I bet he -"

Dean punched him right in the jaw and blood dripped from the man's mouth as he fell to the ground. Dean grabbed him by the shirt and brought him back up. 

"I thought I made it clear to shut the fuck up, you douchebag," Dean slammed him against the wall again harder than before. Castiel wouldv've been surprised if the guy didn't have a concussion. But the man only smiled through the blood. Dean looked at him in disgust, _what a sick bastard _.__

__"Dean," Castiel put his hand on Dean's shoulder and Dean's tension eased, "He's not worth the time. Let's go home."_ _

__Dean loosened his grip and the man fell to the ground, "I better not see you around here again."_ _

__Dean stepped away from him with Cas's arm wrapped around his. With one last glare, Dean turned with Cas down the sidewalk._ _

__The man called out, "Yeah, that's right, bitch! Run along home!"_ _

__Dean's jaw lock and every nerve in him was telling him to go beat the shit out of that guy, but Cas's touch stopped him. Cas snaked his hand in Dean's and Dean instantly calmed._ _

__\---_ _

__They didn't say a word once they were inside the apartment. Castiel shrugged off his coat and watched Dean carefully, but he just went for a beer in the fridge. Castiel looked at him worriedly, "Does your hand hurt?"_ _

__Dean looked down at his hand, flexing his fingers, "Nah, I'll be fine."_ _

__Castiel leaned against the counter, "You know, I could've fought that guy off myself."_ _

__Dean copied his posture next to him and shrugged, "Yeah, I know, I just...wasn't thinking. Sorry, I guess, I - "_ _

__"No," Castiel cut him off, "don't apologize, Dean. Thank you for, uh, doing what you did."_ _

__"Sure thing, Cas," Dean smiled at him._ _

__Castiel returned the smile and walked over to the fridge. He opened it and sighed at the emptiness. Dean brightened next to him with an idea, "Hey, why don't we go get a few drinks and figure out dinner later?"_ _

__Castiel grinned, "Sounds good to me."_ _

__\---_ _

__Castiel internally groaned for what felt like the fiftieth time that night as he took another drink of whatever alcoholic beverage Dean had ordered him. Whatever it was, in his opinion, it wasn't strong enough._ _

__He glanced over at the beautiful brunette that hadn't left Dean's side since they entered the bar. She had been chatting and flirting with Dean all night. Her name was _Lisa_. Dean had tried to hint that he didn't want to talk to her, but she hadn't gotten the picture and Dean was too kind to tell her outright. _ _

__Castiel knew he shouldn't be as annoyed as he was, because he knew how hard it was to _not_ be attracted to Dean Winchester, but he couldn't help it. He tried not to show it, though, as Dean tried to include him in their conversation, but ultimately failed as the woman stole his attention back to her, wanting Dean _all to herself_. _ _

__She rested her hand on Dean's arm and Castiel took another drink to ignore the tightness in his chest. "So," she leaned closer to Dean, "do you know how to play pool?"_ _

__Dean nodded, taking a swig from his beer. Lisa looked over at the pool tables, "I've never played before. Do you think you could teach me?"_ _

__"Uh," Dean gave her an unsure look and glanced at Cas. She rolled her eyes, but Dean didn't notice._ _

__Castiel put on a smile, "Go ahead. I'll be fine."_ _

__Before Dean could respond the sultry brunette grabbed his arm, "See, he's fine. Maybe he'll be able to pick someone up without us here, anyway." She tugged him away and Castiel didn't see the frown on Dean's face at her words._ _

__Castiel sighed and asked the bartender to give him a refill._ _

__\---_ _

__After Dean had taught Lisa the game, he had gotten himself roped into a game with some of the guys while Lisa watched nearby. Castiel tried to ignore them and watch the football game above the bar, but it wasn't a good distraction as Castiel had never really been into sports._ _

__Castiel was ordering another drink, when a small woman with big blue eyes came up to him, "Is this seat taken?"_ _

__Castiel gave her a kind smile, "No."_ _

__She ordered a gin and glanced at Castiel, "You don't seem like much of a drinker."_ _

__"I'm not really. I'm here with a friend and he is," Castiel looked over at Dean before turning back to her._ _

__"Oh, makes sense," she took a drink._ _

__Castiel looked at her curiously. She seemed out of place in the rundown bar. She had a short haircut with brown ringlets and curved bangs. She had a light gray sweater on over a white button up with gray slacks and black heels._ _

__"What about you?" He asked._ _

__She looked up at him and put her drink down, "I had a, uh, let's say a _bad day at work_. I've heard drinking relieves the stress, so here I am."_ _

__"I think it takes a lot of liquor to forget your troubles, at least entirely," Castiel told her._ _

__She looked distastefully at her glass, "I guess alcohol just isn't what I'm looking for, then."_ _

__Castiel chuckled, glancing at his own drink that hadn't made him feel any better, "I'd have to agree."_ _

__She smiled at him and then held out her hand, "I'm Hannah."_ _

__He shook it, "Castiel."_ _

__She raised her eyebrows, "The angel?"_ _

__"No, just named after him."_ _

__Before Hannah could respond, there was a loud cheer from the pool tables. They glanced over and saw Lisa tug excitedly on Dean's sleeve after he had made a good shot that had the other guys groaning. Castiel's smile fell as he turned back to Hannah and he tried to shrug the horrible feeling off._ _

__Hannah glanced between the pool table and Castiel, "So, I take it, this wasn't the night you had planned for?"_ _

__Castiel gave her a small smile, "Not really."_ _

__Hannah stared at him for a minute, considering something, then stood up and pulled out a few bills from her wallet, laying them on the bar, "Hey, wanna get out of here?"_ _

__Castiel looked at her surprised, "Uh, Hannah, I'm sorry if I led you on or anything, but I'm not interested in women."_ _

__She smiled, "I know," and looked over to where Dean was standing. Castiel glanced at him and back at her. She gave him a knowing look and jerked her head to the door as she grabbed her suit jacket from the bar stool, "So?"_ _

__Castiel gave one last look to Lisa invading Dean's personal space and decided he didn't want to watch anymore, before standing up and following Hannah out of the shabby bar._ _


	14. Something great

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, what an early update, but I couldn't wait and I think you'll be glad I didn't ;) Thanks for reading and all of your warm comments! :)

"Did you have a place in mind?" Castiel asked Hannah as they walked down the sidewalk. 

She shrugged nonchalant, "No, not really."

Castiel looked over his shoulder at the bar's parking lot, "What about your car?"

"Oh, it's at home. I don't drive unless I have to. I find cars _confining_. I prefer to walk."

Castiel chuckled, "Confining?"

Hannah smiled, "I don't know how to explain it. Walking is just more _open_. Like you actually get to see the world around you and aren't stuck in a car just focused on the task of driving. You miss out on a lot that way."

"That's very insightful," Castiel told her as they rounded the corner.

They walked in peaceful silence for a moment before Castiel asked her, "Why did you ask me to leave with you?"

She didn't look at him as she answered with a smile playing on her lips, "Castiel, you seem like a good man. Now, I may be mistaken and you're about to kidnap me and sell me to some drug lords or something, but I'm usually right about people, so I'm not worried."

"Well, yes, you're not mistaken, but I don't know what I could offer you. Like I told you earlier, I'm -"

Hannah cut him off, "I don't want anything from you, Castiel. I just wanted to give you something."

Castiel tilted his head at her, "What?"

"An escape," Hannah answered and walked off toward the park across the street. Castiel followed behind her. She sat down on a bench and breathed in the night air.

Castiel sat beside her, still confused, "An escape?"

She raised her eyebrows at him and Castiel understood what she meant, "But why would you do that for me? You don't even know me."

"Like I said, Castiel, you're a good man. I can tell. You wouldn't have walked out of that bar on your own, I had to give you the opportunity."

Castiel stared at her in disbelief. He had never met anyone like her. She had sensed his emotions and understood them within minutes of meeting him. Either she was amazingly perceptive or Castiel had been painfully obvious.

Castiel looked around them in the park with a few lights that barely lit the pathway, "Do you do this often? Stroll through the city at midnight and sit on park benches in the dark?"

Hannah shrugged beside him, "I don't let a clock stop me from going wherever my feet want to take me."

"That's very dangerous."

She turned to him with a smirk, "If life didn't have any danger, then it would be very boring and not very much of a life worth living."

Castiel looked at couple that was walking down the path, hand in hand, "You have a risky way of thinking."

Hannah gave him a serious look, "You should learn to take risk, Castiel, or else you'll be left wondering what you could've had if you did."

Castiel felt that she was referring to something specific and she confirmed it when she said, "I'm guessing he doesn't know."

Castiel sighed, "No."

"Will you ever tell him?"

The question had been running through his mind for weeks and he still hadn't found the answer, "I don't know."

Hannah jumped off the bench and turned to him with a grin, "I think you should tell him."

"Why?" Castiel stood up and walked beside her as they strolled down the path.

"Why not?" She countered.

"Because what if it ruined our relationship? What if he doesn't want it? What if we couldn't even stay friends after? I can't lose him, Hannah."

"But what if it _didn't_? What if he _does_ want it? What if it turned into something _great_?" Hannah argued, spreading her arms dramatically to the world around them.

Castiel felt himself go warm at her words, but the negativity he had trouble beating down chilled him. As they crossed the street, he spoke quietly, "I think the cons outweigh the pros."

Hannah sighed beside him, stopping in the middle of the sidewalk, "That's because you're not giving the pros the time of day."

Castiel didn't respond, because he knew she was right. She looked up at the building next to them, "Well, this is my stop. Do you live far? I could drive you home if you want."

Castiel raised his eyebrows, "I thought cars were confining."

She chuckled, "You're worth the discomfort."

Castiel smiled at her, "I appreciate it, but I think I'll walk. I wouldn't want to miss out on anything."

"You really wouldn't, Castiel," She told him with a double meaning. She pulled out her phone and handed it to him, "Here, put your number in and next time you need an escape just say the word."

Castiel took the phone and did as she was told. He gave it back and she sent off a text to his phone, "There's my number."

Hannah walked away and when she put her hand on the lobby doors, Castiel called out to her, "Thank you, Hannah."

She smiled, "Just remember to not let things pass you by, Castiel, and to take notice of the world around you." With one last wave goodbye, she walked into the building. Castiel pulled out his phone to save her number, but it had died at some point in the evening.

\---

Dean was pacing the living room, when Castiel walked in. Dean turned on him immediately, "Dude, what the hell!? Where did you go? I turned away for one minute and then you're gone. I thought you went home, but you weren't here. Where'd the hell you go?"

Castiel threw his trenchcoat on the couch, "I didn't think you'd notice."

"What?" Dean gave him an incredulous look.

Castiel felt his defenses go up at Dean's tone, "Well, you seem pretty preoccupied to me."

Dean looked at him confused, "What - you mean _Lisa_? I was just talking to her, Cas. I wasn't even into her. I- "

Castiel cut him off, "Well, why not?"

"What?" 

Castiel knew he was being ridiculous and letting his jealousy get the best of him, but he couldn't stop. The words were just pouring out of his mouth. He tried to remember everything Dean had done for him, how much he had proven to him about their relationship and how he felt without actually saying it. But his mind was was tainting the memories with a crude paint, turning them into something else, telling Castiel they didn't mean what he wanted them to mean. Telling him Dean didn't want him and if Dean just proved it and slept with someone else, it'd be better. Castiel wouldn't have to hold onto a hope that was never going to be filled. "Why didn't you go ahead and sleep with her? She seemed way more than willing."

Dean's expression looked hurt, but then it turned to anger, "Maybe, I just didn't _want_ to. What about that, huh, Cas? I told you I didn't want to be the guy who sleeps around with everyone, anymore, just to wake up to an empty bed in the morning. You know you give me a lot of shit about trust, Cas, but what about you?"

"What about me?" Castiel repeated feeling his head go foggy with all of the emotions that were clouding it. He didn't know why he was arguing with Dean, why he was provoking him, he just wanted to stop everything. He wanted the confusion gone. The hurt gone. The uncertainty gone. The jealousy gone. Gone, gone, _gone_. He was tired of not knowing what Dean was thinking, what he was feeling. He didn't want to assume something and wake up one day and realize he had been wrong the whole time. He wanted it all _settled_. He couldn't take it anymore.

Dean waved his arms in the air desperately, "What _happened_? Where did you go? You've been gone for like two hours. God, Cas, I was worried sick! You just got assaulted and someone tried to roast you alive! I've had the most horrible scenarios running through my mind. How could you do that to me?"

"Why do you even care!?" Castiel snapped, wanting for Dean to just confirm his negative thoughts, so it'd be over.

"Because I'm in love with you!" Dean shouted back throwing his arms. His hard expression broke and he let out a sharp breath. His arms fell to his sides all of the anger having left his body in that last sentence. He stared at Cas for a response, but Castiel just stared at him back his jaw slightly dropped as he felt his heart stop. Dean looked to the side and chuckled to himself, running a hand through his hair, "You're so dense."

He turned back to Castiel, who still hadn't moved a muscle. He dragged a hand down his face and sighed. He met Castiel's eyes and just felt everything let go, "Cas, this is real for me. It's not fake, it never was. I - I love you, Cas. Do you have any idea what you do to me? I think about you all the time. About you smile, about you blue as the fucking sky eyes, about your laugh, about your fucking _hipbones_ for Chist sakes. I spend all day just waiting to come home and crawl into bed with you, just so I could feel you next to me. 

When I thought you might've - might've died in that fire, I fucking lost it. I told you I didn't care what happened to me and I meant it. I didn't care if I died. I still don't. I'd take a bullet for you in a heartbeat. Because if I lost you, I don't know what I'd do. I wouldn't be the same. I don't think I could ever feel how you make me feel again. I could never fall for someone else, not like this. Cas, this is the realest thing I've ever had and it's not going to happen again. I love you, so don't you _ever_ ask me why I _care_ again."

Castiel stared back at Dean in shock. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. The words bounced around in his head and Castiel was frozen, unable to catch any of them. But the paint dripped away and every touch, every smile, ever word Dean had ever said to him flashed through his mind. The cruel thoughts that had plagued his mind went silent and all he could hear was his heartbeat drumming in his ears. It was so loud, he'd bet Dean could hear it. He remembered Hannah's words and thought out loud, barely audible, " _Something great_."

Dean's voice shook nervously, "What?"

Castiel took a few breaths, his pulse pounding so violently he thought he'd collapse. Once he found his voice, he responded in a rough voice, "Dean, I'm in love with you, too."

Dean stared at him for a second processing and then in a quick stride he crossed the room to Castiel. He grabbed Castiel's face in his hands and pulled it toward his, crashing their lips together. It was hard and passionate as both men gave everything they had been holding back into that kiss. Castiel wrapped an arm around Dean's waist while the other snaked around Dean's neck to the back of his head. He pulled him closer, pressing their bodies together as he sucked on Dean's bottom lip, desperate to feel even more of Dean than he already was. Dean moaned into his mouth and moved a hand to tangle in Castiel's hair, which sent a wave of lust through Castiel and all he wanted was to hear that sound again. His tongue traced Dean's lips before delving into his mouth. He could taste the whiskey on Dean's breath and smell the scent of leather and oil off of Dean's skin.

Their lungs forced them to break away, breathless and panting. Dean leaned his forehead against Castiel's with his eyes still closed. Castiel could feel Dean's hot breath against his face as Dean sighed, "Castiel."

Castiel didn't know what it was about Dean saying his full name instead of the short, Cas, but whatever it was, it sent Castiel over the edge. He claimed Dean's lips again and this time the kiss was less forced, still hungry, but slower. Dean's hand slid to the bottom of Castiel's back and under his shirt. The warmth from Dean's hand felt like electricity and Castiel craved more of it, more skin. He brought his hands to Dean's waist and tugged at the hem of Dean's shirt. Dean got the message and took off his shirt in one fluid movement and then got rid of Castiel's as well. 

Castiel stepped backwards and his legs hit the couch. He fell backwards, dragging Dean on top of him. Dean straddled Castiel's hips and Castiel felt a tightness in his jeans. Dean's lips left Castiel's mouth and moved to his neck as he left sloppy kisses down his neck to his collar bone. 

Dean could feel Cas's pounding pulse where his lips touched and the heat of his skin. Cas's skin wasn't tan like Dean's was. It was paler, but all the more flawless. Dean could see the muscles etched under Castiel's skin and he thought he had never seen anyone more beautiful. His kisses trailed down Cas's bare chest and it was amazing to feel Cas's body breathing against him. It reminded him that this was _real_ , that this was _happening_ and it wasn't some dream that would leave him painfully hard in the morning.

After he passed Castiel's naval, he reached the dip into his jeans. He paused, hundreds of one night stands flashing through his mind. He sighed heavily and pressed his head against Castiel's stomach, whispering, "I can't fuck this up. Not with you."

"Dean?" Castiel asked worriedly in a deep lust filled voice.

Dean looked at him with tortured eyes, "Cas, you're different. You're not just someone I'm going to sleep with and then forget your name the next day. I - I don't want to fuck this up."

Castiel massaged the back of Dean's head and spoke comfortingly, "You won't, Dean."

"You don't know that," Dean chuckled humorlessly.

"Maybe not," Castiel pulled Dean down for a soft kiss, "But I'm willing to take the risk."

\---

"How long?" Castiel asked against Dean's bare chest, his fingers tracing the strange tattoo under his collar bone. They were lying in bed, entangled in each other. They stripped their jeans, but didn't bother with putting their shirts back on. 

Dean sighed beneath him, "Oh, I don't know, Cas. I think it was always there, but I just didn't know what it was. You?"

Castiel snuggled into the crook of Dean's neck, "Same, probably since I first met you."

Dean laughed, "That's what Jo said."

"Jo told you I was in love with you?" Castiel mumbled, his breath warm against Dean's neck.

"Yeah, but I didn't believe her," Dean admitted.

Castiel frowned and crossed his arms on Dean's chest, resting his chin on them, "And why do you think that's so absurd?"

"It just is, Cas. You know me better than anyone. You've seen all my faults and mistakes, yet you still stay. It's just hard to believe," Dean rested his hand on Castiel's cheek and Castiel leaned into it like a cat.

"Dean, loving someone isn't being able to ignore their flaws, it's loving those, too. I don't expect you to not have any flaws, nor would I ever fault you for it. God, knows I have my flaws as well."

Dean smiled at him, "You're amazing, you know that?"

Castiel smirked, "I've been told."

Dean rolled his eyes and leaned forward to give Castiel a kiss. Castiel maneuvered himself comfortably back into Dean's neck and Dean wrapped his arms around him, holding him close. 

Within a minute, Castiel's breathing slowed as he drifted off to sleep. Dean sighed in content, thinking there was no place he'd rather be than wrapped around Castiel. He'd slept with plenty of people, but nothing compared to actually falling asleep with Castiel in his arms. 

\---

"Hanno tentato _omicidio_ e che sono stati _rilasciati_?" Michael glared at the officer, who stepped back intimidated by the Novak.

"Bene, onorevole, non c'è nessuna prova si è tentato omicidio. Abbiamo dovuto file sotto assalto. Ma non preoccupatevi, abbiamo caricato come avete richiesto."

"Ma chi ha ordinato l'attacco è ancora molto presente e bruciate l'appartamento di mio fratellino!" Michael argued, his voice raising in the small Italian police department.

"Non abbiamo le prove, è stata programmata. Hanno anche ammesso di essere un hate crime."

"Stessero mentendo! Dean non riconosce alcuna delle insulti razzisti gli ufficiali riferirono. Egli avrebbe se fosse stato un hate crime, ma è ovvio che non lo era."

"Il Sig. Winchester non può essere considerato un testimone attendibile poiché egli si è gravemente ferito al momento e che avrebbe potuto essere delusionale."

"Che fesseria!" Michael yelled and the whole department went silent. Two other officers walked over behind the one he was arguing with.

The man turned to him with a hard look, "Il Sig. Novak, però, mi dispiace per il tuo fratello, ma la polizia italiana non può essere prevista per il caso."

"Esse sono tuttavia connesse! Qualcuno ha un rancore contro Dean e ora mio fratello è stato attaccato!"

The two officers stepped toward Michael and he glared at their advance. The head officer gestured to the officers, "Il Sig. Novak, non vedo alcun motivo per continuare a essere qui. Il caso è risolto. Ora, lasciare o sarete condotti."

An officer grasped Michael's arm and he jerked it away, " _Va bene._ Grazie per il vostro tempo, _ufficiale._ "

Michael stepped into the crowded streets of Florence, running a hand through his hair, wondering if they would ever figure this out and be able to go back to their lives.

\---

"He survived!? He was your only target! How could you fail such a simple task?" The man yelled, venom dripping from his voice.

The blonde examined her freshly painted her nails, unbothered, "Well, your stupid _pet_ ruined everything. Went in and got the bastard out. There wasn't anything I could do. I couldn't just add more oil to the fire and let the bitch burn as well. I thought it'd upset you and make the whole fiasco pointless."

The man pinched the bridge of his nose, "Well, yes, that was a wise choice."

"I also, got the three in Florence released. They're downstairs awaiting your verdict."

He nodded, "Well, done."

She yawned bored, "May I go now? Or do you want me to make another attempt?"

He waved his hand, "No, just go. But as you've at least took one thing off my to do list, you may deal with the imbeciles downstairs."

She looked up, "I can do whatever I want? Punish them as I'd like?"

He nodded again, a smirk on his lips at her eagerness.

She smiled wickedly, "Thank you, sir," before walking towards the doors.

He stopped her, "Oh, and one more thing."

She turned around, "Sir?"

He looked at her with eyes that she was sure were demonic, "Speak of Dean Winchester like that again and I'll do far worse than you could _ever_ do to the playthings downstairs."

She gulped, not daring to leave his gaze, "Of course, sir. Forgive me."

He nodded her dismissal and she walked through the heavy doors with shaking legs.

He sighed looking out the window, "Well, it goes without saying, if you want something done right, do it yourself."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please refrain from leaving hate comments about Hannah on this story, unless they're directly tied to what happens in THIS story and not the SHOW. If you're going to criticize, do it about my writing, not characters that you're upset with because of what's happening on the show. And as always, thanks for reading! :)
> 
> TN: Hanno tentato omicidio e che sono stati rilasciati? - They attempted murder and they've been released?  
> Bene, onorevole, non c'è nessuna prova si è tentato omicidio. Abbiamo dovuto file sotto assalto. Ma non preoccupatevi, abbiamo caricato come avete richiesto. - Well, sir, there is no proof it was attempted murder. We had to file it under assault. But don't worry, we have charged them like you've asked us to.  
> Ma chi ha ordinato l'attacco è ancora molto presente e bruciate l'appartamento di mio fratellino! - But whoever ordered the attack is still out there and burned down my little brother's apartment!  
> Non abbiamo le prove, è stata programmata. Hanno anche ammesso di essere un hate crime. - We have no proof it was planned. They've admitted it was a hate crime.  
> Stessero mentendo! Dean non riconosce alcuna delle insulti razzisti gli ufficiali riferirono. Egli avrebbe se fosse stato un hate crime, ma è ovvio che non lo era. - They were lying! Dean didn't recognize any of the racial slurs the officers told him. He would have if it was a hate crime, but It obviously wasn't.  
> Il Sig. Winchester non può essere considerato un testimone attendibile poiché egli si è gravemente ferito al momento e che avrebbe potuto essere delusionale. - Mr. Winchester can't be considered a reliable witness since he was severely injured at the time and could have been delusional.  
> Che fesseria! - That's bullshit! (or something similar)  
> Il Sig. Novak, però, mi dispiace per il tuo fratello, ma la polizia italiana non può essere prevista per il caso. - Mr. Novak, though, I am sorry about your brother's apartment, but the Italian police force can't be expected to take on the case.  
> Esse sono tuttavia connesse! Qualcuno ha un rancore contro Dean e ora mio fratello è stato attaccato! - But they're connected! Someone has a grudge against Dean and now my brother is being attacked as well!  
> Il Sig. Novak, non vedo alcun motivo per continuare a essere qui. Il caso è risolto. Ora, lasciare o sarete condotti. - Mr. Novak, I see no reason for you to continue to be here. The case is settled. Now, leave or you will be escorted out.  
> Va bene. Grazie per il vostro tempo, ufficiale. - Alright. Thank you for your time, officer.
> 
> Please remember, my Italian may be wrong and there are probably mistakes. So, my lovely Italian readers, if something's wrong, call me out and I'll gladly fix it. :)


	15. You know how much Dean loves pie?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chap is a fluffy one, but I felt that the boys needed it. As always thanks for reading! :)

"You finally asked her, huh? Took you long enough. How'd you do it?" Dean skillfully balanced his cellphone between his shoulder and ear as he cooked breakfast. Sam had called him not five minutes after he had got up with an excited, "She said yes!"

"I was waiting for the perfect moment. So, I had planned this really romantic evening, but it did _not_ go as planned. First, the restaurant I had made reservations at had been closed due to pest problems. Then, I was going to take her on a stroll through the park and Jess's heel on her shoe broke. Her feet hurt from walking on a broken shoe and she was starving, so I was just gonna take her home and try another night, but my car wouldn't start. Then, we had to walk, because none of the taxis were running that late. Then, to make matters worse, it started raining. So, in the middle of Blue Blvd., I just snapped and asked her on the sidewalk as we got soaked by the rain. Not as romantic as I had wanted, but she said yes and that's all that matters."

Dean chuckled, "Ah, well, there's no such thing as the perfect moment, Sammy." He grinned thoughtfully, thinking about his outburst of love to Castiel. That hadn't been how had he planned to tell Cas either, but it had just happened that way. "I'm happy for you, though."

"Thanks," Dean could practically hear Sam's full blown grin. He had never heard his brother so happy before. 

Dean shoved eggs onto two plates, then turned to the bacon frying in the pan as Sam asked, "So, how are you and Cas doing?"

"We're good," Dean smiled, not feeling as awkward at the question as he would have been a few weeks ago.

"Oh?" Sam's smirk could be heard through the phone, but Dean was too distracted by the beeping of the coffee machine and the toast burning to notice it, "Is he still living with you?"

"Yeah," Dean answered managing to save the toast. He scraped off the black bits, or else he'd hear about it from Cas. As much he ridiculed the blue-eyed artist for his bad cooking skills, Cas would love the opportunity to give some of it back.

"Did the insurance not reimburse him for a new apartment?" Sam asked already knowing the answer.

"Yeah, well, uh, we just haven't found the right place yet," Dean tried to sound nonchalant as he poured mugs full with coffee, but the thought of Cas leaving made his chest feel heavy and ruined the light air he had been walking on for the past week.

"You don't sound too enthusiastic," Sam instantly saw through Dean, "Why don't you just tell him you want him to stay? You do, don't you?"

Dean leaned against the counter with a sigh, "Of course, I do, but it's Cas's decision. If he wants to look for a new apartment, I'm not gonna hold him back."

"Dean, you know Cas is just trying not to be a burden. I'm sure he wants to stay as much as you want him to," Sam tried to reassure Dean.

Dean didn't respond, so Sam let the subject drop, "Hey, Jess has been wanting to have dinner. Are you and Cas free?" 

"Tonight?" Dean asked, nervousness and excitement swimming in his stomach at the thought of going on an actual date with Cas, even if it was a double date with his brother and soon to be sister-in-law. They had been together for over a week, but they had been too busy to go out, especially Cas. The art curator, Naomi, that Cas had signed on with had not been as lenient as Dean had hoped and only gave Cas a little leeway for the late artwork. Cas had been absorbed in his artwork for the past few days trying to meet her unreasonable deadline she had set. He had bags under his eyes and he worked from after breakfast to late at night, only taking breaks for food. Dean's bedroom floor was splattered with paint, along with paper and random art tools that were scattered everywhere. Dean's bathroom sink and shower had even become tainted by all of the paint Cas washed off of his body at the end of the day. Not that Dean minded any of it, he was just worried Cas was going to collapse. Though he didn't say anything - mostly, Naomi was a real bitch.

"If that's alright with you?" Sam asked.

Dean tried to remember how many pieces Cas had been able to finish. Two. Naomi wanted three by Monday and it was Thursday. Dean figured Cas could afford a break. "Yeah, that should be fine. I'll ask Cas when he wakes up and let you know if we can't make it."

"Alright. The Four Horsemen's at seven?"

"Sounds good. Bye, Sammy," Dean hung up and pulled out butter and jam from the fridge, then layed them on the his small kitchen table.

Castiel walked in then, with a bed head and in a pair of blue plaid bottoms that belonged to Dean. Dean stared maybe a little longer than necessary, reveling in how low the pants hanged on Cas's hips. Castiel didn't notice, though, or seem to care, as he just gave Dean a sloppy kiss, "Good morning, Dean," before grabbing a coffee from the counter.

Dean gave him a warm smile, sitting down at the table with him, "Mornin', Sleeping Beauty."

Castiel started in on his eggs, "Do you work today?"

"No, Ash starts working there, today. Says he wants to pick up some extra cash for a new set of wheels. Can you believe that? Swear to God he has a thing for Jo, following her around like a goddamn puppy. Anyway, Bobby gave me the day off," Dean said, smearing his toast with jam.

Castiel chuckled. He'd always just seen Ash as an older brother for Jo, but Dean had always had this theory that they had something going on. He slotted one of his legs in between Dean's under the table, "Well, good. You've worked nonstop the past week. I think you need a breather."

"Yeah, well, Rufus took his vacation and since he covered me while I was on break, I owed him."

Castiel nodded and Dean spotted a spec of red paint on Cas's neck. He chuckled, before taking a drink of his coffee, "I'm not the only one who needs a breather."

Castiel scrunched his eyebrows at him and Dean touched his neck, "You've got paint on your neck."

"Oh," Castiel's hand came up to his neck feeling the dried paint on his skin, "I didn't notice."

"You think you can take a break for one night? Jess and Sam invited us to dinner. Celebrate their engagement."

Castiel raised his eyebrows, "Me, too?"

Dean gave him a weird look, "Well, yeah, it's a double date. Sam was already under the presumption were dating, so -"

Castiel shook his head, now looking at Dean strangely, "No, I told Sam."

Dean paused, his fork hanging in the air, "What?"

"I told Sam we weren't really dating and explained why we were faking it. Though, now we are actually together, I haven't told him and I don't think you have either."

Dean's fork fell to his plate and his mind tracked back to when Sam came to visit him when he first got back and then the phone call he just had, "What - _When?_ "

Castiel's face grew confused at Dean's confusion, "When we got back, before he dropped by to visit. Did he not tell you?"

Dean shook his head, remembering Sam teasing him and felt ready to strangle his brother's neck. Then, he looked at Castiel, and bit back his anger, as it wasn't directed at him, "Why'd you even tell him?"

Castiel looked at him taken aback and more confused, "Are you mad I did?"

"No, but you didn't have to do that. We were already lying to everyone else."

"Exactly, and I know how close you and Sam are. I didn't want you to have to lie to him, too, just for my sake. I was planning on telling Mary, too, but," Castiel gestured between himself and Dean, "seems pointless now. Unless, you want me to tell her it had been a lie, then I will."

Dean smiled at him, warmed by Cas's consideration, "Nah, only if you want to and thanks, Cas, for telling Sam."

Castiel returned the smile, playfully knocking his leg against Dean's, "So, tonight?"

"Yeah. Four Horsemen's at seven."

Castiel stared at his plate in thought, "Well, I still have one more piece..."

Dean frowned, "Cas, that woman is working you dry. You still have a few days and I think you deserve a night off."

Castiel stared at Dean for a moment calculating in his head what he needed to work on, before nodding with a small smile, "Alright, I suppose I could take the night off."

"Awesome," Dean grinned, getting up from his chair to put his dishes in the sink. He walked back to the table to grab his coffee mug, when Cas tugged on his belt loops and pulled him onto his lap. Dean wrapped an arm around Cas's shoulder and gave him a deep kiss, their mouths moving together like it was the most natural thing in the world. Ever since everything was out in the open, they both found it difficult to keep their hands off of each other, which resulted in Cas having residue of oil from Dean's hands in his hair and Dean covered in fingerprints of varying colors across his skin. 

Dean pulled away, "Hey, think I could test my luck and pull you away for the whole day?"

Castiel raised his eyebrows, "Did you have something in mind?"

"I've been meaning to visit my parents. You wanna come?" Dean asked. He had been feeling guilty about not going and seeing his mom, especially since the past events of the summer had put her on edge.

"Of course," Castiel answered, before pulling Dean back down for a quick kiss.

It took them an hour to finally get dressed and head over to the Winchesters'.

\---

Castiel hadn't seen Dean's parents since he went home with Dean for spring break and back then, him and Dean were just friends. Even after Mary's reassurance she was fine with the change in their relationship, he couldn't help but feel a little apprehensive. After all, he'd endangered their son's life twice now. 

Dean glanced at him as he pulled into the driveway, "You okay, Cas?"

Castiel shook his thoughts away and smiled, "Yes, I'm fine."

Dean squeezed his hand before getting out of the Impala. Castiel followed behind him as Dean walked the steps to his childhood home. Dean hadn't told his mom he was coming and he had wanted to be a surprise, so he rang the doorbell instead of walking in like he normally would.

When Mary opened the door, her face split into a wide grin, "Dean! Castiel!"

She tore the door open and threw her arms around them, "It's so good to see you two."

She hit Dean on the arm with a chiding smile, "It's about time you dropped bye. Can't even spare your old mother a visit?"

Dean laughed as he followed her into the house, "Isn't that what I'm doing? And Mom, you're nowhere near old."

She rolled her eyesas her son tried to charm his way out of it, "Your father is around here somewhere. I think he's out back trying to get that barbeque pit to work."

"Alright," Dean walked toward the backdoor, but when Castiel made an attempt to follow, Mary tugged lightly on his coat, "Castiel, can you come help me in the kitchen?"

He glanced at Dean, who gave him a nod and smile, before Mary led him to the kitchen.

Mary walked over to the counter, which was covered in flour and sliced apples. She gestured to a cabinet, "Can you get the saucepan for me?"

Castiel retrieved it for her and set it on the stove, quickly stepping away before he could somehow mess up whatever she was doing. She eyed him for a minute, a smile playing on her lips, before turning back to working the dough in her hands into a small pan. She asked, "You know how much Dean loves pie?"

Castiel leaned against the sink beside her, "Yes. He orders it every time we go out to eat."

Mary turned on the stove and dropped butter in the pan, "He used to stand on a stool and help me make them when he was a kid. I'll never know how he managed to make it so messy, though. I'd still be washing flour out of his hair days later."

Castiel chuckled, "I hadn't really thought about it, but you must be where he learned to cook so well from. We rarely go out, so he cooks all the meals at home."

Mary glanced at Castiel, now adding flour to the paste in the saucepan, "Do you not cook, Castiel?"

Castiel shook his head, "Oh, no, I'm terrible at it. I tried when Dean was layed up in bed and he asked me how I had figured out how to burn soup. Probably, further evidence I shouldn't step toward a stove. The following weeks were spent eating take out."

Mary laughed, "You can't be that bad. I'm sure Dean was just exaggerating. You know how much of a drama queen he can be."

"No, I'm that bad, believe me."

Mary added water and sugar to her sauce and asked, "Did your mother never teach you? Or your father?"

Castiel frowned, "No, we had a personal chef, who cooked all the meals."

Mary gave him a sympathetic look, before something came to her, causing a smile to brighten her face, "How 'bout I teach you?"

Castiel shook his head at her and stepped away, but she caught his wrist, "Come on, Cas. I'll show you how to make pie. Apple. Dean's favorite."

It sounded tempting, but Castiel doubted he'd ever be able cook anything edible, "I'd just ruin it, Mary. Really, it's fine."

"You're not as bad as you think. You just need someone to teach you," Mary pulled Castiel to the stove, "Now, I already added everything. You just have to stir it occasionally so it won't stick. Then, when it comes to a boil, turn the heat down and let it simmer."

Castiel gave her an uneasy look and she shook his shoulder lightly, "Honey, just stir it and there is no way you could possibly mess it up."

Castiel did as he was told and Mary went back to cutting up the apples. She explained the process of baking the pie and told him if he didn't want to try and start from scratch like she did, he could buy the pie crust already made. He committed the recipe to memory, even though he wasn't sure he would ever try it on his own.

After they put the pie in the oven, Mary made them some tea and sat down at the table with him. She recognized his shirt as one of Dean's and gave him a sad smile, "Did you manage to save anything from the fire?"

Castiel shook his head, looking down at the Aerosmith shirt, "Some of the furniture could be salvaged. But it's all sitting in a storage unit, until I can find an apartment. Everything else was burned to ashes."

Mary reached across the table and placed her hand over Castiel's. "I'm sorry, Castiel," she said sincerely.

He squeezed her hand back, before she pulled away. She smirked, "My son's not giving you too much trouble, is he?"

Castiel chuckled, "No, he's great."

She crossed her arms on the table and leaned forward with a grin, "You know, I'm glad you two finally got together."

Castiel gave her a small smile and took a drink from his tea, not knowing how to respond.

"I meant it when I said you were good for him, even if you don't believe it yourself."

Castiel frowned, "I've almost got him killed twice."

Mary gave him a stern look, "Castiel, _you_ didn't cause either of those things, did you?"

Castiel opened his mouth to respond, but Mary beat him to it, "No, so don't put the blame on your shoulders."

Though, Mary had forgiven Castiel without second thought, he still couldn't do it himself. Even with her logic bouncing around in his head, there was still a part of him that knew if he hadn't dragged Dean into the mess of a fake relationship, Dean never would've gotten hurt.

She saw the slump in his shoulders and knew he still didn't agree. Her expression turned incredulous, "Do you really not see it, Castiel? How you've impacted him?"

Castiel just stared at her. She shook her head with a chuckle. "Well, then I'll tell you. When Dean went off to college, he was already in a pretty bad place and I knew him being away from home would just give him all the more chances to spiral further downward. I worried about him constantly. Then, a couple months into the semester, he started talking about this _little nerdy guy in a trenchcoat_ ," she laughed remembering Dean's first description of Castiel, "I didn't think anything of it at the time, but then he _kept_ talking about you. There was this change in his tone and he smiled more. He was _happier_ , happier than I had seen him in years. Then, he brought you home for Christmas, and I knew it had to have been you just by the way you looked at each other. Somehow, you managed to turn his life around without even knowing it."

Castiel sunk lower in his chair, uncomfortable with her praise that he didn't feel he deserved, "Mary, I really - "

She cut him off, "Do anything? Just being there, Castiel. Just being there for him, _that_ did something. You were someone Dean really needed in his life."

Castiel remembered his first year with Dean and could only think of how much Dean had changed _him_ , "I think he saved me more than I ever did him."

She smiled, "Either way, you two are good for each other."

Castiel returned the smile, "Thank you, Mary."

She stood up and ruffled his hair as she walked over to the oven to check on whatever else was cooking. 

\---

Dean walked out the backdoor to find his dad glaring at the old barbeque pit he had known since childhood. He almost laughed at the man's expression. He had offered to buy him a new one, but his father, the stubborn man, had refused, because it was _in perfectly good shape_.

"Hey, Dad," Dean walked over to him.

John looked up in surprise and then grinned, "Hey, boy. Haven't seen you in a while. Everything alright?"

"Yeah, just stopped by with Cas for a visit. He's in the kitchen with Mom. Don't know what he's doing in there, though, the guy can't cook soup," Dean chuckled at the end. He was never going to let that go.

John nodded and searched through his toolbox, "How's your boy holding up, anyway? Your mother told me his apartment burned down and he's living with you now?"

"Yeah, it did, but he's pretty good now. I think he feels at home at my place. He's gotten back into the swing of things, back into his art," Dean shifted from foot to foot, still unsure of how his dad felt about him being with a guy. Though, his mom had told him he didn't mind and he was acting perfectly normal, Dean still felt uneasy.

"That's good," John didn't look up from his wrench. 

They stood there in silence for a moment, before Dean finally just asked, "Dad, you're all okay with this, right? With me and Cas?"

John sighed and put his tool down, looking up at his son. His expression was almost sad. "Of course I'm fine with it, Dean. Cas is a part of the family and I care about him as much as I do you boys. I don't know what impression I gave you that made you think I would feel any different just because he's not a woman, but I'm sorry I made you feel like that. I know I may have raised you to do typical masculine things like fixing cars and shooting guns, but that's just because that's my personality. You don't have to be like that and besides, sleeping with a man doesn't affect your masculinity, anyway. You should know, I love you just the same, son, no matter who sleeps in your bed."

Dean let out a breath he didn't know he had been holding, "Thanks, Dad."

John gave him a smile and pointed to the table on Dean's left, "Hey, hand me that box of screws."

Dean did as he was told and after a minute John more stated more than asked, "You love him, don't you?"

Dean couldn't help but let a smile light up his face. He answered more confident than the last time someone had asked, "Yeah, I really do."

"Castiel's a good man. I'm happy you found him, Dean," John said sincerely.

Dean smiled standing beside his father and sighed, "Me, too."

\---

After a while, John and Dean came into the kitchen. Castiel stood up to greet John, but the man pulled him into a bone crushing hug, "Castiel, my boy, it's good to see you."

Castiel hugged him back, glad John's opinion of him hadn't somehow changed, "You as well, Mr. Winchester."

John pulled away, "Hey, now, if Mary can get you to call her Mary, you can learn to call me John."

Castiel nodded, never able to stop his tongue from being so formal, "Alright, _John_."

Dean chuckled and gave his mother a hug, "Well, we have to get going. Having dinner with Sam and the soon to be Mrs. Sam."

Mary put her hands up remembering something, "Wait, before you go, I have something for you, Castiel. John, come help me get it."

John followed Mary out of the kitchen and up the stairs. Castiel gave Dean a curious look, but he just shrugged in return. Dean slipped his hand into Cas's and led him into the living room after his parents.

After a minute, Mary came bouncing down the stairs with an excited expression, while John panted behind her, carrying something heavy. When he got to the bottom, he sat down a large dresser looking thing with a grunt, "Damn thing's heavy as hell."

Mary looked expectantly at Castiel, who's mouth had dropped. Dean just looked at them quizzically, "Well, what is it?"

Mary opened up the dresser, revealing it wasn't really a dresser at all, "It's a Caitlin Taboret and Easel."

Castiel looked at her like she was insane, "Mary, you can't be serious. These cost -"

Mary held up a finger, "Uh-uh. None of that. This used to be mine. Believe it or not, I used to be a painter, too. My grandma bought this for me a long time ago. I had forgotten all about it, until I found it while cleaning out the attic. It's not of any use up there, so I'm giving it to you."

"Are you sure?" Castiel asked, his eyes never leaving the beautiful unscratched wood.

Mary nodded, "What am I gonna do with it? I don't paint, anymore."

Castiel wrapped his arms around the woman's neck, "Thank you, very much. It means a lot."

Mary rolled her eyes affectionately, patting him on the back, "It's not that big of a deal, but you're more than welcome."

Dean gave her a soft smile and turned to his father, "Alright, well, let's get this in the Impala."

John sighed, taking one end and Dean the other. As they walked out he said, "You're taking care of her, right? If she has _one_ scratch..."

Castiel could hear them bickering all the way to the Impala. He turned back to Mary, "Really, Mary, thank you."

She kissed him on the cheek and replied, "Really, Castiel, it's no problem."

Dean and Castiel waved goodbye as Dean pulled out of the driveway. Mary and John watched from the porch as the Impala turned the corner. 

John chuckled and looked down at the woman under his arm, "Used to be a painter? You can't even draw stick figures. Nice story."

Mary hit him in the chest, "Oh, shuttup. He believed it, didn't he? What he doesn't know won't hurt him. And if I can't spare a little money for Castiel, what kind of a mother am I?"

Mary strolled back into the house with John behind her, wondering how he had gotten so lucky to have this amazing woman as the mother of his children.

\---

Castiel stared out the window on the drive back to Dean's with a smile never leaving his face. Dean grabbed Castiel's hand across the space between them and Castiel looked at him, "Your family amazes me sometimes."

The corners of Dean's mouth quirked into a smile and he stroked his thumb along Cas's skin, "You know you're apart of it, too, right?"

The comment made Castiel feel warm inside and he leaned over and kissed Dean on the side of his mouth before the light turned green.

Dean asked, "How much is that thing worth, anyway?"

"They could range around a thousand."

Dean held back a grin, trying not to give his mom away. She really was ridiculously caring sometimes. He would have to find a way to return the thought. He couldn't believe she had told such a bad lie like she was a painter. He was surprised Cas had even bought it.

Dean leaned back in his seat as Led Zepplin filled the cab and Cas hummed beside him. He stroked his thumb across Cas's calloused hand that had orange paint under the fingernails. Dean smiled, never having felt so happy in all his life,so content and comfortable. The man he loved, surprisingly and wonderfully loved him back. It was the best feeling in the world. Time could freeze and Dean could be caught in that moment forever, but he wouldn't mind. Just there with Cas was all he could ever ask for and he had gotten so much more. The feeling was almost _too_ happy, like it could break at any second. Dean tried to ignore the ominous feeling in the back of his head telling him things like this never lasted. At least, not for him.


	16. Wake up!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, this is a tad late. But thanks for holding out for me and reading my story. Love you all!  
> TW: There is graphic depictions of violence at the end of this chapter in the last scene, right after Dean goes back to sleep. I don't want to give anything away, but ya'll's triggers are more important, so I'll tell you it's torture. If you don't want to read that bit, just comment or send me a message @ thekatthatbarks on Tumblr and I'll tell you what you missed in a much more clean version. :)

Dean wrapped his arms around the small blonde, "Hey, Jess. How's my girl doing?"

"I'm good," She pulled away and her eyes flickered between Dean and Castiel. When she noticed Castiel entangle their fingers, she grinned and looked to Dean, "Is this him? The Castiel I hear so much about?"

Castiel's cheeks tinged pink and he held out his hand, "The one and only. It's nice to finally meet you, Jess."

She shook his hand, "Same here."

Sam put his hand behind Jess's back, "Alright, so Jess and I already reserved a table, so -"

Dean grabbed Sam's arm, "Easy there, tiger."

Sam raised an eyebrow at him and Dean told Jess, "We'll be there in a minute. I just have to tell him something really quick."

Jess smiled knowingly, "Okay, but don't rough him up too bad." She turned to Cas and hooked arms with him, "So, Dean tells me your an artist?"

Dean watched them walk into the restaurant, Cas chatting amiably about his career with a happy expression.

Once they were through the doors, Dean turned to Sam with a glare and punched him in the shoulder.

Sam flinched away and looked at Dean like he was a madman, "Ow! What the hell!?"

"Me, what the hell!? You, what the hell!?" Dean shouted at him as loud as he could in the busy parking lot without drawing attention.

Sam's expression didn't change, " _What?_ "

"Why'd you act like you didn't know about me and Cas?" Dean gestured angrily toward the restaurant.

Dean saw realization dawn on Sam's face, but Sam feigned innocence and didn't meet his eyes, "I don't know what you're talking about."

Dean raised his eyebrows, "Really? No idea?"

Sam felt Dean burning a hole into the side of his face and gave up, turning back to Dean, "Okay, so I pretended I didn't know. But it was in good intentions!"

"How?" Dean challenged.

"Do you have any idea what it's like hanging around you two? You could cut the sexual tension with a knife it's so damn thick. It was obvious to everyone else you two were head over heels for each other. I was just trying to get you to see it yourself."

Dean didn't know how to respond to that. Jo had said something similar. Sam was making sense, but Dean still felt like he should be the one who was mad. "Okay, that may be true, but you still got a kick out of watching me try and fake it."

Sam started walking toward the restaurant and called over his shoulder, a smirk evident in his tone, "Oh, Dean, you and I both know you were never faking it."

Dean caught up with him and didn't deny it. Sam grabbed the door, "At least you don't have to fake in front of me and Jess. I don't think she even knew about the lie in the first place."

"Uh, well," Dean scratched the back of his neck, walking in front of Sam and spoke quietly, "We're actually together now, so..."

Sam grabbed Dean's arm and spun him around, "Seriously? Since when?"

"Last week?" Dean replied with a small smile as he spotted Jess and Cas at a table across the restaurant.

"That's great, Dean," Sam said seriously as they walked and then he smirked, "Oh, and _you're welcome_."

Dean gave him an annoyed look, "It didn't have anything to do with what you did!"

Sam laughed, " _Sure_ ," as they sat down and Dean rolled his eyes.

\---

As the waitress approached the table, Dean looked at her in surprise at first, but then his eyes became cold. His previous smile faded and his jaw set as he avoided eye contact.

Castiel noticed the shift and gave him a worried look. He put his hand on Dean's knee under the table and leaned in, asking quietly, "You alright?"

Dean attempted a smile, but it came out almost sarcastic with how fake it looked. Castiel saw through it and opened his mouth to say something, but was interrupted by, "Dean? Sammy?"

Dean looked up in response, but his cold expression didn't waver. Sam glanced at him, before standing up and giving the waitress an awkward hug, "Ruby, how are you?"

The blonde grinned as they pulled away, "Pretty good. How are my boys?"

"We're alright," Sam answered as he sat back down. Castiel and Jess shared a confused look, looking questionably at each other. But both of them just shrugged, neither knowing who she was.

"Oh, Jess, Cas, this is Ruby, an old friend. Ruby, this is my fiance and Dean's, " Sam paused in introductions looking at Dean in question, not wanting to say the wrong thing. Dean finished for him, "Castiel, my boyfriend." 

Castiel smiled as the simple word stirred something warm in his stomach and nodded toward the waitress, "Nice to meet you."

Ruby looked taken aback for a moment, but quickly recovered with a fixed smile, "Yeah, you, too." 

Jess confidently put out her hand and Ruby shook it clearly uncomfortable, "It's always nice to meet one of Sam's old friends. How do you two know each other?"

Sam ran a hand through his hair awkwardly as Ruby answered, "We dated a while back."

"Oh, well," Jess didn't finish, not really knowing how to, feeling as awkward as Sam.

"Yeah, uh, so, anyway, your orders?" Ruby shifted back to work mode, breaking the choked silence.

After Ruby walked away with their orders, Jess commented, "She seems like a nice girl."

Dean snorted and took a drink of his tea. Jess and Castiel looked at him with raised eyebrows and Sam warned, "Dean, don't."

"What?" Jess asked looking between Sam and Dean.

Dean looked at his brother's expression that clearly said, "Don't ruin the night." He sighed and shrugged, "Nothing, Jess. We just, uh, always butted heads. No big deal."

Jess didn't look satisfied with the answer, but didn't push the topic. Probably deciding to ask Sam about it later. Dean gave his brother an apologetic look, and he shrugged with a smile. Ruby brought them their food without a word with the bill. 

"So, how long have you two been together?" Jess asked Dean and Castiel, moving onto a lighter topic.

Dean answered with a grin, "A week."

"A week?" Jess looked at him confused, "But I thought..."

"Thought what?" Castiel asked.

"I thought it was a lot longer than that," Jess bite lasagna off of her fork.

"Well, we've known each other a while. So, I guess, we look close?" Castiel guessed as he took a drink of his water.

Jess shook her head, "No - well, yeah, I guess. But I meant because of the way Dean talked about you. Ever since I met him, I've always heard about this Cas guy. I had just assumed you've been together this whole time. Wow, Dean. It's been like what at least three years, since I've known you. Sure did take you long enough to grow the balls and seal the deal."

Dean blushed and looked down at his food, "Oh, shuttup."

Castiel chuckled softly next to him and rested his hand comfortingly on Dean's knee again. Sam snickered and gave Dean an, "I told you so" look. Dean put his hand over Cas's and rolled rolled his eyes at his brother. 

\---

"So," Castiel finally asked, looking over at Dean in the dark Impala, "What happened with Ruby?"

Dean shifted in his seat, expecting the question, but not expecting how blunt Cas asked, "Well, she...just wasn't a good influence on Sammy."

Castiel waited for Dean to go on, and Dean finally sighed and continued, running a hand through his hair, "She-she got him hooked on drugs when we were teenagers, a couple of years before he met Jess. It wasn't _that_ bad. I got him off of it, pretty quickly. He said it wasn't her fault, but he had been fine - well at least not doing drugs, until he met her, and I knew what kind of crowd she ran around with. I knew it was her fault. The people she hung around with were into all that kind of shady shit like that and when they started dating, she drug him into it. She had him doing Marijuana and Amphetamines, and all this other shit. He never touched Heroine, though. Thank God. Would've been hell to get him off of _that_. She-she just took advantage of him when he was in a bad place. He was just a kid, barely fifteen. I can never forgive her for that. I don't care if he does. She's still a fucking bitch in my opinion."

Castiel stared at Dean in shock and he blurted out forgetting his sensitivity, "Sam was on _drugs_?" He couldn't imagine it. Sam Winchester, the genius little brother who was going to become a big shot lawyer at Stanford, addicted to drugs?

Dean glanced at Castiel and his expression was tired, like the memories still haunted him, "Well, I guess he wasn't really _hooked_ , but yeah, he did them. Now, I may have drank, but I never touched that shit and I was pissed when Sammy first came home smelling like pot. I knew a few guys who were into that and I knew where that road led. I wasn't going to let Sammy fuck his life up like that. He was only like that for a few months, then he finally broke up with her and got clean. He hasn't touched it since. Think that's why I like Jess so much, she's good for him, you know? Won't dope him up on opium or something."

Castiel was quiet for a moment, before he said, "Yeah, I really liked Jess. I think she's well suited for Sam. She'll take good care of him, Dean. He's in good hands."

Dean smiled softly and reached over and took Cas's hand in his, "Yeah, I know."

\----

"Cas...Cas...," the sound of Dean calling out for him woke Castiel from his sleep. He raised his head form where it had been lying on Dean's chest and looked up at him. 

Dean was still fast asleep, but his face was scrunched up in pain and he was mumbling in his sleep. Castiel, then noticed the grip Dean had on the back of his cotton tee. He glanced at the clock. It was three in the morning. Castiel suddenly realized that Dean was having a nightmare. It reminded Castiel of Italy, but something was different. 

Castiel hovered over him and touched his cheek gently, "Dean, wake up."

Dean's face only twisted into a more torturous expression, "Cas,...don't...don't do this....to me."

Castiel frowned at the slurred words. What was running through Dean's mind? It unsettled his stomach, hearing Dean having a nightmare with him in it. It made him wonder what the dream him was doing to make Dean beg like that. "Dean," he tried again, but stronger, "It's just a dream."

Still in a deep sleep, Dean reached up and grasped Castiel's hand that was on his cheek, holding it tightly, "Don't...leave me." His breathing became staggered and he tossed under Castiel, in the process, kneeing him in the side. Castiel straddled Dean with his knees on both sides of him, before Dean could throw them both off the bed. He felt that same mixture of fear and worry tug at his heart like in Italy, but it was somehow worse.

Castiel shook Dean's shoulders, "Dean. _Dean_. It's not real. Just wake up. _Wake up_!"

Dean, suddenly, opened his eyes and stared up at Castiel, breathing heavily. He looked frantically around the room, before letting out a deep breath and sitting up. He wrapped his arms around Castiel and buried his face in Castiel's neck, clinging to him tightly.

Castiel held him back, rubbing his back as he calmed down and whispering reassurances in his ear, "Dean, it's okay. It wasn't real. Just a nightmare."

Dean leaned back and kissed Castiel, quick and desperate, before pressing their foreheads together. His eyes were closed and he was still trying to get his breathing back to normal. His fingers had become fisted in Castiel's hair and shirt a little too tight, but in the moment, Castiel ignored it.

After a moment, Dean opened his eyes again and leaned away, staring intently into the deep blue of Castiel's with his eyes flickering, searching for something. Castiel brought his hand back to Dean's cheek and Dean leaned into the touch. He looked down at his hand balled into Castiel's shirt. He sighed, loosening his grip and muttered, "I'm sorry, Cas. I...didn't mean to freak you out."

Castiel grabbed Dean's face and willed him to look back at him as he attempted a small comforting smile, "You don't have to apologize, Dean."

Dean simply nodded and wrapped his hand around Cas's, breathing deeply. Castiel waited a moment before crawling out of Dean's lap and laying behind him. Dean turned to him with a tired expression that had nothing to do with sleep. Castiel held out his arms and Dean collapsed into him.

Dean's mind was running through a panic, all the while staying completely blank. He felt shaken, scared, vulnerable, and just _broken_. He hadn't felt like that in a _long_ time and he had no idea what had brought it all on. But Cas, Cas was there. Just him breathing beneath him reminded Dean, that _this_ was real and that _that_ had been a dream. A nightmare.

Dean let Cas cradle him in his arms, like he was a small fragile child and not a fully grown man. At the moment, though, he didn't care what he looked like. Cas's arms wrapped around him and his fingers woven in his hair was reassuring. Dean wondered how he ever got along without Cas with him. He tried to calm himself down, realizing he was still shaking and probably on the verge of tears. _Cas was there. Cas was okay._ He repeated the words over and over in his head.

Dean felt utterly terrified at the way he was acting. No one had ever seen him so broken and fragile before, not even his own mother. He didn't show anyone this side of him; how crumpled he could get, what the memories did to him, what the _nightmares_ did to him. Any other time, he would've just gotten up and drank a bottle of whiskey, drowned the thoughts until he couldn't hear them anymore. But he didn't feel the need to do that now, not with Cas right there with him. His usual method wasn't all that great, anyway. He could still hear the voices, the scene flashing behind his eyes, even after so many bottles he couldn't even walk straight anymore. Cas, somehow, _did_ hold them back, turning the frayed edges of the memories to ashes.

Though a part of him was in a panic about Cas seeing him like this, the rest of him felt comforted. To finally have someone who understood, someone to just hold him without question. He didn't think he'd ever be able to find someone that broke his barriers down like Cas did. 

"You're not going to ask?" Dean asked after a minute of just lying there.

"Not if you don't want me to," Castiel responded above him.

Dean smiled at the offer to just pretend it didn't happen, the choice to not talk about it. But he found he didn't want to just let it go, like he would've weeks ago, always running in the opposite direction of any situation that involved feelings. He was tired of it though, tired of ignoring it whenever he could, pretending it wasn't there. He remembered Cas telling him, "Don't keep that kind of stuff bottled that up, it'll kill you." He had promised him he wouldn't anymore, and though at the time it had only been a half ass promise, something told him the words held a heavy truth in them. 

"This," Dean started, a part of him in shock he was actually saying this, but he tried to ignore it, "isn't the first this is happened. It, actually, happens a lot."

Castiel replied without thinking, "I know."

Dean looked up at him confused and Cas's expression turned guilty, realizing what he had said, "In Italy. You woke me up like you did tonight. I didn't want to wake you, though. It wasn't bad like it was tonight. I, uh, just pulled you into my arms and then, you calmed down."

Dean was quiet for a moment, thinking about that night, and then, he let out a small chuckle "Oh, that's why I woke up like that. I thought I had just crawled into your arms in the middle of the night or something."

Castiel chuckled, "No, I'm sorry. I probably should've just woken you."

"Nah, Cas," Dean laid back down on Castiel's chest, "It's fine."

A moment passed before Den started again, jumping right into it, before he could back out, "When I was eighteen, my brother...died in a fire."

"Your brother?" Castiel asked, when Dean didn't elaborate. The Winchesters had never mentioned they had had another son, but with the way it had obviously affected Dean, he could see why.

"Adam," Dean answered, "He was just a kid, barely eleven. It was the middle of the night, when the house set fire. I had my own room, while Sam and Adam shared one. Sam wasn't there that night, though, luckily, he was sleeping over at a friend's. It had all been a blur, at first. My mom came into my room in her pink nightgown and dragged me out of the house as there was this incredible burning heat around us. She told me my dad had gone to get Adam. We had barely made it outside, when the fire fighters arrived and stormed inside. The house was collapsing and a few fire fighters barreled out, carrying my unconscious dad. Something had fallen and knocked him out. I had been really calm, assured my dad would get Adam out, but when I didn't see him with them, I lost it. I - I tried to run back in the house, but my mom held me back. I can still remember how she cried, gripping my arms, begging me to stay. A couple fire fighters went back in and tried to get him out, but the fire had already engulfed the whole building. It was too late. One of the fire fighters even almost died trying. After the last fire fighter came out, there was no more hope. My chest was heavy and I felt cold, even as the flames continued to destroy my home feet from me. I collapsed to the ground with my mom still holding me. She never stopped clinging to me that night. I think she needed me more than I needed her, what with my dad being carried away in an ambulance to the hospital, I was all she had. We stayed there a long time. Just not believing it was happening, total shock, waiting for Adam to come jogging out of the house with his stupid grin. But...he never did. He died and I lost my little brother, Cas. I don't think that night will ever go away. I think it'll always haunt me within theses twisted nightmares that somehow manage to make the memory more horrific than it was. I always fall asleep wondering if I was going to have a nightmare. They happen so damn often. I've gone a few weeks without one, but then, they'll just start up again. Vicious torturing cycle. "

Castiel held back his emotions that were clenching his throat, because this wasn't about him. Dean didn't need that, he needed Cas to be the strong one this time. He quietly asked, "So, was that what you dreamed about tonight? But I heard you talking in your sleep. You said my name."

Dean sighed, "Tonight...was different. It started out like always. Adam was there, calling out to me to save him. I never make it in time. But then, you were there, too. And it was like back at your apartment. The flames circling around us, you unconscious in my arms. You just wouldn't wake up. You just wouldn't wake up, Cas. I - I didn't..."

Dean was shaking again and he cut off his sentence before he completely lost it and broke down. Castiel didn't comment, judge, or say anything about Dean overreacting over a stupid thing like a dream. Dean could imagine some people doing just that. He only held Dean, rubbing a soothing hand up and down his back, while the other massaged into his hair. He kissed the top of Dean's head and Dean felt an instant calming effect. 

Castiel spoke softly, "Adam's death wasn't your fault and you couldn't have done anything to change what happened. I think you need to accept that. I know you and I know you think that. And Dean, I _did_ wake up that night. All because _you_ saved me. You're the only reason why I'm still here. I'm right here with you, here and now, wrapped in your arms and I'm not going anywhere. I'll never leave you. Dean. I love you."

Dean sighed, listening to the words replaying, theme over and over in his head. He never thought he could hear such deep held promises and _believe_ them. But he did, he believed Cas, he trusted him. Castiel saw right through him, knew exactly what Dean thought, what tormented him. Dean had tried to tell himself the same thing for years, but the words never got through. But with Cas, he felt like they could. Maybe not right away, maybe not tonight, but someday they would.

Dean leaned forward and met Castiel's mouth with his. Their lips moved lazily with one another, a slow and long kiss, filled with nothing, but complete love. Castiel lips were warm and soft beneath Dean's. Dean could taste Cas on his tongue. He didn't think he'd ever be able to describe the taste if someone asked him. It was simply _Cas_ and Dean would never tire of the flavor. 

After a moment, they broke away and Dean cuddled back to Castiel's warm body. He fell asleep minutes later, but before his breathing went completely steady, Castiel heard him whisper, "I love you, too, Cas."

\---

A line of crimson blood followed her knife as she dragged it down his front from his collar bone to his navel. The cut wasn't deep, just enough pressure and speed for it to be excruciatingly painful. Her wicked grin turned into a smirk as he screamed and withered under her blade, begging for her mercy. The chains clamored as he moved violently against the wall. She had already finished playing with the other two. He was the last toy. The others had told her he had orchestrated the whole thing, so she enjoyed herself a little more with him.

"Please, please! Stop it! Please! I've learned my mistake! I won't do it again! I swear!" he voice broke as he sobbed, giving her pleading eyes. 

But she only started another long line, "Oh, I know, I'll make sure of that, sweetheart."

"Please," he begged again, "I only wanted to help Master. He's so obsessed. I just wanted to break him free."

She cocked an eyebrow, stopping her blade, "By killing Dean Winchester? You think that'd make him happy?"

He shook his head, "Not happy, but free! You have to understand, the control that mongrel has over him, it'll ruin him and you know it. I had to try and save him, before it becomes too late. Before Master burns us all to the ground. The whole family."

She dug deeper and twisted the blade into his side. She stepped closer to him, her hot breath on his face. She smirked, her eyes cold and vicious, "You dare to speak ill of him? Huh, _filth_? You're not even equal to the ground he walks on. You're more like roadkill on a highway that gets run over again," she twisted the blade, "and again," once more, "and _again_."

He howled in pain, panting as tears poured out of his eyes like a damn, "I - I know! Just - give - give me a second chance! I beg of you!"

She chuckled, pulling her knife out and watched the blood come out in a steady stream down his side. She looked back up at him with a smile as he moaned in pain, "Why? So, you can fuck up again? Sweetheart, you know that's not how we do things around here."

She wiped her knife on his opened torn shirt smeared with his own blood. Without another look, she walked away, her heels clinking against the cold concrete floor. When she reached the door, she leaned into the guards ear and whispered, "I'm done. You can play if you want, but make sure you dispose of him properly when you're finished."

She strolled through the door and into the hallway, hearing bloodcurdling screams. She smirked, "Well, don't fuck with Demons."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before anyone comments on the last line, I will clarify that, "'No, there are no supernatural beings in this AU." Play with your pretty little brains about what else she could have meant.  
> Thanks for reading and the lovely comments! :)


	17. Start Here

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry that this is so late! I've just had to get through some stuff, before I continued writing. I didn't want any of my personal shit to affect the writing quality, so I held off. I'm sorry, angels! And thank you to all of you for waiting patiently and to those who checked up on me. I love you all! :)

Dean woke up without the familiar weight of Castiel against him. It was unusual for him to get up before Dean. But then, Dean heard the sound of a pencil scratching against paper behind him.

Dean turned his head and was instantly welcomed with, "No, don't move! Turn your head back."

Dean obliged, but was still confused and half asleep, "Cas, what the hell?"

"The light shining through the curtains is perfect," Castiel answered simply.

Dean nodded slightly like he understood and closed his eyes to drift back to sleep. He felt the sunlight warm his face, then it occurred to him, "Wait, Cas, are you drawing _me_?"

Castiel made a noncommittal sound beside him and Dean opened an eye to peek at him. Castiel didn't meet his eyes and his cheeks were tinged pink. Dean chuckled, "Aw, Cas, I'm touched."

Castiel rolled his eyes, but now the top of his ears were turning red, "Drawing the _light_ , you were just in the way."

Dean snorted and ignored Cas's protests when he wrapped his arms around his waist and brought him down on top of him. Dean kissed along Cas's shoulder and up his neck. Cas melted against him and Dean felt him shiver in his arms. Knowing it was the good kind of shivers he grinned against Castiel's skin, "So, can I look?"

Castiel nodded, so Dean raised his head and looked from behind Castiel at the sketchbook in his hands. Dean felt like he was looking at his own reflection. Castiel had begun to start adding some color with water colors when Dean had interrupted him. His lips were a pale pink and there was light brown in his hair. His skin had been painted enough so that he could see where the light had touched him. He wasn't being arrogant when he said it was beautiful, Cas was just that amazing. 

"Cas, this," Dean stared at in shock and he felt Castiel shift nervously in his arms, "This is - how long have you been up?"

Castiel shrugged, "Not long."

"Well, this is pretty damn awesome for _not long_. Seriously, Cas, you're blowing up my ego with how beautiful this is."

Castiel laughed, "I just have a lot of practice."

Dean leaned back against the headboard, pulling Castiel with him, "Yeah, I know you've been drawing since you were a kid."

Castiel was quiet a moment, just staring at the sketchbook in his hands, contemplating. A couple minutes passed, before he finally said, "No - I mean, well yeah, I have, but I, uh, meant that I've had a lot of practice...drawing you."

Dean stilled, "What?"

Castiel let out a breath, "I've drawn you before, countless times." He chuckled, "Hell, some of my sketchbooks could've been labeled 'Dean Winchester' for how much you were in them."

Dean didn't respond and Castiel turned in his lap to see his expression. He just stared at Castiel in response deep in thought. Castiel felt his heart pick up nervously, "Does - does that bother you?"

Then, finally, a smile. Dean's expression turned soft and made Castiel feel warm with how tender his gaze was. He wordlessly, brought his hand up and stroked his thumb across Castiel's cheek. He leaned in and Castiel expected Dean to meet his lips, but Dean merely kissed the tip of his nose, which strangely, felt even more affectionate. He pulled back an inch and looked into Castiel's eyes, "No, it doesn't bother me." He pressed his lips against Castiel's for a sweet chaste kiss, "Not at all."

Castiel grinned and turned to straddle Dean's hips, before pushing him deeper into the pillows. Dean laughed for no other reason than he was happy. He felt giddy as Castiel met his lips once more, deeper and more languid. He felt like a teenager when he was with Castiel. They were finally a couple, but his heart still beat fast when he was near him and he blushed when Castiel was affectionate towards him. If he didn't stop himself, sometimes, he almost giggled like a schoolgirl making out with Castiel in his bed, or on the couch, wherever. He just hadn't felt this way before, about anyone. Castiel made him feel like a kid with puppy love, but at the same time, what they was solid and tangible. It felt unbreakable.

"Damn fire," Dean mumbled against Castiel's lips, "I really would have liked to have seen all those drawings."

Castiel pulled away and hovered above Dean with a blank expression that quickly turned into a wide grin. He reached over to the bedside table and grabbed his old sketchbook. He held it up, "Have you gone through this? Past the first page?"

Dean shook his head, "Uh, no. I haven't gotten around to it. Why?"

Castiel leaned back on Dean's thighs and began flipping through the pages. He obviously knew what he was looking for, because he was halfway through the two hundred page book in a second flat. He glanced at Dean when he stopped. His smile turned bashful and he moved to lie beside Dean.

He handed the sketchbook to Dean, "Start here."

Dean took the book and saw his family sitting at a table. Everyone had a broad smile on their face, but Dean was the center of the drawing, his eyes crinkled with laughter.

\---

*3 years ago*

"So, Castiel, Dean tells us you're an artist? Is that right?" Ellen Harvelle pointed her beer at him before taking a swig from it.

Castiel glanced nervously at Dean beside him, who gave him an encouraging smile, before turning back to the intimidating woman, "Uh, yes, that is correct."

"So, what kind of art do you do? Painter? Sculptor? Or what?" Ellen asked with an honest smile.

Castiel was taken aback by the question. Most people didn't give any interest in his artwork outside of the art field. Not even his own family had shown that much care. Castiel stared at the woman, who was practically a stranger, and felt himself smile before answering, "Oh, I'm horrible at sculpting and anything that has to do with clay. I sketch, paint, use watercolors and charcoal, pretty much anything that helps get the image on the paper."

Ellen laughed, the kind of laugh that sounded worn out and dry. If the wrinkles at the corner of her eyes were anything to go by, she probably had a happy expression most of the time. "Well, anything you can do is better than I can say for myself. I couldn't draw a stick figure to save my life."

Castiel chuckled along with her and look down at his plate. Dean spoke up beside him, "You should see him, Ellen. We're barely freshmen and he already blows the seniors out of the wind."

Castiel felt his face warm at the compliment and he didn't meet anyone's eyes as he chewed on his steak. The small blonde girl across from him giggled at something and he looked up to find her raising her eyebrows raised at Dean. He glanced at Dean, who was glaring at her. Castiel looked back to the girl (he remembered her name was Jo), confused, and when she caught his eyes, she bit back her smile and asked, "So, uh, Castiel, can you draw people?"

Castiel nodded and Jo's smile widened, her eyes flickered to Dean, then back to Castiel, "Can you draw Dean?"

Castiel looked at Dean, seriously considering, and Dean's cheeks turned pink for a reason Castiel didn't know, "I suppose I could."

Jo snickered into her drink, "Good luck counting all of his freckles."

Dean continued to glare at her, though, she didn't notice or seem to care. At that moment, Dean's mother, Mary, chose to change the topic, "So, Dean, Castiel, how did you two meet?"

"Well," Castiel started, "my car broke down and Dean was the mechanic who came to pick it up."

"And," Dean continued, "the dude didn't get a Star Wars reference that I made."

Castiel chuckled, "So, he, obviously, had to take it upon himself to personally show me the whole series."

Dean's brother laughed next to him, "Sounds like Dean. You know he always calls me the nerd, but he's the geek."

Castiel agreed, "I've begun to learn that."

The whole table laughed, even Dean, and Castiel thought that he could get used to this. To a group of people, who don't even have to be family, that make him feel wanted and comfortable to be who he was. He had been nervous about spending Christmas with Dean's family, but he was glad he came. Dean had been so insistent with him coming home with him, when he found out that Castiel was just going to stay at the dorms since all of his family was out of town. Castiel had told him, "That's very kind of you, Dean. But Christmas is supposed to be spent with family."

Dean had scoffed, "That may be true, but there's a saying in my family, Cas. Family don't end with blood. So, will you come home with me?"

Looking at the people around the table, now, Castiel can see what Dean meant. They were in the Winchesters' home, but the Harvelles along with Bobby Singer had joined them. They were obviously a part of the family, and Castiel felt that it probably wouldn't be the same without them.

Later that night with everyone already off to bed, Castiel curled up on the porch swing in the Winchesters' backyard with his sketchbook in his lap. The air was cold and flurries of snow had begun to cover the ground creating a thick blanket. Castiel longed for his trench coat, but he was too into his drawing to bother going back into the house for it. 

Though, he was fully enveloped in his sketch, Castiel's head was overwhelmed with all of his thoughts, particularly Dean Winchester. If Castiel was being honest with himself, Dean was probably the only real friend he had had in a long time, if not ever. Castiel had only met him a few months ago, but he was probably one of the only people who really understood Castiel. He never thought he'd find a connection like that with anyone, but here he was spending Christmas with him and his family. 

Dean was different from the other people Castiel knew. When Castiel didn't get a reference to a movie or band, Dean didn't laugh at him or make fun of him. He just explained it or made a promise to show Castiel what he was talking about. He, also, never tried to steer Castiel away from his art and tell him it wasn't going to get him anywhere in life, which Castiel had heard all too much over the years. Dean had actually, been very encouraging about Castiel's art. He had a different compliment for anything Castiel ever showed him and didn't just say, "That's nice," to everything. He made Castiel feel like he cared and that was something Castiel wasn't quite used to.

"Cas?" Dean stepped outside, the screen door creaking behind him, "What are you doing out here?"

Castiel didn't look up, but answered, "Drawing."

Dean huffed out a laugh, "Cas, it's _snowing_ and you're in pajamas. You're gonna freeze your ass off. Come inside, you can draw in here, where it's _warm_."

Castiel shook his head, "I'm fine here, Dean, but thank you for the concern."

Castiel continued to sketch, but he could feel Dean's eyes on him as he leaned against the wall. Usually, when people stared at him, it made him feel nervous and uncomfortable, but for some reason, not with Dean. 

Before Castiel could look up and ask Dean what he was still doing there, Dean had snuck back into the house. A few minutes passed and Castiel could see his breath in front of his face. He contemplated going inside for his trench coat, but then Dean stepped back outside. 

He walked over and without glancing at the sketchbook, draped Castiel's trench coat around his shoulders. Then, he held out a steaming Batman mug to Castiel, "At least, _try_ to stay warm."

Castiel wrapped his hands around the mug and looked up at Dean with surprise on his face, "Thank you, Dean."

Dean scratched the back of his neck with an expression Castiel hadn't seen him wear before, "Yeah, sure thing. I'm gonna go ahead and head up to bed. Don't stay out here too long, you'll catch pneumonia."

Castiel smiled, "I won't. Goodnight, Dean."

Dean returned it with his own grin, "Night, Cas."

\----  


*Present Day

Dean glanced at Castiel, but he simply held back a smile and nodded for Dean to continue. Dean turned the page to see himself, only a few years younger, sleeping in his bed back home. The drawing wasn't as detailed as the one Castiel had just drawn, but it was still amazing to see yourself mapped out by pencil on paper.

"That's an accurate estimate of freckles," Castiel commented and Dean tore his eyes away with a chuckle, "What?"

Castiel's cheeks turned a light shade of red, but his smile remained wide on his face, "That first night - do you remember? Jo asking me if I could draw people?"

Dean smiled at the memory, "Yeah, and then asking if you could draw me."

"Then, saying good luck counting all your freckles," Castiel finished and Dean laughed. 

After a moment, Castiel said quietly, staring at the sketchbook in Dean's hands, "You know, before she asked me that, I had never really thought about drawing people. I knew I was capable, I just never had."

Dean looked at him surprised, "Really? So, these were the first time you drew people?"

Castiel nodded and Dean asked, "Well, what made you want to start? It couldn't have just been what Jo said."

Castiel rested his head on Dean's shoulder, "No, she just planted the seed there."

Castiel didn't elaborate and Dean was about to ask again when Castiel spoke softly, "My art teacher in high school, used to tell me to try drawing people. She thought I'd be really good at it. But I had never understood why people did it when you could just as easily snap a picture. I never took her advice and no one had ever mentioned it to me again, until that night.

"I have always understood art as something emotional and when it can't make you feel something, then it wasn't good art. I still believe that. But I had thought that drawings of people were just that - bad art. That they couldn't cause people to feel something by looking at a drawing of someone else, a stranger. Now, that I think about it, it was kind of a cold way of thinking," Castiel chuckled to himself, "Anyway, I was wrong and that's why I started drawing people."

Dean replayed in his head what Castiel had said, but it still wasn't clicking, "Wait, that's not - that doesn't really explain everything. What happened that night to change your mind?"

Castiel raised his head and met Dean's eyes , then smiled at Dean like he was missing something. Castiel raised his eyebrows, "You don't get it, even after I showed you the drawings?"

Dean shook his head, his mind blank. 

Castiel looked away, gazing out the window where a bird was sitting on the sill outside, "When you look at an art piece, a painting, a drawing, whatever, you can feel the emotions the artist felt when they made it. I had never met anyone that made me feel...something before then, so I simply, didn't draw people. I hadn't really ever been good with people, so you can see how that's possible. But then I met you, and your family, and I don't know, Dean. It was _different_. I finally felt something."

He turned back to Dean to see his reaction, but was met with Dean's lips moving against his. Dean's hand came up to cradle Castiel's face, while the other moved the sketchbook off his lap to the bedside table. Castiel kissed him back just as deeply, while Dean crawled on top of him. Castiel sunk into the bed and wrapped his arms around Dean to bring him with him. 

Dean pulled back after a moment, his lips red and swollen, "How you can care about me so much amazes me sometimes."

"Yeah, well," Castiel pecked him on the lips, "It's no wonder to me."

\---

Dean was frying eggs, while Castiel nursed his coffee at the kitchen table, when his phone rang. He reached for it blindly, watching the eggs, and didn't check the caller ID before answering, "Hello?"

"Dean," a silvery voice answered and Dean almost dropped the phone in shock. His hands froze around the panhandle and the spatula. The sound of the grease popping was loud in the now, still kitchen. 

Castiel noticed the change in Dean's stature and got up from his chair to walk to the stove. He looked questionably at Dean, but Dean just stared at him blankly, not moving. Worry didn't leave Castiel's face, but he took the spatula and pan from Dean before they could drop to the floor. 

Castiel touching his hands brought Dean back from his shock and his jaw set as he replied menacingly, "How the fuck did you get this number?"

Castiel turned to him startled, rarely having heard Dean speak that way to anyone, but Dean didn't look his way.

"Now, now, Dean, is that any way to treat an old friend?" the calm voice asked, unbothered by Dean's tone.

"Friend?" Dean scoffed, "I'd hardly call you and me _friends_."

"Oh, come on, Dean," the voice coaxed, "Don't be like that. We've had such good times. You remember, don't you?"

"I don't remember any good times with you."

The voice on the other line tsked, "Dean, now, I didn't call to argue with you. I was just thinking maybe we could catch up. Hit a cafe or something? Or what was it? That bar you used to love so much? The Roadhouse?"

"Don't you dare set a fucking foot near there," Dean all, but growled into the phone, "I have no desire to _catch up_ with you. You can go to Hell for all I fucking care."

"Baby," the voice said in a mock sad tone.

"Lose this number and fuck off," Dean cut the person off and hung up the phone.

Dean closed his eyes and breathed out a deep breath, his hands gripping the countertop. He stood there for a minute, just trying to calm down. He could hear Cas busying around him, but never popping his bubble.

He finally turned, remembering he had been cooking breakfast, but Castiel was already setting the plates and mugs on the table. Dean caught his eyes and gave him an apologetic look, but Cas just smiled and gestured for him to join him.

They ate in silence with just the sound of crunching toast and slurps of coffee to fill the tense room. Dean was thankful for Cas allowing him to gather his thoughts instead of bombarding him questions. Dean still hadn't fully decided what all he was going to tell before he finally spoke, "It was this guy I knew in high school."

Castiel looked up from his plate at him attentively, waiting for Dean to continue.

Dean sighed and put down his fork, resting his elbows on the table, "He - I should never got involved with him. It was the stupidest thing I've ever done. He got me caught up in the worst shit. I'm surprised I got out without ever going to jail. That's how bad it was. I only ran around with them for a while and when I tried to leave, well, this guy - he just wouldn't let me go. Dude was fucking psychotic. He followed me around, called me every five minutes, tried to get me to go somewhere every night. Fucking creepy. I think he even tried to use Sam to get to me one time. The guy scared the hell out of me. Then, when he moved away - well, I guess he moved away, he disappeared, I thought I had finally got rid of him. Guess, now, he's back. Dammit, I got to change my number and call Sammy, make sure he hasn't contacted him and-"

Castiel cut off his rambling, reaching across the table to grab Dean's hand, "Dean, calm down. Just breathe. I'll call the phone company to change the number and Sam will call if anything's wrong. Just forget he ever called."

Dean closed his eyes for a moment, before letting out a deep breath and squeezing Castiel's hand, "I just don't want him anywhere near me, especially now that I'm with you."

Castiel smiled, "Don't worry about me, Dean. If he comes around, we'll go down to the courthouse and get a restraining order or something."

Dean returned it, "Thanks, Cas. I guess I'm just overreacting to it all."

Castiel rose from his chair and grabbed the dishes. He walked to the sink after kissing Dean's head, "Anytime, Dean."

Dean chuckled as he stood up to help Castiel, "Always stealing my lines."


	18. I can see it in your eyes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First off, I am so so sorry about this extremely late update and hiatus I put you guys through! Believe me, I felt really bad about it. Like I've said recently, it's just been a horrible past few months. I was in a bad place and I didn't want it to affect my writing. I'm sorry about that. But it's hella long, that kinda makes up for it, right? And hey, I graduated and I'm back! Seriously, this time. Regular updates are back in swing, I promise! Thank you to everyone who's put up with my and gave me love. I love you all very much!!! :)

Michael ordered another drink at the bar, at a loss of what to do next. He wanted to figure this whole mess out and to be done with it. He needed the reassurance that his family would be safe, and now that included Dean. Even if it didn’t with Dean’s relationship with Castiel, Castiel would get dragged into whatever this is eventually, anyway. He still wasn’t sure if the Grace Apartments going up in flames was purely an _accident_. None of this was making any sense. In the beginning it was established that this wasn’t a hate crime, and all of a sudden the thugs are released and it’s wrote off as such? It just didn’t feel right. Remembering the side glances he was getting at the police department, Michael wouldn’t doubt even if the police had something to do with it. 

He still hadn’t broke the news to Castiel and Dean that the thugs had been released. He didn’t know how to. He knew Dean well enough to know that the news wouldn’t phase him, but Castiel on the other hand would go insane with worry. He was just hoping he’d find some kind of lead, anything that would help him figure this all out, so he wouldn’t have to put any more weight on his little brother’s shoulders. He’d been here a week already after the attackers were released, but he had nothing to go on anymore and had resulted in sulking at a bar. Michael heard his father’s voice in his head, “Come on, Michael. You’re a Novak and Novaks don’t sit around and laze about. They get the job done, no matter the cost.”

Michael sighed and took another swig of his drink as a young woman tapped him on the shoulder, “Mi scusi, ma questo posto è occupato?”

Michael shook his head and she gave him a nervous smile before awkwardly perching herself on the barstool beside him. 

He glanced her over. She was cute to say the least. Her skin was creamy and olive toned. Which brought out her almost violet hair cut below her chin. Her eyes were green with small specks of brown outlined with a thin line of black eyeliner. Her kind face didn’t match the dark pantsuit she was wearing with stiletto heels. 

The bartender walked over to her with a charming smile, “Che cosa posso ottenere per voi, bella?”

Her smile faltered a little, “Uh, solo un Shirley Temple, per favore?”

“Ottengo che per voi rapidamente,” he winked at her before walking away.

She nodded, but looked more uncomfortable than flattered as she rubbed the back of her neck and played with her fingers in her lap. After a moment, the bartender returned with her drink with a napkin. He was called over by another customer and the woman glanced at the napkin. Out of the corner of his eye, Michael saw numbers scrawled messily across it. She sighed and turned the napkin back upside down on the table, “I just wanna go home.”

Michael caught the English and asked curiously, “And where would that be?”

She jumped in her seat at the sound of his voice and looked at him startled with a face quickly turning pink. She chuckled and scratched the back of her neck again, “Oh, did I say that out loud?”

Michael smiled at her and nodded, holding out his hand, “Michael Novak.”

Her shoulders relaxed slightly and she took his hand, “Charlie Bradbury.” 

There was a pause of silence as Charlie stirred her drink with the umbrella straw, then she answered without looking up, “Kansas. That’s where home is. I feel like I’m Dorothy from the freakin’ Wizard of Oz.”

Michael raised his eyebrows, “Really? I’m from Lawrence.”

Charlie grinned, “That’s near Topeka, right? Small world.”

Michael chuckled, feeling the most relaxed since he returned back to Italy. He hadn’t expected to really meet anyone, especially someone from back home. He asked curiously, “So, what brought you all the way out here?”

Michael noticed Charlie’s cheeks turn partially red and she scratched the back of her neck again, “Oh, um my girlfriend is studying here for the summer. She’s an artist and well, Italy has amazing art. So, it makes sense.” She shifted in her seat, tugging at her shirt, “She’s actually having an event tonight. Reason for the monkey suit.”

Michael nodded, slightly disappointed the quirky redhead was taken, “My little brother’s an artist, too. He had a blast visiting here. She must be as well, but you’re not?”

Charlie’s smile fell and she looked down at her drink before responding, “No, I am. It’s just well…”

Michael waited as Charlie stirred her drink with her straw, but after a couple of minutes of silence he prompted, “What’s wrong, Charlie?”

She looked up at him and her eyes resembled the ones of a small child, “The place where were staying, well, the last week I saw something – some people – and I just well, they weren’t like _normal_ people like – they were terrifying, but they looked just like you and me. It was the way they held themselves and the cold look in their eyes. They dressed in all black. I could tell they were American from their accents and I saw them for a few days and then they just disappeared. I know I might sound a little paranoid, but anyone would react that way if they heard the shit I heard.”

When Charlie’s rambling finally cut off, she ignored her straw and took a long gulp of her drink. She looked back at Michael, who’s expression was unreadable. She raised her eyebrows, “Well? Do you think I’m overreacting? Look, back home, I never encountered any gangs, let alone any as intimidating as this one. So, excuse me if I’m a little shaken up cuz –“

Michael interrupted her, “Gang? What were they saying, Charlie? They were American? Was it three men? Around 6 feet? One blond and the other two have dark hair?”

Charlie gave him wide eyes and she stood up from her chair, “How the hell did you know that? Are you with them or something? Look, I, uh, didn’t really hear anything. So, I’ll just…” 

Charlie grabbed her purse and was about to bolt before Michael grabbed her arm, “Charlie! No, I’m not one of them. I’m just after them.”

Charlie looked down at his hand grasped around her wrist and he immediately let go, “Really, Charlie, it’s okay. Sorry, if I freaked you out.”

Charlie met his eyes and he smiled reassuring at her. Slowly, but surely, her shoulders relaxed and she returned to her barstool. She chuckled nervously, “Sorry, I guess I’m just a little shaken up.”

Michael nodded, but didn’t say anything until Charlie calmed down. They sat there for a few minutes and after Charlie asked the overly flirtatious bartender to refill her drink, she turned to Michael and asked, “Why are you after those kind of people?”

Michael sighed, “It’s not voluntarily I assure you. They attacked a sibling of mine and got away with it. The reason why they attacked him has yet to be found, though, and I have a feeling it’s more than simple hate crime as the police like to believe. I just feel like my family isn’t safe until I get to the bottom of this and I haven’t yet. I lost all my leads after the police released them and I cussed out the station and got banned from it. So, here I am.”

Charlie laughed quietly, “You cussed out the police? Man, you got some big kahunas there.”

Michael smiled, “Yeah, well, I have a feeling that some of those officers weren’t there to serve justice and more to abuse their power.”

Charlie’s smile faded, “I think the people you’re talking about are the ones I saw.”

“What did you hear, Charlie?”

There was a short silence before Charlie answered, “I was walking home and I heard them talking in the alleyway behind my apartment building. There wasn’t just three men. There was a woman with them, too. She had short blond hair and hazel eyes. She seemed in charge of the guys with the way she talked down to them. They bowed their heads to her, too, and wouldn’t meet her eyes. It was kind of intimidating seeing how much power she held over them. She was scolding them and saying that they had fucked up and caused a huge mess back home. She also, said that the only reason she got them out of jail was for _Master_ to give his verdict and for them to pay for their crime. Whatever the hell that means. Then, one of the guys got in a fight with her. He was yelling something about how ‘that man was going to bring the downfall to the whole family and he felt the guy needed to be taken out’. She hit him pretty hard and kneed his groin and the guy fell to his knees. She told him that he shouldn’t ‘fuck with Master’s toys and not expect to be punished’. Which was also, really fucking creepy. Then, I got the hell out of there before they saw me.”

Michael stared at Charlie trying to process all that he had just heard. It didn’t really make anything clearer, if nothing it just made the whole thing more confusing. The only thing it proved was that it wasn’t a random hate crime and he pretty much already knew that. Who the hell was this _Master_ guy and what tie did he have to Dean? _A toy?_ And who was this woman? 

Michael had been staring at his glass with all of these questions and more running through his head. Charlie left him to his thoughts taking a sip of her own drink avoiding the ever persistent bartender who kept goggling her. After a few minutes, Charlie tried to make a joke to lighten the mood, “You know with all the supernatural books I read growing up I would have almost believed that those people weren’t human. Made me realize how ridiculous my obsession with my fandoms really is.”

Michael humored her and tried to not look as bothered as he smiled, “Oh, yeah? Why’s that?”

Charlie’s eyebrows pulled together, “They called themselves demons.”

“Demons?” Michael repeated feeling his blood go cold, “Are – are you sure they said that? Charlie, you’re positive you heard that?”

Charlie looked taken aback by Michael’s reaction, “Uh, yes?”

There was cold sweat on the back of Michael’s neck now and he gripped his glass tightly. Charlie gave him a frightened look, “Michael, are you alright? Dude, you look really pale.”

Michael slowly nodded and got up from his barstool, “Yes, I’m fine, Charlie. Thank you. It was nice talking to you, but I really need to get back home right now.”

Charlie’s eyes went wide, “Wait! Michael! What’s going on?”

Michael took a deep breath, “It’s fine, Charlie. Really. I’m sure those people won’t show up again at your apartment.”

Charlie’s expression turned serious, “I don’t know what you’re getting yourself into, but be careful.”

Michael smiled, “I will. Thank you and if you’re ever in Lawrence look me up.”

Charlie returned the smile, “I’ll be sure to do that.”

Michael turned to leave, but glanced back at the bartender, “Ehi, amico!”

The Italian man looked at him, “Sì?”

“Non è interessata. Lei è in una relazione seria. Lasciala in pace e smettere di agire come un verme.”

The man’s jaw dropped and Michael heard Charlie giggling as he walked out of the bar. Well, at least he had helped her out somehow. 

Michael looked up at the sky as he sprinted down the boardwalk towards the airport. The clouds were turning a charcoal grey and had already blacked out the sun. Michael tried to convince himself that that was not some ominous sign from Heaven above. Nope, not at all.

\--- 

“Babe, you’re doing great. Stop worrying so much,” Dean whispered into Castiel’s ear and kissed his hair, snaking an arm around the other man’s waist. It was finally the night of the art show and Castiel had been a nervous wreck all day before they had even arrived. The opening ceremony had since passed and they were now leaning against a wall across from where Castiel’s work was displayed. Castiel had learned over the years, he had told Dean earlier, that it was easier for the guest to go up to the painting if the artist wasn’t hovering nearby ogling every passerby. 

Castiel attempted a smile, but worry was still clearly etched into the lines on his face. Dean intertwined their fingers and rubbed soothing circles into the skin like Cas had done so many times before to him. Castiel leaned against him and let out a deep breath. 

A comfortable silence passed as they watched the guest go from one paining to the next and then, Castiel spoke, “There’s other curators here looking for new artist to pick up and sign on with.”

Dean nodded. Well, that explained why Cas had been acting the way he had. Dean had gone to some of his art shows before, but he’d never seen him so nervous before. Art curators were where the money was at, though, and Castiel needed to get used to being in business with them if he ever wanted his art to take off.

Castiel nodded to a dark toned casually dressed man on the other side of the room near the refreshments, “That’s Joshua Garten. He’s the curator for the SouthWind Art Gallery in Topeka.”

“And,” Castiel continued and nodded to a stern looking woman with long brown hair who was just a few feet from them, “That’s Ingrid Kremeniuk from the Blue Gallery in Kansas City.” Castiel went on and showed Dean three other art curators.

Dean thought about the few that Castiel had pointed out to him. None of them really looked any different from the other people here. He never would have guessed that those were the people Cas was hoping to impress. They weren’t dressed any more formally than the normal guest and were talking amongst their own friends.

“Why don’t you go chat them up? You know make a good impression and stuff,” Dean offered and Castiel’s face quickly resembled a nervous virgin at his first strip club. The guy looked completely terrified and it reminded Dean that Cas would probably never get fully over his social anxiety. But Castiel always tried to fight it and that’s all that matters. And when he had trouble, Dean was glad he could be there for him.

Dean chuckled, “Come on, I’ll go with you,” Dean tugged on Cas’s hand and Cas regretfully let Dean pull him along towards Joshua. 

Castiel felt his anxiety trying to pull him back, but having Dean with him lessened it. He felt more comfortable and after a while, it was easier to go up to the various art curators and initiate a conversation. Dean had done most of the talking, introducing them and being his usual charming self, but Castiel tried to not let him do everything for him. He became more at ease with the curators as the night went on. Dean never stopped touching Castiel and he was thankful for it. Dean’s touch was comforting and it relaxed him. Whether it was holding his hand, an arm around his waist or hooked through his own, Dean never left him.

That was until the Winchesters finally arrived and got themselves lost in the large building. Dean left him with a quick kiss to his lips to go find them, mumbling something about Sam being capable of getting lost in his own house. With the Winchesters was Jess (though soon she’d have the name herself), Bobby Singer, and the Harvels. Castiel hadn’t been really expecting anyone to come besides Dean. He had been shocked when Dean asked him earlier how much parking there was available so his dad would know when to get there by. But it had brought a wide grin to Castiel’s face to hear that they were coming. It gave him a warm feeling and made him wish his actual family was as supportive. He had told Anna and Gabriel about the show because he thought they would be the most likely to come, but they were unable to make it. That was the usual excuse, though, and over the years Castiel had found it almost pointless to even ask.

Castiel leaned against a wall and gazed at his favorite painting of the gallery. He didn’t know who the artist was, there was no name plate. But the painting had caught his eye as soon as he had entered the room. The canvas had been splashed with beautiful pastel and vibrant colors and it gave off a very jovial mood. In the center of the painting, though, there was a jagged black circle and the black paint ran down through the colors to the bottom of the canvas. It was a very overwhelming painting in Castiel’s opinion and he couldn’t decide on what emotion it made him feel the most, sympathy or fear. 

Before he could contemplate any further, a small woman approached him. She had short blonde hair and a red mini dress with six inch heels. Castiel didn’t recognize her as a curator, but she was dressed too formally to be just a regular guest. Castiel assumed she must have been browsing the paintings to see if she wanted to buy any. The woman looked as if she had plenty of money, covered in gold jewelry. 

“Are you Castiel?” she asked him with a small smile. It didn’t seem genuine, though, and Castiel felt slightly put off by her. 

“Yes, I am,” Castiel held out his hand to her.

Her smile widened and she took his hand, “I’m Meg. I’m a really big fan of your work. I just had to meet you.” She laughed nervously, seeming embarrassed, but Castiel noticed her laugh was just as sincere as her smile. He hadn’t always been a good judge of people, but he could tell there something off about this woman.

Castiel reminded himself that he had just been through a lot the past few weeks and it was probably his paranoia getting to him. She seemed harmless, just a normal girl. He smiled at her, “Nice to meet you. It’s always a pleasure to meet one of my fans.”

Meg glanced around them at the people still chatting amiably away and turned back to him, whispering conspiringly, “So, do you think any of these other art curators might sign you on?”

“Maybe,” Castiel shrugged looking out at the party, he wasn’t one to jinx good things.

Meg smirked, “Don’t act modest, Castiel. I can see it in your eyes.”

Her tone had shifted to something less innocent and Castiel felt like something had changed within the past few seconds. It was as if a switch had been flipped. He didn’t really know how to respond, “Well, uh, yeah, I have a good feeling about maybe one or two. But you never really know, something else might catch their eye and change their mind.”

Meg nodded with her lips pursed, and then glanced at him looking down at his shirt. Castiel caught her eyes and looked at her with raised eyebrows, “Is there something wrong with my attire?”

“You’re tie. It’s missing,” She answered simply, her eyes wandering over to the painting in front of them, “The blue one? You always wear it to every art show. I’ve always thought it was kind of cute that it’s never tied correctly.”

“Ah, yes,” Castiel looked down at his simple button up shirt, “There was a bad fire about a week ago and I lost most of my clothes, including my favorite tie.”

Meg looked up at him, her eyes felt like they were searching something in Castiel’s with their intense gaze. Castiel grew uncomfortable under her stare and looked away from her. He heard her sigh in response, “Well, it was nice finally meeting you in person, Castiel. But I have a late dinner date.”

“Have a good evening, Meg,” Castiel replied, before the woman waltzed away.

It wasn’t until after she left that what she had said finally processed in Castiel’s mind. _You always wear it to every art show._ How did she know that? Was she really that much of a fan to notice the color of his tie? But not all of those art shows were even open to the public. He had probably only participated in just a couple that were public. How did she…?

Before he could get any more creeped out, Dean walked through the door Meg had just left through with his family in tow. His smiled warmly when he saw Castiel, even though he was in mid conversation with Sam. All the unease Castiel had felt with Meg instantly slipped away the minute he saw Dean and his mind forgot all about her as the man he loved came towards him. 

He still had trouble remembering that they were finally together, _actually_ together. At times, it just felt too good to be true. Waking up in Dean’s bed everyday felt like his dream was continuing into the day. To always feel Dean’s warm body next to him or to hear his voice singing in the kitchen as he painted in the bedroom. Even when things weren’t the best, when Dean let the dishes pile up in the sink or when he used up all the hot water to wash the day’s grease off. He’d never tire of it. He could never give this all up and go back to the quiet of his apartment as he sketched drawings of Dean that he never planned on showing the man or the trash can filled with nothing but empty takeout containers.

When Dean finally reached him, he placed a kiss to his temple and slipped his hand into Castiel’s. He leaned close and whispered, “Miss me?” with a smile that suggested he knew exactly what he did to Castiel.

Castiel chuckled and replied dramatically, “You have no idea. I was just standing here the entire five minutes you were away contemplating how I could possibly go on without you.”

Dean narrowed his eyes at him, “Asshole.” Despite the words, his smile never faltered and they didn’t break eye contact until Jo coughed loudly. 

“Wow,” she grinned, “Even finally having sex doesn’t stop all the eye sex from happening.”

There was a chuckle from both Mary, Sam, and Jess while John just looked uncomfortable. Castiel felt his face redden and Dean’s wasn’t any different.

Ellen Harvelle hit her daughter on the back of the head, “Joanna Beth! Watch your mouth!”

Dean smirked at Jo and she glared in response, rubbing the back of her head. 

Mary coughed, changing the subject, “Well, Castiel, where are your pieces? I want to see that you put my easel to good work.”

Castiel grinned widely and gestured for them to follow him as he led them to the other side of the gallery. Dean lagged behind watching Cas talk Mary’s ear off about the different brush stokes he used. He chuckled at the determination on his mother’s face to not give away that she had no idea what he was talking about.

Sam bumped his shoulder with his, “He looks pretty happy.” He nodded to Castiel.

Dean breathed out a sigh of content, “Yeah, he does, doesn’t he?”

“You know, I don’t think it’s just the popularity of his work that’s putting that smile on his face,” Sam eyed Dean suggestively.

“What?”

Sam rolled his eyes, “It’s you, dude! I’ve never seen either of you so happy before these past few weeks. I’m really happy for you, Dean.”

Dean bit back his, “No chick flick moments” line and replied, “Thanks, Sammy.”

Sam patted his shoulder before walking away to where Castiel was talking about one of his art pieces to the rest of the family. Dean followed after him with a smile on his face, thinking about what his little brother had said.

Well, he wasn’t _wrong_. If anything, it was an understatement. Dean couldn’t remember ever being as happy as he was when he was with Castiel. He had thought he had got the best he was ever going to get when he and Castiel were just friends, but now that he’s gotten a taste of what _this_ was like, he couldn’t imagine ever going back. Cas had become this massive part of his life, especially in the past few weeks and if he left it, Dean didn’t know if he’d ever be able to fill that missing space. He’d miss that color of blue he always woke up to in the morning, the paint speckled across his body like another set of freckles, and coming home to Frank Sinatra playing loudly and singing along instead of being bothered by it. Every aspect of who Cas was had become a part of him, too, and he prayed to whoever would listen that he’d never lose it.

\--- 

Castiel was in the middle of telling the family about his last art piece, when this woman in a sultry red dress walked up to him. Dean glanced at the man beside him, and Castiel looked more uncomfortable than surprised at the woman’s appearance. Dean’s eyes went back to the woman, wondering who she was. Dean didn’t recognize her as one of Cas’s artist friends. Whoever she was, Dean didn’t have a good feeling about her especially the way Castiel instinctively leaned away from her into Dean’s side.

Castiel gave her an uneasy smile, “Meg, I thought you had left. Didn’t you have a date?”

Meg looked down at her feet and then back up at Castiel, looking like a little girl. She stepped closer to Castiel and lowered her voice, “I was leaving, but when I got near my car, there were these men loitering nearby. I didn’t really feel safe. Do you, uh, think you can walk me to my car?” Meg gave him a hopeful smile. 

Castiel met her eyes, but they seemed distant and not conveying the scared emotion the rest of her body was giving off. He still couldn’t put his finger on what bothered him about her, but he still felt slight chills under her eyes. He sighed and nodded, knowing it’d be rude to say no. He stepped away from Dean reluctantly with a quick “I’ll be back shortly” and kiss to his cheek.

Dean watched them leave, feeling something scratching at the back of his head as Castiel walked a couple steps ahead of Meg. Before they walked out the door, Meg turned back and gave Dean a wicked smile and wink. It sent shivers down his spine, because he knew that look from somewhere. It wasn’t a pleasant memory either. He couldn’t pinpoint where he knew her from, but he at least knew it wasn’t a good place. Judging from her quick change in expressions, his gut feeling was right. He looked worriedly at the door, contemplating going after them. 

But then, Jo grabbed his arm and started telling him something funny Bobby had done at work. He glanced one more time at the door and told himself Cas could take care of himself if anything went wrong. If he wasn’t back in five minutes, then he’d go look for him.

\--- 

Meg was quiet for the most part as she strolled beside Castiel, which didn’t put Castiel to ease at all in the dead silence of the night. Castiel’s eyes kept searching around them for the men Meg had been talking about, but the parking lot was vacant, scattered with only a few cars at the late hour. Meg didn’t comment and something told Castiel that there was never any men. What was Meg playing at? Why’d she drag him out here?

When they finally reached Meg’s blood red Ferrari, Castiel expected her to give him her thanks and drive off, but instead she turned to him and said outright, “You know dating Dean Winchester isn’t going to work out well for you, Clarence.”

Castiel ignored the odd name she referred to him by and stood up straighter in defense, “What’s wrong with Dean?”

Meg chuckled and glanced away, “He’s just not good for you. I can already tell that he’ll be the end of you.”

“Dean is a very good man, more than I could ever hope to be,” Castiel argued, wondering where this had even come from. Who _was_ this woman and what made her think she had any right to assume what kind of man Dean was?

Meg smirked, her eyes returning back to him and Castiel could swear he saw something dark in them, “I never said he wasn’t a good person, Clarence.”

Castiel’s eyebrows scrunched together and he tilted his head, “I’m not following you.”

She smiled to herself and took a step towards him and he quickly stepped back. She looked down at the space between them and chuckled, looking back up at him. “What’s wrong? Am I scaring you, Clarence?” she said playfully.

Castiel met her eyes and felt something catch in his throat with the aura she was putting off. She had acted like just a normal girl up until a few seconds ago, but there was something undeniably different about her now. It was if she had dropped the charade she had been wearing all night. No, Castiel wasn’t scared of her. But that didn’t mean he didn’t want to get the hell away from her as soon as possible.

“No,” he replied smoothly, “and why do you keep calling me that?”

“Catch up on your movies and you’ll get it,” she winked at him.

Castiel squinted at her, still confused, and tried to get back to the topic, “How can Dean be a good person, but not be good for me?”

Meg’s smirk fell and her eyes became serious, “He’s caught up in some really bad shit, Castiel. You need to get out before he drags you into it, if he hasn’t already.”

“I’m not leaving Dean,” Castiel’s smokers voice replied without second thought.

She looked at him sadly, “And that’s why he’s gonna get you killed, Clarence.”

Castiel stared at her dumbstruck, not even knowing what to ask first, “How do you even know that? Where is any of this coming from? Do you even know Dean? You don’t even know me.”

Meg looked across the parking lot back to the art gallery, “No, I don’t know him particularly. But I know enough, believe me, and this will not end well for you.”

“How are you so sure?”

She leaned towards him and whispered in his ear, “A little birdy told me.” She raised her eyebrows at him with a smirk before turning around and climbing into her car.

Castiel stared down at her in disbelief through the open window, “You haven’t answered anything!? Why is Dean in danger? What do you really know, Meg?”

She looked up at him with a small frown, “Look, Clarence, I like you. I don’t know why, I just do. So, I suggest, you get as far away from Dean Winchester as you can.”

The engine started and Meg gave Castiel a look to step back before she ran over his feet. He obliged still in shock and watched her drive away without a word.

Castiel ran his hands through his dark ruffled hair and looked up at the night sky. _What the hell was going on?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TN:  
> Mi scusi, ma questo posto è occupato? - Excuse me, but is this seat taken?  
> Che cosa posso ottenere per voi, bella? - What can I get you beautiful?  
> Uh, solo un Shirley Temple, per favore? - Uh, just a Shirley Temple, please?  
> Ottengo che per voi rapidamente - I'll get that for you quickly (I had trouble translating this. Cuz I didn't know the equal phrase to "Coming right up" so sorry if it's awkward)  
> Ehi, amico! - Hey, man!  
> Sì? - Yeah?  
> Non è interessata. Lei è in una relazione seria. Lasciala in pace e smettere di agire come un verme. - She's not interested. She's in a serious relationship. Leave her alone and stop being a creep.
> 
> As always, to all my lovely Italian readers, plz correct me if anything's wrong!


	19. Can I open my eyes now?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See, guys? Around two weeks for an update! Told you, I was back! ;) It's even longer than usual. I seriously want to thank everyone who's been reading this and commenting, especially with all of the love and support you lovely angels have given me when I wasn't in a good place. I love you all so much and I hope you like the new chap! The story is coming to a close soon as you can see, but I do plan on a sequel. I just don't know how soon I can put it up with my other ongoing fics I've got going on. Anyway, lots of love! :)

Castiel woke up to the sun shining through the blinds onto his exposed skin. He felt around for Dean, but he was alone in their small bed. He had only a second to wonder, before he heard Dean’s soft and smooth deep voice singing from the kitchen. Castiel smiled at his choice in song, thinking about the Italian version. 

“ _So, when we’re walking I don’t care_ ,” Dean’s voice floated through the air, “ _when all those people stop and stare. If they’d look in your eyes they’d see you’re not real pretty but you belong to me._ ”

Castiel laid there with his eyes closed, content to just listen to Dean sing all morning. Castiel had only heard Dean sing a few times over the years, but since he moved in with him he heard him sing all the time. He had a beautiful voice and his cheeks would always redden if Castiel told him so. He didn’t like to sing in front of anyone, though. He would usually stop if Castiel walked into the room, but recently he had begun to just continue singing only quieter. 

Castiel stumbled out of bed and sauntered his way to the kitchen as Dean neared the end of the song. Dean glanced up at him from a pan of sizzling bacon when he walked in and smiled, “ _You know I’ll never leave you. When I touch you I know I’ll always love you. Everyday now…_ ”

Dean leaned over and gave Castiel a kiss that tasted like coffee and sugar as Castiel reached for a mug in the cabinet. Then, Dean turned back to his cooking, humming the melody of ‘But You’re Mine’. Castiel refilled Dean’s mug along with his own and sat down at the table. He watched Dean cook them breakfast, swaying his hips to the beat of the music in his head. Castiel grinned into his coffee affected by his mood. He was already dressed in his usual clothes for work; worn jeans, white tee, and work boots.

When Dean was finished cooking and placed Castiel’s plate in front of him, he leaned down and kissed him again on the lips. Castiel smiled into the kiss and raised his eyebrows once Dean sat down, “What’s got you in such a good mood today?”

Dean laughed and his vivid green eyes met Castiel’s across the table, “I have a good feeling about today. I think it’ll end the way I want it, too.”

Castiel felt his heart stutter at Dean’s happy expression and he smiled with him, taking a bite of his bacon, “How do you want it to end?”

Dean pressed his lips together, obviously trying to fight back a wide grin, and he looked down at his plate, “Oh, nothing special.”

Castiel narrowed his eyes and knocked Dean’s knee with his under the table, “Already keeping secrets from me?”

Dean chuckled, but didn’t look back up, “Not a secret, a _surprise_.”

Castiel stared at him for a minute and knew he could probably get it out of Dean if he wanted. Dean _sucked_ at surprises. He always made it so obvious. Last year, he had pulled together a surprise birthday party with Jo, but by the end of the day Dean had already practically gave it away. Subtly was just not one of Dean Winchester’s traits. 

“It’s not my birthday,” Castiel stated, wondering what occasion Dean was planning for.

Dean took a drink from his coffee mug, “No, it is not, angel.”

Castiel rested his elbow on the table with his chin in his hand and eyed Dean curiously. 

Dean laughed and got up from the table, taking his dishes to the sink, “I’m not telling you. You’re just going to have to wait.”

Castiel nodded, turning back to his half eaten plate as Dean sat back down with another cup of coffee. Dean was obviously excited about whatever it was and Castiel didn’t want to push and spoil it. He figured he’d find out sooner or later. 

Castiel and Dean sat in a comfortable silence, while Castiel finished eating and Dean read some cars magazine. When Castiel put his dishes in the sink, Dean asked without looking up, “So, you got any plans today?”

Castiel chuckled at Dean’s question as if he already hadn’t made it clear that he had something planned for the both of them, “No, I do not, Dean.”

Dean nodded, “So, do you want to go out tonight after I get home then?”

Castiel frowned slightly as he began washing the dishes, “What? Like a bar?” He thought about the last time they went to a bar and he didn’t want to relive it again.

Dean’s smile fell and he had a hurt expression, though Castiel couldn’t see it with his back turned, “No, like dinner.”

“Yeah, I’d love to,” Castiel answered, already looking forward to it. Dean and he hadn’t really gone on their first date yet, since Castiel had been so busy with his art. And he didn’t want to count the double date with Sam and Jess. 

Dean’s smile returned to his face and he glanced at his watch, “Awesome. Well, I’ve got to get going or Bobby’ll have my ass.”

Dean walked up behind Castiel and wrapped his arms around the man’s waist, pulling him close. Castiel turned his head and kissed him on the lips, “I love you.”

Dean’s eyes turned soft as he replied, “You, too,” and with one more kiss he was out the door.

\--- 

Castiel was in the shower washing off fresh paint when he heard the phone ring. It was Dean’s landline, which Castiel wondered why he kept. Barely anyone ever called it instead of his cellphone. Castiel was scrubbing at his arms as he heard the muffled voice of someone leaving a message. He reminded himself to check it once he got out.

Castiel stepped into Dean’s bedroom with a towel wrapped around his waist. He looked over his shoulder at the clock as he searched for something to wear in Dean’s closet. It was almost six, so Dean would be home soon. He found the blue shirt Dean had picked out for him for his interview and threw it on along with a dark pair of jeans.

Castiel walked through the house looking for his shoes as he ran his fingers through his hair. He found them in the living room kicked off by the couch. As he bent down to grab them, the flashing red light from the landline caught his attention and he remembered. 

Castiel walked over to it and pushed a button, before returning back to the couch to put his boots on. He was lacing up his right shoe, when the deep voice filtered through the room, “Dean, sweetheart, did you really think you could get rid of me that easily?”

Castiel’s movements stopped and he felt his blood run cold as he looked up and listened.

The male voice chuckled, “So, you changed your cell number, but forgot about the landline?” He clicked his tongue against his cheek, “Oh, dear, that’s not like you to forget such a simple thing. You must be distracted.”

_This is the guy. That guy that had called Dean and scared the hell out of him._ He walked over to the small machine as the man paused, then spoke again in a voice that made Castiel picture the man with a wicked grin, “Is it _Castiel_?”

Castiel felt him heart stop at the mention of his name. How did he even know about him? Let alone his relationship with Dean? The voicemail was getting creepier by the second and Castiel was beginning to understand what kind of man it took to scare Dean Winchester. The voice just sounded _too_ calm while still sounding threatening.

The voice sighed sounding bored, “Yes, I heard about the little painter you’ve adopted. I’ve been told his art is quite something. I’ll have to drop by the art museum sometime and see for myself.”

Castiel stared at the phone and clenched his hands in fist. His fingers were ice cold in the short moment of silence from the speaker. Castiel almost thought that had been the end of it and then the voice continued, “Anyway, I know you feel a little cautious about seeing me. I don’t know why, though. I’ve always treated you very well. You know how fond I am of you, Dean, and I think you need to come back to me. So, meet me at the Crossroads Café tomorrow for breakfast at seven tomorrow morning.”

_Come back to me._ What the hell does that mean? Dean isn’t going _anywhere_ near this creep, not if Castiel had anything to do about it. Castiel was about to delete the message, but then the voice spoke and his tone was different from before. It sent chills down Castiel’s spine, because he could hear a smile in the man’s words, “I suggest you come, Dean. Or else who knows what could happen to little Castiel? He’s already been through so much. You wouldn’t want another accident to happen to him. Another fire? Or maybe a mugging gone wrong perhaps? A _car_ could even lose control and hit him on his walk home. The world’s a very dangerous place.”

Castiel’s body shake and his knees go week as he let out a shuddering breath. Then, the man finally ended the call, “Well, I have to go now. I’ll see you tomorrow, darling. _Don’t keep me waiting._ ”

There was a beep and then a woman informing him there were no more new messages. Castiel stared at the innocent black phone wanting to slam it against the wall, but he knew it wouldn’t change anything. Dean was still expected to arrive at Crossroads Café tomorrow and have breakfast with this _creep_. Then, who knows what this man wanted from Dean then? Sex? He obviously had an unhealthy infatuation with Dean. What would he make him do? Join the old gang again? From what Dean had told Castiel, there was nothing good about this man. Dean was sure that if he had stayed in his life he would have either ended up in jail or killed. Castiel wasn’t going to let that happen. Not ever. He quickly deleted the message. _Well,…I guess he’ll just have to be surprised tomorrow._

\---

Jo leaned against the hood of a cherry red ’70 Chevy Chevelle SS LS6 454, dabbing at the sweat on her face, probably replacing it with the oil from her stained bandana. Ash walked into the room, whistling along to the familiar rock song playing through the garage’s speakers. When he saw her expression, he stopped and walked over to her. She didn’t look up as he leaned silently beside her. 

After a minute he said, “Jo, you’ve had this sad blank expression like all day. What’s wrong?”

She sighed and kicked the floor with her boot, scuffing it, “The Demons showed up at the Roadhouse last night.”

“Is everyone okay?” Ash instantly asked, thinking of Ellen, but he knew if anything had happened to her Jo wouldn’t even be here. Ellen had taken him in nine years ago when he was sixteen and had let it slip while he was flipping burgers that his mom had ran out on him. She had just been his boss for a couple months, she hadn’t owed him anything, but she hadn’t even hesitated before offering him to live there. She’d been like a mom to him ever since, treated him better than any blood relative ever did. Then, he’d met Jo and she became just as much family as her mother.

Jo didn’t answer him for a second and then spoke staring at her shoes, “Mom’s okay. But one of them was trying to pick up this girl. She’s barely fifteen. Her name’s Alex, she’s Sheriff Jody’s daughter. Well, I don’t know the whole story, but I guess Jody went to go talk to some friends or something. This guy approached her and he’s like twenty. So gross. Anyway, when he wouldn’t take no for an answer, my mom came over and told him to get out. Then, he got really pissed and started yelling at her. So, Rudy got into it, and then the guy’s friends made their way over and _that_ made Daniel and Travis come over. R-Rudy got shot and there was this big fight. Bullets flying everywhere. There were _kids_ there, Ash.”

Ash listened to her in shock, waiting for her to finish, and then she bit her lip and kicked the floor again. She looked like she was fighting back tears and her voice came out angry, “Rudy’s dead and Daniel’s in the hospital along with like three other people. Two of them are fatal injuries and the doc’s saying he doesn’t think Daniel’s gonna make it either.”

“Dammit,” Ash cursed beside her, wishing he had been there last night instead of visiting his mom in Topeka. He just got back this morning and didn’t bother dropping his things off at the Roadhouse and just went straight to the garage. He couldn’t imagine what he would have done if he walked in and Bobby told him he’d lost his whole family in one night.

“Who the fuck do those bastards think they are?” Jo’s voice started to raise in the small garage, “Running around the town like they fucking own it? Just because they’re this tiny ass faction that belongs to the Knights of Hell gang, they think they can do whatever the fuck they want and there’s no consequences?”

“They’ve gone fucking crazy these past few years. They didn’t use to be that bad, just a drug gang. You know I heard a rumor that the head of the Knights of Hell has like a law against killing innocents.”

Jo scoffed, “The _Father of Murder_? Yeah, I don’t think so, Ash. You must have heard wrong.”

Ash shook his head, “No, really. I heard he met some chick like a decade ago and he stopped killing. Made his factions quit, too. Have you heard his name in the news lately?”

Jo thought about it, “Well, no, not since I was a kid.”

“Maybe it’s true, then,” Ash shrugged.

“Well, even if it’s true, the Demons obviously don’t give a shit if they’re rampaging the town is anything to go by,” Jo glared at a piece of scrap metal a few feet from them. 

Ash didn’t say anything, not knowing how to comfort her. After a minute, Jo slid to the ground. She hugged her knees and rested her chin on top of them, staring at the same piece of scrap metal. Ash sat down next to her, stretching out one leg and resting his elbow on his knee. 

“It scared the hell out of me, Ash,” Jo spoke barely above a whisper and Ash looked at her. She looked like the scared thirteen year old girl he met on his first day at the Roadhouse. He’d never seen her so shaken up. “I just stood there, man,” Jo continued in a thick voice, “and watched Rudy die. There wasn’t anything I could do. Mom was putting pressure on his wound and someone else had already called the ambulance. I didn’t know what to do. Then, he just died.”

“It’s not your fault he died, Jo,” Ash said in a gentle voice.

“I know. It just freaked me out. He was having a beer and laughing with his friends and then five minutes later, he was just gone. It’s fucking scary how quickly someone can just leave your life like that,” Jo moved her legs, mirroring Ash.

Ash put a hand on her shoulder, “Don’t worry, Jo. They’ll get what’s coming to them.”

Jo looked over at him and gave him a small smile, wiping her face, “Sorry about the chick flick moment. It was just a long night and I didn’t get any sleep.”

Ash laughed, shaking his head, “You sound like Dean.”

“Grew up with the guy. He was gonna have to rub off on me eventually, right?” Jo chuckled, looking down at her blue bandana. 

Bobby walked in the room, then, and both of them stood up. “Sorry, Bobby, we’ll get right back to work,” Jo apologized before he could scold her. He was like an uncle to her, but she knew just as much as Dean did that that didn’t mean she could slack off.

Bobby shook his head, “No, Ash why don’t you take Jo on home. Me an’ Rufus can handle it here.”

“You sure, Bobby?” Ash asked confused.

“I know you heard what happened last night, but I’m fine, Bobby, really,” Jo said, not wanting Bobby to treat like a little girl.

Bobby rolled his eyes, “Yeah, I know you’ve got that tough princess act just like Dean. But the police are still at the Roadhouse and you should go be there with your mom. She’s havin’ to deal with this all by herself.”

Jo nodded feeling guilty, “Sorry, Bobby.”

“Ain’t gotta be sorry ‘bout it, just get goin’,” Bobby said and patted her on the shoulder before walking over to the Chevelle.

Ash steered her out with his arm around her shoulders and Jo told him as they walked out the door, “I like your new haircut.”

Ash ran his fingers through his hair to the back where it now stopped at the nape of his neck, “I don’t know. I miss the mullet.”

Jo laughed, “You know Bobby was just kidding when he said you had to cut it to work here. But trust me, you do look way better without it.”

“You think so?” Ash looked down at her and she smiled.

She leaned into him wrapping her arm around his waist, “Yeah, I do.”

\--- 

“Cas?” Dean repeated for the third time, waving a hand in front of his face.

Castiel looked at him, “Hm? Oh, I’m sorry, Dean. Were you saying something?”

Dean sighed, “Dude, what’s with you? You’ve been so distant ever since I got home. You mad at me or something?”

“No, I just,” Castiel sighed, feeling horrible for ruining their date. He didn’t mean to, but he just couldn’t get that guy’s voice out of his head. _Need to come back to me._ Castiel shook his head, trying to forget about it for the moment, “I’m sorry. I just have a lot on my mind, I guess. But you have my full attention now.”

Dean stared at him worried, “But, what’s wrong, though?”

Castiel looked down at his menu, not able to look Dean in his eyes as he lied, “It’s nothing, really. Don’t worry about it.” He looked back up and smiled, “So, what were you saying?”

Dean didn’t answer for a minute, staring at Castiel and wondering if whatever it was really was _nothing_. It sure as hell didn’t look like it. When Dean got home, Cas looked pale as a ghost and said it was just because the apartment was so cold, which was a horrible lie considering it was _July_. But no matter what Dean said, he wouldn’t tell him what had been causing him to stare off into the distance and acted like nothing was wrong. 

Dean sighed, letting it go, but the feeling that something was wrong nagged at the back of his head, “Uh, I was asking you what you wanted to order?”

Castiel glanced at the menu and debated for a second before replying, “I think I’ll get a cheeseburger.”

Dean chuckled looking down at his own menu, “Why’d I even bother asking? You always get a cheeseburger no matter where we go.”

“I guess I’m just trying to find someone who beats your’s,” Castiel looked up at him with a smile, which Dean reciprocated. 

“And have you?”

Castiel smiled coyly, “Not yet.”

At that moment, the waitress walked over and she smiled at their intertwined fingers making Dean blush, “Ready to order, lovebirds?”

She took their orders and left with a wink. After a moment, Castiel asked, “So, is the surprise our first date or do you have something planned after this?”

Dean grinned, “It is our first date, isn’t it?” He let out a small laugh and Castiel thought he’d never seen Dean so happy before. It brought a smile to his face, because Dean loved him just as much as he did Dean and it could never get any better than that. “If you had told me a year ago that I would be sitting here with you in this restaurant holding your hand on our first date, I wouldn’t have believed you,” Dean continued and his emerald eyes seemed to almost sparkle as he smiled, “Seems too good to be true.”

Castiel leaned forward and said playfully, “You sure you wanna do this with me? Dating me seems pretty dangerous. I mean there’s terrifying planes, fires, and thugs around every corner. I’m a lot to handle.”

Dean’s expression turned soft as he met Castiel’s eyes, “Yeah, even with all of that, I can’t think of anyone else I’d want to wake up next to. So, I guess, I’ll just have to learn to deal with it.”

\--- 

“Dean, where are we going?” Castiel looked out the window, wondering why they were on this side of town. There wasn’t really anything over here besides stores.

Dean smiled, like he knew something Castiel didn’t and well frankly, he did, “I think you’ll like it or I at least hope you do.”

Castiel reached for his hand in the air conditioned cab, “I’m sure I will, Dean.” 

Dean makes a left hand turn and says, “Well, like I said it’s supposed to be a surprise, so close your eyes and no peeking.”

Castiel rolled his eyes, but obliged, becoming more curious with each second what Dean had planned. He hadn’t gave anything away during dinner, so Castiel had no clue where it was they were going. Dean stroked his thumb across Castiel’s skin absentmindedly as he sung softly along to the radio. Castiel leaned into the seat, content to just be there with Dean.

Castiel felt Dean pull in somewhere and park the car. He sighed, finally he could figure what this was all about, “Can I open my eyes now?”

Dean chuckled, “Someone’s impatient.”

“Dean,” Castiel complained and Dean let go of his hand.

He laughed harder and Castiel heard him open his door, “Soon, sweetheart, I promise. Just have to wait until we’re inside.”

Castiel’s heart warmed at the pet name. He had never pegged Dean for someone who used them, but he was always slipping a new one into their everyday conversation. “Inside where?” he asked as Dean opened his door and took his hand.

“Uh uh, but nice try, Cas,” Dean spoke as he lead Castiel.

When they walked through sliding doors, Dean finally told Castiel to open his eyes. Castiel looked around and back at Dean confused, “Dean, are we in IKEA?”

Dean let out a nervous laugh, “’Yeah, come here,” and pulled Castiel through the store.

They had gone through half of the store, when Dean eventually stopped in front of a large bed. He turned to Cas and his cheeks were slightly pink, “Okay, well, uh, this is it.”

Castiel stared at it, even more confused, “A bed?”

Dean nodded, “I bought it.”

“You bought a bed?” Castiel tilted his head. It was great that he had, though, Castiel thought. Dean’s bed that they shared barely fit them both. He had just thought with the way Dean was acting, he had something completely different planned.

“I bought _us_ a bed,” Dean corrected, staring at Castiel like he was willing him to understand something.

“It looks great, Dean, thank you. Our bed is very small. This one seems much larger,” Castiel said, trying to give Dean the reaction he was searching for.

Dean let out an exasperated sigh and licked his lips, then looked back at Castiel nervously, “That’s not – I thought you would get it, but I guess it was kind of a long shot. Look, Cas, I know we’ve, uh, only been dating for like a couple weeks, but we’ve been best friends for years and I just thought that – I mean, I don’t want you to think that I’m taking this too fast. But I’ll understand if you do and we don’t have to if you don’t want to. I was just thinking that we could, uh, -“

Castiel put his hands on Dean’s shoulders and cut off Dean’s babbling, “Dean, you need to breathe. Just calm down and tell me what you’re talking about.”

Dean took a deep breath, staring into Castiel’s eyes and then he spoke determined, “’Move in with me.”

Castiel scrunched his eyebrows together and dropped his arms, “I already live with you.”

“I know, but I also, know you’re still looking for an apartment,” Dean grabbed both of Castiel’s hands and intertwined their fingers, “What I’m trying to say with the bed is to keep looking for an apartment, but let’s look for one _together_.”

Castiel jaw dropped slightly and he felt speechless, “Dean…”

Dean heard a voice in his head telling him that this had been a bad idea, but he tried to ignore it, “I want you to stay with me, Cas. But my apartment’s too small and the water pressure sucks and –“

Castiel interrupted him by kissing him on the lips. He felt Dean relax as he moved his lips against his. Dean let go of one of Castiel’s hands and brought it up to cup his face. When they had to break for air, Castiel leaned his forehead against Dean’s and met his eyes with a gummy smile, “Dean, that sounds – that sounds very nice.”

Dean breathed out a sigh of relief and he broke out into a wide smile, “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Castiel leaned back in for another kiss, not caring there was people probably staring at them. He forgot all about what he’d have to go do in the morning and didn’t ponder about what could happen. The voice was no longer haunting his thoughts and the loss of his art wasn’t still affecting him. He didn’t think about how practically all of his belongings were now ash or that there was someone after his and Dean’s lives. In that moment, the only thing that mattered was Dean. Dean loved him back and wanting to be with him. Those other things became trivial and to be dealt with later. In that furniture store, feeling Dean breathe with him, everything else was just background noise.

When they broke apart again, Castiel asked, “So, is this how you wanted the day to end?”

“Even better.”

“Really?”

“Oh, yeah,” Dean smiled against his lips, “I sure as hell didn’t want to go through the trouble of returning that thing.”

Castiel laughed and kissed him again.


	20. Gotta follow in the ol’ man's footsteps

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, angels! So, I think I might be updating weekly now! Let's cross our fingers and if I can't, I'll just switch back to two-weeks. Thank you to everyone who's stuck it out with me! I love you all! Hope you like it! :)  
> So, I'm an idiot and reposted this chapter as chapter 21. I didn't catch the name of who pointed it out, but thank you very much if you didn't see my reply! I'm so sorry!

_Where the fuck is Cas?_ Dean thought for probably the hundredth time that day. Dean should have known something was wrong when he woke up in bed alone that morning. He hadn’t seen him or heard from all day and he was _really_ starting to get worried. Cas hadn’t answered any of his calls or anyone else’s for that matter, which wasn’t like him at all. Dean had already called everyone they knew, but no one had heard from him either.

Dean was pacing in the living room as Jo tried to calm him down through the phone, “Dean, I’m sure he’s fine.”

“You don’t know that,” Dean ran his hand through his hair.

Jo tried again, “Maybe he’s held up with an art curator or something?”

“He wouldn’t be for the whole day and he would have said something. Jo, he’s not answering any of my calls. This isn’t like him. Something’s wrong,” Dean’s heart rate pick up and he felt like he was going to pass out from the anxiety.

Jo thought frantically for something to calm him down, “Uh, what do you want to do? I can go pick you up and we can go look for him?”

“What if he comes home, though?”

“Dean,” Jo spoke slowly, “Then, he will call. Come on, man, you need to calm down. I’ll be over in ten minutes.”

Dean let out a deep breath and closed his eyes, “Okay.”

Jo tried the door and it was unlocked, so she walked in and carefully closed the door behind her. “Dean?”

There was no response and she walked down the short hallway with her boots clicking against the floor. She found him in the living room, sitting down on the couch with his head in his hands. She sat beside him and rubbed a hand up and down his back. She lowered her face to look at his and he looked completely wrecked. She’d never seen him like this and she’d known him since they were kids. She had no idea that Dean and Castiel’s bond ran this deep. “Dean,” she said softly, “He’s okay.”

Dean didn’t look at her as he whispered back in a broken voice, “I can’t lose him, Jo. I just _can’t_.”

“You won’t,” Jo spoke her voice steady, trying to reassure him. She hoped she was right for Dean’s sake. She didn’t want to see what would happen to him if her words fell flat.

\---  
_*14 hours earlier, 6:02 AM*_

Castiel woke up to his phone vibrating under his pillow. He quickly grabbed it and shut it off, then looked over his shoulder at Dean. It hadn’t woken him up thankfully. He slept soundly with his face buried in Castiel’s hair and his arm holding Castiel close to his chest. Castiel carefully and slowly removed Dean’s arm from him, then snuck out of the bed. Dean responded by turning his face into the mattress and cuddling the nearest pillow.

After Castiel was fully clothed, he gave one last look at Dean in their bed. The sunlight was barely creeping through the blinds into the dark room. Castiel stared at the soft hair on Dean’s head, his broad shoulders and muscular back. He wished he could see his face in the dim room, but it was buried into the pillows. It tugged at Castiel’s heart as something told him that this was all a very _bad_ idea. A voice in the back of his head told him not to go to the Crossroads Café and to just crawl back into bed with the man he loved and with the way his chest tightened, his heart seemed to agree. But looking at Dean sleeping peacefully, his gut told him it was the right thing to do and he walked out of the room without looking back.

\---  
_*6:53 AM*_

Castiel felt his heart pound as his hand reached for the door handle to the Crossroads Café, but he shook the nerves off and entered the small café. The place wasn’t too crowded, just a few people loitering about on laptops or chatting with friends. A blues song played quietly through speakers in the corners, while a couple waitresses giggled by the counter. Castiel’s eyes wandered the café, suddenly realizing he didn’t even know who he was supposed to be looking for. He had no idea what the mystery caller even looked like.

Then he spotted him, well, he doesn’t know who saw who first, but there was a man in the corner staring right at him. There was nothing warm or kind about his eyes as he looked at Castiel and he didn’t look away when Castiel caught his eye. He sat near the window and the light seemed to form a halo around him. His blonde hair shined in the light and as Castiel walked towards him, so did his eyes. They were a light brown and almost looked gold. His outfit was simple, though the air around him suggested he was nowhere near a simple man. He wore a long sleeve black button up shirt and dark blue jeans. He also, had a pair of Doc Martens on and the outfit reminded Castiel of Dean.  


As Castiel made his way towards him, he kept his head held high and his back straight. He tried to look confident and unafraid with each step he took, because this was nowhere near a friendly visit. But Castiel’s skin felt like ice and the man’s cold eyes made a part of him scream to get the hell out of there. When Castiel finally approached him, it was like he’d flicked a switch. The whole atmosphere of the warm café changed. The laughter and gossiping of the waitresses, the baby crying somewhere and being hushed by his mother, and even the music all became but muffled noise. The world felt silent and Castiel felt more than one pair of eyes on him as the man stood up.

He smiled at Castiel, but it felt more intimidating than it did kind, “Well, I did not expect to see you here, Castiel.”

Castiel prayed his voice didn’t shake as he responded, “Yes, well, I thought it was about time we met.”

The man chuckled and held out his hand, “I suppose so, though the invite had been for just Dean alone. But I’m anything if not polite. My name’s Azazel.”

The familiar name made Castiel’s blood run cold, but he couldn’t remember where he knew it from. Azazel gestured for him to sit down at the booth and Castiel obliged.

Azazel joined him and gazed down at his menu, “Where is Dean? Parking his beloved Impala?”

“No, he’s at home,” Castiel answered, staring at the man who looked so carefree.

Azazel expression didn't change and he didn’t look up as he turned the page, “Oh?”

Castiel swallowed, before replying, “Yes. He doesn’t know I’m here. I never told him you called.”

Azazel let out a laugh and glanced up at Castiel with a glint in his eyes, “Is that so?”

Castiel nodded and the waitress came over then. She was young and cheerful as she asked, “So, what can I get you fellas?”

Azazel closed his menu and handed it to her, giving her a charming smile, “Eggs over easy with a side of bacon and a coffee.” He turned to 

Castiel, “Would you like anything? My treat.”

Castiel shook his head and the waitress’s cheeks tinged pink as she replied, “Alright, I’ll get that right out to you.”

Azazel watched her go, “That’s why I like this café, always has great service.”

Castiel didn’t reply and Azazel turned to him, glancing him up and down, “So, Castiel, may I ask why you didn’t tell Dean?”

“Because he wouldn’t have let me come if I had,” Castiel leaned forward with his arms on the table and Azazel copied his pose with a grin, obviously having fun with him.

“You wanted to see me?”

Castiel kept his voice steady, “Yes, I did.”

“What for?”

Castiel met his eyes, wanting the message to be clear, “I want you to leave Dean alone.”

Azazel’s smile fell slightly and he leaned back into his seat, “Oh, dear Castiel, that’s not going to happen.”

Castiel glared at him, something in him making him feel braver, “I don’t think you understand how serious I am. Don’t call him anymore and don’t come anywhere near him.”

Azazel reached out and placed his hand on Castiel’s arm. He grinned wickedly, “Now, now, Castiel, there’s no need to sound so harsh. We can both be gentlemen about this.”

Castiel glanced down at Azazel’s hand. He didn’t grip him too tightly and his touch wasn’t cold like his eyes were. He skin was warm and burned through the fabric of Castiel’s shirt. Castiel wanted to jerk his arm away, but didn’t want to seem cowardly. Castiel looked back up at him and nodded to his hand, “Then, remove your hand.”

Azazel chuckled, but did so. Then, he looked out the window, “You’re a lot feistier than you look, you know that, Castiel? Much more so than I’ve heard. I can see why Dean likes you.”

Castiel narrowed his eyes, “Have you had people watching me?”

Azazel returned his eyes back to him and then, looked down at the table, “Of course not.” He licked his lips and looked back up at him, “A good friend of mine is just a very big fan of your work.”

Castiel didn’t respond and Azazel laughed, pulling out his phone, “You don’t believe me? She’s told me she’s met you.” Azazel tapped away at his phone and held it to his ear. After a couple rings, he grinned, “Darling, you’ll never guess who I’m having breakfast with.”

The other person replied something and Azazel said, “No, he wasn’t able to make it. But guess who came in his place?”

They must have guessed right, because Azazel’s grin widened, “That is correct.”

He handed the phone to Castiel, who took it confused. He held it up to his ear, “Hello?”

A woman sighed sounding heartbroken, “Clarence, you _moron_!”

Castiel’s heart stopped, “M-Meg?”

Her voice was thick and she sounded terrified, “Castiel, you have to get out of there. I don’t care how you do it. Just get out of there!”

“But –“

“No, Castiel,” Meg almost sounded like she was choking back tears, “You have no idea what you’ve gotten yourself into. Who you’re dealing with. Get the hell out of there while you can.”

“Meg, I –“ Castiel felt his heart race at her tone.

“Clarence, please –“ and the phone was taken out of Castiel’s hand.

Azazel watched him as he spoke to Meg, “Don’t worry, Meg. I’m sure you’ll be seeing him soon enough.” He hung up the phone.

Castiel’s palms felt sweaty and he put them in his lap, “What is that supposed to mean?”

Azazel simply smiled at him, and then the waitress came by. She placed his meal in front of him and a coffee mug, “Eggs over easy with a side of bacon and a coffee.”

Azazel turned to her, “Well, that was very fast. Were you trying to impress me, Katie?”

Her face turned red and she looked down at her nametag, “What? Oh, no, it just, uh, worked out that way. Can I get you anything else?”

“No, we’re alright, thank you.”

She smiled at him, before walking away. Then, Azazel started cutting as his eggs.

“Do you always flirt with the waitresses?” Castiel crossed his arms over his chest and leaned back into his seat.

Azazel looked at him over his coffee mug, “No, sometimes I have a waiter instead.” He winked at him, before taking a drink.

There was a moment of silence and then, Castiel tried again, “You need to leave Dean alone.”

Azazel sighed, but continued to eat. After a bite of bacon, he said, “I already told you that wasn’t going to happen.”

“Why?”

Azazel shrugged, “I miss him.”

“It was just high school when you were friends. Dean’s made it clear he doesn’t want your company, anymore.”

Azazel narrowed his eyes as he chewed. He swallowed and raised his eyebrows, “Dean’s told you about me?”

Castiel nodded and Azazel wiped at his mouth with a napkin. Then, pushed his plate to the side, “Well, what all did he tell you? Surely not everything?”

Castiel thought about his answer and replied, “Just that he knew you in high school and then, you moved.”

Azazel stared at him for a second, looking for deceit, and then laughed, “Is that all?”

Castiel scrunched his eyebrows together, “Why? Is there more?”

Azazel shrugged, taking another drink of his coffee as he looked out the window, “I suppose not.”

Castiel didn’t believe him, but he didn’t ask any further. “Why did you suddenly come back and start harassing Dean?”

Azazel frowned at him, “I’m not _harassing_ him. I just want him to be in my life again. I _need_ him, Castiel.”

Castiel felt something akin to anger boil in his chest, “He _changed his number_. Do you still think that he’ll somehow change his mind and come back to you? After you threatened him and intimidated him?”

Something seemed to snap in Azazel at Castiel’s words, because he was no longer smiling playfully and his cold eyes sent chills down Castiel’s spine. He glared, “Dean _will_ change his mind and there’s _nothing_ you can do about it.”

Castiel’s voice didn’t falter, “He’s already told you to leave him the hell alone, but it’s like it falls on deaf ears. Why don’t you understand? Are you that obsessed with him?”

“I am not obsessed!” Azazel’s voice rose in the small café and the place went silent. Azazel looked around at the people staring and almost immediately everyone turned back to themselves. He repeated quieter with his jaw clenched, “I am _not_ obsessed.”

Castiel tilted his head at the man, “No, you are. You have this unhealthy infatuation with Dean and you need to let it go.”

Azazel huffed and raised his eyebrows at him. His smile was back in place, but it looked more half-mad than it did intimidating like before. “And what if I am? What if I don’t want to let him go? What are _you_ going to do about it?”

Castiel’s heart pounded against his rib cage, but he didn’t back down, “I’m not going to let you anywhere near him and I’m not leaving here until you fully understand that.”

Azazel chuckled, “Oh, Castiel, you really are quite the character, aren't you? But I don’t think you have any power over me. Do you really not know who I am?”

Castiel took a deep breath, “I know you were behind my apartment catching on fire and those thugs attacking Dean in Italy, though I don’t understand why you would do that. Now, me, I get. He loves me and I’m taking him even farther away from you, not that he was very close to begin with. But you love him, don’t you? You just won’t admit it.”

There was anger bubbling in Azazel’s eyes, but he responded coolly, “The fire, I’ll admit. But the thugs…acted on their own accord. Not many people _approve_ of my relationship with Dean. They say he’s a ‘distraction’ from my responsibilities. But don’t worry I took care of those boys.” Azazel’s wicked grin returned to his face as he brought his coffee to his lips.

Castiel felt his veins run cold at his words, but he tried to keep it out of his tone, “Responsibilities? What? Did you forget to take out the trash or something?”

Azazel laughed, “You serious?” When Castiel just stared back at him, he looked at him exasperated, “Do you at least know who the Knights of Hell are?”

Castiel raised his eyebrows at him, “Why? Are you going to say you’re related to one of the members?”

Azazel smirked into his coffee, “Something like that.”

Castiel rolled his eyes, “Well, I don’t care if you’re related to the goddamn Godfather. Stay away from Dean.”

Azazel laughed again and Castiel had decided he had had enough of this and there was no getting through to him. He’d just go get Dean and then, go file a restraining order. He stood up from the table, “Well, that’s what I came to say and I’m leaving. Goodbye, Azazel. I better not see or hear from you again.”

Azazel held up his hand, “Wait, I’ll walk you out.”

Castiel narrowed his eyes, but waited as Azazel put a fifty dollar bill on the table, then gestured for Castiel to go. He held the door open for Castiel and Castiel walked through it, hoping he’d never see the man again.

But then, he heard a pair of fingers snap and the world went black.

\---  
_*10:48 PM*_

“Dean, he’ll come home. Okay? If he doesn’t by tomorrow we can-“

Jo was cut off, when there was an insistent knocking at Dean’s door. She looked at Dean and then back at the door, “Hey, maybe that’s him? Lost his keys or something?”

She walked down the hall to the door and could feel Dean a few paces behind her. God, she hoped this was Castiel. She turned the knob  
and was almost knocked down by a blur of brown hair barreling into the apartment. “C-Cas?” she said shocked as she lost her balance. She looked behind her with a hopeful expression, but it soon fell as she laid eyes on the man. No, that wasn’t him, but the guy looked _a lot_ like him.

Dean seemed to know him, because he gave him a surprised look, “Michael? What the hell are you doing here?”

The man was breathless and he grabbed Dean’s shirt in his fist, “Dean, what the hell did you do!?”

Jo immediately went toward him ready to intervene as Dean tried to unclench the man’s hands from him, “Dude, what are you talking about!? I haven’t done anything!” Something must have crossed Dean’s mind because he quickly asked, “Wait, shit, is it Cas? Is he okay?”

Michael released him from his grip, but there was still anger in his voice. Wait, no, it sounded more like fear to Jo as she approached them and saw the terror in his eyes. “Cas? What? Is he not here? Where is he, Dean!?”

Whoever the guy was, he seemed to be making Dean even more upset. He yelled back, “I don’t know! He’s been gone all day. I can’t get a hold of him.”

Michael’s hand went to his forehead and he cursed, “Fuck.”

Dean grabbed his arms looking more scared than Jo had ever seen him, “Michael, what’s going on? Do you know what happened to Cas?”

“The Demons. They’ve got him. That has to be it,” Michael spoke seriously, but his voice shook.

Jo gasped. _The Demons?_ What the hell do they have to do anything with Castiel? To think that they had him sent chills down Jo’s spine. No, that couldn’t be it. He’s got to be just held up somewhere or lost his phone or something.

“The Demons?” Dean repeated like he didn’t know who they were, but then Jo saw the fear cross his face when he remembered and his arms dropped to his side. “But, why?”

Michael grabbed Dean’s shoulders and met his eyes, “Dean, it’s you. It’s something to do with you. It’s gotta be. They’re the ones who attacked you in Italy. It only makes sense that they're behind everything else, too.”

Dean just stared back at him in complete shock and Jo was worried he was about to faint, because he looked so goddamn pale. Michael talked to him slowly as if he feared the same thing and didn’t need Dean passing out, “Dean, you need to tell me what connection you have with them and then, we can sort this out.”

Dean’s voice caught in his throat. _He didn’t even fucking know and he was going to get Cas killed._ He tried to think of anyone, of anything that was even slightly associated with the Demons in his head, but came up with jack. Then, he heard a voice say from a closet of memories he’d long ago locked up, “ _You know, Dean, I’ll run this sorry ass town someday and everyone will know my name._ ”

\---  
_*6 years ago*_

“You know, Dean, I’ll run this sorry ass town someday and everyone will know my name,” Azazel told Dean as he skipped a rock across the small lake. It was probably already around one in the morning, but Azazel had been pestering Dean all week to hang out with him. So, he’d come out here with him a few hours ago and they still hadn’t left.

Dean wanted to go home, but he knew he’d just upset Azazel and he didn’t need that. Because after rejecting the guy all _last_ week, Sam had come home asking who this Azazel guy was Friday night. Dean had gotten pretty pissed about it, because he didn’t want Sam anywhere near the guy, but Azazel had just shrugged it off saying, “Well, you wouldn’t call me back, what was I supposed to do? It wasn’t like I _hurt_ Sammy. I don’t see the problem.” But Dean had a feeling it wasn’t beneath him to do something crazy like that to just get Dean’s attention. It made him uneasy in his stomach not ever knowing what Azazel was really thinking. There was something in his eyes that cautioned Dean to never get on his bad side. The way he would swiftly and mercilessly take down a guy with a smile and then, wipe away any blood and ask Dean out for dinner. The teenager scared the hell out of Dean and that was saying something, because _nothing_ scared Dean Winchester. And what made it even worse was that Azazel was pretty blunt about his feelings for Dean and always wanted to hang out with him. Dean wanted nothing more than to cut the guy completely out of his life, but he didn’t know what would happen to Sam if he did. And he wasn't about to risk it and test the theory out.

Dean sat on a giant rock nearby, watching the ripples as he took a drink of his beer. He was still seventeen like Azazel, but he had at least outgrown his pissed off teenage years. He sighed, annoyed, because Azazel never seemed to give up on this dream of getting back at everyone who’d ever thought he was just _some punk_.

Dean leaned against another rock behind him, “Dude, forget about all that. Who cares what all those people think, anyway? Why don’t you do something else with your life? Go to college or get a job?”

Azazel glanced over his shoulder at Dean and his eyes shun in the moonlight, “Oh, honey, that’s just not in the cards for me.”

“Well, why not?” Dean’s jaw clenched at the pet name, but he knew better than to say anything about it.

Azazel turned back to the water and threw another rock, “Gotta follow in the ol’ man's footsteps.”

“And what would that be?” Dean asked, because now that he thought about it, he didn’t know.

“Well, the family gang of course,” Azazel smiled.

Dean rolled his eyes. Azazel's always had this habit of being sarcastic like half of the time and Dean could never tell when he was actually telling the truth. Azazel may get in a lot of fights, but being in a gang seemed too farfetched, even for him. Dean mumbled into his beer, “Fine, don’t tell me.”

Azazel chuckled softly and started walking towards Dean, “What about you, Dean? You want to go to college or something?”

“I was thinking about it,” Dean looked down, not meeting his eyes as he inched closer.

Azazel rested his hand on Dean’s thigh and he leaned in towards Dean just a breath away, “Oh? And what do you want to be when you grow up?”

Dean’s heart sped up at Azazel’s close proximity, but it had nothing to do with excitement. He wanted to move away, but felt trapped as  
Azazel placed his hand on the rock behind Dean. “An architect?” Dean answered, though it came out as a question.

Azazel smirked, “Like that treehouse you plan to build Adam?”

Dean swallowed and tried to keep the fear out of his voice, “Well, I was thinking a bit bigger, but yeah.”

Azazel nodded and pulled away from Dean. He walked back to the edge of the water with his hands in his pockets and Dean took a deep breath that came out shaky. He looked up at the stars and spoke in a calm voice, “You going to leave me Dean?”

Dean felt shivers go down his spine. _Will he ever be able to escape from this guy?_ He chose his words carefully, “It’s not like that.”

Azazel turned his head to Dean and stared at him without a smile. It was almost creepier than with his usual psychotic smile. Dean had rarely seen the guy without his mouth turned up and whenever it wasn’t, well he it was never good. Azazel didn’t say anything and Dean wanted to look away, but he couldn’t. “Azazel?”

The sound of his voice seemed to snap Azazel out of his haze and he blinked, then smiled. He looked back up at the night sky, “It’s okay, Dean. I know you wouldn’t do that to me.”

Dean almost sighed in relief that Azazel went back to himself and wasn’t about to drown Dean in the lake. He didn’t know how much longer he could go on like this, though, being the object of affection of the scariest guy he knew. He almost wished Azazel had just drowned him. At least then, he’d finally be rid of him.

\---  
_*Present Day*_

“Oh my god,” Dean’s eyes went wide at the memory and he pushed past Michael and rushed out the front door. Michael and Jo looked confused at each other before running after him.

They chased after him all the way down to the small parking lot. Michael grabbed his arm before he could open the door to the Impala,  
“Dean! Where are you going!?”

Something had changed in Dean and it scared Jo and she debated climbing into the passenger seat. He no longer looked like the worry driven man she’d been with all day. His jaw was set and he looked determined at Michael, “I’m going to go get Cas back or die trying. If I don’t, feel free to beat me to death.”

“Dean, wait!” Michael yelled, but Dean had already shaken him off and was behind Baby’s wheel. It took a few seconds for Jo to process it all, but she was too late when she did and the Impala’s wheels were screeching out of the parking lot.

Michael cursed loudly, “Dammit!” Then, he turned to Jo, who took a step back at the expression on his face, “Do you anyone that Dean’s run around with that would be considered _bad company_?”

“Uh, no?” Jo replied confused, still trying to keep up with what was going on.

Michael sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to calm himself down. He let out another deep breath, before asking her, “Did you go to high school with him?”

“Yeah, but we hung out with different crowds,” Jo answered, wishing she could be more helpful.

Michael was silent, before he suddenly grabbed her hand, “Well, come on, we’re going to have to follow him.”

He led her to a black Lamborghini and Jo would have swooned if the situation wasn’t so serious. She got into the passenger seat and without even buckling his seatbelt, Michael pealed out of the lot. Jo pulled her phone out and quickly dialed the number of someone who might know where Dean was headed to.

She sighed in relief that he answered after only a couple rings, “Sam, Dean and Cas are in trouble. I need your help.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you ever have any questions or want to message me my tumblr is the same username as my ao3 account. Thank you for reading!:)


	21. I'm not such a bad girl

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got it up as soon as I can, even though I didn't hit my dream of a week update. I tried, angels, really did. Anyway, hope you guys like the chapter and thank you as always for reading and commenting! :)
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING: There is mention of attempted suicide (not Dean nor Cas) in this chapter. Just a heads up. It's when Meg enters. If anyone would rather not read that part, just hit me up and I'll give you a different version of that scene (email or another post) or tell you what you missed. I'm completely willing to do it, so just let me know. Love ya'll! :)

Castiel slowly woke up, hearing papers being shuffled nearby and the sound of the air conditioner coming through the vents. He could, also, hear the soft playing of Frankie Valli coming from a small radio. He opened his eyes to a warm lit room with blood red walls and mahogany floors. The room was empty, except for the black loveseat he had been laying on and its twin across from him along with a bookcase on the opposite wall. He turned around and saw Azazel calmly sitting down at a desk reading papers through thin framed glasses.

Castiel bolted upright, suddenly more aware of his surroundings. He glared at Azazel, “Where am I?”

Azazel glanced up with a smirk on his face, “We’re at my place of course.”

Castiel narrowed his eyes and stood up quickly from the couch. He instantly felt dizzy and disoriented, falling back to the couch. Azazel chuckled as Castiel grabbed his head and closed his eyes, “You took a pretty nice blow to the head. I wouldn’t be making any sudden movements if I were you.”

Castiel ran his fingers through his hair, feeling a small bump on the back of his head. He let out a humorless laugh. _How could he have been so naïve to turn his back on Azazel, even in a public place?_ “The blow that I’m assuming you delivered?”

Azazel grinned, “Oh, no, I never get blood on my hands. Though, I did give the order.”

Castiel tried to ignore the throbbing of his head, pulsating violently against his temples, “And what are you going to do with me now that you have me here? Kill me?”

Azazel gave him a crooked smile, “Nothing for now. The main guest hasn’t even arrived yet.”

Castiel felt his heart stop, “Who?” He asked, but his stomach dropped, he already knew the answer.

Azazel shuffled some papers and took his glasses off, then stood from his chair and walked around the small desk. He leaned against it with his arms crossed, grinning widely at Castiel, “Why, my dear Dean of course.”

“Dean is not _your’s_ ,” Castiel practically snarled at the man.

Azazel held up a finger, “Maybe that’s true, but not for long.”

Castiel rolled his eyes, and then closed them. He took a deep breath, desperately praying for the pain in his head to go away. He needed to think of how he was going to get the hell out of here. Whoever Azazel really was, he definitely had some man power and in Castiel’s state he didn’t even think he could take on Azazel let alone any lackys. 

When he opened his eyes again, Azazel was staring at him with a knowing look, “There’s no use in hurting your pretty little head over it, Castiel. There’s guards all over this place. You’ll never make it out unscratched, if even alive.”

Castiel swallowed as Azazel confirmed what he had already guessed. Azazel continued, “And I doubt you have any fighting skill that could take down a Demon, even the ones on the lower part of the food chain.”

Castiel scoffed, “A demon? What? Are you saying that you have the key to the gates of Hell or something?” Azazel seemed to get more deranged by the minute.

Azazel laughed, “No, but if there was such a thing I’d love to get my hands on it. Have you really not caught on yet? You’re quite slow.”

Castiel just narrowed his eyes at him and Azazel sighed, “Demons as in _The Demons_? You know the _gang_? One of the factions of the Knights of Hell?”

Castiel blinked and his mouth dropped slightly. It seemed to be the reaction Azazel had wanted since he chuckled at it. He bounced off the desk and strutted towards Castiel. Castiel pressed his back against the couch in response. Azazel leered at him as he leaned over him with his hands on either side of Castiel’s head. He whispered in a sultry voice that dripped with menace, “Do you understand who you’re up against now? I’m probably the most powerful man you’ve ever met. Everyone looks up to me around here and obeys my orders at the simple flick of my wrist. These people are willing to do _anything_ to please me. They’d even _die_ if I asked.”

Castiel tried to not let the fear he was starting to feel rise in his chest show on his face. He took a deep breath through his nose and didn’t take his eyes away from Azazel, “No matter what you do, Dean will _never_ become who you want him to be. He’d _never_ give his life for your’s.”

Azazel clenched his jaw, “Even after all that I’ve said, you still won’t back down will you, Castiel? You’ll fight till you’re bleeding on the floor and giving your last breath before you let me have Dean, won’t you?”

Castiel’s voice was steady and confident as he replied, “Yes.”

Azazel raised his eyebrows, “You love him that much?”

“Yes,” Castiel didn’t back down from Azazel’s intense stare.

Azazel nodded and leaned away from Castiel, “Well, I have to respect your devotion and loyalty.”

Azazel looked out the large window behind his desk for a second and then, without warning, swung his fist at Castiel. Castiel almost fell off the couch from the impact and turned back to Azazel before the man’s knuckles came into contact with his face again. Castiel felt like he could barely see through the pain that was fogging his mind and he felt blood running down his face. But Castiel was more prepared when Azazel threw the third time and he stood up and caught his hand, before hitting him square in the jaw with his other hand. 

Azazel stumbled backwards in shock and brought his hand up to his nose. When he pulled it away and saw blood, he chuckled looking back at Castiel, “I think you broke my nose.”

Castiel panted heavily as his head swarmed and promised, “Come near me again and I’ll do much worse. And what happened to not getting blood on your hands?”

Azazel smiled wickedly at him, "I think I can make an exception for you." Then, a young man walked into the room. Castiel’s eyes followed him until he stopped in the middle of the room. He couldn’t have been more than sixteen and his all black suit hung loosely on his thin body. He had black eyes and hair to match that was slicked back. His eyes widened at the sight of Azazel, ”Master, are you alright?” His eyes flickered to Castiel, looking slightly frightened.

Azazel rolled his eyes and walked over to his desk grabbing a tissue to hold to his nose, “I am fine, Tom.” He turned to him with cold eyes, “Is there a reason you interrupted my friend and I?”

Tom glanced warily at Castiel before answering, “Yes, he has finally arrived. Brady is looking after him downstairs.”

Azazel smiled, “Very well, bring him here in a few minutes. I need to finish the conversation I was having with my dear friend, Castiel.”

Tom nodded and left the room with one last curious look at Castiel. Castiel tried to stand straighter as he glared at Azazel, “Don’t you dare lay one finger on Dean.”

Azazel met his eyes with a forbidding gaze, “Wouldn’t dream of it. But Castiel, I think you should be worrying more about your own safety.”

Castiel didn’t respond and Azazel spoke in an amused tone while still maintaining an air of threat to it, “Well, obviously I’m not letting you walk out of here alive. I think it’s about time I show Dean how serious I am about him returning to my side.” Azazel smirked at him and tilted his head, “And killing you in front of him seems like it would do just the trick.”

Castiel didn’t allow his expression to show the fear that was shaking his chest. He wouldn’t say he’d been surprised at Azazel’s words, but hearing them clearly spoken still sent a panic through him. He wasn’t going to give Azazel the satisfaction of getting to him, though. He cleared his throat and spoke in what he hoped was a confident voice, “Even if you were to do that, Dean won’t come back to you. If anything, he’d just want to get revenge and you don’t want to be looking over your shoulder for Dean Winchester all your life, do you?”

Azazel’s grin faltered, but only for a second and his smirk was soon back in place, “Well, that would mean Dean wouldn’t leave me, wouldn’t it? Even if the circumstances are less than what I wanted. I’m sure eventually I could turn him back around.”

 _He was happy with any attention Dean would give him, even if he was trying to kill him?_ Castiel’s eyebrows scrunched together as he looked at Azazel in disgust, “You’re sick.”

Azazel merely shrugged in response, “Maybe I am. Doesn’t make any difference to what’s going to happen to you. You know what? I think I'll go greet Dean myself.” He strutted to the door and looked over his shoulder before twisting the knob, “Better make your final moments worthwhile. Get your final thoughts in order or whatever.” And with that he left Castiel alone in the room. He heard the soft click of the door locking and it felt ominous as anxiety gnawed at Castiel’s heart.

\---

As soon as Azazel left the room, Castiel collapsed against the couch. He rested his elbows on his knees and held his head in his hands. There was a menacing pulse against his skull that felt like a jackhammer. He didn’t dare close his eyes, though, knowing that he’d instantly become unconscious. He couldn’t move his head too quickly without his vision blurring and feeling like he’d pass out. His body was screaming at him to just give in and close his eyes, even if just for a moment, and it was extremely tempting. But his mindset was unwavering. He needed to keep his guard up and stay awake, ready for when Azazel walked back through that heavy wooden door. 

His thoughts wandered to Dean, praying to whoever was listening that the man was alright. In the moment he was thankful for Azazel’s infatuation with Dean, knowing that it’d at least keep him alive. _For now._ A cruel voice in the back of his head reminded him that it had been Azazel’s own men who had attacked Dean in Italy and Azazel telling him people _disapproved_ of Azazel’s obsession with Dean. Castiel could clearly imagine a few of the gang members roughing Dean up a bit before Azazel could step in. 

The memory of Dean bruised and broken in an Italian hospital flashed through his mind. His heart tightened and it became hard to breathe as if a heavy weight was sitting on his chest. An overwhelming feeling of anger flooded through him as he remembered Dean struggling around his apartment on crutches and almost falling. Mary’s worried voice on the phone and thanking Castiel for taking care of Dean. Dean’s depression of being bedwritten for a month. The small table covered in medication. Anna’s hysterical voice on the phone telling him _Dean’s in the hospital and it didn’t look good_. 

_God._ Castiel tried to stop his thoughts before they could dive any deeper into heartache. He needed to figure out how they were going to get out of this, if there was even a chance. _No._ Castiel couldn’t think like that. There was a chance and he’d find it if it killed him. He just hoped that wouldn’t have to be the case.

Castiel leaned against the back of the couch and looked over at the window. It was pitch dark outside and he couldn’t see a thing. The window took up most of the wall and he walked over to it wondering if this could be his chance. He searched the panels for a latch or anything, but with no look. The large window was built into the wall and apparently didn’t open. He sighed in disappointment.

As he turned around the door opened and Castiel felt his stomach drop, but then he saw who the person was as she snuck in and rushed to shut the door behind her.

Castiel’s shoulders relaxed slightly as she walked towards him, “Meg?”

Dozens of emotions flickered across her face, before she finally decided on anger. Her voice was strong, but Castiel could still hear fear in it as she spoke. The words came out breathless like she was overwhelmed with emotion, “I would slap you if you didn’t already look like you had the shit beat out of you!”

“Azazel –“

Her eyes stared into his and Castiel found it hard to look away, “I know who it was. This is why I warned you, Castiel. I told you to break things off with Dean before any of this could happened. He’s going to _kill_ you, Clarence! Do you realize that? Azazel is going to kill you and there will be _nothing_ quick about it.”

She looked over her shoulder at the door behind her, “I told Azazel some of the boys had turned on him and shot the guys guarding the safe room. He ran off to go get a handle on things. Even with his obsession with Dean Winchester, he can’t ignore that kind of problem. It should stall him for fifteen minutes before he goes to get Dean.”

Castiel felt relaxed at her words, but confused. “You’re a Demon, aren’t you? Just one of Azazel’s little minions. You’re the one who’s been informing him about me, aren’t you? Pretending to be a fan of my art. Why do you even care what happens to me?” Castiel retorted frustrated, wondering why this woman who he barely knew was helping him.

She did slap him at that and he looked at her in shock. She pointed a finger at him angrily and growled through her teeth, “Don’t you _dare_ think you know _anything_ about me. You have no idea why I’m here or why I to act like every other damn moron who waits on Azazel hand and foot.”

“Enlighten me,” Castiel glared at her feeling his cheek sting and guessing there was a red handprint on his face now.

Meg sighed frustrated and glanced away from him, “We’re cousins.”

Castiel’s eyes widened and she scoffed, “Yeah, and don’t say you see the resemblance. His father took me in when I was a kid after my parents died. And with Alistair being the leader of the entire faction, I couldn’t exactly chose a different profession. Family business and all.”

“Alistair?” Castiel asked confused with his eyebrows pulling together, “Azazel said he was the leader?”

Meg rolled her eyes, “Well, he’s next in line and when Alistair got terminally ill, he took over. He’s running the gang into the ground. Cain’s going to drag us all to Hell sooner or later. We used to be just drug dealers and would only kill during drug wars, but now with Azazel in power money became second after _Make everyone fear my name_.”

“Cain?” Castiel repeated, trying to keep up with her.

She explained impatient, “Cain, the _Father of Murder_. You know, the guy who runs the Knights of Hell? The Demons are just a faction of the national gang. If there was a top dog, he’d be it. And a couple decades ago he changed his ways and gave us one law to follow, _To not kill recklessly_. And he’s very serious about it. A couple years ago, he took out the entire west coast faction. Hundreds of people brutally murdered because they didn’t listen.”

“And you think the Demons are next?”

Meg’s face paled at the question, but she nodded, “Soon enough. He’ll get to us.”

A moment passed between them and Castiel asked, “Why are you here, Meg? What? Did you decide to turn a new leaf and help me?”

Meg stared at him for a second, her face softening and she shrugged, “Why not? There’s nothing left for me here. Alistair’s dying and he’s the only one I owe my life to. I don’t owe Azazel and his bloody tantrum shit. It’s the perfect time to escape with Azazel so focused on Dean. He won’t even notice I’m gone. I need to get out of here before Cain makes a visit, anyway.” She paused and then, smirked at Castiel, “Besides, I like you, Clarence.”

Castiel tried to not feel hopeful at her confirmation of helping him out. There were still things she hadn’t cleared up, “Haven’t you been against me this whole time? Burning down my apartment? Giving Azazel information on me?”

Meg sighed and looked down at the hardwood floor. Her leg ticked nervously, while she leaned on the other, “Azazel just assigned me to observe you. See who you were and what your connection to Dean was. I started going to your art exhibits around six months ago.”

Castiel tilted his head, “But Dean and I weren’t even together then? How did you even know what our relationship was, anyway? Did you stalk me?”

Meg looked at him offended, “No, I’m not a fucking stalker. I just went to the museums when I knew you were going to be there. I wasn’t going to follow you around and take notes about what kind of cereal you like.”

“Then, how did you know about Dean?”

Meg stared at him like he was an idiot, “The paintings, moron.”

It was still going over his head and Meg rolled her eyes, “Dean was in almost every one of them. I’d seen a picture of him from Alistair and I saw him hanging around him when we were teenagers. I knew what he looked like.”

Castiel blushed slightly, thinking no one would had ever figured that out, “But I never drew him outright. It was either just his eyes or-“

“His freckles,” Meg continued, “or his bowlegs or his golden hair or his clothes. May have fooled everyone else, but it didn’t get by me. Just the eyes were pretty obvious or that reoccurring shade of green. I’m pretty smart, you know.”

Meg chuckled at his expression and she strolled over to the couch, “Anyway, I never told Azazel much. Just that you were in love with Dean and that you were an artist. Pretty much what anyone could have figured out.”

Castiel walked over to the couch and sat beside her. She turned her head and smiled at him, “See, Clarence? I’m not such a bad girl.”

He narrowed his eyes at her, still feeling doubt, “My apartment?”

She frowned and shook her head, “No, that wasn’t me. That was Ruby’s craftwork. A plus psycho original. Bitch is totally bat shit crazy, almost as much as Azazel and she’s his second in command after Abaddon. Which is way above my pay grade, so I couldn’t do anything to stop her if I had wanted to.”

Castiel believed her, but still had trouble believing Meg was on his side. There had to be more reason than simply saying _Why not?_ “Why do you want to help me, though? I’m sure you can easily just go out the front door without any trouble.”

Meg looked away from him, “I really am a fan of your art. But that’s all it had been the first couple of months. I wasn’t willing to do half of the shit that I am now. But then…”

Meg trailed off, not finishing her sentence. Her smirk left her face and she looked pissed off as she glared at a bookshelf. Castiel was about to prompt her to continue, but then she turned to him, “You saved me, okay? That’s all you need to know.”

Her eyes returned back to the wall as she bit the inside of her cheek. Castiel tried to think about what she could be referring to, but he couldn’t pull a memory up from before he met her at the art show. “Meg, I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

She laughed humorlessly, “Of course you don’t.” She muttered to herself, “While I can’t seem to forget about it,” but Castiel was sure he wasn’t supposed to have heard that part.

She faced him again and her eyes searched his face for something. Disappointment flashed across her face, when she didn’t find what she was looking for. She sighed, “It was after one of your art shows. I almost walked in front of a bus, but you pulled me back right before it would’ve hit me.”

Meg’s eyes willed him to remember, but Castiel couldn’t recall ever doing that, not that he was going to deny it. “You don’t seem like the type to give your life to someone who saved you from an accident.”

Meg closed her eyes for a minute, before saying, “It wasn’t an accident, though.”

“But-“

She cut him off, “I wasn’t carelessly stepping into traffic like some dumb bimbo on her cell phone. I _meant_ to do it.”

Castiel stared at her in shock and she broke eye contact, “I was pissed off and _tired_. I didn’t want to do this anymore. Live this kind of life, it seemed pointless. Then, you pulled me back and I don’t know. I didn’t think anyone would care if I did it and then this random stranger who was practically on my gang’s hitlist stopped me. You made sure I was okay and told me _to be more careful_. I’m not much on faith, but it seemed like a sign. The world telling me to step back and rethink some things.”

She looked back up at him and stood up from the couch. She made a face at him, “Aw, Clarence, don’t get all mushy on me now.”

Castiel didn’t respond, not really knowing what to say. She arched an eyebrow at him, her smirk back in place, “Any more questions?”

Castiel was about to ask how she planned on getting them out of here, when something hit him, “Wait, you said _Ruby_ burned down my apartment?”

Meg nodded, “Yeah, why?”

“Blonde girl? Looks like Kate Cassidy?”

Meg gave him a weird look, “Yeah, you know her?”

Castiel nodded thinking of the waitress that got Sam hooked on drugs, “She was friends with Sam in high school. I met her a couple weeks ago.”

Meg shrugged, “Ruby’s always been pretty fanatical about doing whatever Azazel wants her to. She probably got close to Sam to get close to Dean or to use him as leverage if needed. She loves Azazel’s order of things. She thinks he’s the reincarnation of Satan or something. Like I said, the bitch is pyscho.”

Castiel stored the information away for later, trying not to wonder who else was in the Winchesters’ lives that had been put there by Azazel. “Meg, how are we getting out of here?”

She grinned at him, “Believe it or not, but I’ve got a plan that I think even you would approve of, Clarence.”


	22. Hush, now don't you cry!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Words cannot describe how sorry I am about how far apart these updates are getting! I'm so sorry! I got a lot of excuses, but I'm sure ya'll don't have the time for them. So, I'll try my best to get better at updating! The next update will be SOON, I promise! Thank you all for sticking it out and putting up with me! I love you guys! :)

Dean had made enough quick and sudden turns to where he had finally lost Michael and Jo. He loved them and was thankful they wanted to help, but they didn’t need to get caught up in this. 

He parked the Impala a few streets away, because he knew Azazel would recognize it right away once he saw it. Dean grabbed the knife he always kept from his glove department and stashed it in his left boot before climbing out of the car. 

It was night now and almost pitch dark outside of the street lamps. The air was cold and Dean was thankful for his leather jacket. As he walked down the sidewalk, he was alone. There was no one outside and Dean didn’t even see any lights on in the houses. It didn’t give him a good feeling. It was like the whole neighborhood knew not to go out at night and to steer clear of the large property at the end of the block. The reminder sent shivers down Dean’s spine and a part of him screamed to turn around, get back in his Impala, and drive off. He had finally got away from this creepy son of a bitch and now he was walking straight into his arms? A teenage memory of him cowered in fear and demanded what could possibly be worth any of this?

But Dean shook the thoughts away as he strode determinedly down the street. _Cas._ He yelled back at the scared part of him. _Cas_ was worth this. Cas was worth just about worth any damn thing he could think of. The gummy smile, brown sex hair, and blue eyes stayed plastered at the fore front of his mind. The gut wrenching fear he had felt the whole day when Cas was missing was long gone and the mere thought of the man he loved gave him a confidence and strength he had never felt before. He was getting Cas back. _Alive._ He couldn’t be as positive about Azazel’s future, though. He was going to beat the asshole to a pulp as soon as he laid eyes on him.

When the tall iron cast fence finally came in to view, Dean felt his breath catch in his throat. This was it. No turning back now. Though, Dean didn't think his heart would let him turn around even if some part of him wanted to. With thoughts of Cas, he climbed the fence, praying that he would somehow miraculously not get caught. He didn’t think it was very likely, but it’d be nice to run in, grab Cas, and run back out.

The courtyard surrounding the giant house was just as massive with scattering light posts. As Dean stealthily crept towards the house, he realized how stupid it was to not have some sort of plan. Did he really think he could just sneak past all these guards? But he continued on, nonetheless. He was almost near what he assumed to be the right side of the house, when he saw a man turning the corner dressed in a slim black suit. He quickly ducked behind a shrub, hoping the darkness of the night shielded him.

He waited a couple minutes before he peeked over the greenery. The man had already turned the corner. Dean let out a sigh of relief and moved away from the shrub. He went the opposite direction the guard had been walking, towards the back of the house. But as he rounded the corner, he walked right into two more guards.

Before they could even think of what to do with him, he punched one in the face, probably breaking the man’s nose. That seemed to wake the two guards up, because the other immediately grabbed Dean bringing his arms behind his back, not allowing Dean to move. Though, Dean struggled to free himself, the guy was a lot bigger than he was and it was like he was fighting a wall. 

The other guard, the one he had got a hit in, smirked at him holding his bleeding nose, “Oh, you’re Dean Winchester, aren’t you? Azazel will be happy to hear that you’ve arrived.”

Dean glared at him, but didn’t reply not wanting to give the guy the satisfaction of getting to Dean.

“Well, we should probably take you to see him then, shouldn’t we?” the man that was holding Dean spoke and Dean could hear the malice in his voice.

The guard that Dean had hit kneed him in the gut and Dean lost his breath. He would have fallen over if not for the guard that was holding him upright. Afterwards, they dragged Dean to the front of the house and through the massive double doors leading into the warm lit foyer.

\---

Meg was probably the stupidest person to ever walk the earth. _Why the hell was she doing this?_ Going through all this trouble? A part of her, the rational part, told her to just bolt. No one would say anything if she just walked out the front door. She may not have Azazel’s ranking or Abaddon’s or even _Ruby’s_ , but she still got some respect around here. No one was going to question her.

But she thought of Clarence, all battered and bruised in Azazel’s office, waiting for her to come back, to get him out of here. It wouldn’t be _that_ difficult getting him out of here, but she knew he wouldn’t go knowing Dean had come for him, restrained by some of Azazel’s goons somewhere. Now _that_ was going to be difficult. She had a plan in her head, but she was still pretty much winging it. She just hoped it was going to bite her in the ass trying to save a man she barely knew. They didn’t have any relationship whatsoever, couldn’t even be considered friends. Meg still didn’t fully understand the pull she had towards him, the kind of pull that made you want to turn your life around, break all the rules. He didn’t even remember her. But she had expected that, she doubted he would. He didn’t think she owed him anything. But she couldn’t let it go. He saved her and now it was time for her to return the favor. 

She strutted down the hallways, her heeled boots clicking against the floor. With her back straight and her eyes cold, she walked with an air that she was someone important, someone to fear. When she finally reached the foyer, she walked up to the boys gathered around, laughing about something. They all stopped when they saw her and straightened up in the black suits. She aimed her glare at the man in the center of the group, “Brady, where’s Winchester? Azazel wants him brought to him and since you’re apparently too dimwitted to do it yourself, he sent me.”

The blonde’s mouth dropped a little and he looked at her confused, “Abaddon already took him, Meg.”

Meg’s heart stopped in her chest, thinking the plan was doomed before it had even began. If Abaddon had him, well, there was no telling what could happen to Dean. She crossed her arms over her chest and silently glared at Brady. The other men, realizing Brady had done something wrong, slowly stepped away from the two. She raised a perfectly arched eyebrow after letting Brady’s fear of her settle into his skin, “Oh, really? And what did she say?”

“She, um, said that _she_ was going to take him to Master?” Brady’s voice went high at the end of his sentence like he was unsure himself.

Meg internally groaned and glared daggers at Brady. She took a step towards him and snickered when he stepped back in response, “Has it not crossed your mind that maybe you aren’t doing your job well enough when not only the _head officer_ , but the Master’s _betrothed_ , has to come and do it for you? Before she came down here, did you think Azazel was going to come and _fetch_ Winchester himself like some _dog_?”

Brady visibly gulped, “Uh, well –“

She cut him, taking another step, backing Brady to against the wall, “And are you plain _stupid_? Letting someone the Azazel cares so much about be in the hands of _Abaddon_?”

Brady dared ask, “What do you mean?”

Meg rolled her eyes and hissed, “Did you just start working here yesterday? Did you really think Azazel would send Abaddon to come for Dean? No, she came here herself, without orders. You better hope she doesn’t kill Dean and blame it on you. Cuz who do you think Azazel’s going to believe when he’s looking for vengeance?” She raised an eyebrow and glanced around the room at the demons who had slithered to opposite sides of the room and back to Brady, “Do you really think your friends are gonna risk their necks for you?”

Brady’s eyes wandered to them, too, but none of them met his eyes. Meg could see the fear in his eyes increasing rapidly. He was going to break any second. He looked at her hopelessly, “But why would Abaddon do that?”

“Oh, Brady,” she patted his cheek with her hand, “you are a complete moron, aren’t you? Abaddon is _known_ for her vicious jealousy. Anyone that Azazel’s eyes linger on for more than a _second_ , she sees as a threat. And Dean? Oh, boy, does Azazel’s eyes linger on him for far too long. If something were to happen to him…”

And then, Brady finally broke, “Meg!” He grabbed her hands, “You have to help me! Master won’t just kill me, he’ll _torture_ me!”

Meg dropped his hands in disgust and raised an eyebrow, “Tell me which way Abaddon went.”

Brady sighed in relief and pointed down the hall to the right. She immediately smack him on the side of the head, “You idiot, that’s the _opposite_ direction from Azazel’s office!”

She stepped away from him, shaking her head in disbelief as she strutted away in the direction Brady pointed to. _Whoever is in charge of recruiting needs to go through a wood chipper for having such low standards._ She turned the corner, trying to think of how she could possibly get Dean away from Abaddon. The chances of any of them getting out of this alive were becoming slimmer by the second. She figured she’d do to Abaddon what she’d done to Azazel. To just distract her and make her leave the room. It’d worked on Azazel. Meg just hoped Abaddon would believe whatever lie she came up with. Abaddon had never been very trusting of her.

Meg didn’t even have a minute to think of which door to try first in the long hallway, before she saw Azazel enter the hallway from the opposite end. Her heart stopped and her skin became cold. _Did he know she’d lied? Had she already failed Clarence?_ She plastered a smile on her face and walked over to him confidently, “Azazel, did you already sort out that little problem? How impressive, that was pretty quick.”

He stopped in front of her, smiling down at her, the smile she’d hoped would never be directed at her. “Oh yes, it was such a small problem that I’m not even sure there was a problem to begin with.”

Meg frowned and scrunched her eyebrows at him, her heart beating painfully against her ribs, “What do you mean?”

“Well,” Azazel pursed his lips as he started to walk around her, “When I got over there, nothing was wrong. No one was on edge or sweating nervously. No one was missing. I checked the safe and everything was there. When I told them what you had said they had no idea what I was talking about.”

Meg chuckled, “Oh well, Lilith was the one who told me about it. You know how she is, always fucking with me and pulling her little pranks. I told you it was a bad idea to let someone in so young, even if she is almost seventeen.” 

Azazel was behind her now and she heard his footsteps stop. She could feel the heat emanating from him and it sent chills down her spine. “Are you lying to me, Meg?”

“What?” Meg spoke instantly and that was her first mistake. Even she could hear the tremble in her voice. She cleared her throat, “Why would you even ask that? What reason do I have for lying?”

Azazel sighed and stepped back in front of her, “I should have known it would come to this. You became too attached to your assignment. You _love_ him.”

Meg’s breath caught in her throat and she let out a shaky laugh, “What? I don’t know what you’re talking about. My loyalties lie with the family.”

He looked at her sadly, “Oh, Meg, your loyalties haven’t laid with the family for a long time, if they ever did at all.”

He stepped towards her and Meg instinctively took a step back, bumping against the wall. She tried again, though she knew it was pointless. She’d already lost the battle. There was no saving her. No saving Clarence or his beloved Dean. “Azazel, I owe my life to your father, to this _family_. How could you even accuse me of betraying you?”

“A year ago, I wouldn’t have even considered it, Meg, and bought into your obvious lie about Lilith. But I’m not stupid, I can see that something's changed. I’ve noticed it for quite some time, but just chose to ignore it, not wanting to believe it. You may still love us, but we’re not the ones you love the most anymore. And I can’t have that. You’ll chose him over us. Every time. That little blue eyed painter beaten to a pulp in my office,” He took another step towards her and there was barely a foot between them. He reached behind his back and retrieved a small dagger. Meg closed her eyes and held back a whimper. Because this was it. There was no talking her way out of this one.

She took a deep breath and opened her eyes, because she wasn’t going to die like a coward. She owed herself more than that. She forced her voice to be steady as she glared at him, “So what if I love him? Am I supposed to be bound to this place for eternity? Can I not have a life outside these walls?”

He sighed, “Well, of course you can, my dear cousin. It’s the balance of the scale though.” He held his hands out in front of her, one still loosely gripping the knife, “Your personal life and the family.” He made one hand higher than the other, “The one that’s higher, though, must _always_ be the family.”

She challenged him, knowing it’d be the death of her, but if she was going to die anyway it wasn’t going to be with her begging for mercy, “What about you, Azazel? You’re going to try and tell me that Dean Winchester doesn’t tip that scale in the opposite direction?”

She saw something snap in Azazel’s face and his calm façade dropped, “He does _not_. I am as _devoted_ to the family as my father is!”

“That’s bullshit and you know it,” she smirked at him, “You love Winchester too much. You’re willing to burn the whole world for him and all of us with it. Everyone knows it. There's rumors going around amongst us lower demons. I wouldn't be surprised if there was a mutiny being planned as we speak.”

His face twitched and she knew she had just seconds left before he finally put that dagger to use. She continued and told him in an amused voice with a smug smile, “And the worst part? He doesn’t even love you back. He _despises_ you. You _disgust_ him. In his eyes, all you are is an annoying _leach_ that does nothing but give him pain. At least I know when there’s no room for me in someone’s heart. I'm not pathetic enough to creep around when I'm so clearly not wanted.”

Azazel pressed the cold dagger against her neck and pinned her against the wall. She didn’t feel as scared as she thought she’d be in her final moments, though. Instead, she felt a sense of relief, a cold acceptance flooding through her. She felt comforted and for one of the few times in her life, her smile was genuine and probably even reached her eyes.

She asked him, “How will Alistair feel? When he’s told you killed me? I’m like a daughter to him. We’re family, you and me. More family than this damn gang. We’re blood, Azazel. You're just going to tear that a part?”

He chuckled, “You’re no family of mine, not anymore. And Alistair? He'll die soon. It's only a matter of time, before he gives in to death. He's more of a burden really, preventing me from taking the full reign I deserve. Just a nuisance. Maybe the news of your death will kill him, he always loved you more than me. I can only hope to be so lucky.”

She stared at him in slight disbelief, wondering when his soul had become so twisted and charred, “You’ve lost any ounce of sanity you had left, haven’t you?”

He shrugged, “So, I’ve been told.”

The pressure of the dagger against her throat increased. Always wanting to have the last word, she grinned, “Well, Azazel, all I got to say is when I see you in hell, I'm not even going stop to say fuck you.” 

His smile widened, revealing white teeth that were too straight to belong to such a crooked man. Meg closed her eyes, not wanting Azazel to be the last thing she saw before she died. She thought of Castiel’s strong grip when he pulled her away from that bus. The blue eyes that saved her life, the ones she couldn’t save in return. His paintings flashed through her mind, greens and golds, the emotion in every stroke that had always managed to take her breath away. She never was one for praying, for believing in God. Even if she was proven wrong, she'd think God was a major dick. With the amount of evil in her life, she'd never drop to her knees in devotion for him. But she let that go now. She prayed. Prayed to whoever would listen. Not for herself, it was already too late for her, but for Clarence. She prayed for his life and his happiness, which she knew would always encompass Dean. She hoped they somehow made it out of this hell.

As Azazel dragged the knife across her neck, she heard her mother. Her soft voice singing to her in the loving tone she’d only heard as a small child. The song was familiar, an old Irish lullaby her mother sang to her every night before she went to sleep. She could almost feel her mother’s fingers combing through her hair as the words soothed her in her last moments.

_Too-ra-loo-ra-loo-ral. Too-ra-loo-ra-l. Too-ra-loo-ra-loo-ral. Hush, now don't you cry! Too-ra-loo-ra-loo-ral. Too-ra-loo-ra-li. Too-ra-loo-ra-loo-ral. That's an Irish lullaby._


	23. Still playing hard to get

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: There's a fight scene involving knives after Abaddon takes Dean away. I know it's common for some people to have a problem with knives and such, like myself, so I just wanted ya'll to know. Even though no one's ever hit me up asking for a revised chapter, I'm still willing to do it. Ya'll are important to me and I love ya'll. I don't want anyone to ever feel uncomfortable while reading my work. So, if you want a cleaner scene, comment here, or you can shoot me an ask/message @thekatthatbarks on tumblr.  
> Enjoy ya'll's holidays/vacation!! :)

As soon as he laid eyes on him, shock was quickly replaced with anger. In what Dean assumed to be similar to a front desk, Brady sat grinning smugly at him casually leaning back in the small chair. If he wasn’t restrained at the moment, he was sure he would’ve charge straight for the bastard. Even then, he struggled to get out of the two thugs grip on his arms.

“Well, well, well, Dean Winchester. Haven’t seen you in a few years? How have you been? How’s Sam?” Brady grinned at him and Dean wanted to punch the expression off of his face.

Dean glared at him, “You son of a bitch!” Dean tried to fight off the guys holding him down, but was unable to escape their tight grips on him.

Brady just chuckled softly under his breath at him and stood up from his chair, sauntering over until he stood right in front of Dean. He raised an eyebrow at Dean with a smirk, “I’m sorry, are you upset about something, Dean?”

Dean almost snarled at him, “You know damn well what I’m upset about. What? Were you just placed in Sam’s life, huh? Is that it? Just wormed your way into being his best friend? And what if I misbehaved, you were in charge of doing something to Sam?”

Brady simply shrugged, “It may have not been a coincidence I became friends with Sam, but I honestly never did anything to hurt Sam. At least not anything he didn’t want to do.” He grinned wickedly at Dean, “Now, Ruby on the other hand…”

The blonde flashed through Dean’s mind and he saw red. He had already hated her enough as it is, but finding out she was one of Azazel’s minions? Dean felt like he could stab the bitch in the chest and he wouldn’t feel a damn ounce of guilt. He laughed humorlessly, because nothing could surprise him anymore. “So, Ruby, too, huh? I should’ve fucking known. Who else? You gonna tell me my Aunt Ellen is a demon, too?”

Brady chuckled, “No, Azazel mainly placed people in Sam’s life, since he was who you cared most about at the time.” He smiled crookedly and there was a glint in his eyes, “Well, once you turned eighteen.”

Dean felt his blood run cold as he could feel one of his deepest fears about to be confirmed. He had always wondered, the cruel thoughts taunting him at the back of his mind. But he tried to ignore them, because there was never going to be anything to confirm them. At least, no until now. “No, he-he didn’t…he couldn’t have…”

Brady gave him a pitiful look that was anything, but genuine, “Come on, Dean. You must have always wondered _why_ that horrible night had even happened.”

Dean swallowed thickly and tried to not let Brady get to him. He couldn’t think about this right now, he couldn’t show any signs of weakness. He tried to forget the twisting in his stomach and focus on his anger, “No, you’re lying. Why would I ever believe a word that came out of your mouth?”

Brady pursed his lips and shrugged, “I guess you have a valid point. But you should really ask the source once you see him. I know I would want to know.”

“And that’s what I’m here for,” a sultry voice spoke. Dean and Brady both turned to look at whoever it was. She had beautiful long red hair and dark red lips. It only took Dean a moment for him to remember her. The only difference was instead of a dress, she was dressed in typical Demon attire with her leather jacket matching her heeled boots.

Brady instantly straightened and stepped away from Dean. He nodded at her respectfully with a charming smile, “Abaddon, how lovely to see you.” But even Dean could see Brady was nervous, probably scared of her, with how he avoided her eyes and his voice wavered.

Abaddon smiled at him and then looked at Dean, her grin widening, “Oh, Dean, I’m so glad you decided to stop by.”

He was still a little taken aback by how he knew her, “I –“ 

But before he could say more, she interrupted him raising a perfect eyebrow at the men holding Dean. Her smile dropped and her glare looked deadly, “And why exactly are you two restraining him like he’s a prisoner?”

“Uh,” Dean felt their grip loosen on him as one of them answered, “Well, ma’am, he was intruding. We found him in the courtyard trying to sneak in.”

“And did you know who he was?”

They had completely let go of him now and the other replied regretfully, “Yes, ma’am.”

She huffed, “So, then, I’m sure you know how important this man is to Master and that he’s always welcome here. And yet you still treated him so harshly?”

The two men stepped away from Dean and lowered their heads to her, “We’re sorry.”

She rolled her eyes and glanced at Brady, who looked like he was waiting to be scolded as well, “Brady, Azazel’s caught up in something at the moment, so I offered to come escort Dean to his room.”

There was a flash of confusion on Brady’s face, but he seemed to have decided not to argue with her, “Would you like one of us to walk with you? He might try to fight you.”

She merely laughed and stepped closer to him. She was a tall woman, towering over him by a couple inches, probably due to her heels. She leered down at him with her arms crossed over her chest, “That wasn’t meant to be condescending, now was it?”

Brady didn’t dare look away from her stare, “Uh, no, no, it wasn’t, ma’am. I apologize if it came across that way. I was just being concerned about –“

She arched an eyebrow, “About me?”

Brady nodded and Abaddon’s playful smile dropped, “I hope for your sake that you have not forgotten who I am and that you have not forgotten what I am capable of. Do not forget who you are talking to and think before you speak. Next time, I will not be so forgiving about being looked down on.”

She didn’t wait for Brady to reply, before stepping back and looking at Dean. She smiled wickedly at him, her eyes running up and down his body, “I’m pretty confident that I can handle Mr. Winchester on my own.” She turned to a fellow Demon, “Don’t you agree?”

He nodded, his back straight and his hands behind his back, “Of course, ma’am. You are one of the Demon’s most fierce fighters and our first in command. It would be disrespectful to doubt your abilities.” 

She smiled satisfied and glanced at Brady, “See? This is how you are so supposed to speak to me. You should take notes from him.”

Brady nodded in resignation and Dean had never thought he could be so cowardly. The confident persona he had been showing Dean just moments ago had completely disappeared and he lowered his head like a beat dog. Dean thought he was pathetic.

Abaddon then, held out her hand to Dean, “Shall we?”

He just looked at her like she was crazy and made no movement to take her hand, “What?”

She rolled her eyes, but her grin never left her face, “To go see Azazel of course. I’m sure your beloved angel is with him as well.”

Dean hadn’t been planning on just walking into the fire, but that seemed to be the way things were headed. He sighed and stepped towards her, but ignored her hand. She winked at him as he began to follow her down a hallway, “Still playing hard to get I see.”

He narrowed his eyes at her, “You’re that woman from Italy, aren’t you? The one that tried to pick me up at that art museum?”

She smirked at him, “Glad I’m someone that’s hard to forget.”

Dean scoffed, “Yeah, well, it’s easy to remember someone who is currently trying to kill the man I love.”

Abaddon shook her head as she stopped in front of a door, pulling out a ring of keys from her jacket, “Oh, doll face, I haven’t caused the slightest bit of harm to your precious painter.” She unlocked the door and pushed it open, then gestured for Dean to step inside. He stepped in feeling cautious, but not really able to do anything to change his current situation.

The room was warmly lit by a couple lamps placed strategically around the room. The walls were lined with trophy cases filled with various weapons that Dean assumed were priceless artifacts. In the middle of the room was a lounge area with two arm chairs and a love seat. But there was no sign of Azazel nor Castiel.

He heard her close the door and the sound of the lock clicking back into place. He internally groaned, wishing for the night to just be over and be at home in bed with Cas safe in his arms. But he felt like they were from that happening any time soon.

\---

“Jo, high school was kind of a blur for me you know that,” Sam sighed frustrated into the phone.

Jo felt bad for asking, not wanting to cause Sam to tredge up a horrible time in his life, but this was important, “I know, I’m sorry. But this is important. Do you remember who Dean hung out with? Cuz I didn’t really seem him much at school.”

“What is this even about, Jo? Why are Dean and Cas in danger?” Sam asked confused, his tone becoming worried.

“I can’t explain that right now. It’ll make more sense after you remember some faces, though, Sam.”

Michael glanced at her as his car crawled down the barren streets, looking for any sign of Dean. Jo shook her head in response and he cursed under his breath. 

Sam was quiet for a minute and then he said, “I never really met any of Dean’s friends. Now that I think about it, it was kind of weird that I didn’t. It was like Dean didn’t want me to know them. But I, uh, do remember this one guy.”

“Yeah?” Jo asked hopeful.

“He came up to me one time at school, asking if Dean was alright because he hadn’t been replying to the guy’s calls or something,” Sam tried to force himself to remember more of what happened that day, but it was just a couple weeks before Adam died so he had buried those memories deep.

Jo waited and he finally went on, “He said his name was Azael or something like that. He kind of freaked me out. I had asked one of my friends about him and he had said that he was like the biggest bad in the school. He was always in trouble and was feared by anyone who knew him. Looking back, I probably should’ve pressured Dean more into how he knew him. He obviously wasn’t a good guy. But Dean had got really weird when I had mentioned his name, telling me to never speak to him again.”

Jo listened and then, it hit her. She looked at Michael with wide eyes and he silently pulled car against the curb and put it into park. She could practically hear Sam getting more and more freaked out as he replayed the memory in his head, “What’s going on, Jo? Did this guy do something to Dean? To Cas? Are they okay?”

Jo instantly regretted how she had greeted Sam when he answered the phone. He didn’t need to get wrapped up in this. She tried to swallow her panic and hoped she didn’t look as pale as she felt. “No, Sam, they’re okay. Don’t worry about it. I’ll, uh, call you back, alright?”

“No, Jo, tell me what’s going on,” Sam’s voice became urgent, “Jo –“

“Bye, Sam,” and Jo hung up the phone, shoving it into the pocket of her jeans.

Michael looked at her expectantly, “Well?”

She nodded towards the road, “Drive. I’ll tell you when to turn. I know where Dean went.”

Michael looked annoyed that she wasn’t elaborating, but did as she had said. Jo’s mind was blank and overflowing with thoughts at the same time. Her skin felt like ice as stories she had heard in high school flooded through her mind. _I heard he once took out this entire group of guys just for looking at him the wrong way. And he smiled the whole time._ Azazel was who Sam had remembered. Jo remembered him as a beautiful boy with almost golden eyes and a charming smile. But she knew from what her friends had told her to stay away from him. His loving appearance did not match his psychotic personality. _You know he lives in this big mansion on Samuel Colt . His father is like really rich and he has a lot of family that lives with him._

“Don’t stop the car, just keep driving, and we can park a couple streets away,” Jo told Michael seriously as the massive house came into view. Her words seemed to have caused him to pale, but he nodded and listened to her. Once, they had passed the house and turned down a few streets, Michael parked the car. She told him hurriedly a summary of what she knew about the charming devil who lived in that house.

He was quiet for a moment, his face stone cold, probably going insane on the inside with worry for his brother. Then, he asked her, “What do we do?”

She pulled out her phone and stared at it, contemplating, “We can call the cops.”

Michael scoffed at her, shaking his head, “Lately, the cops haven’t been much help. And what are you going to tell them?”

Jo shrugged, “That your brother was kidnapped and we followed the car until they went into that house.”

He raised his eyebrows at her, “And you think they’re just going to charge in there with guns blazing into the Demon Headquarters?”

Jo knew it wasn’t the best plan and she felt like shit for not being able to offer a better one. That helpless feeling she had got watching Rudy die started to creep up on her again. She almost felt like crying, because she felt so useless, but she fought it back. She needed to be brave. For once in her life, she needed to be the strong one. Dean and Cas needed her. She swallowed down her fear and looked at Michael, “We call them and then we can go in there ourselves and try and get our family out. Hopefully before anybody dies, the police will be there.”

Michael just stared at her for a few seconds then, slowly nodded and opened the door, “Alright.”

Jo took a deep breath, before following him out of the car. Her heart beat slightly faster in her chest and her legs felt shaky. She almost wanted to call Ash for backup, because she knew he’d be there in a heartbeat. But she had a feeling this was going to end completely fine and she didn’t want to drag him into it. She looked over at Michael as he walked beside her down the sidewalk. She barely knew the guy, just that he was Castiel’s older brother. It may be that he just looked a lot like Cas, but she felt a little more safe with him beside her.

\---

“You were never planning on taking me to Azazel were you?” Dean asked turning around to see Abaddon leaning against the locked door with a wide smile.

She shook her head and walked over to the love seat. She waved her hand for him to sit beside her, but he remained standing. She shrugged in response and looked down at her blood red nails, “You and me have a problem, Dean.”

Dean’s eyebrows scrunched together, “We don’t even know each other. What kinda grudge do you have against me?”

She looked up at him and answered simply, “You’re in my way and I can’t have that no matter how beautiful you may be.”

Dean shook his head, “Look lady, I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about.”

She frowned at him and went back to admiring her nails, “Azazel and I are engaged. It’s been planned before we were even born that I would rule the gang with him.”

“Well, congratulations,” Dean told her sarcastically, “I’ll send you a wedding gift as soon as I get home.”

She stood up from the couch and stepped in front of him, “But you don’t understand, Dean. We were supposed to make it official after high school, but then Azazel being a dumbass got himself put in jail for a few years.” Well, that explained why Azazel’s advances on Dean had suddenly stopped. She continued, “He was released around a year ago, but we still haven’t done anything about the engagement. Do you know why?”

Dean gave her a confused look and waved his hands at her dramatically, “Why the hell would I know!? Go to the fucking marriage counselor or something! Don’t drag me into it. I just want to get Cas and get the hell out of here.”

She narrowed her eyes at him and poked him in the chest with her manicured finger, “It’s you. You’re the reason. All Azazel’s ever cared about is you!”

Dean slapped her hand away from him and stepped back, “Hey, I don’t give a rat’s ass about Azazel.”

She nodded, but her eyes were cold, “Yeah, but he does you. And it _distracts_ him. He’s running everything we’ve built into the ground! All for the sake of you!”

Dean glared at her, tried of her insistence that he was ruining whatever fucked up psychotic relationship she had with Azazel, “What the hell do you want me to do about it!? I’ve made it clear I don’t want anything to do with him!”

She rolled her eyes, “That won’t work with Azazel. He thinks he’s entitled to whatever the hell he wants. He won’t listen to you.”

She stepped closer to him, circling around him with her eyes raking up and down his body. She sighed, “I’m just going to have to take you out of the equation, Dean. It’s the only solution.”

He stepped away from her again and raised his eyebrows at her, “So, what? You’re just going to kill me?”

She bent down to the coffee table and opened a book. Dean only had a second to wonder why she had the random interest in it, and then she pulled a small dagger from it where it had been hiding in between the pages. She tossed it back and forth in her hands, testing its lightness, “It’s not like I haven’t gotten rid of pest like this before. I’ll still be able to sleep at night, don’t worry.” She grinned wickedly at him and he felt his blood run cold.

As she advanced towards him, he remembered the knife he had tucked away in his boot. The morons from earlier had been too stupid to search him. He didn’t think he could get it out without her noticing, though. He stepped back and bumped into an armchair. Then, he had an idea. He fell into it and looked up at Abaddon smiling menacingly at him.

When she reached him, she cupped his cheek with her hand and spoke in a soft voice, “It really is a shame, Dean. That I have to kill you. Such a pity.”

“What do you mean? Don’t tell me you’re starting to like me,” Dean said as he moved his hand slowly towards his shoe, “I mean you just threatened to kill me, kinda ruined any chance we had.”

She smiled, bringing the knife to his neck and dragging it slowly down, but not enough to make a cut. But Dean still felt the cold metal graze his skin and it occurred to him that he may not actually be able to get out of this. He snuck his hand under his jeans as she spoke, “I can see what Azazel sees in you.”

He grabbed hold of the small knife and hid it in his sleeve. He smirked at her, “Oh, yeah? It’s my charming personality, isn’t it?”

She chuckled, crouching in front of him with her hand still holding his face, “I’m sure that’s definitely a contributing factor, but I was thinking it was your eyes.”

“Yeah, I get that a lot,” Dean grinned at her and then quickly grabbed her right hand holding the dagger and pulled it far away from his throat. Her face twisted in pain as he twisted her wrist and tried to get her to drop the knife. Her other hand went for his throat and she tried to get a chokehold on him. But he brought his own dagger up to her throat and she loosened her grip. He nodded his head for her to stand up and then, backed her up until she was against a wall. The cases above them shook as her body hit the wall.

After her dagger fell from her grip and clattered to the floor, she tried to grab at his hand. Dean could tell she was a good fighter, but he was still stronger than her and it wasn’t like he’d never been in a fight before. Then, she risked cutting her own neck by kneeing him in the groin causing enough distraction for her to get out of his grasp. As Dean tried to catch his breath, he saw her reaching for the dagger she had dropped. He grabbed her before her fingertips even touched the cold metal and dragged her away from it.

Dean threw her to the ground and then straddled her. She fought him until she felt a blade pressing into her neck. She looked at him with wide eyes as he continued to apply more pressure. He glared at her and lost his teasing smile from earlier. She had to know he was being serious about this. He wasn’t going to risk her killing him and probably even Castiel afterwards. He was sick of all the twisted shit that came with having Azazel in his life. He was going to bow his head anymore. He was going to fight.

He made sure to make eye contact before he pressed hard enough that blood was starting to drip from her neck. She had stopped fighting him then, gone completely still, scared for her life. He eased up on his pressure, not really wanting to have her blood on his hands if it wasn’t necessary. He glanced at the curtains to his left and reached for the curtain tie backs. Once he had one in his hand, he got off of her, keeping the blade to her throat. He nodded for her to sit up and she regretfully did so, but looking relieved that she probably wasn’t going to be murdered. 

He lowered his knife and tied her hands together tight enough it probably caused bruises, but he didn’t really care enough to be bother about it. He grabbed another rope and did the same to her feet. He stood up and looked down at her with a chuckle, “Well, look at you, Queen Bitch, subdued by someone as pathetic as me.”

He could tell that she was still shaken, but she tried not to show it. She smirked back, “I guess I underestimated you, Winchester.”

He shrugged, looking down at his knife that now had blood on it, “A lot of people do.”

She raised an eyebrow at him when he wiped his knife on the couch, “Aren’t you going to gag me or something?”

“Nah, I’m not feeling that kinky at the moment,” Dean grinned at her.

She rolled her eyes, “Aren’t you worried I’m going to scream?”

He shook his head, walking to the door, “No, you’re too proud for that. You won’t do it. You won’t let your subordinates think you’re so weak.”

She simply glared at him and he knew he was right. He gave her one last smile before leaving the room.


	24. What a deranged fool

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Words can't express how deeply sorry I am that I left all of you hanging for seven months. I don't want to give any excuses, ya'll deserve more than that. So, I'm going to try and finish this fic soon. I was reading a fic that was complete except for the very last chapter was abandoned and it made me think of you guys. I'm sorry!   
> Anyway, apologies aside, this fic should have about two, maybe three chapters left, then it'll be over. I know I told some of you I had a sequel planned, but I don't think I'll ever get to it. I've felt kind of distant from the fandom and don't think I could find it in me to write more. Sorry about the hope I got up.  
> So time for the TW. This chapter has some violence in it and I know I always offer to write alternate scenes for anyone who wants them and no one ever takes me up on it. But the offer still stands. For this chapter, especially if you have a TW for blood and death, it might be better to just go ahead and comment or send me an ask on my tumblr @thekatthatbarks for an alternate version before reading.  
> Thank you so so much for anyone who is still willing to read this! I love you all! You guys are the best!!!! :"")

Azazel sighed in annoyance as he wiped his dagger on his cousin’s blouse. The blood from her neck had already spilled down her breast and into her shirt. Though, Azazel thought with a chuckle, since the blouse was already a blood red, the blood could have been mistaken as a pattern.

He rose back up to his feet, sparing one last glance at his beloved cousin. Her head lulled to the side, resting on her shoulder clad in a leather jacket. Even in death, her golden hair looked perfect as if she had just ran her fingers through it. She still had a smile on her face, looking beautiful even with blood still slowly dripping from the cut in her neck. 

Azazel felt a pang of regret that Meg had turned her back on the family and forced him to kill her. Even though he had always felt slightly resentful towards her because Alistair obviously loved her more, he was still fond of her. She was witty and sarcastic, a fearless fighter who didn’t take any shit from anyone. She was family and he had been comforted that he could always trust her because she was blood. 

But he had been wrong. Meg was no family of his. Not since she fell in love with that bastard painter. He sneered in disgust at her lifeless body, his golden eyes falling on the smile of her lips. She had always been a brash woman, to even mock him in her death. Azazel felt hatred build up like bile in his throat as he turned away from her and strode down the corridor. Her face remained in his mind and he tried to shake the image away. _Had she ever really loved him at all?_

When he turned the corner, he spotted a Demon patrolling the hallways. He didn’t remember the man’s name, not that it really mattered. Upon seeing his Master, the man stopped in his tracks and bowed his head slightly, “Master Azazel.”

Azazel paused before him and cocked his head behind him, “There’s trash laying in the floor around the corner. Dispose of it quickly. It’s upsetting to look at.”

The man nodded, “Of course, sir.”

Without another word, Azazel turned away from the Demon and continued his march down the corridor towards the foyer. He felt his footsteps quicken with each step that took him closer to Dean Winchester. He hadn’t seen him in years and he missed him terribly. A part of him wished their reunion was under better circumstances, but there wasn’t anything he could do about it at this point. He had called Dean and invited him out only to be rudely rejected, so this is what it had resorted to. Dean had forced him to do this. He knew Dean was bound to be angry with him, probably even furious because he had dragged the damn blue-eyed painter into this. 

He knew Dean truly loved Castiel Novak, even if the thought twisted his heart in ways he never thought possible. Meg, among other Demons he had ordered to watch Dean over the past year, had assured him of this. The photos he had seen of them together left little room for argument. He knew this, but he was still determined that he could turn Dean’s mind around. He could make him see that Castiel wasn’t anything special, just a pathetic artist graced with good looks. Dean would see that Azazel loved him so much more than Castiel ever could. Dean _would_ change his mind. Even if it took time, Dean would return Azazel’s feelings. He _had_ to. Azazel would make sure of it.

A wicked grin spread across Azazel’s face in anticipation as he neared the lobby. Dean always looked beautiful when he was angry.

\---

Brady hit the floor hard, clutching at his face in vain as he willed the pain to go away. But it was nothing compared to the overwhelming fear that was currently coursing through his veins. He had never been more scared in his life then when Master Azazel grasped his shirt in his fist and lifted him up. 

Since Master Azazel graduated from high school and took on a more important role in the gang, he rarely got involved with violence directly. Though his reputation was still enough for anyone to cower in fear, knowing he could end their life in a second if he wanted to with just a twitch of his fingers. Knowing this, Brady was without a doubt sure of what was about to happen. If Azazel was angry enough to assault him himself instead of ordering someone else to do it, then Brady knew he had mere seconds left.

Master Azazel’s ever present smile had dropped from his face replaced by a vicious snarl aimed at Brady. Azazel hardly ever broke his calm composure. It was a rare sight to ever see him overcome with any emotion besides glee when he took down an enemy. The absence of his grin added to the assurance that Brady's death was inevitable. 

Azazel’s hand clutched around Brady’s throat and Brady could feel his life slowly leaving him. “What do you _mean_ you don’t know where he is!?” Azazel growled at him.

Brady weakly grasped at Azazel’s hand around his throat as he tried to defend himself, “A-Abb-ad-don t-took –“

Azazel’s eyes widened a fraction and he looked livid. He dropped Brady to the ground. Brady struggled to find his breath as he collapsed on the floor. Master Azazel towered over him, “You dumbass! Which way did she go!?”

Brady pointed a shaky finger down the corridor Azazel had just come from, knowing if Master Azazel had had any thoughts about sparing him they were long gone now. There was no mercy for stupid mistakes in the Demons Faction. He heard Azazel let out an exasperated sigh and imagined Azazel pinching the bridge of his nose with his eyes closed, shaking his head. It was a common sight for whenever Master Azazel encountered incompetence among his subordinates, usually followed by said subordinate’s termination. Brady just had never thought he’d ever be at the bad end in that situation. He had always been so sure of himself, careful to never make any mistakes, while still exhibiting his nonchalant confidence. 

There was a moment of silence and Brady found enough courage to look up at his Master leaning over him. Azazel’s calm demeanor was back and his lips were pursed in thought as he looked down at Brady as if contemplating what to do with him. After a few seconds passed, Azazel smiled and held out his hand towards Brady. Brady took it with a clammy hand, not daring to hope this was retribution. He wasn’t foolish enough to think the return of Azazel’s smile was a good sign. 

After Azazel helped him to his feet, he straightened Brady’s clothes, smoothing out the wrinkles in his shirt and dusting off his jacket. Brady avoided eye contact until Azazel gently grabbed his chin and forced his to look at him. His grin was wide but Brady could see the danger lurking in his eyes. 

“My dear boy,” Azazel lightly slapped Brady’s cheek where he had punched him and Brady forced himself not to flinch, “You should learn to take a punch like a man. Stand a little straighter. Taller. Are you not a proud Demon?” Master Azazel’s voice was warm and encouraging like a baseball coach telling a young child that he’ll hit the next ball.

Brady did as he was told and straightened his back, “Of course, sir.”

“That’s better,” Azazel nodded his head approvingly. He then, moved his hands to either side of Brady’s head, “Because you know how much I hate cowardice. Even in front of me, I still do not want my men to show me fear. Should you fear me? Yes, of course, you should fear me. Always. But I never want to see it in your expression, in your stance. It makes you look weak. And I won’t have any weak Demons in my faction. Show me _respect_ not fear. There is a difference. Is this understood?”

Brady gulped, nodding his head. He tried to stop his voice from shaking as he answered, “Yes, sir.”

“Good,” Azazel’s smile didn’t leave his face as he immediately snapped Brady’s neck, his limp body dropping to the floor like a rag doll. 

Azazel sighed, wondering if he was going to have to be bothered to kill anyone else tonight. He turned towards his other men with a wide grin. They stood tall in front of him with their hands clasped behind their backs. Azazel sauntered in front of them. He nodded in approval at them, “Now, _this_ is how my men should look. Good job, boys. Ah, only if you had been kind enough to show our poor Brady how to properly act. Well, too late now, not that I blame any of you. I wouldn't want to waste my time on the pathetic and helpless either.” 

Azazel turned back to the corridor to go in search of Dean, when he saw Tom hurrying towards them. Tom was one of his favorite Demons. Alistair had picked him off the streets when he was just a boy and took him into the gang. He was an orphan who had run away from abusive foster parents to live on the streets instead, surviving as a thief. Alistair had seen potential in him and Azazel hadn't found a reason to argue with his old man’s intuition. Tom was as loyal as a dog, obeying any order given to him without even the slightest hesitation. He owed his life to the gang and showed his gratitude through following Azazel around like a guard dog. He was still only a teenager and having lived off of scraps on the streets, he wasn’t very muscular. He wasn’t a very good fighter, but Azazel knew that the young man trained so he could better serve his master, so Azazel ignored the weakness. He knew that Tom’s devotion would at least lead him to be a good shield if need be.

Tom quickly stopped in front of Azazel and bowed his head, before speaking in an urgent tone, “Master Azazel, I apologize for not bringing Dean Winchester to you like you had ordered. After Brady told me Abaddon had taken him, I immediately went in search for them. I finally found Madam Abaddon tied up and unconscious in one of the studies, but Mr. Winchester was nowhere to be found. Instead of continuing to look for him, I thought first to get Madam Abaddon assistance.”

Tom lowered his head in anticipation for punishment in case he had made a mistake in his decision. Azazel placed a hand on Tom’s shoulder and assured him, “You are not in any wrong, Tom. You may raise your head.” Tom did so with relief that he hadn’t disappointed Master Azazel and Azazel continued, “It was not your's, but Brady’s mistake and he has already been reprimanded.”

Tom glanced at the lifeless heap on the floor and fought down a shudder, thankful it wasn’t him. Azazel turned towards the other men in the room and ordered, “Boys, search the mansion for Dean and bring him to my office once he is found.” He stepped towards the hallway and beckoned for Tom to follow him. He paused and without turning back around spoke in a warning tone, “Oh, and I do hope that Dean is not injured when I get back to my office. Otherwise, I will find someone to be held responsible.”

When Tom stepped through the doors to lead Azazel to where had found Abaddon, Azazel had to repress an exasperated sigh at her. He walked over to her and knelt down in front of her. He stared at her for a minute, before speaking softly, “Abaddon, you can stop faking now. I know you’re not unconscious.”

She opened her eyes and grinned widely at him, “How did you know, dear?” 

Azazel rolled his eyes at her and motioned for Tom to untie her restraints, “Dean wouldn’t have knocked you out. He’s too soft to hit a woman. And I know how much you value the respect the men give you. You’d rather them think the only way he was able to restrain you was because he had rendered you unconscious instead of him able to actually beat you in a fight.”

Abaddon pouted as she massaged her now free wrists, “I just underestimated him, that’s all. Otherwise, he wouldn’t have stood a chance.”

Azazel grabbed her hand and helped her to her feet, “Of course, love.”

Abaddon smiled at him, but then frowned slightly when his grip on her tightened. She tried to pull away, but he wouldn’t let her. She looked up at him, trying to keep her smile on her face, “Azazel, dear, you’re hurting me.”

He didn’t lessen his grip on her and leaned closer to her, “And may I ask why you were involved with Dean in a fight in the first place?”

Azazel saw panic flash in her eyes, but gave her credit when she maintained her confident bravado, “You just talk about him so much that I wanted to meet him. So, when one of the boys told me he was here, I took it upon myself to escort him to you. But when we entered the room, he overpowered me. I shouldn't have let my guard down, but I had no idea he'd become so violent.”

Azazel raised an eyebrow at her explanation, “Why did you bring him here in the first place? My office is in the opposite direction.”

“I had a nice bottle of liquor stashed away in this study and wanted to grab it for the both of you. I thought it’d add a nice touch to your reunion with your old best friend,” Abaddon calmly answered him and Azazel sensed no nervousness from her. She had even relaxed in his grip.

He let her go, but still felt an edge of suspicion, “Abaddon, I know how jealous you can get and wouldn’t be surprised if you had brought Dean here to have a little _chat_ with him.” Abaddon had always had a reputation of being viciously jealous. She intimidated anyone who dared talk to or touch him too intimately. Azazel had always taken her jealousy as proof of her loyalty and devotion to him. But even so, Azazel didn’t think she would hurt Dean. Maybe try and scare Dean into keeping a respectful distance. But not cause any harm to him. Abaddon loved him and she always had. She was a powerful woman and had shown throughout the years that she deserved her title of First Command and his future wife. She was the most loyal to him out of all his subordinates and he had grown fond of her over the years. She was the last person he'd think would turn on him. She knew how much Dean meant to him and she wouldn’t do anything to upset him. She wouldn’t betray him like that. _Would she?_

Abaddon held his hands in hers and smiled up at him, her red lips stretched across her face to reveal a brilliant smile, “I may get a little jealous, I'll admit. But _I_ am the one who you are betrothed to. I don’t doubt our engagement. And I understand how much you care for Dean, it doesn’t bother me. I could never harm him, because it would only hurt you. Why would I want to do that? I love you.” She then, let go of his hands and strutted over to a bookcase where she pulled out an old bottle of whiskey hidden amongst the books. 

She walked back over to him reading the label, “Jameson’s Irish Whiskey. Only the best for you.” She looked up at him with a smile and held out the bottle to him. 

He took it, feeling his doubts of her melt away, “Thank you, Abaddon. I’m sorry for having doubted you. When Brady told me you had taken Dean, I was sure you had him locked away somewhere torturing him.”

She chuckled, “You worry too much. I’m not that jealous of a woman. Those rumors are so exaggerated.”

Azazel nodded and turned to leave the room, “Well, I told the men to take Dean to my office once they find him. I should go see if they have brought him there yet. I have another guest waiting there anyways; it would be rude of me to leave him unattended to for so long.”

Abaddon smiled and gestured towards the door, “Of course, dear. Have a good night.”

She watched him leave through the door and dropped her smile with an annoyed huff. She looked back down at her hands that still had flaring red marks. She thought back over the previous conversation and her well thought out explanation. She grinned wickedly and let out a laugh as she tried to cover her wrist with her sleeves, “What a deranged fool.”

A small voice spoke in the quiet room and almost made Abaddon jump, but she managed to not flinch, “Madam?”

She looked over her shoulder at the boy. She had forgotten he was still in the room. His name was Tom, if she remembered correctly. He had always treated her with great respect, just as he did with Azazel. He even called her _Madam_. It was more respect than any of the other men had shown her. She smiled fondly at him, “Nothing, Tom. I was just mumbling to myself. The bottle of whiskey reminded me of the last time I had seen Master Azazel drunk. He acts like such a fool when he drinks, it’s really amusing.”

Seeing Madam’s affectionate smile, Tom returned it and asked, “Is there anything I can do for you?”

She shook her head, “No, you’re dismissed.”

When he reached the door, Tom looked over his shoulder at her, “Madam, if I may say so, the Master is very lucky to have someone who thinks of him so fondly.”

She smiled at him, “Thank you, Tom.”

He left the room, closing the doors behind him to leave her in peace. Abaddon fell against the cushions of the couch, wondering if every man was so stupid that they could all be so easily manipulated by a smile from a beautiful woman.


	25. It was like a knife to the back, Castiel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so like I said in the last chapter about TWs. The offer still stands as it always does. This chapters worse, just a heads up. Let me know if ya'll need anything! Love ya'll! :)

Castiel’s anxiety was slowly building up more and more, he thought he might explode at any moment. Meg had been gone for almost fifteen minutes now and she had said she’d be back in no less than five. Castiel hardly knew the woman, but she was putting her life on the line for him and he couldn’t help but worry for her safety. 

Castiel’s vision was starting to clear up more and his head didn’t feel like someone was beating him with a hammer anymore, even though it was still throbbing. Castiel tried to think of a plan to escape in case Meg’s didn’t work out. But he kept drawing up blanks, he had no idea what to do. With Dean already in the hands of Azazel’s goons, it was starting to seem hopeless. He had finally remembered to check his pockets for a cell phone, but his hope was short lived after finding it dead. So, calling for help was out of the question. The only hope Castiel held on to was that maybe Dean had told someone what was happening before he attempted his rescue mission.

 _I think it’s about time I show Dean how serious I am about him returning to my side. And killing you in front of him seems like it would do just the trick._ Azazel’s psychotic voice kept echoing in Castiel’s head, driving him insane. Castiel had no doubt that Azazel would live up to his promise and it terrified him. Not his death, though. He wasn’t scared of dying, not really. But having Dean forced to _watch_ him die. Now that terrified him. He didn’t want Dean to be put through that. It’d destroy him, because he knew Dean would only blame himself. Then, he’d try and get some kind of revenge and might even die in the process. Castiel didn’t want that kind of future for Dean. Dean didn’t deserve that. 

The door opened and Castiel’s eyes flickered to it, expecting Meg to come through, but golden eyes met his in return. Castiel felt his last reserves of hope drain out. _Had Meg been found out?_ The disappointment must have shown on his face, because Azazel smirked at him, “Expecting someone else?”

Castiel didn’t answer him as Azazel closed the door, “Where’s Dean? Didn’t you leave to go get him?”

Azazel strolled over to his desk and carefully placed a bottle of whiskey on the desk. Then with his hands in his pockets, he leaned against it casually, “It seems my men had a little _trouble_ with Dean, but don’t worry he’ll be here soon enough.”

Castiel narrowed his eyes at Azazel, wondering what kind of _trouble_ Dean had caused. If Dean had escaped whoever had been holding him, then maybe there was still a chance they could make it out of this. But even so, there wouldn’t be any hope if Castiel couldn’t make it out of this room, with Azazel guarding him. He knew Dean was looking for him and wouldn’t stop until he found him. The only chance they had was if Azazel left him alone again and that was when Dean found him, but Castiel knew that wasn’t very likely to happen.

As Castiel’s mind raced with ideas of how to lure Azazel back out of the room, he spotted blood on Azazel’s jeans. It hadn’t been there before he left, so it couldn’t be Castiel’s. A horrible thought crossed Castiel’s mind and his stomach twisted in knots. He prayed it wasn’t true. He suppressed a shudder and nodded at Azazel’s jeans, “You said you didn’t like to get your hands bloody, but I guess your clothes are another matter, huh?”

Azazel’s eyebrows scrunched together confused and then, looked down at his jeans. When he saw the stain, he sighed loudly, “And these were new jeans, too. Damn, what a shame.”

Castiel had been hoping for a less vague of an answer, but he didn’t want to push any further, thinking he probably would be better off not knowing anyway. 

Azazel looked up from examining his jeans, vaguely wondering if they could be saved in the wash or not, and met Castiel’s eyes. He grinned when he finally saw fear starting to show on Castiel’s face. He crossed his arms over his chest as his grin widened, “You want to know who’s it is?”

Castiel didn’t answer him, feeling like Azazel’s taunting was proof enough of who it belonged to. He felt guilt churn in his stomach, knowing she wouldn’t have ended up this way if Castiel hadn’t been stupid enough to get kidnapped. A voice in his head told him she offered to help him of her own free will, but he couldn’t help but feel that her blood was on his hands and not just Azazel’s.

Azazel smirked as he watched remorse wash over Castiel, “To turn on her own blood. It was like a knife to the back, Castiel. I had to do it. She deserved it after betraying her family like that.” He grinned in amusement as Castiel’s expression became livid.

Castiel sprung up from where he was sitting on the couch, his injuries forgotten and the slight dizziness he felt ignored, “Just because you were her blood doesn’t mean you were her family! Why should she have ever treated you like family if you hadn’t even earned the right to be called so!?”

“Family is family, no matter what. We took her in, we fed her, we gave her a home. I shouldn’t have had to do anything more than that to be considered family,” Azazel argued in a detached tone, but Castiel could tell he was striking a nerve.

“Family is so much more than just that. Just because you’re blood doesn’t mean you’re family and vice versa. Dean taught me that. A family has to have love. But I wouldn’t expect _you_ to even be able to comprehend that. Meg never felt any love from you, nor from anyone in this so called _family_. Maybe gratitude towards your father. But that’s not love. Do you even understand what love is? It’s nothing like the obsession you have with Dean. Love isn’t _selfish_. So, you’ll probably never feel it and for that I pity you,” Castiel’s stance was confident as he glared at Azazel. He knew what he was doing. He was breaking that calm exterior Azazel so proudly presented. And he knew that when that wall came down, it’d mean the end for him. But at the moment, Castiel didn’t care. All he could see was Meg smiling at him and promising him they’d get out of this hell together. That when he saved her, she felt like maybe there was more to live for than what she’d been raised in. She deserved so much more than this. She deserved a second chance at life and this bastard had taken it away from her.

Azazel’s cocky grin fell and Castiel saw his face twitch in anger. He was across the room in a second with his fist in Castiel’s shirt. He growled at him, “I do _not_ need any pity from _you_! Who do you think you are to pity me!? _Me_!?"

Castiel smiled at him, knowing it’d piss the man off even more, “You think love is having your men gladly die for you, don’t you? Well, fear isn’t the same thing as love, Azazel. I highly doubt anyone in this entire building would even take a bullet for you. I bet most of them would be glad to see you gone.”

Azazel threw Castiel to the couch so hard that it fell backwards with the impact. Castiel tried to get to his feet, but as soon as he did, Azazel’s hand was grasping his shirt again. He punched Castiel, “You don’t know anything!” Another blow struck Castiel’s face, “You and that bitch can both go to Hell!” Another punch, “My men are like _dogs_! They are _loyal_ to their master!”

Castiel felt like he was about to lose consciousness and the pain in head was almost unbearable, but he didn’t let it show. He spat blood at Azazel’s face and Azazel hoisted him up and slammed him against the wall in response. Castiel met his eyes defiantly, though his vision was blurry and one of his eyes had become swollen. The smile Azazel sprouted was probably the most psychotic Castiel had seen on him yet. 

“It’s your fault she died. You have to know that, don’t you?” Azazel sneered and slammed Castiel against the wall again, “She just had to fall in love with you, didn’t she? What’s so _special_ about you, anyway? Huh?” Azazel’s face was inches from Castiel’s and he took the opportunity to hit Azazel across the face with as much force as he could master. Castiel wasn’t stupid. He knew it wasn’t going to gain him anything, except for Azazel's anger. Castiel could tell Azazel was a lot stronger than he was, especially with Castiel already so beaten. But he had to fight back. He wasn’t going to just take it lying down. If he provoked Azazel enough and he killed him here and now and Dean found him like that, he’d want Dean to know he fought back. That he didn’t give up.

When Azazel’s eyes turned back to Castiel, they were menacing and filled with so much hatred Castiel almost flinched. He kneed Castiel in the gut _hard_ and dropped Castiel to the floor. Castiel coughed up blood and his vision swirled so much he thought he was going to pass out then and there. But Azazel’s hand was around his throat and dragging him back up against the wall to eye level.

“What’s so special about you!?” He roared, repeating his question from earlier. “Why do they choose you over me!? You’re just a _nobody_! A painter who’s not going anywhere! You’re mediocre! _Average_! Why do they love you instead!? Why not me!? I’m nothing like you! I’m so much more!” 

Castiel struggled to breathe and started to see black spots as Azazel screamed at him. But with his last exclamation, he dropped Castiel to the floor. Castiel gasped for breath, coughing the life out of him onto the floor. He could see Azazel’s scuffed Doc Martens out of the corner of his eye and heard the man panting above him. But Castiel couldn’t raise his head. It took everything he had to not collapse on to the floor. But he’d be damned if he showed any weakness to Azazel. 

The wooden floor was cold beneath his fingers and he hoped that it was a heating issue and not a sign he was on the verge of death. He was about to climb to his feet, determined to at least leave another mark on Azazel that showed he wasn’t just some scrawny painter like the man seemed to think, when a glint of silver caught his eye. It was a dagger hiding innocently under the edge of a pillow from the couch. 

Meg’s sweet and cautious voice rang in his head. _I’m going to give you this dagger, Clarence. But I want you to keep it hidden until I return. Don’t put it on your person. You don’t even have anywhere to hide it since they took your coat from you when they searched you for weapons. Don’t even try it, Clarence. If Azazel returns before I do, he’ll see it on you. He's good at that. Only use it if you_ absolutely must _._

 _This was his chance. His only hope._ Castiel was about to reach for the silver dagger, when he heard the doorknob turn. Then, he felt Azazel grip the back of his shirt and throw him back against the wall. A second later and the door opened revealing Dean being roughly pushed through. Castiel was vaguely aware of a Demon following Dean inside. But Castiel only saw Dean and Dean’s eyes immediately fell on him. Castiel smiled in relief and felt like a weight had been lifted off of his shoulders. Dean didn’t look harmed in the slightest. Castiel wanted to cry he was so happy. He had started to think he would never even see Dean again.

Dean’s face twisted in anguish as he saw Castiel beaten to a pulp on the floor. His face was swollen and blood was dripping from his mouth. He was breathing heavily and looked as weak as a doll as he leaned against the wall. When his blue eyes met Dean’s, though, he attempted a small smile. Dean’s heart felt like it was tearing apart and it took his breath away. He forced himself to look away from Castiel’s beaten body back to Azazel, the misery in his stomach slowly churning into a ferocious hatred.

Azazel smiled widely at him, his white teeth stained with blood. His face was slightly swollen, too. It was the worse Dean had ever seen Azazel look in all the years he had known him. Dean felt a swell of pride that Castiel had managed to land a few blows of his own as well. He almost smirked at him.

“Dean,” Azazel spoke his name in a breath of relief. Hearing that sultry voice say his name after all these years sent chills down his spine. The voice on the phone was nothing compared to the real thing. It still made his blood run cold and his stomach twist in disgust. A warning feeling flooded through him and suddenly he was a teenager again with a psychotic stalker. He fought his old fear down and replaced it with anger as he met Azazel’s gaze with a glare.

“I’m so glad you finally made it. I’ve been waiting awhile, you know. It’s rude to keep a man waiting,” Azazel teased him in his most charming voice.

Before Dean could reply, the man who had escorted him to the office cleared his throat, “Master, I’ve brought Mr. Winchester like you asked and you’d be pleased to know that he is unharmed.”

Azazel dismissed the man, “You may leave.” The man did so quickly, shutting the door behind him. The audible click was loud and echoed in the quiet room. 

As soon as the door closed Dean stepped towards Castiel, but Azazel quickly pulled out a knife from the back of his pants. He knelt down in front of Castiel and used the knife to raise Castiel’s chin, with his eyes never leaving Dean’s. He shook his head with a smile, “Uh-uh-uh, honey. You wouldn’t want any rash movements to startle me and cause me to slit your beloved’s throat.”

Dean instantly stopped in his tracks, but he snarled at Azazel, “You son of a bitch!”

Azazel’s grin didn’t falter and he nodded towards Dean’s right leg, “And the knife, Dean. You’re going to need to drop it and kick it to the other side of the room.”

Dean didn’t drop his glare and bent down, removing the dagger hidden in his sock. Castiel found his voice and yelled at him, “Dean, don’t –“

Azazel immediately moved and pressed his dagger against Castiel’s throat. He raised an eyebrow at Dean, waiting. Dean glanced at Cas and tried to offer him a smile, “It’s okay, Cas. Don’t worry.” Dean dropped the knife to the floor and did as he was instructed and kicked it away from him. He was careful to remember in the back of his mind where it had landed.

Azazel smirked at him and moved his dagger back to where it had been before, under Castiel’s chin, “That’s a good boy, Dean.”

Dean’s lips curled in disgust, “I’m not a fucking dog.”

Azazel shrugged, “Sorry, baby. Force of hobbit.”

Dean felt bile rise to the back of his throat at the pet name, “Hey, you got what you wanted. I’m here. You have me. You can do whatever you want with me. Just let Cas go. He ain’t got nothing to do with this. This is between you and me.”

“Dean –“ Castiel cried out, but the press of Azazel’s knife against his throat again shut him up. He should have expected Dean to do something like this. Sacrifice himself like that. But Castiel wasn’t going to have it. He was leaving here with Dean or in a body bag. He wasn’t going to leave Dean here alone.

Dean flinched when he saw blood trickle down Castiel’s throat and he had never been so scared in his life than in that moment. Growing up with Azazel, running into a fire, Cas going missing. None of it compare to this. _This_ fear felt like it could suffocate him, _would_ suffocate him as he watched the blood trickle down to Cas’s white shirt. _No_. He couldn’t bear to watch it, but he couldn’t bear to look away either. His blood ran cold and tried to remember how to breathe.

His voice came out shaky, but he was beyond caring at this point, “Azazel, _please_ , stop. I’ll do anything. Anything you want.”

Azazel removed the knife and stood up with a sigh. Dean let out a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding and he looked up at Azazel. He was staring down at Castiel sadly, “Dean, see this is the problem.”

“What’re you talking about?” Dean asked and while Azazel was distracted with his thoughts and not looking at him, Dean inched closer.

Azazel looked back at Dean and gestured with his arms at Castiel, “ _Him!_ You care about him more than you do me! So, he’s in the way!”

Azazel’s eyes had a psychotic look to them that Dean hadn’t ever seen and it scared the hell out of him. He tried to calm him down and spoke in smooth voice, “In the way of what, Azazel?”

“Our relationship, Dean!” Azazel yelled in exasperation. Azazel must have been more disillusioned than Dean had thought if the man believed they had any sort of relationship. But with Castiel in arms reach of Azazel, Dean bit back the remark, not wanting to set the man off.

Azazel continued, “There’s always someone, Dean! Someone you’d choose over me! First, it was your family! And now it’s _him_!” Azazel paused and took a deep breath, his smile splitting back across his face, “They’re just obstacles, Dean. Don’t you see? They need to be removed. I thought last time, you’d at least turn to me for comfort, but you didn’t even do that! Such a pity and I went through all that hard work.”

Dean felt his heart stop and that bastard Brady’s mocking voice resounded in his head. “You?” Dean’s voice started off barely audible, but quickly gained volume as hatred filled him, “You!? It was _you_! You motherfucker! I’ll kill you, you son of a bitch! He was just a _kid_!”

Dean’s anger carried him forward, but he only closed the distance a couple of feet before Azazel managed to aim his dagger back at Castiel. His voice was calm and his smile gentle, “Now, Dean, calm down. I didn’t even really know what was going to happen that night. I just set the wheels in motion. I thought any form of tragedy would push you into my arms. Make you realize how much you needed me.”

Dean glared at him, “You sick bastard! How the hell does that even make any sense!?”

Azazel looked up in thought, “Well, you never made time for me, Dean. It was always your family first and foremost. I couldn’t compete with your love for your little brothers.” He met Dean’s eyes, his grin wicked, “So, obviously, if they weren’t there for you to love anymore…too bad only one managed to die, though. I hadn’t taken into account that Sammy might not even be there.”

Dean clenched his fist so tightly he thought he nails might draw blood from his palm. Azazel had just admitted to murdering his baby brother and he couldn’t do a damn thing about it. But as soon as he could, though, Dean was going to be the son of a bitch’s worst nightmare. “You’re fucking insane,” Dean spat at him, “if you think anyone in their right mind could love you. Why the hell do you think I would ever willingly come back to you? I had always known you were fucking psychotic, but I never knew you were this far gone.”

“Dean,” Azazel spoke his name softly, “In time, I _know_ you’ll learn to love me. But you can never start if you have him standing in the way.” Azazel looked down at Castiel and grabbed him by the shirt to pull him to his feet. Castiel glared at him in defiance. Dean used the moment to take more steps towards them.

Azazel didn’t even seem to notice that Dean had moved when he looked back at him. He looked almost cheerful and it made Dean’s blood run cold in anticipation. Then, everything happened in a matter of seconds.

Azazel’s arm raised in the air and swung down swiftly to meet Castiel. Castiel closed his eyes in grim acceptance and then, suddenly felt a warm weight press against his front. He opened his eyes in shock and horror to see a familiar shade of blonde slump against him and then fall to the floor. Dean fell on his side, the dagger embedded in his chest. Blood gushed out of his mouth and on to the floor. Castiel’s knees felt weak at the sight and he almost collapsed beside him, but Azazel’s scream shook him from his shock, “Dean!”

Azazel tan skin had turned pale and he dropped to his knees in front of Dean, clutching at Dean’s cheeks, “Dean! No, no, no, no! Dean, talk to me!”

Castiel moved on instinct and without thought. He dived for Meg’s silver dagger and it wasn’t in his hand for more than a second before it was driven through Azazel’s back right through where his heart would be. Azazel’s body immediately stopped all movement and dropped to the floor next to Dean. 

Castiel was instantly on his knees beside Dean. A part of him registered the fact that he could hear police sirens in the distance and as a result more commotion outside the door, but the rest of him didn’t really care. “Dean! Can you hear me!?” he yelled frantically as he tried to remember everything he knew about treating a stab victim. Dean’s didn’t respond, but Cas could see that his eyes were slanted and not fully closed yet. 

Castiel put pressure around the knife and the pain must have brought Dean back to his sense because he gasped out, “Cas!” He reached out an arm weakly towards Castiel, but Castiel quickly put his arm back to the ground, “Dean, don’t move. But you need to stay awake. Can you hear me?” Castiel tried not to think about how cold Dean’s skin felt under his touch or how all the color seemed to have left him.

Dean weakly answered him, “Yes, Cas, I –“

Dean was interrupted as the door slammed open and Castiel was surprised to see Michael and Jo come through it. The instant they spotted them, they ran towards them. Jo gasped and covered her hands over her mouth when she saw Dean, stopping in her tracks. But Michael barely flinched and knelt down beside Castiel, “How long ago?”

Castiel’s voice came out shaken, “Less than a minute.”

Michael nodded and commanded Jo, “Call an ambulance! Now!”

His voice dragged Jo out of her frozen state and she immediately pulled out her cell phone. As she talked to the operator in a panicked voice, Castiel pressed more pressure on the wound as Michael ripped Dean’s shirt to better look at the wound. He lowered his head to Dean’s lips to check his breathing and then his pulse. “He’s breathing okay, but his heartbeat is fading,” he told Castiel in a hard tone.

Jo was beside them now, off of the phone, and looking at Michael for further instruction. He nodded towards Dean’s head, “Put his head in your lap and talk to him. Keep him calm and don’t let him fall asleep.”

She did as she was told and spoke to Dean in a soft voice, “Dean? Hey, Dean? Can you hear me? It’s Jo.”

Dean’s eyes opened a fraction more and he looked up at her. His eyebrows pulled together in confusion, “J-Jo? Wh-at…are you d-doing…here?”

She gave him a weak smile, “Here to save your sorry ass, of course.”

“Cas…w-where –“

Castiel looked over to his face and met his eyes as soon as he heard his name, “I’m right here, Dean. I’m not going anywhere.”

Dean tried to lift his hand again and got as far as resting it on Castiel’s thigh. He smiled once he did so, but didn’t say anything else. His eyelids fluttered and Jo slapped his cheek lightly in response, “Hey! You can’t fall asleep on me, Winchester!”

Castiel felt cold and numb and looked at Michael scared out of his mind, “Michael, we have to get him to the hospital!”

Michael shook his head, looking away from his little brother’s panic stricken face, “We can’t move him, Cassie. It’s too dangerous.”

“You’re a doctor! Do something!” Castiel yelled at him, tears starting to stream down his face.

Michael felt tears well up in his eyes, but he still didn’t raise his head to meet his brother’s eyes. He moved his hands over Castiel’s and said in the steadiest voice he could muster, “I can’t do anything besides put pressure on his wound to stop the bleeding. He needs surgery and I can’t do that here. We have to wait for the ambulance. The hospital isn’t even three minutes away. He might still make it.”

“ _Might_?” Castiel’s voice cracked on the word. 

Michael didn’t answer him, but told him, “Talk to him, Cassie. It’s now up to Dean’s will to live for him to hang on. Your voice will help him do that. I’ll apply pressure to the wound.”

Castiel only hesitated a second, before letting Michael's hand replace his on Dean's chest. Then, he moved towards Dean’s head. He leaned over him so he could see his eyes, “Dean?”

He could vaguely feel Dean’s fingers twitch against his thigh as Dean met his eyes. Dean smiled at him, “Hey.”

Castiel put his hand on Dean’s cheek comfortingly, “You’re going to be a-alright, okay? I’m not g-going to let you d-die.” Castiel had meant for his words to come out reassuringly, but he wasn’t even sure Dean could understand him over the sobs that felt like that were currently shaking him almost violently.

Castiel could feel Dean’s thumb weakly stroke back and forth on his thigh and his voice came out a hoarse whisper, “Shh, Cas, it’s okay. Don’t cry, my angel.”

Dean’s breathing started to slow and his eyes closed and Castiel had never been so scared in his life. “Dean,” he slapped his cheek like Jo had, “Hey, you have to s-stay with me!”

Dean’s eyes opened and he looked tiredly at Castiel, “I’m…not…going anywhere…Cas.”

“No, don’t talk,” Castiel shook his head as he felt more warm tears roll down his face, “J-Just stay awake, okay?”

Dean feebly stared at him and something flashed across his eyes. He tried to speak more clearly this time, but his voice still came out soft, “I have to…tell you…something.”

Castiel shook his head. He could tell talking was tiring Dean out and he begged him to stop, “No, Dean, stop, p-please. Just focus on staying aw-wake.”

Dean ignored him and continued, “Remember…on that roof…in Italy…when we were…talking about…our futures?”

Castiel nodded, giving up on arguing with him. He took a steadying breath before answering, “Yes, Dean, I remember.”

Dean attempted a smile at him, but the corners of his mouth barely turned up, “I never...told you...what I saw. I...saw…you.”

Castiel choked back a sob as he watched his favorite shade of green slowly drift away again. Castiel patted his cheek, “Dean.” No reply. He slapped his cheek again, “Dean!” Still no response. Castiel leaned forward and heard Dean’s very shallow breaths. He grabbed Dean’s face in both his hands, “D-Dean! Wake up!”

Dean felt numb and cold, except for his face. _Why was his face warm?_ Everything else was just so cold. Dean had never felt so numb before. He could hear Castiel crying out to him and he wanted to assure him everything was alright. It broke his heart to hear the man crying and he wanted to pull him into his arms. But when he tried he couldn’t even lift his arms. _Why were they so heavy?_ He tried to move the rest of his body, but to no avail. Not even his fingers moved. He tried to find his voice, but nothing came out. Castiel’s voice got farther away and Dean struggled to hear it. He had to hold on to that voice. He didn’t know why, but he just _had _to. He could faintly hear other voices now, including Jo’s broken sobs. The other voices were unfamiliar and urgent. He tried to place them but couldn’t. He just cared about Cas’s voice, but it was still so distant. Dean could barely hear it now.__

_Dean!_

_Wake up!_

_Don’t leave me!_

_I love you!_

_I need you!_

_I need you…I need you…I need you…_

_Don't leave me..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lol, okay, so did ya'll notice the double meaning of the chapter title? Sorry, ignore me as I laugh at my own joke. If anyone is re-reading the chapter or anything and is confused. I did come back and change the stab wound from the stomach to the chest. Sorry for any confusion. Oh, and before anyone ask or calls me out on it if ya'll even notice. Yes, I had some inspiration from Rascal Flatts. I'll post next chapter soon! Love you guys! :)


	26. Only an angel could have saved him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it's so short, I had planned on it being longer, but I knew I had to give you guys something. And I'm so fucking sorry it's been so long. Thank you so much for everyone who's put up with these horrible spaced out updates! I'll try harder to get this next chapter up soon. I love all of you and thank you for reading and commenting! The story has about two or so chapters left after this! We're almost there! :)

Jo threw her red rose into the grave and watched with tired red eyes at it landed with a soft thud on the top of the black coffin to lay with the other roses. She felt a warm arm wrap around her waist and gently tug her away, knowing it was Ash she followed with little reluctance.

The pastor said a few more words and two men began filling the hole with dirt. The dozens of people who had come to bid their farewells quickly drifted off one by one. Ash didn’t say anything to her and she leaned heavily against him. A couple minutes passed by after she realized almost everyone had already left, and then she saw her mother walking over to her. She looked out of place in her funeral clothes; her boots replaced by black heels, jeans with slacks, and her plaid with a nice fitting black blouse. Her hair was even tied up in a bun.

Ellen smiled at Ash and put a comforting hand on Jo’s shoulder, “Come on, honey, we should go.”

Jo nodded and with one last look at the grave turned around to follow her mother with Ash close beside her. Ellen hesitated before telling her in a low voice, “I’m surprised to see how affected you are by this, Jo. Are you sure you’re going to be okay?”

Jo cleared her throat, “Yeah, Mom, I’ll be fine. I just…” She took a shaky breath, before continuing, “It was so much more different than when Dad died. Even though it still hurt, we had been expecting it. But…this came out of the blue. And I was _there_. Not able to do a damn thing to stop it from happening.” She felt like she was about to start crying, but Ash’s arm tightened around her and she felt comforted by it.

Ellen nodded her head understanding, “None of us saw it coming, sweetheart. And before we even knew what was happening, he was already gone. There was no saving him that night. Don’t do that to yourself. Only an angel could have saved him.”

Jo sighed, but tried to give her mother a smile, “I wish Dean could have made it, you know. I think he’d want to be here. Him and Randy had been pretty good friends.”

Ellen chuckled when they finally reached the truck, thinking about all the drunken pool bets she had seen the two make over the years at the bar, “Yeah, I bet. Well, we’ll go and check in on him. See how he’s doing before we head home. How about that?”

Jo nodded, “Yeah, I’d like that.” She looked up at Ash to ask him if he wanted to come and he simply smiled down at her in response with a slight nod. Ellen watched the two with a small smile and walked around to the driver’s side.

Jo and Ash talked quietly beside her as she drove and she frowned as she remembered two nights ago. It had been some kind of hell if there ever was one.

\---  
* _Two days earlier, 4:18 AM_ *

Mary’s fingers were gripping Castiel’s hand so tightly her knuckles had become white. But Castiel didn’t dare budge under her touch. He held her hand just as tightly wanting to give her comfort and receive it, too. Mary’s other hand was gripping on to her husband’s just as tightly on her other side. Castiel had never known her as a religious woman, but Mary’s head was bowed now, her golden hair cascading around her face like a curtain. Castiel could hear her soft cries, but was never able to make out any words. But there was no doubt her words were prayers that she had been intensely whispering for the past thirty minutes.

Sam almost mirrored his mother on Castiel’s right, except instead his hands were clasped together into a fist, his elbows resting on his knees and his head pressed firmly against his hands. Jess silently, rubbed her hand up and down Sam’s back.

Castiel would pray with them if he knew what to say. But he had no idea. Just one word resounded over and over in his like a mantra. _Please._ He never bothered to finish the plea. If there was a God, He’d know what Castiel was begging for.

Castiel looked across from him to the row of seats that were parallel to him and the Winchesters at the Harvelles and Bobby Singer. A part of him felt like he belonged beside them instead, not sandwiched in between the Winchesters. But Mary wasn’t going to have it. She wanted him next to her to reassure herself he was okay and to offer any comfort she could. She’d hardly left his side since she’d arrived at the hospital.

\---  
* _3:32 AM_ *

As soon as the ambulance had reached the hospital, Castiel was out of it and running alongside Dean’s gurney down the hospital corridors. He only stopped when a nurse had to hold him back from following Dean into the operating room. Not a second later and Michael brushed past him, almost not recognizing his brother dressed in his surgical scrubs. Michael gave one glance at Castiel before running through the door. Castiel didn’t even have time to wonder how Michael had managed to drive fast enough to get at the hospital the same time as the ambulance. Castiel stared frozen at the ominous double doors that were still swinging from Michael running through them. He felt numb and without a thought. Later he wondered how long he would have stood there if Jo hadn’t grabbed hold of his arm and led him to the small waiting room.

After pushing him gently into an uncomfortable chair, Jo had left him for a moment and came back with a bottled water which she pushed into Castiel’s hands, ordering him in a soft voice to drink it. When he did so, she gave him a small smile and told him she was going to call the Winchesters to tell them. Her words seemed to break through Castiel’s shock and he opened his mouth to argue with her looking up at her standing in front of him. But she cut him off by placing a hand on his shoulder, “No, Cas, let me be the one to tell them. You’re a lot more shaken up than I am and I don’t want you to have to go through having to tell Mary and John.”

Castiel didn’t argue with her, knowing she was right. He wasn’t sure he’d even be able to get an explanation out, not able to think what they should know and what they were better off not knowing. Castiel lowered his head and Jo crouched in front of him at his eye level, “Do you want me to call anyone to come wait with you? I might be awhile. I need to call my mom, too, and explain to her what happened. She’s probably freaking out not having heard from me all day.”

Castiel shook his head at her offer. He cleared his throat, “Call Sam, too.”

Jo nodded with a smile, “Was planning on it.” And then, she walked away to leave Castiel to fret by himself. He felt cold without Jo beside him and soon the numbness he’d experienced earlier returned. Castiel never knew a waiting room could feel so suffocating, but he felt like he could barely breathe. He wanted to stand up and maybe pace in front of the doors, but he couldn’t find any strength in him to move his legs. He dropped his head into his hands and rested his elbows on his knees. He closed his eyes and instantly saw Dean covered in blood, trying to comfort him with a weak smile. Castiel squeezed his eyes, willing the horrible image to go away, desperately wanting to think of anything else. His heart felt like someone’s hand was wrapped around it in a death grip, nails digging into him. It made his chest shake and it hard to breathe. It was painful, almost unbearably so, but Castiel couldn’t even find it in himself to cry. He felt like he had been drained.

He could feel people staring at him in concern. He knew he not only felt like hell, but also _looked_ like it, too. His clothes were torn and covered in blood. His neck had a clear cut across it where Azazel’s knife had dug into his skin and blood was long dried underneath it. He was beaten and bruised and probably looked like he’d been dragged by a car. The a few nurses tried to talk him into getting seen by a doctor, but after he waved the third one off they gave up. He wasn’t going anywhere. He was going to be here when the Winchesters arrived and he was going to be here when Michael came through those doors to tell him if the love of his life had made it or not.

Ten minutes after Jo had left, Mary and John came rushing through the doors of the waiting room. As soon as they spotted Castiel, they ran over to him and he stood up from his chair. Before he knew it, he was wrapped in Mary’s arms. She clung to him and he held her just as tightly as he felt her shake with sobs. An overwhelming guilt drowned him and he felt tears start to build up in his eyes. And he’d thought he had no tears left to shed. He wept into Mary’s hair, “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.” He didn’t know how many times he’d managed to say it, until Mary pulled away from him and met his red eyes.

She held his face in her hands and wiped away his tears with her thumbs even as more streamed down her face. She had a determined look in her eyes and her jaw clenched. She almost looked angry as she told him in a strained and hard voice, “Don’t you _dare_ think this is your _fault_ , Castiel. Not even for a _minute_.”

She stared into his eyes until Castiel managed a weak nod. Her expression relaxed and she smiled at him. Her voice broke as she ran her fingers through his hair, “I’m just glad you’re okay.” She looked down at him to check for herself and Castiel saw her eyes widen at the cut on his neck. She choked back a sob and returned her eyes to his, “Has there been any news?”

Castiel shook his head, but quickly tried to reassure them, his eyes flickering to John behind Mary to include him, “No, but Dean’s in good hands. I promise you. My brother’s his surgeon and he’s one of the best in the country. Michael was the top of his class in med school and he’s done countless of surgeries –“

Mary cut him off, her hands falling to his shoulders, “Castiel, it’s okay. I trust your judgment; you don’t have to convince me of anything. Just try and calm down, okay?”

Castiel let out a deep breath and felt Mary’s eyes wander over him again. Then, she promised to be right back and before Castiel or John could ask her where she was going, she turned the corner towards the restrooms. After watching her go, John turned to Castiel and gave him a small smile. He placed a heavy hand on Castiel’s shoulder and patted him careful not to be too rough. The boy looked like he’d been dragged through hell and back. “It’s good to see you’re okay, Castiel.”

John wasn’t on the verge of tears like his wife, but he was clearly just as shaken as her. He was just better at putting up a strong front. Castiel tried to return his smile, “Thank you, John.” The warmth of his and Mary’s hands comforted him, knowing they hadn’t lost their affection for him.

Mary was back just as quickly as she had left. She had a wad of wet paper towels in her hands and when she reached them, she grabbed Castiel’s hand and led him over to the row of lumpy chairs against the wall. As soon as he sat down she was wiping at his neck with a damp towel. He tried to do it himself, but she simply knocked his hand away. She huffed, “Someone should have immediately took you to see a doctor when you walked in looking like this.”

Castiel gave up trying to clean himself and just let Mary mother him. He knew she couldn’t help but it and it was serving as a distraction to her from what was happening in a distant room. “They tried, but I waved them off.”

He didn’t meet her eyes, but could feel her disapproving eyes on him. He almost chuckled as she heard her mutter under her breath, “Just as stubborn as Dean. All the men in my life are so thick-headed. Where did I go wrong as a mother?”

\---  
* _6:58 AM_ *

Hours had passed and with each minute the worry had been excruciatingly hard to withstand. Everyone was dead tired and starving, but no one hardly ever got up to leave. Only after hearing Jo’s stomach growl for the third time, Ash finally got up and offered to go everyone something to eat. Castiel had barely touched his burger until Ellen gave him a levelling look and didn’t back down until his food was gone. 

When Michael finally came through the doors, Castiel felt a rush of terror go through his as he stood up. But he tried to fight it, ignoring all the ‘what if’s’ bouncing around in his head. After spotting them, Michael walked over to them. He glanced at Castiel with a small smile and Castiel felt relief flood through him so fast, he thought he might collapse. 

Michael stopped in front of Mary and John first, focusing on them. After his first words, “The surgery was a success. Dean’s going to be okay. Some complications can still come up, but we’re sure of a full recovery,” deep breaths chorused from the small family.

Mary’s hands came up to her mouth and Castiel saw tears run over her fingers. Castiel knew Mary barely knew who Michael was, but that didn’t stop her from throwing her arms around him. She whispered her gratitude in Michael’s ear and gave him one last squeeze before stepping back next to John. Michael looked slightly taken aback by the hug, but he tried not to show it, offering her a warm smile. 

John wrapped an arm around Mary’s waist and tugged her close to him as he looked to Michael and asked, “How long until we can see him?”

Michael’s smile faded and his face turned more serious, “Well, in maybe an hour or so. Though, we expect Dean to make a full recovery like I said, I regret to tell you that we didn’t think he was even going to make it through the surgery.”

Castiel’s heart stuttered in his chest and he felt cold as Michael continued with everyone’s intense eyes focused on him. He let out a heavy breath and glanced at the floor, before looking back to Mary and John, “Dean’s heart stopped three times. The dagger cut through a pulmonary vein and it caused his heart to go into shock. It really is a miracle he’s alive. I almost didn’t even try restarting his heart the third time it seemed so hopeless. But Dean was very strong and he pulled through. He lost a lot of blood and his heart is still very weak, though. We expect a full recovery, but it’s still going to be hard on Dean and take some time before he’s back to the way he was before.”

Michael watched regretfully as the smiles that had brightened the family’s faces seconds ago fell and were replaced with sorrowful expressions. He tried to lighten the mood back, “But like I said the surgery was a success and Dean’s going to be alright. At the moment, I think that’s all we need to think about.”

They all nodded in agreement, trying to put smiles on their faces.


End file.
